The Maroon Rising

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Just Show up! 

Why don’t you tell me what to ‘do’? 

This morning, chilling with my bestie, she said to me, ‘I tell you to do so many things, like make tarot videos for the public & write blogs, write a book; because I know you, your gifts, talents and I love you. Why don’t you ever tell me what to do?’ I was about to answer, when her 8 year old Son knocked on the door & she asked, ‘who is it?’ He replied, ‘Rajneesh’. That’s not her son’s name. That is my master, Bhagwan’s name. And this kiddo only calls Bhagwan, ‘Acharya’ or ‘Osho’, as his mom refers to her master as well. She looked at me in surprise.

I said to her, as she unlocked the door, ‘the answer to your question is coming from Rajneesh, for ‘I am not’. We laughed. She attended to her son for a few minutes & then I attempted to allow the answer to come through. 

‘Why don’t you tell me what to do?’, was her question. The reply that came through, ‘no one can tell you what to do. No one at all! If someone says to you that I’m telling you to do this, that or the other because I love you, I care for you; it is not love. Know that. Because love only accepts as it is. Love is not for what you do, only for what you are in ‘being’. Do nothing at all & love will remain. Love will celebrate all that you do, but will never tell you what to do. If no one can tell you what to do, the question still remains, ‘tell me what to do?’
She listened intently as I allowed the answer to complete itself. ‘There are two ways of approaching life – expansion, which is ‘doing’ & growth, which is ‘being’. Expansion is outward & growth is inward. When we grow inside (vertically) in ‘being’, our own higher self takes us where we need to ‘Show up’ to expand (horizontally) & allows existence to ‘do’ what needs to be done through the ‘being’. It’s called Faith in all that is as it is. It is an intelligence of its own – Tantra!’ Tantra, unlike any other spiritual path, is a Path of ‘doing’ but without the involvement of the ‘I’. It is full of techniques which need to be done, from a space of ‘being’.

Not just an answer for her, this was Bhagwan’s reminder for me too. A culminating validation of a recent awakening. 

My recent awakening 

A month & a half ago, as a big ego death process began for me, triggered by the final struggle between ‘being’ & ‘becoming’ (ref. Blog post ‘life in surrender’); I started to detach from my own story automatically. I started questioning myself, ‘is there any need to express my ‘play’ of life? Who exactly am I expressing to? And who is expressing when ‘I am not’?’ I was very close to deactivating my social media & retiring into the peace & acceptance I was finding within myself in my own understanding. I understood that there is no need to express outwardly my inner experience of life. It is between me & life, not between my life & the world. But Bhagwan had other plans.
Bhagwan says, ‘only when one has totally removed himself, his ‘I’dentity from his story, does one live a story in true freedom. Then one becomes a channel for the truth to be expressed through his ‘being’, no matter the cost’ Because … freedom is really from the ‘idea’ of the self in realizing the true self. That true self is therefore selfless. 

Over the past several weeks, I’ve found myself sitting with a question – Does it really take a whole world to tell someone, he has no reason to laugh, celebrate, sing & dance; unless he has ‘done’ something to ‘become’ worthy of expressing it? Celebrating it? The law of manifestation says, live the experience before it manifests & don’t be attached to any outcome. 

So who decides what I am worthy of expressing? Then how is that my own life or expression? ‘I am not’, who will decide? Someone else? How is that true freedom? When one has the courage to stand in his own understanding, even if the whole world is against it; all of existence conspires to validate his understanding. There is no right or wrong understanding, there is only individual understanding. And understanding is awareness. Then all one has to ‘do’ is to just show up where he is called & existence takes care of the rest. 

Now, does that mean that one is so rigid in one’s understanding, to not be open to surface or superficial ‘self’ change? (as the core true self is not changeable, only realizable & the same in all). No, that is not what it means. On the contrary, no matter how big, one is open to every change because it changes nothing of the true self. And there is no ‘I’ to be rigid. Who will be rigid? Only the motivation for accepting change in this case is different. The motivation is not the self because the self is self less & with surrender one has totally accepted the self and all as it is. It is then beyond the limited self.
The motivation – It maybe change required to allow existence to ‘do’ what needs to be done. Or it maybe change just to put a smile on a loved ones face. Or the change maybe for larger collective consciousness reasons. Whatever the motivation, It doesn’t come from a space of needing to become ‘better’, it comes from a space of total acceptance of the nature of the inner & outer worlds. The true self remains unchanged. 

My recent awakening has shown me how to just show up & allow the story to be written, no matter the change that must be embraced. One can absolutely learn on the job, as long as he is willing to just show up in faith. 

There are no teachers, only students 

It is my observation throughout life so far, that everyone seems to know what another should to ‘do’ to ‘become’ worthy & deserving. Everyone has an opinion about everything, as so many seemed to have when I chose the path of Neo Sanyas. I am not for or against any opinion because all opinions stem from individual experiences of one’s past. They are all valid in their rightful place. No opinions are right or wrong, yet one’s opinion is irrelevant to the experience of another. And yesterday’s experience is not today’s reality. Yesterday is memory, today is reality! 

So, even in asking another, ‘what should I do?’, one is essentially seeking validation outside of the self. When one stands by his own true understanding of the self (of the selfless self, removing the ‘I’), even if there is no validation from the outside world, that validation comes directly from the universe itself. It comes in the form of signs & synchronicities, and also manifested happenings. The Pathless path unfolds as I walk. Everyone learns what he needs to learn for his individual journey. No two experiences of life are the same. One’s opinion is irrelevant to the other. So I learnt, at the Temple of love, to allow my own understanding to lead the way. For there is no other way. 

At the Temple of Love, one of the first lessons I learnt is that I must unlearn everything I know to learn that which aligns me with my own individual path in this collective consciousness. What I unlearnt is the world & what I learnt is my ‘self’! The thing is, there are no teachers. A true master or guru will never accept that he is a teacher. There are no teachers, only students. When one wants to learn, he can learn from anything & anyone. If I sit before a tree, just staring at it everyday, I can learn some profound lessons of life. In watching a seed grow into a plant & then into a tree, the whole circle of life & death can be understood. All of Tantra is in the story of a seed & tree. 

There are no teachers, only students. No true master will ever accept he is a master, Yet, a true student will always accept his master as his master. The master wants no praise, he wants no-thing. The disciple wants to praise his master, he wants every-thing for his master. For every-‘thing’ already belongs to the master. The master – a vibrational frequency of the vertical dimension that aligns with one’s inner master. In celebrating the master, the disciple is celebrating him ‘self’, the self beyond the limited self. ⭕️

The ‘show’ must go on

Yes, life & its experiences are just a ‘leela’, a ‘play’, but we are not just spiritual beings. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. That human experience is real, while in human form. Regardless of where one is in consciousness, he feels just like everyone else. The approach & response to that feeling will continuously change, as one’s consciousness evolves. 

My best friend from school is a dancer & choreographer of Attakalari & other dance forms. She ‘uses’ her creativity to spread awareness about many social issues. Some 10 years ago, she was in love & soon to be married. Her fiancée travelled to Thailand for his bachelors vacation. He & his friend were waiting for a third friend at the bus station behind a big crowd. When a bus arrived, the crowd was pushed back & the fiancée & his friend fell into a dry concrete fountain head first. The fiancée lost his life instantly, the friend was saved with lifelong serious damage. My friend got the news only 3 hours before a dance performance. Incidentally, one of her best till date as I hear. 

I asked her, ‘how did you perform?’ She replied, ‘I danced like a zombie, blank mind. I remember nothing of it. It is better I danced before I grieved though. It somehow helped me to see that life goes on.’ In other words, the show must go on. I asked her, ‘what does it feel like to know that you have no control over life?’
She replied, ‘it’s like living with the weight of a dead man on my shoulders but it makes me fearless towards death too. I realized that death can come at anytime, without warning & nothing of what I’ve done in life will mean anything at all. I have no control over my life’s story.’ As of last year she is happily married 😊 & her wedding was a moment when I was able to reconnect after 20 years with my oldest friends. Where we’re  all loved for what we are, not what we do. Anyways …

Essentially, what she was experiencing is a big ego death. I, of course didn’t know that then. An ego death is not much different from death itself. In death the ego dies with the body. In ego death, it dies before the body. One can watch himself dying in ego death. It’s painful, there is grieving too, but on the other side of it, is true freedom. None else are grieving with me though. I grieve my own death & transform to a deathless state of ‘being’. Mortal yes, but death less. When life shows us, we are not in control, ego death is the only response. The realization of that which is bigger than ‘I’. One just surrenders to that which is bigger. 

For the past month & a half, my limited self has been grieving my biggest ego death yet. The limited self suddenly feels like the whole world is laughing at it. Mocking it. Yet, because ‘I am not’ in my own story; I’ve been able to laugh with the world too, as I grieve 😊. Somehow, I’ve been somewhere above the pain. Existence has certainly conspired to validate my individual  understanding though, by carrying me into a new phase of this journey as I grieved, not even bothering to pick up the pieces of a dead, broken ego. Yet that is what has given me the strength to ‘just show up’ in faith where I’m being called. Thank god, the grieving has finally ended & after the rains, the Sun shines again. ☀️ 😊👍🏻

Life is beyond my control 

I’m not sure how often I’ll be able to blog over the next few months, as focus shifts to a book that needs to be completed sooner than later. And I’m so inspired currently. Immensely grateful 🙏🏻. I know nothing about the journey ahead. It is completely unknown territory for me, but Bhagwan has sent a team that knows everything about it. It is their playing ground. So I just show up, in faith with the gifts bestowed upon me by existence itself & learn on the job as I go 😊. 

The moment of life & the moment of death – the two most important happenings of any story, is beyond one’s control. The two most important experiences of one’s journey, happens without the involvement of ‘I’. ‘I am not’ in the moments of birth & death. And everything in between is just a ‘play’. For that play, each one of us has been given gifts as mediums to express our human experience. To ‘play’ our part. Because everyone is so focused on writing the story of their ‘I’ themselves, our whole expression becomes utilitarian. We use our ‘I’dentity, our gifts, our whole life, to write the story we want to write. The one we want to control. 

For the one who has experienced ego death, ‘I am not’ in my own story, nothing is utilitarian. The one who has seen that the involvement of ‘I’, the ego, isn’t needed for a story to be written, there is no ‘I’, no one to use the gifts, or to use anything to write anything. Yet, a story is being written. Yet the gifts are being shared. Just show up to play the part. When a door opens, enter to show up, when a door closes, exit to show up. 

Then I ask myself, ‘but who is showing up?’ To which, there is no answer. It is pure silence 🤫. The end of all questions. Because that which shows up is no-thing & therefore all there is! ⭕️

As this No-thing just shows up at the onset of a humbling 1st major tie up for the ‘We Woman Foundation’, to bring forward a new vision for women’s liberation; In gratitude for the ‘being’ of a friend, who intentionally or subconsciously (I don’t know) encouraged me to get back to the ‘word’. Either ways, the universe certainly used his being to conspire to align me with the story of the ‘word’. 

Always in celebration of the Sun ☀️ 

For a Sunset is always followed by a moonrise. 

And after a full moon-night too, there is always a sunrise ⭕️

Everything happens for a reason! Grateful! 

Radhe Radhe 🙏🏻

The Last Wish 

Mayapur

I was born in an Indian city called Kolkata, capital of the state of West Bengal. This region of India has gifted mankind with many enlightened spiritualists & literature masters like Robindro Nath Tagore; ‘Thakur’ as we call him in Bengali; literally translated ‘God’. Bhagwan! I’m not here today to speak about Him though, I’m here today to speak about Bhagwan, not my master, the consciousness. God consciousness! 

Mayapur is a village of devotees situated at about 6 hours drive from Kolkata. It is the birthplace of Chaintanya Mahaprabhu & the ISKCON movement (international society of Krishna Consciousness). As a child I’d frequent Mayapur with my family, and remember the joy of experience, celebrating, dancing & singing with the devotees. The first temple & ashram of the ISKCON movement is in Mayapur, established by Shrila Prabhupada. The ashram boasts a grand temple, housing & dining for the devotees, a gurukul for devotee children, many meditation parks, a huge library & some lodging for guests. My mother often tells me, ‘generally a silent child, in Mayapur, you’d just open up like it is where you belong.’ She tells me, she could never make me understand why I couldn’t just study with the devotee children at the gurukul. I still don’t understand 😁

I remember, my favourite place at the ashram was the silent sitting room with a wax statute of Shrila Prabhupada. My memory is staring into his eyes & feeling a kind of peace that I didn’t find anywhere else. That is why, I’d open up & just celebrate. Only God knows what? 🤷🏻‍♀️ It felt safe to be myself there. It was all so simple. There was no need to fit in. Outside, I was fairly silent, more observant. The other space I remember is a Museum of wax statues, showcasing the story of Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. I remember always being so confused because they said, he was Krishna, yet I didn’t recognize the story as that of Krishna & neither did I understand. There was no Radha. 

Chaitanya Mahaprabhu 

Chaintanya Mahaprabhu was a saint in the 15th century. The Krishna consciousness movement practiced at ISKCON is not based on Krishna at all. It is founded on the teachings of Chaintanya Mahaprabhu – a reincarnation of Krishna’s consciousness & Radha’s soul in one ☝🏻 ‘being’; a reincarnation in union. For the past few days, as a beautiful new journey unfolds for me, aligning me with the true story of my ‘being’; Bhagwan (the master 😊) has taken me deep into the consciousness of Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. I’ve had to find my way through research as Bhagwan has spoken about almost every enlightened being, except … Chaintanya Mahaprabhu. I didn’t know anything about Him when I was a child in Mayapur, only in these past few days, it all makes sense. No more confused. Chaintanya Mahaprabhu is an anomaly 😁

The story goes, Radha after surrendering her wish to be with Krishna, with which she surrendered herself to the divine too; was granted one wish in exchange – The last wish. She wished Krishna to be born as Radha in the following incarnation, not because she wanted him to experience the pain, but because she wanted him to experience her soul. Her love. The last wish – It freed Radha to experience & enjoy the love that she had unearthed within herself & to share it. Krishna also agreed to be born again as Chaintanya Mahaprabhu for two reasons.
First, Krishna wanted to experience first hand, what this love, ‘prem Bhav’ was that Radha enjoyed so much within herself in surrender. Secondly, he wanted to walk people at large to ‘Braj Bhakti’ – the ultimate love of the Divine – the union of Masculine & Feminine within self. Braj Bhakti, the state of ultimate bliss. As explained by ISKCON, Krishna said, ‘if Braj Bhakti is lost, mankind will be wiped out. His own mind will wipe him out. A man whose love is that of a subordinate to me, fails to attract me. Man must learn the ways of Braj Bhakti, to attract me, and to awaken to the leela (play) of life.’ 

