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Okay, first off, I gotta admit, this midnight writing business is immensely satisfying. It feels nothing short of a cathartic exercise. A lot of what I write, are my own experiences but in the words of my Master, Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh. Actually, I’m immensely grateful to his consciousness for letting his words flow through me to express the experiences of my being. ‘I’ am too tiny, as a conditioned human, to even find the words to express the understandings and realizations of a prospective that doesn’t belong to the dualistic world of Language. This same dualistic world’s structures & institutions also have a way of conditioning our beliefs about who we are. The conditioning starts with our upbringing, parents & family, then teachers, and friends; further piling on from politics, the governments, the movies, the internet, books and the list goes on. We are actually buried under all these layers of meaninglessness, and who we ‘think’ we are is mostly just conditioning. In truth, who we think we are is not who we really are. Who we really are, others we interact with one on one, can see it in our being but who they see, almost always conflicts with who we think we are, because who we think we are is not who we really are. This creates conflict in our own energies. Who we think we are is that which our mind would like to see us as, based on what it likes & dislikes in terms of qualities. When those likes & dislikes change, (because change is the only constant) our image of ourselves changes too. It is only another image, not the reality. It is the ego – the false sense of identity. 

In Vipassna meditation, one of the first things I  observed was extremely fascinating to me. When sitting for hours in the lotus position 🧘‍♀️ especially in deeper states of meditation, various parts of the body start to pain or discomfort arises. The idea is to ‘not move’. All I am to do is to observe the discomfort and be aware of it. A Vipassna meditator is aware that it is the mind (the ego) trying to break the meditation. The mind is against meditation because meditation breaks the ego. A meditator starts to see quickly that he is not the mind. In Viiassna, If I observe the discomfort long enough in awareness, it disappears. When consciousness is aware, is awake, it’s always a loosing battle for the mind, the ego. The mind is not as powerful as consciousness because it is not as humble as consciousness; but it is sometimes too cunning for the childlike innocence of consciousness. Consciousness knows it is nothing, yet it is all there is. So Vipassna shows a meditator that whatever he becomes consciously aware of, does not function properly, and eventually disappears. Truly it is power, but not of the person, of the consciousness. Just like our body’s breathing process, digestive system, heart pumping blood, women’s menstrual cycles, the birthing process; the functionings of the body that are beyond the control of me, the person. It is functioning perfectly because ‘I am not’ there to interfere with it. Live and let live 😊. So in context, whoever we ‘think’ we are, we are not. Whatever we are aware of within ourselves is not functioning at its potential and it cannot. Who we are, we don’t know, and we need not. The ‘I am’ this that and the other will be interfering with the process of our being. Our being is here to express in ways we are un-aware of. That is the beauty of the experience of life. Experiencing the manifested self as a witness. It’s the biggest mystery of life – who am ‘I’ & what am ‘I’ here for? ‘I am not’ who ‘I’ think ‘I’ am and ‘I am not’ here for whatever ‘I’ think ‘I’ am here for. ‘Who I am’ and ‘for what’ is to be revealed to us through the journey itself. There is no destination at all. ‘Who I am’, ‘I am’ right here, right now. 

In truth, a journey of self-discovery is not one of ‘who am I’ because we are forever evolving. We cannot know completely ‘who I am’. What remains the same, however, is ‘What am I’ intrinsically. Through a journey of self-discovery, we understand ‘what we are’. Transformation, change is an automatic byproduct of this understanding. The Rebel is naturally born of this transformation, this understanding. If we must ask, let’s ask ourselves ‘what am I’. 

It’s harsh living without the idea of a personality but it’s the truth. It is this truth that has not only inspired this post but much more for me, in exploring this gift of words, further. We are all born into a society that wants to control us from the very beginning. The moment a child expresses his uniqueness in some way, he is suppressed and conditioned to conform to the crowd. If he revolts, well that’s it then – that’s the rebel in the family! Most children will conform as they grow older but some will not. These some are the rebellious souls. Their rebellion has continued for lifetimes and they are not rebelling against a crowd, for a crowd. These are individuals rebelling for individuality. These are the adventurous souls and there is no adventure in a crowd. There is no experience in a crowd. An experience is intrinsically individual in nature. 