I understand, Krishna was speaking about God consciousness, which Bhagwan (the master 😊) refers to as ‘godliness’. Braj Bhakti. To attract God, one must be a friend of God, equal to God, not a subordinate to God. To me Bhagwan Rajneesh is the complete expression of Krishna Consciousness in the modern world, yet Chaintanya Mahaprabhu’s expression of ‘being’ must be taken into consideration. There is immense inspiration & encouragement in it.

Chaintanya Mahaprabhu’s expression of ‘being’  

In the 15th century, when Europe – the western world was turning man’s focus from God to Human desire for exploration of land (materialism); Chaintanya Mahaprabhu in India, was turning people’s focus back to Divine consciousness (spiritualism), through celebration in devotion. Being initiated into sanyas at the age of 16, then known as Saint Nimai, He Blessed the world with the gift of chanting. 

After Bengal was captured by the Muslim invaders in the 12th century, the focus of the population had turned towards pride & material wealth. This caused a forgetfulness of spiritual culture. Many enlightened saints, prayed for divine intervention & saint Nimai was born on a full moon eclipse. When his birth chart was studied, it held very close resemblance to the birth chart of Lord Krishna. His disciples included the likes of Hari Das, who later initiated Baiju Bawra as his disciple. Baiju was the only one to have defeated Tansen in a battle of singing. Tansen was one of the 9 jewels of Akbar’s Kingdom & none other than Tansen was allowed to sing in his kingdom, without defeating Tansen. If Tansen won, the looser of the battle of song would have to loose his life too. Song was silenced, and materialized into the hands of one man.  

Chaintanya Mahaprabhu’s whole expression of being was one of celebration in chanting & song & dance. His disciples are evidence too, not just him. Chaitanya Mahaprabhu’s whole being was an expression of a devotee in love. His soul was that of Radha. His intrinsic nature & expression was feminine. Of unconditional Love, ripened to compassion.  

The contributions of Chaintanya Mahaprabhu

Even in mind, Chaintanya Mahaprabhu’s was an evolved consciousness. He casually defeated the greatest scholars. He was a revolutionary, who organized India’s first disobedience movement.  A social reformer, who transcended the rigid Hindu caste system of India. He was also known as the Supreme renouncer – The part of original sanyas that Bhagwan Rajneesh’s Neo Sanyas does not agree with, because renunciation is irrelevant in the modern world. Neo, meaning RE-programming; Neo Sanyas is a path of reprogramming the whole being, no matter where he is. The old sanyas is the path of renouncing the world. And the ‘work’ really is in the world. To ‘be in the world, but not of it’. So the renouncer bit, I’m unable to align with; But the rest, my God! I’m so fascinated by the consciousness of Chaintanya Mahaprabhu! 

So surrendered, devoted, sensitive, emotional, loving feminine in being; yet so courageous, fearless & strong in his masculine contributions to the material world as well. What an expression of a ‘being’ in union? 

Chaintanya Mahaprabhu spread love wherever he went. Whoever he touched, even with his energy, was transformed to love. To Bhakti. To devotion. But he must’ve had to be courageous, fearless, provocative, triggering in his word, (like Bhagwan Rajneesh) only to rightfully deliver the message, the truth he came to deliver. One of the unified being – Braj Bhakti. 

The Dance to Braj Bhakti 💃 🕺 

It’s not easy to get to Braj Bhakti. It’s a journey, one that I’m still on. A journey of union within. All paths lead to this destination. I’ve always really been a courageous, fearless, strong, confident woman. Actually, before my spiritual awakening & sanyas, I operated mostly from my masculine energy. Life has mostly been a struggle, which I walked in faith but needed a strong masculine energy to lead in the man’s world. I also was quite ambitious & had my dreams, goals & the usual. When love happened, for the first time I saw, how wounded & neglected my feminine energy had been all this while. It was like she was just asking to be acknowledged, loved, nurtured. 

When I was first brought to the Temple of Love, my masculine energy became a blockage to my growth. A disciple, a devotee is always in feminine energy. Only then can one receive from a master. The masculine (mind) is rigid in its conditionings. It is a barrier to transformation. That is why, so many techniques of ‘working’ with the mind & breath, although positive in experience & not harmful at all; only provide some temporary relaxation. It doesn’t transform the ‘being’. Because there is no access to the being, the soul. All the work is done with masculine energy. All ‘doing’ is masculine. The feminine energy is not even being accessed. It is still an outward flow of energy. 

In truth, nothing can be done with the mind or breath. It can only be watched & allowed it’s full expression. Watching, watching, watching, one day, the watcher suddenly separates from the mind & experiences freedom from it. The mind doesn’t cease, but one rises above it & then he has detached from his own story. The story remains, only the ‘being’ has transcended it. 

At The Temple of Love, I dropped into my wounded feminine energy. I had to totally forget my masculine qualities, which were all I knew at the time. For the first two years of sanyas, one is extra sensitive because heart activations & feminine energy rising is taking place. I have only recently completed my first two years of sanyas. The first two years of sanyas, with devoted practice, a total transformation of being takes place. Of course, if ‘I’ (the ego) allow it. Total surrender takes place & the whole perception of life changes, from the inside, out. As within, so without. Once the change happens within, it starts manifesting without (outside) too. 

The moment my total surrender took place, all that lost masculine energy seems to rush back. But it felt different this time. It just isn’t leading the dance within anymore. The feminine is. Love is leading, compassion is leading, surrender is leading. The masculine qualities are available to access whenever I need it, or my journey calls for it. 

In this dance to Braj Bhakti, I’m learning that strength is in surrender. It takes courage to put one’s complete faith in something that cannot be experienced in the physical reality & to allow it to align me with my story. It takes more courage than to keep up the fight to write the story I have in mind. At least that is how it has been for me. 

Aligning with the story 

Swamiji Anand Arun, once said to my mother, ‘I want a commune in Canada some day.’ She said, I’ll find you the land & all permits permissions etc but you need a dedicated sanyasin to run the commune like you do here.’ So he pointed at me. I was humbled, my mother was triggered. She called me up one day & she said, ‘you are a filmmaker, an actor, a producer. You have no time & you can’t manage a commune. Explain that to swamiji.’ She was triggered & She had an idea of me, of an identity, a definition; not realizing at the time, that idea, that person was long dead. She was talking to a new being in making, who didn’t fit into an idea, into any definition.

I told her, ‘sometimes in our own attachment & desire to write a story we want to write of our life; we miss the story that is written for us. One that is so much more meaningful & greater than the one we so desperately want to write. A story that we may not even be able to conceive but is just waiting for us to experience.’ She hung up on me. She didn’t want to hear it from her daughter.  But then she called me back in 10 minutes.
She processes fast, so she said, ‘ask swamiji to send you to some communes to learn how to run a commune. If he has so much faith in you, I don’t want to stand in the way. In fact it is something good for mankind. I’ll help you with it.’ 😊 I have a feeling, she started to surrender her attachment to my identity, in all reality, only after that day. 

Swamiji did not send me to any communes though. He only asked me to start with a meditation centre, which I’m currently in the process of setting up. And to continue with the penning of a book in progress. Knowledge without experience is no knowledge at all. Knowledge with experience is wisdom. 

RadheKrishna’s expression of being, in every incarnation is the same – one that keeps love alive, because Love is God. It’s so mystical, how Bhagwan Rajneesh takes me back to the consciousness of the Last wish – Chaintanya Mahaprabhu, for the path of the ‘word’ ahead. The word of a devotee in love. Grateful & so humbled 🙏🏻

Love, God, faith, surrender, freedom; to a devotee; are synonyms. This high vibrational energy that aligns us with truth, is always returned in so many many ways. But that return only comes when we aren’t doing it for any outcome. Only for the joy of it, the love of it. Yet, those returns aren’t even the true reward. The true reward of unconditional love & complete faith in surrender, is a story that goes beyond our own limited self. Post my recent surrender, I may not have much faith left in the ways in which humans ‘do’ love today, but my faith in the frequency of unconditional love has only strengthened. For ‘I’ write a story only to put a smile on a face, & existence writes a story to put a smile on many faces. Now, that puts a smile on my face 😊 ⭕️.

In grateful celebration of the consciousness of Chaintanya Mahaprabhu, The Last Wish 💫

‘Hare Krishna’ & ‘Radhe Radhe’ 🙏🏻

Love in Vairaag

What is Vairaag? 

Vairaag is essentially to ‘be in the world but not of it.’ Engaging with it, yet not belonging to it. Being one’s own colour but not being coloured by anything of any world. Vairaag is to accept everything, enjoy whatever one wants, yet belong to no-thing. One can also call it true freedom. It is experienced differently by different people. Some find vairaag in creativity, some in travel, some in silence inside. 

Not another soul, than Shakti herself, proved time & time again that she was love beyond heartbreak. Love beyond shiva himself. Only a play of existence. Only a complete surrender in love & faith. Unless one experiences a desire/want or … transcends the mind that is attached to the experience, it remains. Shakti had only the latter as a choice for many lives. Shakti is a choiceless expression of existence. Brahma had no choice but to create Her. Shiva would not take his soul, his feminine energy back after creation was created. He was fearful to loose the soulless Vairaag that he had found. 

Despite Shakti herself as an evidence of a love that’s higher than heartbreak, even after physical union; Shiva never took her to Vairaag with Him. So everytime Shiva ran away to Vairaag, Shakti would find a little more of herself. She found her own Vairaag. In fact she created her greatest gift to mankind, while Shiva was in his Vairaag & she was in hers – Ganesha, the remover of obstacles. Ganesha, a dear friend, who showed up during the first painful experience on my journey. I wondered, we pray to Ganesha at the beginning of a journey. My journey, as I misunderstood at the time, had ended before it even began. Why was Ganesha showing up? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I befriended Him, to learn the original blueprint of love – ShivShakti ☯️ 

ShivShakti

Shiva had given away his feminine energy, Shakti, to Brahma to create the Brahman. Or one can call it the soul. Actually there is no soul really. It is only no-thing ness. But whatever it is, it’s nature is of love. When there is love, that love is the soul. The soul is feminine energy. This feminine energy of Shiva, his soul, incarnated in many forms but is essentially Shakti. 

When Shiva encountered Shakti, there was a strong connection. Obviously, she held his soul. It must’ve been burdening for Her too. She probably just wanted to return his soul to him. But it was her soul too; a very very big one. The physical can be split, but not the soul. At the soul we are all ‘the one’. But it overwhelmed Shiva. He is a vairaagi, how could he possibly be with her? The illusion of the physical. He ran. And he ran as far as he could. She chased & then she got tired of chasing. So she surrendered to the divine. She found her own Vairaag in silence & meditation – dhyan & gyan. The more she surrendered to the divine, the more Shiva surrendered to love. 

When they “united” in physical union, even after that, shiva would run away into Vairaag, leaving Shakti behind. She never stopped him, for love is freedom. During his Vairaag, she found her own individual path, separate from Shiva, one of her own making, much like shiva’s Vairaag but different. In this case – shiva is silence & Shakti is expression. Expressing her creativity, the most exquisite of which is Lord Ganesha – the remover of obstacles, created during one of Shiva’s longest Vairaag. Grateful to walk with Ganesha 😊🙏🏻

Love is eternal. structure don’t last

It is definitely a sad story we see in all the great love stories of the world, yet, something of the original blueprint of love rests in them alone. The Romeo Juliet, the Laila Majnu, The Heer Ranjha, The Sheree Farhad, The Jesus & Mary Magdalene. ‘Not’ RadheKrishna. They are a different story. RadheKrishna are the original blueprint of love in form. They are the solution to the sadness in the other stories. They are the solution to all the pain of love. Not that there is no pain but there is no regrets. Life keeps moving on Vairaag. They are beyond heartbreak together, yet alone. The difference is of playfulness only. A non-serious approach to love. They are love in a deep friendship. 

The world always comes between true love – the original blueprint. By the world I don’t mean only people, I mean everything; the structure or its conditionings as well. The world is outside, but there is a whole world inside too. As within, so without. When Rumi says, ‘we need not find love but only remove all the barriers within ourselves that we built to keep it out’ (something to that effect), there is truth in that. There is the soul in that expression of his being, in surrender, in love. 

All the other lovers, courageously fought the world & it’s created barriers (conditionings inside first & then manifested outside). Only to establish their love. To give it a structure. They rebelled for the freedom to be together in love. So they failed. Because love cannot fight, it always just surrenders. So the lovers failed, yet, love succeeded. 

The thing is, love is eternal, yet it is not designed to last, it is designed only to experience. Love don’t ever die either. Once you love someone, that love never dies, even after one falls in love with someone else. Love only transforms & as it transforms, it also evolves the being to the highest frequency of love. Romantic love, transforms to deep love, and deep love transforms to compassion. Essentially true love cannot be structured in any way, in any relationship. It can only be experienced as a deep friendship free of worldly barriers.  

RadheKrishna

Krishna says, ‘He alone wins, who doesn’t want to win.’ Keeping this in mind, the lovers of the greatest love stories lost, because they wanted to win against the world. But love is so soft, so surrendered & so gentle; it cannot fight any strongly defended world – inside a being or outside a being. Yet, ultimately love always wins, because it doesn’t want to win. 

RadheKrishna, did not fight for their love. They only celebrated it, sometimes together, mostly physically apart. For separation is only of the physical. There is no separation in one soul. RadheKriahna did not fight for their love. They are not seeking any structure. They are not even seeking to establish their love in any ways of the world. RadheKrishna are only living love in their Vairaag. They only played in love. They understand that all of life is just a play & nothing else. Their love is also just a play. The separation is an illusion of the physical, yet a reality that can be experienced in love. 

Although the story of RadheKrishna is only a metaphor expression of the inner world of Krishna, His love story, it holds significant mysteries of the original blueprint of love.  

The original blueprint of Love 

In the story of RadheKrishna, at one stage, Radha accepts sanyas as her path of Vairaag (freedom). Not too different to Meera, yet one filled with more play, more joy, more freedom. Meera is longing for Krishna, Radha is celebrating Krishna.  

Krishna on the other hand is anything but sanyasin. He is play at its finest expression. His Vairaag is in his play. Spontaneous, colourful, all over the place. He is the one who tunes Radha to understand the tunes of his Vairaag, over time; so she can find her own play – her own Vairaag. Her own freedom of being. She finds it in sanyas. 

To me it is significant that in this story there is no struggle to structure love. There cannot be because Radha does not exist, except as Krishna’s own inward flow of life. Yet, it only symbolizes that love is not meant to be a struggle. Relationship can be but love is not a struggle. It is meant only to be celebrated, together or alone. Because RadheKrishna are not struggling to establish, to structure anything, they have acceptance, respect & understanding of each other’s Vairaag (path of freedom). When together, they celebrate love in all its expressions, when separate they are an individual expressions of love in their individual vairaag. 

The original blueprint of love cannot be found in any relationship. It can be found in some connections. The original blueprint of love is one ☝🏻, yet separate. If love were a home, and the pillars were too close together, the roof would fall down. Also if they are too far apart … but closeness is of the heart, not of the physical. In love but in Vairaag. 

Love is the nature of the soul. If one can feel love, the soul is there, somewhere. In the original blueprint, She (regardless of gender) has the soul. She IS the soul. And the soul is the way home in Vairaag (freedom). In the original blueprint, one can have it all – freedom, soul & home. YES, BUT … home only ultimately. 

The original blueprint of love – the more she surrenders to the divine, the more he surrenders to love. Love in Vairaag. 

Bhagwan says 😊

‘Freedom is of a higher value than love but love is freedom.’ ~Bhagwan 

Do you see the paradox? Reality is always beyond duality. The struggle between love & freedom is the gift of structuring love, in which true love is lost – Lost Love. Yet love is freedom & the struggle is only of the mind – the mind is the world. Bhagwan says, ‘experience love, experience companionship, but be a good friend first. Don’t take away another’s freedom, & don’t give away yours. Give love & receive with gratitude whatever you get as love. Love only gives, wants nothing & takes away nothing. Freedom is higher than love but love is freedom.’ ⭕️

When one moves in Vairaag, yet in love; then there is true freedom. Nothing seems to be missing. One feels whole, complete, & at home. No matter where one is. No matter if he is with the one he loves or with himself in the world. Love in Vairaag can be nothing more than a playful friendship, one that is free of the world (inside & outside). 

On a little side note, I can’t help but notice that all love great stories originating from the west, lead with the masculine name first & all originating from the East, lead with the feminine name first. There is significance in this. The west is masculine in its approach to life – the Mind. The East is feminine in its approach to life – the soul (no-thing ness). Neither is a balanced approach. Life is beyond the mind & in the nature of the soul – Love. When love is, life is in the now, not in a future, not in a past. But the current structure of the world is based on the western knowledge of the ‘Garden of Eden’ – the fruit of knowledge, without the fruit of life.
Life is not in the knowledge (the barriers); life is in the experience of it now, in love in Vairaag. All love stories of the world, fought for their love against the barriers for a future for the love. RadheKrishna played in love now, regardless of a future. The feminine energy holds the soul, and when she leads the energy of a being; soul, home, freedom is all in the same place, not physically – inside of a being. Wherever the being is – whole, complete in itself, engaged in the world, yet not coloured of it – Vairaag. 

My Vairaag at the Temple of Love ❤️ 

Vairaag can be found in a space or activity we find most comfort & peace to be in. It feels like home, yet home is always within. But activities & spaces, human connection can certainly beautify the process. In freedom a being of love can be expressed in its original blueprint; which then unintentionally but surely shifts the surrounding to the original blueprint as well, no matter where the Vairaag takes one. 

I found Vairaag in the mystical world always. Travelling to spaces & activities that connect me to that which is beyond the world of structure. For many years, I found it in tarot, stones, pendulums, some astrology. This was the beginning of my path truly connecting to the soul. Later I found Vairaag at the temple of love – in sanyas. A real physically manifested mystical world – my recharging station also my resting space. ‘I will always be in Vairaag. I will always be in sanyas.’ It is a different kinda flight, yet it is the same. Only Vairaag. 

My expression of Vairaag 

Early on my Sanyas Path, Bhagwan gifted me with the gift of meaningless words, to play around with expressing the inexpressible truth I had found in love in Vairaag ❤️🙏🏻. Mostly through the written word. I played around with poetry & prose. Then a year and a half ago, something stopped me from reading tarot publicly. Actually I stopped myself, in fear of some outside circumstances. I just limited tarot to private readings post that. So I used the past year and a half to pen a book instead, with this new found gift that I’d found. A little over half way through, a few months ago, I met with a serious writers block & have it on the shelf since. Yet, I also experimented with blog writing, which again in fear of outside circumstances, stopped writing a few months ago. 

In these past few months, many experiences, mundane & mystical, have been pointing in the direction of the spoken word. Bhagwan being loud & clear, ‘Be available to me as I am available to you.’ Yet, the barriers of the mind. The spoken word is a bigger responsibility. It is a little more alive than the written word, it has expression & voice & tone & movement. And to speak on subjects that have already gotten me considerable criticism from many voices; requires courage. And especially to speak from a space of ‘I am not’, being just an expression of that no-thing ness, being just a channel for conscious wisdom; requires immense energy. So I’ve not known how to go about speaking of this Love in Vairaag. 

Post my complete surrender, (ref. blog post life in surrender), an employee in a karmic project, who recently returned from the temple of love, reached out to me. Said my business partner had sent him to the ashram to help him with his life issues & the ashram with some PR for the Temple of Love. We all do our bit in our own ways. Told me all of the humbling things he heard about me from the ashramites & swamiji Anand Arun. Grateful 🙏🏻.
He basically manages marketing, positioning & social media publicity for projects & public speakers. I have a feeling Bhagwan made him talk to those I had spoken to 😊. So he approached me & said, ‘I’d like you to speak publicly at platforms & events. I can also get you decent money. I’d like to profile, position & publicize you as a speaker. I’ll have to increase your social media followers gradually, get you some publicity & get you to speaking platforms, which is my area of expertise. I also learnt that you’re writing a book on the Neo Sanyas Movement. I work with many publishers, so I’d like to help you publish & promote that too.’ Bhagwan sent me a manager for my word 😊🙏🏻. Guess I gotta get back to the book then … when I started the book, I had no clue how I’d have it published. The world of the ‘word’ is still an experiment … and also an expression of my being.

I smiled at Bhagwan’s play & told him, ‘okay, do what you will but don’t control the expression of my being. You were sent to profile, position & publicize the expression itself as I don’t want or need publicity. Money is not my concern but I do have a message to deliver. Thank you for reaching out.’ We spoke on the phone for an hour & he says, ‘I’m all the more convinced that your message must be delivered. Then that was that. 

I also told him during the chat, that I was inspired by a friend to compile a book of all my poetry too. I have written some, just playing around with words. But I don’t have enough of them yet. When I do, I’d like to get that published & promoted too.’ 😊🙏🏻 My word is only an expression of love in Vairaag, a complete experience of life in freedom. Whatever it needs to get out there, I’ll attract to me. I’m not a ‘doer’ yet the ‘doing’ is. Bhagwan was right when he said to me, ‘some souls are too strong to be a medium. We are only collaborating because we have the same message to deliver.’ Of course too much of a soul, for it is equivalent to two souls in one 😊😉. 

In the original blueprint of love – love can only live in Vairaag. It may or may not be celebrated together, but the expression of that love is in individual Vairaag (freedom). It is in that expression that lost love can be revived in humanity only by reviving it within ourselves. For true love is always eternal, yet it is not designed to last in any structure. It is designed for something else, only in its playful expression! A much bigger purpose.

Lost love 

This deep understanding of love in Vairaag is not something I’m speaking about for the first time. I’ve been writing about it since I found the word. And since I found faith in love. It is the way of true love. When I speak of love, of divine connection; I speak of true love, the original blueprint – the lost love. Love in Vairaag. Together, yet separate. I’m grateful for truth today, so I can respond, ‘I understand’, of course I do. I’m love in Vairaag too & I’d give it up for nothing’ 😊 

One of the biggest triggers in any person is to realize that one may have gotten love wrong. It is a common realization in many people at some point in their lives because it is the truth. All speakers of spirituality are speaking of ways to get to love, because there isn’t much. I’ve received a-lot of love & alot of criticism for writing about true love vs love, yet it is my own individual experience, my own expression of Vairaag, linked to my purpose of being. It is a gift from Bhagwan, which I want to cherish. Whatever existence wants to do with it, it will.
This is actually a topic I can speak about forever, and a more intricate aspect of the original blueprint is the subject matter of my book. The book will get me the most criticism & immense love too, I feel. I should be at a place to humbly, gratefully & playfully smile at it all. Receive what I need & leave the rest. 

So with humble acceptance of all paths, because they all lead to the same destination – home; and with immense gratitude for all I have learnt on my journey with the ‘word’ so far; I silence out all the noise that silences me; and I remain open to all the tunes that inspire me. The journey ahead is true freedom, therefore more responsibility too. Two faces of the same coin of duality. And beyond duality is reality. This … Only … so I can continue on my path of the ‘word’, forward in playful & peaceful love in Vairaag 😊🙏🏻

She holds your soul 

And she is expressing it …

In her celebration of ‘being’ … 

With faith …

In a love in Vairaag!  

MaPJ

Life in Surrender

Surrender

Surrender is truly an art. They say the most beautiful expression of love is creation. And the most exquisite expression of creation is the ‘being’ of love. The ‘being’ of love is really just an expression of a ‘being’ in surrender; expressed in celebration of the gift Love is, life is. ‘Surrender’ – the word has such a negative feeling attached to it though. It gives the sense of ‘giving up’ on life. Actually surrender is something completely different. It is actually ‘not giving up’ on life; it is only a ‘giving up’ the fight with life. Surrender is to accept life – finally. Surrender is true freedom. 

Have you ever experienced laughing uncontrollably & crying profusely, both at the same time? Over the past months, ‘I’ have. It’s a beautiful feeling. One that cannot be expressed in words. But I kept trying to, these past months, which I am remorseful about, for words from a wound can certainly be harassing. Didn’t understand, now, I understand 😊🙏🏻.

What I can say about tears & laughter together though, it is a profound expression of surrender. A word, of which the true meaning cannot be understood, without experiencing it. Yet, I try in this blog post, that makes me cry here and there & makes me laugh here and there. 

I’m hoping I can bring you a glimpse of a life in surrender through my own journey & experiences, both inside & outside The Temple of Love. 

A little of the past

I am born with the Sun ☀️ in the first house of my birth chart. The first house governs consciousness, the ‘being’, the true self. The Sun ☀️ is not a planet. It is the light that all the planets revolve around. It is pure Divine Masculine energy, a symbol of enlightenment. Yet, the path to enlightenment seems to be in the understanding & acceptance of pure feminine energy. The path of love, the nature of which is surrender. A surrender to a dance of Masculine & Feminine energies with ourselves.

Ever since I was a little girl, I seemed to be seeking peace. I was seeking because although there was love but there was no peace at home. It’s a lot better now, because everyone has found their own space outside the home; but still, the atmosphere at home is a serious one. Close knit but serious. From home I learnt that life is a serious affair, quite contrary to what I learnt at the Temple of Love. Intrinsically, I enjoy laughing, singing, dancing, celebrating; much like my daddy. Yet, some of these expressions, growing up became serious activities of learning. So with that serious knowledge, I could seriously ‘become’ some ‘thing’ in the world. The atmosphere of a home is lead by the woman they say. Mommy is a serious expression 🫤

The Bone of contention

so mommy & me have not always been friends. Our bone of contention – I say, ‘let me ‘be’; and she says, ‘to ‘be’ in the world, you have to ‘do’ something.’ In other words, If life ain’t a struggle, there ain’t a story to tell. Unless one ‘becomes’ in the world, one is useless. The ‘being’ in itself has no meaning. So a child is told, he must ‘become’ something when he grows up. Until then the child’s ‘being’ is worthless. We all grow up with a sense of seeking worthiness. That’s where the root of the need to be ‘accepted’ rests. And in different ways, this aspect of the Human Condition shows up in trauma wounds that we trigger in each other without realizing it, without even knowing each other. To me the past dies every moment as taught by my master. Yet, regardless of the circumstance that the root of the trauma lies in, it is in the understanding that essentially the same wound expresses differently in different individuals; that common ground for peace & compassion can be reached.

The serious question

I had been asked a very serious question since I was 8, in serious talk sessions, on ‘what do you want to become? If you just want to become a housewife, then that is a full time profession too. I have to prepare you. Start thinking about it.’ So I had prepared an answer since then, for when the serious talk ‘became’ a serious question. I still don’t know what I want to become 🤔 because now I’m at so much peace with ‘being’ who I am. Thanks to Bhagwan. Yet, I needed an answer & sometimes I still find people asking me this question, ‘why are you escaping? What do you want to make of your life?’ ‘In other words’, ‘what do you want to ‘become’? It’s a fair question, for I have not ‘become’.
My ego construct with which I lead in the world of ‘doing’ is a gift of masculine energy from my mother. Grateful! Intrinsically, my ‘being’ resembles my father. This being, who I said ‘Oh hello 👋🏻’ to only post my sanyas initiation 2 years ago. Anyways, The terror I grew up with in my mother, who is now my best friend, is unparalleled. So I answered finally, ‘I want to ‘become’ an actor.’ They said earn your way back to film school. I did that and landed myself in a film school in India two and a half years later, after part time university & two full time jobs. Running a dance troop & selling shoes at the Hudson’s bay company in canada.

Sometimes I don’t understand jokes but in my own ‘self’ I often laughed at the joke of ‘being’ & ‘becoming’. I’m slow sometimes to get jokes or I need some help understanding it but I enjoy laughing none the less 😂. The struggle between the ‘being’ & ‘becoming’ ‘became’ the split within me, manifesting as the lifelong ‘chaos’ outside. This constant struggle for life atmosphere I’ve grown up in had me constantly looking for an escape to peace. In other words, ‘the calm’.

Naturally, when there is stress and pressure all the time, so serious, it will lead to conflicts & fights in the environment. when a child faces any sort of assault or abuse in such an environment, the child feels unsafe to express it. The child is silenced, until something wakes his playfulness up again. Grateful! But there is no escape. I thought I found an escape for 15 years. It was only an illusion though. It was now the chaos of two ‘becomings’ not ‘one’. It was always two – ‘I’ & ‘you’. Peace or calm cannot be found, only claimed in the now, despite the circumstances outside. I finally decided to stop escaping & claim it, within myself, in a life in surrender.

My journey of surrender

Until I found surrender, I found no peace, I found no true freedom. Freedom from myself first. Freedom from the struggle of ‘being’ & ‘becoming’. My journey of surrender began soon after my divorce. Intrinsically, I had no ambition, yet, from my mother I had received the gift of ambition & the gift of wisdom to know what I want & how to get it. Then love happened again. A love that was here not to love me, but to teach me, that love is truly freedom. Freedom from the ‘self’. Love was here to teach me that ‘in surrendering that which is most precious to me, I am freed from myself. The part of myself that is attached to the struggle to become peaceful, become the ‘calm’. Because peace cannot be found, it can only be claimed in the ‘now’’ – the biggest learning; the greatest gift of love I have found. Peace, ‘being’ in love, now. Regardless of what will ‘become’ of it. 
This lesson was not learnt in one stage of surrender though. It happened in three stages. The final stage that I am currently in the process of wrapping up. Each stage had me surrender a different aspect of myself that was blocking me from claiming peace within myself. Yet each stage of surrender also brought me closer to peace within myself. It brought me closer to accepting myself as I am intrinsically. The acceptance that I was looking for outside of myself, as an escape to peace. In things, in ambitions, in dreams, in goals, in people. 
I experienced through the stages of surrender, that each stage of surrender brought me closer to the truth of my ‘being’, which cannot be expressed in words. And each surrender was triggered by a lie. Each of those lies, today I am immensely grateful for & dedicate this post to. Today I celebrate lies before truth. And how grateful I am cannot be expressed in words. For I would never have known the truth had the lies not helped me realize again and again that I cannot fight with life. Peace can only be claimed by befriending it and riding the wave, wherever it takes me. For life is on the winning team always. I just want the freedom to choose the winning team. Because ‘I understand’ & always have … 

You can’t always get what you want, but you always get what you need.’ 