The Rebels don’t fit in the crowd, no ideology seems befitting, their circle is small. They find their own ways of expressing their rebellion but sadly, the rebel is conditioned too. The rebel is also attached to his personality of being a rebel. Some will stop conforming to society and some will revolt. They must express their rebellion because they ‘know’ that they are the rebels. And when they are aware of their rebellious nature, it doesn’t function the way it is supposed to. It doesn’t express the rebellion. What functions at its highest potential, is what we are unaware of within ourselves because it can function uncontrolled by the ‘I’. There is an innocence to not knowing, a humility that moves souls. I mean, where is the experience if we already know? The rebel is grateful for the known & celebrates the unknown. In fact, He blossoms in the unknown. 

A non-conformist is not a rebel, and no revolution has ever succeeded. Not conforming to society makes no difference to society whatsoever. Revolutions may have created some noise at the surface but no revolution till date has created any real reform in the deeper structures of society. Change is the only constant but not in a crowd. Change happens in the individual. And that individual can become a catalyst for change in other individuals. In truth, the rebel isn’t even aware that he is a rebel. Others see it but he doesn’t even know it and so his rebellion expresses in ways beyond our understanding and our control. It is beyond his own control & almost always surprises the rebel too. The fate of a true rebel through history unfortunately though, has been assassination 😔. There is no other way to eliminate his rebellion and the change it creates. Society doesn’t accept change. It is not designed to change, it is designed only to control. 

The path of a true Rebel, is hard, very hard; but the Rebel totally rejoices in it. He doesn’t know it’s hard, so it’s easy. It’s just an adventure. The Rebel is not a non-conformist, is not a revolutionary. In fact, The Rebel has nothing to do with the old, totally unconcerned, the old has dropped for a higher experience, for an individual adventure. The Rebel has no fight with the old, no fight with anything or anyone at all; the Rebel is only focused on the new – the new Being – The New Man. 

He is the individual that is complete on his own, the one who isn’t fearful of walking alone. He is totally into himself and his experiences of the human form; but not from a place of ego, not from a place of hurt or anger or pain; only from a place of adventure. The Rebel’s rebellion is internal, he is not concerned with the outside. His life is meaningful because love & compassion flow through it. He Loves life in all the ways it shows up. Why will he fight? And if he has to, he will love the fight, the adventure. There is no fear, there is no attachment, there is also no aversion. Actually, The Rebel knows nothing of rebellion. The very being of the Rebel is a rebellion for society. The Rebel is at peace. The Rebel sees the ugliness of society, understands the illusions of the world; yet he will ‘be in the world but not of it’** Then society cannot be indifferent to him. He is the change everyone wants to see in the world. The Rebel’s being in the world is a declaration of liberation. A proof of a liberated man in God’s liberated world. 

He need not fight But for the new to birth, the old must die. The old is destroyed through the rebel’s being; without anger, without hate, without greed, without jealousy, without pride, without the ego; in a world filled with just that. The Rebel destroys the old just as a ‘matter of fact’. The old must go for the new to come. No anger, no hate, no greed, no jealousy, no pride, NO FIGHT because, in consciousness, in ultimate truth, THE REBEL IS ALREADY THE WINNER. 

New Man, New Rebel! 

** ‘Be in the World but not of it’

Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh in context of The New Man. 

Continued from last post … 

Spiritual Love – So how do we reach a state of consciousness to experience spiritual love in physical form? This is the question that has inspired this blog. The answer is in meditation. All forms of meditation support consciousness evolution for the birth & growth of spiritual love. However, Tantra meditation is an experience specifically focused on the union consciousness evolution of two beings in love. Tantra is where love meets meditation for the transcendence of duality. It is Sacred sexuality to explore the height of spiritual love. I can’t say much specifically on Tantra meditation at this point, as it is only a seed that existence has placed in me, but what I can speak with conviction on is meditation in its entirety. In meditation alone, man and woman are equal because in meditation they are both man and woman, and neither man nor woman. They are awake to their conscious, unconscious and subconscious energies. To the man & the woman inside each of them. Deep understanding is born, of the self and of the other through the self. In meditation it is not a man’s world, it is not even a world; it is then a spiritual experience in physical form. 