Surrender happened  

Yes, surrender too is a happening. It cannot be forced or ‘done’. Like love & meditation, it also just happens. During my struggling days in Mumbai, to ‘become’ an actor; as we all know, it can be tough, very tough to ‘become’. And that sense of self that is constantly in an insecure vulnerable place. We open ourselves up to immense scrutiny based on physical appearance & sometimes talent. When one’s chubby, you’re too fat. When one is thin, then your face looks too thin. Occasionally, when one lands an audition looking for talent, they’d ultimately cast someone who’d come through reference. I can’t blame them now, although it’s not something that I do, I understand how tough this industry is. And it is what it is. I am grateful to be able to express through the medium. I enjoy the challenges too. The whole process is fulfilling. And for some reason, the films I signed, never took off or just were shelved mid way. But that was all destiny. Bhagwan himself.
Life, just whispering in my ear, ‘surrender, I’ll take you where you gotta go.’ For the longest time, I couldn’t hear it, in the noise of the world of ‘becoming’. I heard it only during my first stage of surrender, once I’d already become some, little bit 😊. Mom super happy 😁

This first lie hit in just the right place – ambition to ‘become’ more, & that is what suddenly dropped. I accepted myself a little bit more, for the first time, without the need of any ambition. I suddenly felt like all the weight of the world had lifted off my shoulders. I tasted a little of what true freedom feels like. I this first stage of surrender, ambition became the offering & I received a friend instead, who finally accepted me without the need to ‘become’ – His Consciousness Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh at his Temple of Love.

Surrender at the Temple of love 

When I was first brought to the temple of love, many women Sanyasins noticed my strong, masculine energy, & mentioned it in compliment. It allowed me to look for the feminine energy inside myself, that I needed as a disciple to grow on this path. A disciple is receptive feminine energy. And only feminine energy surrenders. Masculine energy protects. That is why, a little ego is needed too, to negotiate the world. But the path of sanyas don’t need masculine energy at all. Feminine is being, masculine is becoming.
The second stage of surrender happened in the first year of sanyas. I was still getting used to constant outside opinions & influence against my decision of sanyas; I was rapidly loosing friends & extended family, who were unable to understand why I would take to a path of sanyas. My decision was constantly being challenged, scrutinized & I was being influenced to drop sanyas itself. I was being called an escapist, yet for me I knew I had only just stopped escaping from myself. Yes that is the common belief of sanyas, that it is an escape from ‘reality’. But that is completely untrue. Sanyas is hard hard work on the ‘self’. There is no escape. All escape routes are closed. One must only sit with it all. To surrender, to claim the peace. To be free.
For the first time I had tasted peace, without escape. Right where I was, in my ‘being’. At home, finally. Within myself. Yet, the world would not stop telling me a big lie. That I can find freedom & peace without sanyas too. For me it was a big lie. Still in the world of ‘becoming’, my ‘being’ was a lie. At the time, many many (not one) were telling me this big lie of ‘becoming’ when I was finally in a space that was accepting me for ‘being’ my ‘self’. 

I was in a weekly silence at the temple of love & on the 5th day, I was walking down the bridge connecting our rooms to the main meditation hall. All this chaos outside was taking place during my week of silence. I broke down & almost fell to the ground. Before I hit the ground, my Buddha Bro, a brother from another mother, held me & lifted me up. Hugged me & said, ‘cry, it’s okay to cry. The more you cry, the more you’ll laugh tomorrow.’ And I started laughing. It’s true – the pendulum that our emotions are. That was the first time I experienced crying & laughing together in surrender. It was beautiful… I was in immense praise of the temple of love & Bhagwan’s consciousness at the time & was using words as a medium of catharsis. All the words saying only one thing, not to the world but to Bhagwan …

Let it be a little more of you & a little less of me …

A little more of Buddha Bro 

Buddha bro, having RE-birthed into sanyas, the same day as me; we have some past life connection for sure. I have a full blog post on the Buddha Bro for those interested in learning about the spiritual connection we share. We have definitely meditated together in many lives, for our energies are so aligned. But our journeys are poles apart. He comes from a broken family. Bullied through school, bullied by the elder sister & always told that he could ‘become’ nothing in life. Naturally he rebelled early as he was a totally neglected child. He had total freedom to rebel. Everyone into their own lives. Had to fend for himself from an early age. Had no sense of belonging at all. Naturally

Then he got tired of rebelling, quite early too. Or … did he fall in love? He says it happened simultaneously. Or … as I ask him, ‘was it love that asked him what he would get from this struggle with life?’ At the age of 19 he was introduced to the meditative path with Sadhguru & the Isha foundation. Ultimately took sanyas under the Neo Sanyas movement at the age of 33. Never could fall in love again, but found freedom from the self in surrender at the Temple of Love. Claimed peace in acceptance of self. 

After complete silence of over 5 years, the love of his life, called him one day. Said she needed his help. Her sister needed help with her mental condition. He invited her to the ashram. She came with her sister. He says they shared some of the most beautiful moments & her sister felt much better too. Well, on this path of love, love is found in the being of a being one cannot always have. So one just focuses on the ‘self’ & finds everything within. She was actually shocked to see his transformation. It triggered her to look at herself. For they are mirrors to each other. Despite the love, the trigger overpowered.
She left with some nasty words to him. She said that he was delusional for following this path & that real life is outside & that she hates Bhagwan for taking him on this fake path. He said something on the lines of, ‘you don’t know anything about sanyas or Bhagwan. Or even the last 5 years of my life. My love for you that connected me to myself. That helped me accept myself. How can you say that?’ 

She left & the sweet little thing that my Buddha Bro is, was left questioning his path altogether. He was so confused. So lost. So silenced within himself. To hear it from the one who’s being connected him to himself, can really break one. He was ready to give it up altogether. But Bhagwan, being Bhagwan, he brought me to the ashram three days later. 

A surrender with Buddha Bro

After my weekly silence broke, I said to my Buddha Bro, ‘if you leave the sanyas path, will she be with you? Will she allow you to give her your love?’ He replied, ‘probably not or else she would say that.’ So I asked him, ‘if this life is fake & the life outside is the only reality, then why is it that this one seems to cost more? Why is this one only exclusive to those who are willing & able to pay for it with the surrender of the whole self?’ It was not a question o was asking him. It was a question I was asking myself aloud.

He says, ‘that is what did it for me? I was never accepted for being myself, I had low self worth outside. Here I found acceptance of myself by surrendering my fight with myself.’ So I told him, ‘If you get what you want by leaving this path, leave it. Even Bhagwan is for it then, for he wants you to experience all your wants & desires to transcend them.’ There was understanding together. We found strength in each others stories and …

With that together, we surrendered our struggle with the outside world on our path of sanyas. And after this stage of surrender, I found peace & freedom in acceptance of all paths.

It was an experience surrendering with a loved one. We both accepted, ‘you can’t always get what you want, but you’ll always get what you need’. All we needed to do was to surrender that which is most precious to us. It is after my second stage of surrender that Bhagwan taught me total acceptance. Accepting all as it is. To accept that even though I don’t know or understand another’s path or perspective, I cannot just deny it. I have to accept my truth & theirs. My judgement in ignorance is what was surrendered in this stage. And the reward I received is acceptance. Accepting my ‘being’ a little more & accepting outside all as it is. Yet the surrender wasn’t total. Another lie had to happen for my complete surrender of ‘being’ & ‘becoming’.

The final stage of surrender 

I’m currently experiencing my final stage of surrender. Wrapping it up actually with this post, while gratefully, Buddha Bro is helping me out with The first meditation centre on my journey. Our guru, Swamiji Anand Arun put us together for this task as we live in the same city in India. I’m excited about this meditation centre after a very long time. Anyways. Off track … the final stage of surrender, Once again triggered by a lie. The greatest lie.

The lie ain’t important because any lie that leads to surrender is a divinely orchestrated happening to reach the truth. It is a divine lie. A white lie. Surrender essentially is an ego death. Big enough for one to say, ‘I accept all as it is’. And sanyas is the path of non-ego. I’m grateful for every blow to my ego over the years before & after my sanyas. I truly am. Today, in this moment I am. With tears in my eyes, I am in humble acceptance of all as it is. This final stage of surrender has been the biggest challenge on this life long struggle between ‘being’ & ‘becoming’.  

I’m learning from this stage of surrender, that  a sanyasin is so undefined in its ‘being’, that it can ‘be’ in any world. Yet, I understand why a sanyasin is always considered a renunciate, an escapist; Because he is ‘being’ in a world of ‘becoming’. And a sanyasin knows no becoming, only ‘being’. I’ve known ‘becoming’, and with this is final stage of surrender, I farewell the world of ‘becoming’, to remain an expression of a ‘being’ in surrender. Whatever ‘becomes’ of this ‘being’, I accept with gratitude 😊🙏🏻 I keep the peace I have longed for all my life. It is not an escape …

For where can I go. All the worlds are in this world. Life still goes on. Celebrating the gift of love that I’ve found. I remain a watcher of my breath & the watcher of the world too. ‘Being’ an expression of a life in surrender.

Closing words  

Bhagwan says, ‘the same people, or the same situation with different people repeats in different ways again & again until we see what existence is trying to show us of our own patterns in that repeated experience.’ 

This morning, my mother was nagging me again. Saying, ‘I don’t like how you’ve made this statement. It’s missing this that and the other. You should make statements for everyone to understand, not just you.’ She’s right, yet it is a statement that no one else but me is going to refer to and see. So as long as it serves the purpose. But I don’t argue with her no more. I don’t repeat the pattern, so we don’t fight. I said, ‘okay mom. Will have it to you in a couple days.’

She heard what I didn’t say & said, ‘I am just making you ‘do’ this out of my own stubbornness.’ I said, ‘I know. It is your love language. Make me ‘do’ all that you can, for when Bhagwan takes me deeper into the unknown, and there is no more ‘I’ to ‘do’ no more, what will you ‘do’ mommy? 😊 I don’t know how to control life, I’m certain it cannot be controlled either. I don’t even understand pace; sometimes life is fast, sometimes it is slow; I just go with the flow. I understand moving with life as it comes, as it moves me.

My surrender – It is not an escape, it is not a lack of effort. It is only effort when & where it is called for. Surrender is only an acceptance that ‘I am not’ the doer, yet the ‘doing’ is. To me it is not philosophy, it is Krishna consciousness. A way of life. I’m here, living in this very world, in peace and surrender to the mystery life is. I watch myself & the world but I have no-thing left to ‘become’. There is no split between ‘being’ & ‘becoming’. It is all just a ‘being’ now. In surrendering this life long struggle between ‘being’ & ‘becoming, I have accepted myself. I have come home 😊🙏🏻 A little tired, actually exhausted but home 🏡❤️

‘in surrendering that which is most precious to me, I am freed from myself. The part of myself that is attached to the struggle to become peaceful. Because peace cannot be found, it can only be claimed in the ‘now’, in my ‘being’. 

MaPJ

The Temple of Love – we women – Her Idol Worship 

Idol worship

Idol worship is an expression of prayer, practiced by many & refuted by others. Some say God is in the idol & others say there is God in everything, yet other, like Bhagwan says, ‘there is no God, only godliness.’ Much misunderstood, Bhagwan does not refute idol worship though or mantra chanting for that matter. He agrees with the Shiv Puran, which I have read too, when He says, ‘Idol worship is a technique only to focus a devotee’s energy towards one source of light, so that the darkness is first removed enough. After which point, idol worship is useless, because you have now embodied the light yourself. Wherever you go, there is light. Then there is no God, only godliness.’ So idol worship does have its place in spirituality too, not just in religion. Only in spirituality there is understanding of idol worship, in religion it is blind faith. 

Idol worship & me 

At the start of my spiritual journey about six years ago, I was faced with a challenging crisis, which seemed to be shattering the reality that I’d known all along. I ran to my then safe haven – a colourful town named Jodhpur, in Rajasthan, India. Having been married, at the time into a community of Pushkarna Bhahmins, the Shiva worshiping tribe; having extensively travelled there, & the mystical experiences of 15 years, have me convinced that I have some past life connection with the region. I was brought there. During this particular visit, I was meditating facing the Mehrangarh Fort. It felt like I was only meditating for 30 minutes, but my partner at the time told me I was meditating for 4 hours. The longest at a stretch yet for me. Sure enough, he was right. I saw the clock & was quite surprised. 

I came out of meditation with 3 profound messages that came to me as visions & sounds. 1st I heard, ‘call him’, taking the name of my divine counterpart. I didn’t know that then, so I asked my partner at the time to do the needful. The second vision was profound. I saw a thick steel tube, looked much like a neck. Suddenly a neonish, Aqua blue snake pushed out of the tube. I remember feeling mesmerized. I don’t think I could even imagine a snake so beautiful. That blue colour hasn’t left me till date. It was otherworldly. Since my introduction to the Pushkarna Bhahmin community, Snakes have always been a symbol of Shiva’s protection for me. I’ve dreamt of of the hugest anacondas (sesh naag) for years at a stretch, until the day I started meditating.
In Jodhpur, it is a known fact that the late mother of my then partner, dreamt of snakes until she took to the path of deep meditative idol worship. Whoever she touched was transformed to love. Her picture rests in the in-house temples of all the houses of the old city.  I have never met her, yet her mystical presence on my journey of love cannot be denied. She hasn’t visited for a long time. I know I’ll meet her in the formless. This snake vision was the most important for my life path, ‘Coz it was about me, not about another. 

And the third vision was me meditating in a cave alone. A huge shivling of ice standing before me, that I was meditating on; melted down to a small ice shivling on the palm of my hand. 

I researched the two visions. The blue snake indeed was the colour of the throat chakra & the pipe was the throat. It was a signalling of the start of my journey of truth. One that ‘I’ share in my words – both written & spoken. One that I share through my being. The shivling I looked up to find a buy. I found one in natural quartz that looked exactly like the one in my vision. Incidentally, pure natural quartz is made of solidified ice. I started to worship it with water & chanting. I was never one to do that before this time. It came as a natural thirst. At the time I started to awaken to a divine connection on my journey, I was already blissing out on the presence of Shiva. 

Idol worship began for me with that vision & dropped soon after Bhagwan entered the story. Both were natural processes. However, at The temple of Love I experienced another kind of idol worship 

Another kind of idol worship 

At The Temple of Love, I experienced a different kind of idol worship, which I understood because I was practicing it unaware for the past 3 years of my spiritual journey. A more alive, playful idol worship. Worshiping the light in a ‘being’ of form or a consciousness in the formless. I was doing both – one being shiva himself. Many are devoted in worship to Swami Anand Arun in form & others are surrendered in devotion to Bhagwan’s consciousness in the formless. Scientifically, idol worship or worshiping the light in another, is doing the same thing. Focusing the energy on the light, so darkness disappears. That is why Love is the greatest teacher & beloved is the path itself. I’d like to share a couple of my own experiences from the temple of love. 

An experience of compassion 

In December of last year, a new sanyasin, came to the Temple of Love. He saw me at the library & introduced himself. I introduced myself & then for many months we didn’t talk. Only smiled at each other & wished ‘Pranam’ in passing. The last couple times at the ashram, we became friends. Actually not just the two of us, three of us. A very dear friend, who’s friend this fellow sanyasin is, and myself. One day he said to me, ‘I am in love with you & I want to marry you. And we will have 2 kids’ 😂. Sorry, I don’t mean to laugh, not then, not now. But this friend does make everyone laugh a lot. 

I told him, ‘I can only give you friendship. I feel no romantic love for you & the word marriage scares me. A switch in my mind goes off & everything seems off balance 😂. I also have a bit of a complicated love story & someone already lives in my heart.’ Then he said something that further sealed the deal on no romance for me. He said, ‘I come from a wealthy family & I am wealthy myself. I will take care of you & I will also speak to your parents when they come to the ashram.’ I controlled my laughter this time & said to him, ‘don’t say this to my parents. They will laugh.’

I understand that his intention was in the right place in wanting to take care of me, but that wealthy part was not called for, especially when talking to a sanyasin, as a sanyasin. What does a sanyasin know of wealth & ‘things’. But I understand he was trying to express his feelings, which cannot he expressed in words accurately. 

A little about a fellow sanyasin 

Despite this, everyday he’d bring me flowers or chocolates. I told him a few times, ‘plucked flowers & bouquets make me sad. These beautiful flowers are dead already.’ I’d refuse to take these gifts, but he’d just leave them outside my door. So I told him, ‘I accept your gift but I cannot keep it. I don’t love you the way you want me to. Again, I can give only friendship. So I’ll distribute your love amongst all Sanyasins.’ He liked that & said that’s more than enough for him. However, I saw that his desire overtook him at one point & we landed up fighting. He kept trying, and I was firm on ‘ NO’. Yet, he is a good man. Never crossed a boundary until that point. Is also kind & considerate. 

The thing is, he got a-lot going on. High doses of anti-depressants & beer every night. Healthy lifestyle only goes as far as physical workout & healthy food. Low understanding of mental, emotional & spiritual health. Twice married & divorced & now wants the third 😂. I know he reads everything I write. But I know that he will be happy on his mention in my story.
The temple of love & Bhagwan are helping him heal. Now, he’s really not my type & I feel no romantic love for him. He knows that from day 1. And seeing his past girlfriends, I’m definitely not his type 😂.  He’s into the tall, bold, confident & sexy women. Why not? Some of his Sanyasin female friends, he likes to play with, have started to give me & my friend a little side eye though. Same story, all my life. Regardless, I only ever have a couple hours a day to spend with friends at the ashram. I’m mostly enrolled in all meditations & therapies. 

Ego death at the temple of love 

He was just over-expressing his love one morning at breakfast, in an attempt to joke with me. He crossed a line & I blew up. He’s an egoistic man & retaliated. We fought & that was that. I cut him out instantly. I remember the last thing I told him was, ‘if what you feel is truly love, then it will transform you in ways you can’t imagine. Be in love & be grateful for it. If it is truly love, and you allow it to teach you, and it don’t interfere with someone else’s destiny; Bhagwan will make it happen. But not if you don’t work on your ‘self’ first.’ He’s an irregular meditator, and when he reads this, I know he will start for a bit & fall off again in a couple weeks 😁. He’s probably laughing, ‘Coz I’ve said all of this to him. 

During the fight, He said, ‘Bhagwan told me you would help me.’ I said, ‘I can’t. I’m sorry. I have nothing to give you. If Bhagwan wants to help you through me, he will find a way to show me.’ Sure enough, Bhagwan did show me & not in an easy way. 

This friend, he just always showed up when I was in a talk with fellow Sanyasins. Said he just wanted to hear me speak. And he’d always be sitting at the samadhi just before he knew I’d arrive after morning meditations, to be with Bhagwan. He continued this even after I cut him out. I’d ignore him & he’d just take it with a smile. It reminded me of myself on my own journey. 

I saw myself 

Everything he said, like, ‘I see Bhagwan in you & I don’t want anything from you & I’ll wait for you forever’; I had heard someone saying before too – myself. I was laughing inside at the irony that life is. Wonder how many laughed at me at the time. Yet I understood him. Maybe that is why Bhagwan feels I can help him. Bhagwan knew, I didn’t want to tell him, ‘you’ll learn.’ It’s a painful process but it is the pain of love that makes one evolve. 

Later, something happened in my own spiritual connection that had me reflecting on all the times love was rejected. I remembered, how despite the pain, I was grateful just for love to have awakened in me through the being of a being. Where it has brought me today. So grateful 🤲🏻. Such a gift Love is. Bhagwan showed me in these moments of reflection, how I had disrespected love by doing the same thing with this friend, that I had experienced. Could I have responded differently, instead of reacting? I feel no-thing for him, except an understanding of his experience because I’ve been through it.
A few friends told me that this big ego man was seen crying to Bhagwan multiple times, after I cut him out. I felt terrible but I was also stubborn.  And it wasn’t time. Bhagwan hadn’t shown me yet. He recently reached out to me again through a friend, saying, ‘I’m sorry, I just want us to be okay. I want nothing more.’ I finally responded through my friend & said, ‘we’re good, I don’t love you but I’m here if you need someone to talk to.’ He hasn’t reached out since. I guess he’s scared that I’ll cut him out again. Says he’s grateful enough & that he’s been meditating regularly too 😊. Bhagwan has his ways, I trust Bhagwan but not this friend. He knows it. 

It’s only idol worship 

What He is doing is worshiping the light he sees in a ‘being’ of form. And that is taking him closer to the light. I’ve experienced this too. All the love I have given in devotion to the one, comes back to me in many forms. Love expressed, or given always comes back. Always. Maybe not in the way one wants but in the way one needs. Seeing the divine in another – It is what aligned me with my true path – this spiritual path. Bhagwan needs love in all his Sanyasins to evolve. Without love there is no evolution.
Love only happens when one sees something of the divine in another. And idol worship of an idol or the light is the same. It only serves its purpose when one has fallen in deep love with that which it worships. What he is seeing is not me or my light, it is the light that I have embodied by worshiping the one I first saw the divine light in, & then by worshiping the divine consciousness of Bhagwan. ‘I am not’, only Love Is. 

On the path of love, when desire transforms to devotion, the second phase of the journey begins. Transforming devotion to compassion. This was an experience of pure compassion for me. And in so many ways, beautiful too. 

Another experience of love

In yet another experience, in September of last year, I met a woman in her early thirties. This fellow sanyasin lost her husband some three years ago, after only three months of marriage. I asked her, ‘why didn’t you RE-marry or date again?’ She said, ‘I couldn’t fall in love again.’ She finds a way to come to the ashram every-time she finds out I’m there. Says she just likes talking to me & being in my presence. 

One day she says to me, ‘I’m in love with you. Never thought I’d say this to a woman but I feel that kind of love for you that I felt for my husband.’ Well, it made me a little uncomfortable too but because her expression of love wasn’t of desire, I said, ‘I’m grateful.’ Once again, what she is seeing in me is only bhagwan using my ‘being’ as a catalyst or a gateway for her own evolution. ‘I am not’ Remember, Bhagwan needs awakened love in his Sanyasins to guide their evolution. He is not concerned with external union. He is concerned with inner union. 

The connection is to the light, not me. I’m grateful for she celebrates my being & it makes her happy. I guess, what Bhagwan is saying is ‘you become what you seek & then the seeking ends & the expression of that which you have become begins. For when one is seeking, what does he have to share. Only a half-truth – a lie! He is still seeking, he has not found.’

The feminine power of love 

These are just a couple examples of the open expressions of love that I’ve shared as a glimpse into the ordinary experiences of a Buddhafeild ‘idol worship’, at the Temple of Love. I will share many more experiences & stories in the coming blogs. Mystical ones too. These two though, in particular, have helped me immensely to understand the true power of the seed of love a woman carries. Bhagwan showed me. For ‘I am not’, only Love is. Both of these experiences took place after my second stage of surrender, in September of last year. After I had accepted that although I was not there yet, I must walk the path from worship in devotion to love in compassion. 

The compassion had started to flow but the attachment to the one I worship, hasn’t fully dropped yet. I’m in no hurry to drop it as everything drops on its own, once it is fully experienced & a higher experience presents itself. The thing is, unconditional love is the highest experience. ‘Coz love is god. I’m not sure what’s higher than that but there is some no-thing, which Bhagwan will walk me to & the ‘being’ of the one I see the divine in. 

These experiences were to show me that, ‘idol worship’ of the light has served its purpose. Pushing me to see that it’s time to accept the light that has already accepted me, and plant the seed of love through my being. For what else is left to ‘do’. Grateful 🤲🏻. When a woman falls in love, she automatically surrenders to the divine light, (not the person) that she sees in her man. This automatic surrender is a natural response of feminine energy. Love is feminine energy. The energy of all creation. 

When the feminine energy falls into a natural state of surrender, she becomes sensitive. Her heart is expanded & and throat (truth & expression chakra) starts clearing. She herself is now transforming to an expression of love – the ultimate truth & the greatest mystery. Also love itself – the greatest teacher. I guess it was love looking like a ‘blue’ snake, telling me it was time to seek the truth, to speak it later. 

‘I am not’, Love is the pull 

In my research I found a lot about many women today, like myself, being born with thyroid conditions or other throat conditions; have been persecuted & even eliminated for speaking their truth in past lives. Like the witches of Salem. Their truth seemed like prophecies & they were considered evil. They were only speaking ‘in tune with the reality’ or you can call it ‘intuition’ (ref. Blog post ‘Here’s How?’) In current lives, their journeys are that of speaking their truth yet again and the journey is not free from challenges either. These feminine energies have chosen lifetime after lifetime a purpose of keeping love alive despite the challenges of a loveless world. To keep The truth alive. 

These experiences in particular showed me that this natural surrender in a woman that happens with love, awakens a natural gentleness that a feminine energy is an expression of. This gentleness of being, is a sort of magnetic force that attracts the thirsty for love. The medicine for the Human Condition. The feminine energy, in understanding & acceptance of her natural surrendered state, is most powerful. She plants the seed of love wherever she goes, whoever she touches. Romantic or plutonic. Or just in a hug or just by listening to someone. In so many many ways, she herself is unaware of. 

The strong, masculine energy in women, which I strongly support as well; keeping in mind the Man’s world that ‘We women’ have to negotiate; is attractive too but doesn’t seem to hold the magnetism that existence has expressed in its full potential through a woman. I myself have to switch between my masculine & feminine energies, so I feel the difference myself, through outside response. 

His love is also Hers 

I’ve also learnt that it is very difficult for a Masculine energy, especially in a man’s body to truly fall in love. Deep attraction, lust, all that is quick & misunderstood too. But to fall in love is a different story. Not just with a woman but also with a master. Love breaks the ego & kills it for empty space for the divine light of love to take its place. Love is needed on both journeys. When he does fall in love, he also falls in love from the feminine aspect of himself. It goes deeper than the love of a woman, much much deeper. Love is the feminine energy, even in a man. It is deeper in a man, because it has been suppressed for very long. In love, Then wherever he goes, whatever he touches, he also plants the seed of love. 

There is a lot of divine power in the woman’s acceptance of her intrinsic nature of love; in this Man’s world & for this Man’s world to be also a woman’s world. But this power unearths itself after her ‘idol worship’ of the light is complete & she has now become that which she seeks. The light itself. The need for ‘idol worship’ of devotion automatically drops & she is now just an expression of love. 

The idol worship of Meera & the expression of Radha 

In my understanding the story of Meera & Radha are two chapters of one story of a woman on the path of love (Bhakti). Regardless of the situation-ship or relationship; Chapter 1 is of the ‘idol worshiper’ & Chapter 2 is of the expression of the divine. The compassionate love. 

I’d like to share a conversation with Bhagwan that not only inspired this series but also this first blog post … 

It’s a beautiful day of silence to ‘be’ an expression! An expression of true freedom He says. So ‘I’ ask Him … 

How to ‘be’ an ‘expression’ of the divine, without ‘being’ a ‘watcher’ of the divine? He says, ‘Love is God. YES, BUT … Love is also freedom, even freedom from the ‘idol worship’ of the divine.’

‘Hmm’, I ask in a different way, ‘How to free the ‘idol’ from the ‘watcher’ & yet ‘be’ an expression of the ‘worshiper’? For Meera is an expression of ‘idol worship’. The seeker of Krishna.’ 

‘How to free love from the ‘watcher’ & yet ‘be’ an expression of love?’ ‘I’ continue … ‘How to walk with the divine & not seem like ‘I’ ‘watch’ the divine?’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

‘Radha has an answer for you,’ He says, ‘for when the ‘idol worship’ of Meera is complete; The mystery of Radha is ‘now’ to ‘be’ lived. Radha is just an expression of love, not the ‘idol worshiper’. The ‘play’ in which Krishna ‘plays’ ball with the universe. Radha is the true friend, the play mate of Krishna. His inner world. Radha is a ‘watcher’ only of the ‘self’, not of Krishna. Krishna is the ‘watcher’ of Radha. The ‘play’ of the inward flow of life. ‘Radha is not’ a seeker, only an expression of Krishna. SHE ‘plays’ – YES, BUT … only in silence 🤫 . For Radha IS Krishna. She is the seeking of Meera. Meera’s seeking is complete with Radha.’ ⭕️

‘I am not’ just as ‘Radha is not’, only love is; I do not touch the souls of beings. I do not plant the seed of love. Just as Radha, I am only an expression of Love. In that expression what must happen, happens. The mystery that ‘We women’ are, is not just an experience for the world but also ‘We women’ ourselves. 

‘We women’ are in the Man’s world, but not of it. Before my sanyas, I already had accepted that there is nothing I can’t do that a man can do. Maybe apart from anything of physical strength, which he’d out do me in. But sanyas & the experiences of the Temple of Love, showed me that my greatest strength is in my acceptance of my intrinsic feminine nature. 