The meditator has accepted a path of vertical growth over horizontal growth. The meditator’s approach to life is inward as opposed to outward; upward as opposed to outward. The meditator is both He & She, understands both man & woman, is awake to both masculine & feminine. The mediator is therefore able to approach any relationship with awareness, with understanding. It is a Sanyasin’s love 😊. One doesn’t have to wear a robe & a mala to be a sanyasin. I was a sanyasin even before my initiation (but that’s a topic for another day) 

I guess what I’m really trying to say here is that we keep doing & doing so much to make a relationship work but what we are doing in our doing is killing the love to save the relationship. But love grows in the being. Just BEING with each other is enough to be grateful for, sometimes even BEING without each other has more to be grateful for. In the BEING, we allow existence the freedom to do what needs to be done. We allow the story to be written, we allow Love to be saved, even at the cost of a relationship. Spiritual love is the Love of the new being – the New Man & the New woman. 

Relationships kill the Love, relating transforms it to spiritual Love. Relationships belong to the society & Love IS God!

All Gods, planets, asteroids & stars of our universe, are in eternal love & union with their counterparts. Radha Krishna, Shiv Shakti, Ram Sita, The Sun & The Moon, Venus & mars, Jupiter & Juno, and the list goes on. Then why is it that we on the human plane either end up in failed or loveless relationships? The logical mind will say, God’s a myth, the human reality is the only reality; and the dreaming heart will say because it’s God, the human is incapable of the experiences of God. Both are an avoidance of the truth but the latter is at least entertaining the idea of the existence of eternal love. There is some hope here. Really, where else is God if not everywhere? What else is God if not a  consciousness? How else to experience God, if not in Love? In fact God is an attribute, an experience of Love itself. And … Love is sincere,  but it is not serious. How can it be? Love is a play of the inner child, a dance of innocence. The child is innocent, knows nothing of Love and therefore it can be fully enjoyed, totally experienced. Love blossoms in the unconditional. 

All you good girls out there, me included,love the bad boy but we want them to be the good boy just for us. All you bad boys out there, love the good girl but you want her to be the bad girl just for you. Two things can be seen here – first, it is a need of the ego to see the other change just for us; and second, we want it both, the good & the bad. We are conditioned to choose, not accept. As rightly said in the series ‘Dark’, (on a tangent, one of my favourites in recent times) ‘a choice for something, is a choice against something too’; in other words to choose one is to suppress the other. We are in a constant fight with our own energy, so we are in a constant fight with life. The human experience is one of duality and God consciousness is the transcendence of all dualities. To transcend we must accept duality first. The Good bad boy is the New Man; The Bad good girl is the New Woman. The stars wouldn’t sparkle if it weren’t for the canvas of the dark sky. 

Since time immemorial, The Woman has been depicted in search for or placed beside, her one & eternal soulmate. The man has been depicted dancing amongst a thousand naked women. She is happily in love with her one, he is happily dancing with his thousand. They are both happy as they are. That is their intrinsic nature. Man & woman are not the same species. They are two sides of the same coin of duality, not equal and neither superior. They are just two different aspects of the same human manifestation. Sadly, Society doesn’t allow either to be themselves. What is the issue if a man laughs, jokes or befriends another woman? What is the issue if a woman loves her man every moment like it’s her last? Love is freedom. A conscious being is free and responsible at the same time because freedom and responsibility are again two sides of the same coin. They can exist together in an aware consciousness. 