We Women 

‘You maybe an exception to the rule, but an exception only proves the rule.’ ~ Bhagwan. 

The handful of women who are the faces of empowered women, is not the reality of We women at large. They are the exceptions to the rule. The majority, however, are not that fortunate. They don’t have opportunities like we do. Realistically, They cannot raise their voices, strongly project themselves. They don’t even care for it. That is not the feminine nature. Feminine energy is still, it don’t find comfort in fight. All they are looking for is peace & some respect & dignity & acceptance for being exactly as they are. Treated like second class citizens of this world, suppressed, depressed, women suffer in many ways in this Man’s world – most of all emotionally but also mentally, physically & spiritually. Therefore the man suffers too at the hands of women, who blame him for their condition. The empowered woman of today, is not a representation of the feminine energy at all. Neither of the women population of the world at large. 

There is no way to hold a position of influence or power in a Man’s world without operating from Masculine Energy. The empowered woman of today has nothing to offer to the non-empowered majority. In fact if anything, she is here to take away from the majority her greatest strength – the feminine power of her Love. And with that she takes away the gentleness that is her gift of magnetism from existence itself. Sadly, In the expression of an empowered woman today, the majority of We women are not reflected. On the contrary, they seem intimidating, overwhelming & & scary to the ordinary woman. There is no inspiration because the circumstances are not the same. The needs are not the same. 

Fear is not a means to inspire change. Fear is a means to control only. Once a woman knows your weakness, knows what scares you, suppresses you; oh can she be nasty! Especially if she operates from the masculine mind. She can use your fear against you to cripple you & kill your spirit. A woman can make or break a man, therefore his world too. 

Handful of women are controlling the narrative of the empowered woman. It actually saddens me, yet, I am grateful that at least Bhagwan has helped me to understand. And gives me multiple opportunities to help other women understand too. The women of the rule, not the exception. For the ones who are an exception are already exceptional & accepted. 

The empowered woman of the Temple of Love

It is not about the masculine or feminine energy, each one of us carries both within & both are needed to navigate life. But to lead from the masculine principal in a competition with Man in his own world & to deny the feminine principle, which contradicts the competition with Man; is essentially the death of the feminine aspect on this planet. The feminine is truly a dying breed & she holds the seed of love. Love is God. To allow her to die, is to allow the divine to die.   

I personally don’t belong to this majority, yet I understand because I get to interact on a one on one basis, everyday with women from such majority. I just speak with them & help them with some tools to unearth their natural feminine power of love. I’ve heard from these women time & again that their sense of self respect, self love & self dependency, has healed, only through the understanding & acceptance of the intrinsic feminine nature & its tremendous force. In this acceptance they find their peace & power, because it is not in constant conflict with their own intrinsic energy. It is in alignment with it. Then, when feminine energy is leading the way energetically, all wars can also be fought with love – the Krishna consciousness way. 

The empowerment of the feminine, her true freedom is in her acceptance of her feminine spirit. And idol worship can be the beginning of that journey back to the ‘self’, because before an idol of God, or a being of divine light; at least the head will bow down. When it’s bowed down enough, the divine will speak to her & to all, through her ‘being’ – that is her empowerment – God or … Godliness. But upon empowerment, her love is needed in this loveless world of a whole lot of noise about love. Then idol worship is futile, ‘Coz She now is divine herself in the light of the power of her Love ❤️ 

I am not here to refute by any means that women must be strong & courageous & survivors & achievers. I’m only here to remind women of their super power. That’s all. I’m grateful that Bhagwan has found so many ways, alongside ‘earning’ a living, for me to ‘share’ my living too. Individually & in small collectives; with many women, who are not by any standard of the world, ‘exceptional’, only ordinary. The rule, not the rule-breaker. I’m grateful to have the opportunity to share a word with them, just to remind them that … 

‘Ordinary is extra ordinary’ 

~ Bhagwan 

The Temple of Love

Introduction

The temple of Love, is a new series of the written word, that doesn’t belong to any otherworldly or fairytale land. Neither does it take us to the origins of Man (well, it may, in reference). This new series contain my personal stories, learnings, transformation & experiences from a place that found me. Very much on this planet in physical existence. Tapoban International commune, nestled in the Nagarjuna hills of Kathmandu, Nepal. 

I call this place, the temple of love ❤️. Really, it is for me. For all who have experienced it actually. Not the Poona ashram, ‘Coz sadly and unfortunately that buddhafield has been long dead. But some ashrams in Nepal & a couple in the USA still have managed to create a Buddha field under the guidance of their connection to the master. Yet, none being as powerful with the alive presence of Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh as Tapoban is. He really does live there in the mystical happenings.
And all the credit to keep love alive in a world of matter, goes to Swamiji Anand Arun, a direct disciple & living medium of His consciousness Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh. I have been refraining from this series because speaking outside about Bhagwan’s inner world calls for threat in itself. On an everyday basis, Sanyasins & lovers of Bhagwan loose their social media pages to fake copyright infringement claims, only because they are singing in praise of their master. Yet, I figured, like master, like disciple 😁

A world in this world 🌎

Temple of Love series, is set in the world of a Buddhafeild. A space occupied by the highest frequency of energy – unconditional love. Naturally, the people, the ways of life, the experiences are all of Unconditional love. Of the nature of love. Tapoban expressed its wish to include some of my blogs as reading material on the website, so I figured I’d make it worthwhile. Share a real world of transformation, evolution & mystical experiences. In two years of being a part of this world & yet being connected to this outside world, I am aware of the misunderstandings of what goes on inside a ‘Rajneeshi’ ashram. I was inspired to introduce you to it from the eyes of an ordinary individual with ordinary experiences. For it is the ordinariness of Tapoban & it’s people that makes it so extra ordinary. 

They say, nothing happens without a reason in Tapoban. Not even a tiny gesture. Nothing is said without meaning or reason. Everything is a ‘play’ of Bhagwan with his Sanyasins, all connected to each other through Bhagwan, yet individuals in their stories of evolution. I share in this series, experiences that helped me understand various aspects of my own spiritual journey & evolution; hoping that you might receive some meaning from it. If no-thing at all, you may want to experience, for yourself, The Temple of Love ❤️ 

Love is no-thing ‘Coz Truth is a Lie 😁

Reality

Reality, is all that we humans can perceive through our 5 senses – touch, taste, smell, see, hear. Any experience beyond these 5 senses is beyond our perceived reality. It is a choice, to accept the experience of the 6th sense as reality or not. A choice to choose our reality. But does that split reality itself? Reality is choice-less, all of it exists in reality whether we perceive it or not, whether we accept it or not.  

Over the past couple weeks, I’ve been sitting with the depth of unexpressed reality. What’s real is the truth essentially. Unexpressed! For truth cannot be expressed. Arriving at an understanding that Truth is a lie. How can truth be a lie? Either there is truth or there is lie. How can they both be the same? Yet they are! 😊

Just like love is no-thing. Love really cannot be in any ‘thing’. It is so vast that it can only exist where there is immense empty space. Empty of ‘things’ to contain it. That is why in the world where the first requirement of ‘living’ is to ‘earn’ a ‘living’; love is just ‘nothing’. It has to be nothing. Do you blame man? I don’t. I accept, Yet, ‘I’ choose to understand love as no-thing not nothing. Love is beyond the world of things – matter. Even expression. So love & no-thing is the same 😊. 

Love is a reality. It IS. Yet it is not, unless we can perceive it through our 5 senses. Love is the truth of all reality, one that we choose to accept & one that we don’t choose to accept as well. It is the ultimate truth, therefore the greatest lie. Like god. 

I’m not sure you follow me … 

So I’d like to explore from different perspectives. 

Reality of self 

One of my earliest introductions to spiritual practice was through the third eye meditations of swami Nityananda. He explained the three perceptions of self, which has stayed with me till date. I understood it because I have always basically lived unaware trough that space. Now I am conscious of it. Aware. 

Nityananda says, ‘the three perceptions of self reality are, Mamakara, Ahankara & Anyakara. Mamakara (true self) – how ‘I’ perceives itself; Ahankara (ego self) – how ‘I’ perceives others to perceive ‘I’; Anyakara (projected self) – how ‘I’ is actually perceived by others. When all there ‘Karas’ are aligned, the same; the complete self is realized. Then we live in completion.’ ⭕️. Free from the ‘karma’ of the ‘kara’ 

Essentially what Swami Nityananda is saying is that none of the three ‘Karas’ are aligned in the reality of the 5 senses. Our world. Everyone perceives everything from the limitations of self understanding & experience. The 5 senses are designed to perceive only the outside. Quantifiable matter.   Therefore all self work, unfortunately, gets focused on the latter two, Ahankara (ego self) & Anyakara (projected self). Mamakara remains silent, hidden & misunderstood because it belongs to the reality of the sixth sense. When the true self is the focus, the ego self dissolves unexpressed & therefore the projection dissolves too. There is now just a direct connection between true self & how it is perceived, by self & by the outside. True authenticity, some would say! 

Without trying to explain this inexplicable understanding further, I invite you to meditate on the two paragraphs preceding this one. In my experience, the aligned one is the crazy one. The Rumi, the Meera, the Bhagwan, the Buddha. It finds peace outside the world, which is inside its true self. So all expression is from the true self. But that true self is only a lie inside the outside world because it comes from the part of reality that has not been accepted as perceived reality inside the outside world. Yet it is a truth of the whole reality. Do you follow me? 


From yet another perspective 

Truth is that which IS. Lie is that which is not, yet the lie also IS in the not. The ‘not’ which is yet not perceived or expressed. Don’t mean it don’t exist. It IS because it exists in the ‘not’ part of the reality. Perceivable by the same sixth sense only. 

For instance, a toddler has no perception of truth & lies. He operates from pure innocence. He can say a lie like, ‘god speaks to me’, we accept it as his ‘play’. His innocence. It is his truth in that moment, it may change later. He has no need for consistency. But for an adult, the child’s truth is a lie. The adult is knowledgeable, the child has No knowledge at all. Raw, uncultured, totally focused on what he is doing in the moment. When the focus changes, he is totally focused on the now focus. He is not concerned about the outcome, only the experience. The play. The child has no perceived sense self yet. So there is no split between the inside & the outside. It is total acceptance essentially, in innocence & immaturity. God speaks to the child & also his mommy. Both are reality. No spilt between truth & lies. 

A Buddha, again a lie until attained, is the same as a child. Only difference is that a Buddha is an adult. He has gained knowledge to birth maturity, and then lost all knowledge, to RE-birth the innocence of a child ⭕️. So there is no difference in the innocence of a Buddha & a child, except maturity. A buddha is aware innocence, a child is unaware innocence. Neither hold knowledge; Buddha carries  wisdom & both carry innocence. A Buddha also says, ‘God speaks to me’, again we accept it as Buddha’s ‘play’ of wisdom. But for the rest of the adults of knowledge & maturity, Buddha’s statement is a lie. They only nod their heads because it is Buddha, they accept Buddha, not his truth. How can they? They have ‘not’ yet experienced it. 

A truth of one’s story, is a lie of another’s story. Yet once the story connects, it is one story, where both truth & lies can exist together. Both the truth & the lie can be accepted, & experienced, to transcend to the third state of being – ‘living’ the mystery’. Question less. 

A beautifully divine mystery of 6 years is now a wrap for me, in this understanding that truth is a lie. There is no more mystery left to live. I have lived it, at least this part of the mystery. The seeking of Meera is now a living of the mystery that Radha is. When the flow ‘dhara’ moves inward, ‘Radha’. The outside mystery is lived & revealed 😁. Grateful, so grateful 🤲🏻. The expressed lie, hides the unexpressed truth. It is the same. 

The Tantra way 

From yet another perspective. The story of a seed & the story of a tree. The truth of the seed is a lie of the tree & the truth of the tree is a lie of the seed ⭕️. It sounds like philosophy, because our minds are fragmented (ref blog post titled ‘Here’s How). I’ve explained the fragmentation of the mind in the horizontal dimensions in detail there. So won’t go into it here. Philosophy is of the fragmented mind. The philosophizing of the reality that the mind has a ‘knowledge’ of existing but has no experience of it. The story of the seed and tree is reality not philosophy, because they are not two stories. It is one story from the seed to the tree & from the tree back to the seed. The tree is the seed realized, the seed is the potential tree. Tantra sees the full story. ⭕️

Tantra, as much misunderstood, is not about dark spirituality or sacred sex. The dark is equally accepted as the light, within the ways of tantra & yes, sacred sex is a part of the understanding. However, Tantra is a way of life that sees non-fragmented & accepts the whole as is. Light & dark included. Truth & lies included. Tantra is a state of ‘being’ that, slowly but surely, is the transcendence of all dualities ☯️. 

Tantra sees the tree in the seed & the seed in the tree, that is why it is associated with mysteries & mystics; witches & prophecies. But it’s basic principle is that, darkness is not, where light is. There is no fight between truth & lies, no fight between light & dark. When light comes, darkness disappears. When a candle is lit, the darkness will not say, ‘I will not go. I will fight to stay.’ Tantra is a misunderstood expression of the vertical dimensions of reality, or one can call it, the sixth sense. Therefore, misunderstood. Fragmented in understanding from the consciousness of the horizontal dimension. 

Tantra is a constant remembrance that life is a ‘play’ of existence. To split it between truth & lies is to split the ‘play’ of life into real & unreal. It is not a complete experience of the show that life is. In the ways of tantra, there is no truth & there is no lie, only a complete acceptance of the ‘living’ of the mystery called life. Tantra don’t allow a split, it accepts all – the known & the unknown; it plays with both. It expresses both. It is the true authenticity of tantra. Therefore tantriks & tantrikas seem eccentric inside the outside reality.  There is no split of truth or lie in their experience of the ‘play’. The ‘leela’ that life is. 

Truth cannot be in words 🤫 

Love is no-thing, because truth is a lie. Truth is that which cannot be expressed in words. Especially the spoken word. Therefore it is a lie. Love that can be expressed in the spoken word, is not love. It is only a feeling that seems like love. Thoughts & feelings are temporary. Love is eternal. It is the divine itself. Love can only be expressed as creativity. ‘Coz love is creation. She is creation. She is love. The truth that love is can only be expressed as a lie that no-thing is, within the confines of the limitations of expression in the so called free world. How to express this in words? But in a song, or a dance or poetry or a painting it can be expressed. 