We fall in love with someone as they are and then all our effort is directed towards changing them to suit our expectations. In the process we slow poison our own love to death. His love just wants to make her laugh and her wounded self interprets it as being laughed at. She just wants to love him and his wounded self interprets it as smothering. The intention of both is Love, but both are wounded. She has been laughed at for her emotions, she thinks he doesn’t understand her and he hasn’t experienced pure love, he has learnt that vulnerability is weakness, he never feels good enough. Both want the other to heal them. The wounding is not in the other. The wounding is in the self. The other is not a screen to project our wounding onto. The other is a mirror, to reflect our own wounding to us. ‘I love her’ is the path to the new man; ‘but it ain’t enough’ is the blockage on the path. ‘I love him’ is the path to the new woman; ‘but he don’t get me’ is the blockage on the path. The other is a gateway to the self. All relating starts with the self & ends with the self. Giving unconditionally and receiving whatever we receive with gratitude and humility. Instead it is easier just to blame the other for our experiences. If every woman is suffering under the burden of a man made world, then every man is also carrying the same burden and suffering for all the women at the hands of a single woman. She isn’t releasing her own suppression per se but the suppression of the entire women collective. In truth the prisoner & the jailor are both in bondage. They both crave freedom and without freedom Love doesn’t exist. Love is Freedom. 

It is a great misfortune for humankind that Man & Woman are unconsciously at a constant war with each other. They don’t understand each other and the saddest part is that they think they do. Their unconscious animosity towards the other doesn’t allow them to connect beyond the periphery, the physical and Union happens at the core. We can be attracted to a body, a face, a personality, an image; but we can only be in love with the essence of a being. The Essence is in the smallest things, the silent moments. The essence is in the smiles, the gestures, the expressions; but we are chasing the big bold moves, the grand declarations of love, the undeniable proof of acceptance by the other; our big expectations. The honeymoon phase of a relationship is all about the essence. After that is over, Love is over, and something else takes it’s place. Our great expectations! Love can last forever only if it is unconditional. God’s love is eternal because it is unconditional. God’s union is a union of equals, a union in awareness, a conscious union. One that has been born of understanding. A deep understanding requires a deep connection, that has the ability to awaken a deeper emotional intellect to feel and spiritual eyes to see. A connection not just of the mind & body, but a connection of the soul, the spirit. Spiritual love! 

To be Continued ….

A Woman in a Man’s world!

It’s 1:44 Am as I start penning my first ever blog. It’s what I’d call a ‘follow my heart and jump right in‘ moment for me. As I’ve seen more often than not, following the unknown leads to experiences unexpected! So here I go, jumping Into the unknown again. Not without the loving encouragement of my bestie, actor & Producer Kanica Maheshwari, who was the first to suggest I start blogging.

So … Can ‘She’ be a Woman in a Man’s world? A couple days ago, I read about the Jaina Thirthankara Mallibai, who is known through history as Mallinath. Her identity as an enlightened woman has been fully suppressed and replaced with a false identity of an enlightened man. This really shook me up to the core and apart from purging the pain of the woman, made me reflect on the acceptability of the empowered woman today – what is her face? Rather, what face is accepted in our society today? As an empowered woman of today it is relevant not just to me but to all women out there, because we ARE empowered whether the society accepts it or not. The question is do we as women accept it ourselves?

The woman who has empowered herself through embodying her masculine qualities is being accepted more & more by the society. It is creditable, no doubt, But …. The woman who has empowered herself through embodying her feminine qualities is still not accepted by the society 😔. When she is logical, practical, strong & of achieving mind; she is valued just like the man. But ….When she is nurturing, compassionate, spiritual, loving & devoted; she has no value because those feminine qualities are meaningless in the materialistic world. However, feminine qualities are the qualities of God consciousness. She has an abundance of that which is truly meaningful. The qualities that can pave the path to higher experiences. Regardless …

‘She’ must conform to the man’s society and bury herself, because when she is in her feminine element, she is ‘Too much’ for the society. In a man-made world, the survival of the woman is a miracle in itself. Her unconditional love has been her survival. Despite her suppression, she continues to love unconditionally & Love is God. God surely has a special place in ‘His’ heart for the woman! ‘He’ has protected her. Only ‘He’ has loved her for all the Love she gives. Maybe Man is incapable of Loving the woman like God does but surely it is time to accept that ‘She’ need not become a Man to find her place in this world.

I’m sure ‘She’ wonders if ‘She’ Can truly be a woman in a Man’s world? Maybe she can, maybe not; But the world doesn’t really belong to the Man, only society does. The world belongs to existence, to God. ‘She’ can be a Woman in God‘s world. Her empowerment is in her ability to jump into the unknown & light the path for the Man to follow. ‘She’ is the path to the New Man.