One might argue that love has most exquisitely & eloquently been expressed in words by a Rumi or a Meera. Only because the ‘play’ of words IS their creative expression. They have expressed love through their whole being, not just words. Their ‘being’ is their creative expression. YES, BUT … not without paying the price of speaking the truth in a hypocritical world.
I often wonder, had a Rumi or a Meera been afraid of being consistently questioned & laughed at during their time, how would they ever stand as an encouragement for those like me? To me they say, ‘it’s okay, it’s okay to be questioned & laughed at now, just so love can live eternally; because it lives in your creative expression of the self.’ That’s all they say to me in all of their contradictory words of love & truth. It is all no-thing & lies 😊. Meaningless in the world of matter of the 5 senses. They have lived only from the sixth sense & used the 5 senses not to perceive only to express. 

Truth can only be expressed through creativity. The rest is all a lie. One of the greatest kept secrets of religion is Love itself. Because love is God. Jesus said god is love & his love is the unaccepted secret of Christianity. The lie that IS in the not. Not of Christ, of Christianity. The love story of Jesus & Mary Magdalene. Where, on the one hand, Radha, Hinduism’s (not Krishna’s) secret love; has been expressed in the words of hymns; the love of Jesus has been secretly expressed in code through Da Vinci’s paintings. The longer love is a secret, the divine will remain a secret to this world. Love & truth are not words, so they are no-thing & lies. Yet in this ‘play’ of no-thing & lies, love needs to be expressed. For love to live. It is the only expression of God. 

The last question !

It’s All just a ‘play’ – truth or lie, don’t matter. Love expressed as creativity is not just a gift for one, it is a gift for all. A gift of freedom. A gift of love. So Keep playing & gratefully enjoy this beautiful play that existence has given us an opportunity to experience. She accepts your lie & knows your truth too. She withdraws in the acceptance of your lie, she stays in the knowing of your truth. Much like Mother Earth & the Pandemic. It creates a split in the reality & man is confused. The truth is always evident in a lie because it is the same. The truth you ‘stand by’ & not ‘necessarily’ tell, to create a lie, is always clear as day.
All three ‘karas’ are aligning. Once aligned, there will be no experience left in expression. And expression is an experience. Only silence will Be in the absence of expression. Don’t just play, also say, whenever you’re ready to say; until then just play. For the truth can live in the lie of the play. Yes it can – The Tantra way 👍🏻

I wonder, Can this no-thing that love is & this Lie that the truth is, that I try to express in words; be expressed in creativity not of words too? YES? NO? YES, BUT ? 😁

Is there anything left in this play, 

Except the lie that’s left to say? 

Or is there still a reason to save, 

The truth, 

will you take it to the grave? 

Say it like truth, or say it like a lie, 

Will you express it before you die? 

Let me know that Love is, 

I know … yet …

Whoever she is, divinity is  … 

For until ‘you’ express or say, 

How can ‘I’ STOP the play? 🥹🙏🏻

With immense immense Gratitude for the lies of no-thing that has lead to the un-expected & unexpressed truth of love after (almost) six long years 🙏🏻

In celebration of the truth & the lie, please let the  truth live in the lie of the play. YES? NO? YES, BUT? 😊

~ MaPJ ~

Reflections from the vertical 💫

A little Catch up 

Oh! How I’ve missed this space. And how grateful ‘I’ is to be back here. I left off months ago at the vertical dimensions of existence. Today ‘I’ stands at a space on the vertical where ‘I’ can reflect, only to share. For ‘I am not’, but a word – HIS 👆🏻word – just an expression of ‘being’. 

Not that I didn’t explore with the word in this time, but not as an expression. Mostly just as a ‘word’ at this point. This space belongs to HIM (Bhagwan). Here I dance too 💃 not just sing 🎶. So even the late nights in the moonlight, seem beautiful here. What it’s ‘doing’ is meaningless to me, yet what it ‘does’ is meaningful. That meaning ain’t ‘I’, for ‘I am not’. That meaning is Love ❤️. ‘Coz love is god! 

Getting ready for the vertical 

I’m going to use my own journey as a reference, for this post. Although each individual has a unique journey, the core experience of a transition from the horizontal to the vertical, is the same. 

At the onset of my spiritual journey, almost 6 years ago now, the vertical dimension opened up for me (ref. Blog post titled ‘Here’s How?’). I could see it clearly but I couldn’t jump high enough to enter it. For the first 3 years, I only played with the light falling down on me from the mystical vertical dimension, that was now open to me but not reachable. It required a very big jump – a leap of faith into an unknown portal, which was only visible to me. A door 🚪 that those closest to me, at the time, couldn’t even see. 

I recognized early, that I’d first have to ‘get ready’ to take this jump, so I started to do the work. I worked with many common tools, available in the markets of the horizontal dimension (3D world); simultaneously embracing my biggest fear of aloneness. The most painful part of the journey, YES, BUT … a much needed one. 3 and half years later, I reached the first stage of surrender to divine will. Ready to give up my fight with myself, accepting that ‘I’ cannot ‘do’ anything else to prepare for the leap. 

With that surrender, came the magic 🪄, knocking on the very door that I’d tried to reach all this while. I heard HIM ask, ‘May I come in?’ And before I could reply, the door finally opened & I found myself at the temple of love – The Tapoban International Commune in Nepal. A man dressed in a robe & mala, who I had only seen in my dreams, was sitting in front of me in form, totally aware that HIS mystical master had brought me here too, just for a long chat 😊. 

Entering the vertical

Finally the silence had broken. The vertical was speaking to me as Bhagwan, and I started listening as Ma Prem Jaya (victorious love ❤️), an undefined ‘being’ – a sanyasin. 

The leap of faith into the vertical dimension for me was sanyas. But can one enter the vertical without sanyas – yes, of course. Why not? But I don’t know that way. If not sanyas, at least a guide from the vertical really helps. There is so much word about spirituality in the horizontal dimensions, some truly about the spirit, and so much more about the ‘I’dentity’ of spirituality. A guide helps, as a constant reminder, to not get lost in the ‘I’dentity’ & to keep rising beyond the attachments of the horizontal dimensions. 

Does the horizontal disappear? 

No. It doesn’t. At least not on the path of neo-sanyas. The horizontal dimension is the dimension of ‘karma’ – it continues as is. I found only my own relationship to karma changing. Before the door of the vertical opened for me, I was still in a struggle between the karmic & the spiritual worlds. They seemed conflicting. Only when I could see the horizontal dimension from a higher floor in the building of consciousness, did I see that there is no conflict, except within my own self. The split in duality within myself was manifesting as a split in the karmic reality. 

In the early days of sanyas, I understood the true meaning of Krishna’s statement from the ‘Gita’ – ‘He alone wins, who doesn’t want to win’. And a literal win of a 4 year long legal battle, ‘happened’ as a validation to my understanding. The first stage of surrender had already happened before sanyas, which essentially meant that, I had already understood that whatever happens, ‘I am not’. Existence is working through me. All ‘doing’ is existence’s ‘doing’. Therefore all ‘karma’ is existence’s karma. 

I found, that releasing myself from attachments to outcomes of my ‘doings’ in the horizontal dimension; is the key to the door of the vertical. Now for me this happened before the voice of the master started speaking to me. He only validated my understanding. But for some this shift in understanding may need a guide. It depends on many factors, including the ‘work’ done on the self, in previous lifetimes too. 

The horizontal remains, all ‘doing’ remains; only the ‘doer’ disappears. Then the door to the vertical opens, with or without a guide or sanyas. 

Two years in this vertical dimension of existence, I’d like to address a couple questions that I’ve been repeatedly asked. 

What’s the hurry? 

Actually there is no hurry at all to enter the vertical dimension. The cycle of life & death is continuous & eternal ⭕️. The journey of life itself is a spiritual one & each lifetime, we evolve, slowly but surely. There is no hurry to enter the vertical dimension. One has all of eternity to enter it. 

However, the karmic wheel is a never ending one. Karma never wraps up. In order to wrap up something karmic (as I had to do), we build more karma. As long as ‘I’, the ‘doer’ is there, there is no way out of the karmic cycle. So it really isn’t a question of hurry. One cannot enter the vertical as a ‘doer’. Therefore, it turns into cycles of karma building up lifetimes after lifetimes, even carrying karma forth into future lifetimes; with no door to the vertical dimension in sight. 

So there is no hurry. The moment one understands that ‘I am not’ the ‘doer’; the door to the vertical dimension opens up & automatically takes one in. The horizontal remains the same but now one is not building any karma. All karma belongs to existence – to the vertical dimension itself. There is no hurry, only the experience of living the mystery of life as an awakened or enlightened consciousness is a whole other experience of true freedom. 

It’s the freedom to ‘be in the world, but not of it’. 

Does one need a master for the vertical? 

Essentially the answer is No. However, as Rumi says, ‘a 2 year journey takes 200 years without a guide’. That’s all. And there is a small difference in the nature of enlightenment with & without a master. The difference between an ‘Arhat’ & a ‘Bodhisattva’. 

I’d like to share the story of J.Krishnamurthy to explain this better but first the difference between an ‘Arhat’ & a ‘Bodhisattva’. One who is enlightened ‘Arhat’ has contributed all he can to the evolution of mankind by being enlightened. He has already crossed over to the other shore. He has no responsibilities left on this shore. The self is realized. 

A Bodhisattva is of enlightened consciousness but not enlightened. He sees the other shore and he need only take one more step to the other shore. However, he still has a responsibility left on this shore. To connect through love, to his consciousness as many as he can. So that when he takes that final step to the other shore, a collective of consciousness within mankind evolves together. A Bodhisattva is responsible for collective consciousness evolution, via self realization. 

So which one am ‘I’ & which one are ‘you’? That existence alone knows. Yet another mystery of life to be lived, not solved.   

J. Krishnamurthy 

J. Krishnamurthy is a consciousness that I much admire. An enlightened ‘Arhat’, he has contributed much to those who can understand him. He don’t speak to the ordinary mind. And there is not an iota of ‘ego’ in that. It is the truth of His ‘being’. 

J.Krishnamurthy’s birth was a planned project of the theosophical society, at the time, included the likes of Madam Annie Besant. The 24th Buddha had professed before leaving his body that ‘2500 years later, when religion is redundant, & the relationship between man & god must change, I will return as Maitreya Buddha, as the teacher of the New World.’ The New World, or New Earth, which began at the onset of the recent pandemic. 

J. Krishnamurthy is a soul swap project of the theosophical society. The right parents were picked to call in a highly evolved consciousness into incarnation. Krishnamurthy was then taken away by the theosophical society to be prepared for the soul swap. Annie Besant & others of the theosophical society are the teachers of Krishnamurthy. His gurus. 

Man has always tried to control nature. It cannot be done. At the age of 16, being a highly evolved consciousness, Krishnamurthy revolted against the soul swap, declaring freedom for his realized self. Nothing wrong with that at all but … The 100 year project was a fail. Later, Maitreya Buddha incarnated into a modest Jain home in Jabalpur, as Rajneesh Chandra Mohan, aka Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh 😊. 

J. Krishnamurthy’s philosophy 

J. Krishnamurthy, as enlightened ‘Arhat’ is self realized and has no responsibility towards collective consciousness evolution. Yet, he speaks. He speaks from compassion – the highest expression of love. Krishnamurthy is a practical man, yet he speaks of love. ‘Coz love is the nature of the vertical dimension. He is of the vertical dimension too but he is not a guide. If you notice, Krishnamurthy speaks of the experience of enlightenment but not of the ‘how’ to get there. He has no responsibility to as He is not a teacher. He is a philosopher, speaker & author. 

Krishnamurthy states that there is no need of a guru for self realization. Yet, the presence of teachers on his own journey cannot be denied. The importance of a teacher is reflected in his first book, ‘At the feet of the master’; which he wrote at the age of 14. This was before his revolt at the age of 16 and so he denies that it reflects his own philosophy. 

What exactly is a master? 

A master is a vibrational frequency of the vertical dimension, that matches the vibrational frequency of the master within self (the higher self). During Sanyas initiation or ‘Shakti path’, the master (or his medium), awakens the frequency of the master within self; via transmission of vertical dimension energy into the third eye chakra. Essentially, the master creates a space within the Sanyasin’s energy field, through which the energy of the master from the vertical dimension can work easily on the sanyasin, or disciple. 

The consciousness of a master also acts as a reminder of a Bodhisattva, as he takes the responsibility of all his disciples. It takes lifetimes of hard work before the master begins to speak & guide. And then it takes lifetimes to enlightenment. Bhagwan guarantees enlightenment in one lifetime for the dedicated Sanyasins & two at the most for the lazy or slow ones 😂. 

A master can guide & teach & walk along all the way, but even the master cannot enter the door of the final temple with the disciple. That door admits only one ☝🏻. Rama Krishna stood at the door of the temple to his enlightenment for months at a stretch, only because he was unable to leave his master, Goddess Kali, behind. He ultimately had to take his sword 🗡️ and split her in half (of course in consciousness) before he could enter the door. 

That is why Bhagwan says, ‘I’m here to love you. I bring only love. but when you are love, don’t cling to my love, for that will become your barrier.’ A master is the love of the vertical dimension. 

The love of the vertical 

The vertical dimension is made up of only that which all of existence is made of – the frequency of unconditional love. The door to the vertical dimension maybe another ‘being’, a teacher, god himself or love itself. No matter what form the vertical shows up in, if you can see it (the vertical), love must’ve happened. For it is only love that can call in the vertical! 😊

Man & AI

Doing & Identity 

During some ‘work doings’ of the Karmic world, exploring the scientific world of ‘Artificial Intelligence’, an expression found its way … Man & AI. 

Man’s whole sense of identity is built on what we ‘do’ for that identity & express it into a space in the world as the manifested self, making up the manifested world; Now, what will ‘be’ the expressed world, when there will be no need for Man’s ‘doing’, taken over by ‘Artificial Intelligence’? Loss of identity, what to express? 🤔 In other words, Identity Crisis … 

Then it strikes me … if it is taken away, it will be a crisis but … not if it’s ‘given’ away or ‘shared’. Then it is a gift. The gift of freedom – a gift of Love ❤️ ‘Coz love is freedom. So the solution lies in the frequency of love. Love is to give. We can ‘give’ that which is either smaller in meaning than the self or that which one has an abundance of.
When the identity is restricted to ‘doing’ something for it, there is no more self left beyond it to express. There is a fight to hold on to identity. But when the self is free of its own sense of identity, no attachment to it, the self is rooted in the ‘being’, it can never be taken away. Identity is a part of the whole. It can be shared or given, ‘Coz it is only a part of the ‘being’ – The true self. There is no need left to express an identity, as the self seems bigger than the identity. It can be seen automatically. I trust Man & AI can co-do or co-be or one ‘do’ & one ‘be’ on this planet … 😊

If there is no fight of ‘doing’ for identity! 

An experience beyond identity 

I spent a good chunk of my middle & high school years in a boarding school. Don’t think I can call myself a very bright student, non-studious for certain, but I’d make it through somehow. I mostly excelled in extra curricular activities – dramatics, elocution, dance, singing, athletics, swimming – you know, the usual. So I was the popular kid in school. I never really needed to make friends. Somehow, friends just happened. 

I wouldn’t call myself naughty either, but I was definitely an experimenting mind; more often than not getting my friends into trouble with me. I’ll just leave it at ‘experimenting mind’ for this post. Anyways, in grade 9, my chemistry teacher was a sad lady. I don’t blame her, not then, not now. She had lost both her children in an accident. This teacher, let’s call her Mrs G. Mrs G had seen me and some friends ‘experimenting’ and decided to single me out of the group as the leader. She was strict & Her terror was big among the students, me included. Mrs G ordered my entire class (all sections included) to not be seen talking to me, or else it would mean a month of detention 😳. 

So I don’t blame my classmates either. Not then, Not now. They were afraid. They tell me now of how they wanted to talk to the popular girl but were too scared to. I understand I needed to be ‘isolated’. That’s what they called it. But I had a very special friend, an angel,  who didn’t let me feel the isolation as much. The daughter of the principal, let’s call her Miss M. 

Miss M 

Miss M, one of the most beautiful souls, both inside & out, to have touched my experience of life. She was my dramatics teacher. Maybe in her late 20’s at the time, beautiful, confident, and enigmatically mysterious. It was the word in school, Miss M is always watching. Somehow she knew, she saw the silent ‘isolation’ and my acceptance of it. And she saw, the pains my besties took to still, secretly experiment with me 😂. 

So the lovely Miss M decided to make a point. Silently! After all she was the daughter of the man who’s dollars (coupons) bought us our canteen grub. She started to take me out of school to party in her open jeep 😆 along with her other friends from grade 11 & 12. I had new friends, the head boy & girl included. This in itself was a ‘big thing’ for the rest of my classmates & Mrs G. I understood no-thing except that this was a kind woman who liked me. Miss M simultaneously, and much to my confusion, pulled me out of the middle school plays (where I belonged) & placed me with central roles in the senior school plays. The silence, now of surprise, continued among my classmates but the nasty remarks & hateful expressions of Mrs G stopped. 

Touched by an angel

In this ugly experience, I found a beautiful gift 🎁 Miss M, who didn’t even let me feel the pain of ‘isolation’ at the time, what she was seeing, she protected me from seeing. Mrs G was attacking my identity. To make me feel small, to kill my spirit, to take away my expression of myself – in the name of discipline. 

And Miss M used that opportunity to challenge me, to go beyond myself; beyond the identity that was being attacked. Yes, with her I had to work very hard, sometimes into late nights. But she brought out the best in me with drama, elocution, dance, swimming & athletics; making me the youngest actor in the touring senior school plays & getting me straight to ‘highly commended’ awards in all the activities she overlooked on me. Wherever she is, May god bless her. 

I had asked Miss M once, ‘why do you love me so much?’ And she replied, ‘you have a colourful spirit, that is bigger than yourself. You are a simple girl and many people will try to steal your simplicity by telling you there is something wrong with you. I want you to remain confident in your own expression of life. It is a complicated world out there, we need some simplicity.’ 

I didn’t understand her then, I understand her now. It had no-thing to do with my ‘doings’, my identity at all, only to do with my spirit. She wanted to protect my spirit. The ‘doings’ were only an excuse to make me confident in my own self expression. Today, I want to thank her because today, I understand her. I just don’t know how to tell her ‘thank you’. 

What ‘I’ learnt about identity 

At the time, I’m not sure what I learnt. I remember after grade 10, when I decided to go back to day school in Kolkata, Miss M tried very hard to have me stay back. She said, ‘I’ll make you head girl. We want you here.’ Something must have affected me deeply though, ‘Coz I remember saying to Miss M, ‘I want to go home now.’ Boarding school days were some of the best days of my life, yet, the experience of isolation, even with friends, had made me feeling small in some ways. I just wanted to start afresh even if it’s small. The experience of life, even then was more important to me than my identity. Head girl was a big deal then but not bigger than life. 

Later, my mother ran into another teacher from school & learnt that Mrs G had said to him a few times, ‘if my daughter was alive, she’d be better than this girl (me) at everything and she would have more friends too.’ I guess Mrs G missed her daughter when she saw me. My spirit reminded her of that which she wanted to forget – the spirit of her deceased daughter.  Everyone expresses inexpressible emotions differently.  All she wanted was for me to stop ‘doing’ whatever I was ‘doing’ to remind her of the identity her daughter held. 

Today, I understand what identity is, back then I didn’t. Somehow, I have never led with identity. I see that now, or else the isolation would’ve affected me a lot more. On the contrary, it helped me understand very early, the importance of aloneness & self dependence. The spirit of the ‘being’ is bigger than the ‘identity’. When the ‘being’ leads, the identity is too small to affect too big. 

An experiment with identity 

That was then. Now, via Tantra, Bhagwan has encouraged experimentation with the sense of identity from time to time. Shaking it up a bit by using situations of life & all the mediums of expressing identity. I tried that recently, tried to feel like a nobody – no identity – only an expression of ‘being’. It is what ‘I’ most crave truly. The world of ‘becoming’ scares me. The world of ‘beings’ & ‘happenings’ is where I mostly fly. 

Anyways … the experiment was a fail 🙄. It was impossible to leave the total past behind even for a moment into an identity less space. Parts of the identity followed in. Yet, in other ways the experiment was a success, in learning that no matter where ‘I’ go, the identity will follow as long as the ‘doing’ is there. All that ‘I’ can do is ‘understand’ that identity is not ‘I’, it is only a part of the ‘I’ that ‘I am not’. No-thing need be done for it to be expressed. Yet expression will ‘be’. So Identity – let it follow me, instead of leading me – make it utilitarian. So it’s possible to live from a place where it can be easy to give or share the identity (all doing) yet keep the self if needed. 

That space is the spirit. One can call it the soul too. Or consciousness. Some call it ‘living from the heart’. That frequency of love, where identity feels too small, even non-existent outside of worldly matters. Beyond the ‘doing’ of identity is the ‘being’ of spirituality. 

Science & spirituality 

what ‘I understand’ from Bhagwan is that science & spirituality (essential ‘being’ of Man) are lost brothers who must meet to complete the missing pieces of the whole experience of life, yet there is a struggle for individual identity 🤷🏻‍♀️. Science can express spirituality. ‘Coz spirituality is essentially about that which is ‘not’ – the spirit – only energy. It cannot express. And AI (science) currently expresses various frequencies of the mind – that which is. Whatever Mind can do, today AI can do better. 

But whatever spirit can do, AI still cannot ‘do’. And …They’re both here to stay! Maybe in the ‘spirit’ of spirituality, someday, it will be willing to loose its identity to be expressed through science. In any case, spirituality is about the spirit, not about the identity. The ‘doing’ is always happening, but the focus is the self not the ‘doing’. Living from That part of our consciousness that breaths or breaks down our food in the body – automatic. The identity is not needed from that space, yet ‘doing’ is. The identity may be useful & helpful in some worldly ‘doings’ – it is then only utilitarian. Use it when needed, like AI today. 😊


Conclusion

Over the past many months, I’ve learnt a lot about identity. I’ve learnt that the feeling of ‘no-thingness’ is big, very big. To feel like ‘no-thing’ is to feel like ‘everything’. But to feel small in identity is a very restricting space. Small is worse than no-thing. There is nothing to feel good about when I feel small. Hopelessness. If identity loss were to happen, when AI takes over; it’ll probably be a hopeless world as far as man is concerned. Unless man understands that identity is really just a ‘play’ & cannot be a true expression of the ‘being’. It is only an expression of identity. It is restrictive. Not freedom. When we understand this Man & AI can co-exist in love & freedom. ‘Coz love is freedom. Freedom from an ‘identity’. 

But that is then, when AI takes over … why ‘think’ now? Now there’s only a sprouting plant of AI, that’s fun & utilitarian; not something that controls us or defines Man. It is still within our control of the play of identity, to engage or disengage; although ‘doing’ life is becoming slowly & increasingly challenging in the mind by disengaging completely. A sort of created dependency, therefore now a need …

Sadhguru, who ‘I understand’ to be of realized consciousness, not artificial intelligence, surprised to find himself at AI conferences; says, ‘we still have around 15 years to go before Man’s need in ‘doing’ the world will be immensely reduced if not eradicated. AI will ‘do’ it all.’

As ‘I’ move through my world of ‘doing’, ‘I’ Wonder sometimes what kind of identity Man will hold in that rather artificially intelligent world? 🤔

What was then, is now 

What is now, will be then, 

When then, will be now ⭕️

Here’s How 

Understanding

A dear friend of mine, before her neo sanyas initiation asked me, ‘how can you understand so much?’ It was not a question I was expecting ‘Coz I’ve never thought of it. So I replied, ‘I don’t know.’ But the question stuck with me. As a means of a deeper enquiry into myself. A week later, a senior sanyasin asked me at breakfast, ‘how is your understanding so deep?’. And this time the answer was there. In that moment I didn’t quite know how I had arrived at the answer but now I understand, which I’ll attempt to share in this blog. I replied, 

‘It is because, at all given moments in life, I’m ready to accept that I understand nothing. In fact, I know that I know nothing. It drops the entire knowledgeability, entire mind, entire ego in a second. Space is created for understanding. There is no interference of the mind and so the understanding goes deep. But’, I said, ‘this only happens because I’m not consciously doing it. I’m only ready for whatever comes, the process is happening on its own. If I do it consciously, again the mind will interfere.’ She said she’d try it & I wondered how she’d try, ‘Coz it cannot be done, it can only be understood. So had she said, ‘I understand’, that would make more sense to me. I didn’t quite fully understand myself then. Now, 

What is understanding? 

Understanding is awareness. Normally, we carry around a database of knowledge, which we have acquired from the world outside & our experiences with the outside world. The world outside has given us knowledge & our experiences have given us wisdom. But wisdom that is based on knowledge acquired from the outside. This together constitutes our sense of ‘I’ and our understanding of the world. The whole ego. Essentially knowledge is not the same as understanding. Knowledge is acquired from the outside and understanding is something that grows from within us. Once we understand something, it places itself in our consciousness and we operate from that understanding, not the knowledge we’ve acquired. It is a natural process. 

Understanding is a deep rooted energy & so it cannot be swayed or manipulated. It becomes an awareness. We become aware of what we understand. Awareness becomes A part of the being. our parents, teachers & friends have imparted great knowledge from which they’ve operated too. But they haven’t told us how they got there. They are also living from knowledge given to them & their own experiences based on that same knowledge. No two experiences of life can be the same, ‘Coz each man is a unique individual with his own experiences. Each needs to flower uniquely individual. The society in contradiction is designed in a way that ‘one size fits all’. This is why, all the fighting for equality. Essentially the fight is for equal opportunity to be different. To be unique. 

Even great wisdom received from wise men, cannot become an understanding, unless we know the how. It remains only knowledge. We don’t know how the wise man got to that understanding. A wise man’s words are irrelevant, meaningless to the ordinary mind, until he understands it. To understand, he must know how to get to it. The journey is important, the setting & circumstance is important, not the destination. I’ll try to share a perspective & a possible process. 

Acceptance – The first step to understanding   

The first step to understanding, which is essentially awareness, is to accept. The very first step is to accept everything, including yourself, as it is. Without judgement, without wanting to change anything. To accept all as it is. Inside & outside. This is the hardest part, acceptance. Because the ego won’t accept all as it is. It needs a fight. It lives to fight & feeds on conflict. But without any judgement of right or wrong, accept. The best way I found is to not let the ego interfere at all. It will, but once the inner being has accepted, the ego cannot do anything. Whatever it takes, tears, anger, catharsis, helplessness, whatever. Just accept. Once the acceptance has happened, the rest is easy, or rather, easier, I should say. 

The moment of acceptance is crucial. Suddenly, all the becoming stops. The chasing, the running, the dream. Everything stands still. There is no movement. There is no desire for horizontal (outward) growth for a moment. We drop all knowledge. In that moment, the energy drops closest to the grounding navel centre, which is the only space from where bliss can be experienced. This centre is touched during orgasmic sexual experiences & during meditations. That is why both create bliss. One is temporary. The other is more long lasting. In those moments of calm, in the bliss, a new dimension of experience opens up. The vertical. 

The vertical dimension 

One of my earliest introductions to meditation was through a daily 20 minute guided third eye meditation on YouTube by swami Nityananda. Something he said, instantly caught my intrigue & seems to be the best way to explain vertical growth.
He said, ‘intuition is nothing more than being ‘in tune with reality’. Imagine, a person standing on the ground floor of a building can see 100 meters on either side of the road & in front. He cannot see what’s behind him at all. But a person standing on the 11th floor of the same building, can see 2 Kms in all directions. He has a birds-eye view. If he says that don’t cross the road, a car is coming from 1 km away, The man on the ground floor upon seeing the car will say he had an intuition. But it was not intuition. It was only being in tune with reality. Man on the ground floor is only in tune with 100 metres. The man on 11th floor is in tune with only 2 kms. That’s all. Neither can see all unless he is the open sky himself.’ 

Beautifully said. The horizontal dimension is the ground floor. The dimension of outward expansion/growth. The 3rd dimension. The vertical dimension is the entire building. Each floor has a higher vision & a higher experience of the same circumstance on the ground floor. 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th dimensions of existence. The man on the ground floor sees an elephant on the road, he sees the trunk and by the time he walks to the tail, he cannot see the trunk. The mind works in fragments. The full picture is never available to the sight. The man on the 11th floor need not be fragmented in his vision of the elephant. He can see the whole elephant. The elephant is a metaphor for any circumstance that we are faced with in life. 

The horizontal dimension is our world. No need for any explanation there. The vertical dimension is available anywhere, at any point in time, when we are ready to accept all as it is. It is a surrender to life itself. The moment we stop the fight with life, many dimensions of existence are open to us. 

Understanding = healing 

A friend of mine said to me the other day, ‘the entire construct of the the ego, is to cover up our deepest wound – a feeling of unworthiness’. It’s an incredible understanding and can only come from a reason focused masculine energy. Because the ego is stronger in a man. His ego will not surrender before he understands. 

The human condition, this deepest wound is a need to be needed. This stems from a deep seeded knowledge of unworthiness, a feeling of not being good enough. From our earliest days, we have been conditioned to ‘become’ not ‘be’. The entire construct of society, our world, is to ‘become’. We are educated & conditioned to become. So essentially, we are not accepted as we are. There is no value of our being until we become. There is no education system that teaches a child how to ‘be’, just throws him into a world of ‘becoming’ without even a ‘how’. Only with an ego, filled with knowledge. 

So everyone wants a unique, individual destiny, but is following the footsteps on paths already walked by others. It is in hopes of a similar experience. The seat is one, the chasers are many. That same experience cannot be repeated. For the same story to be written again, all the characters in the given individual’s life journey will have to be the same and so will the experiences. That is not possible. So more often than not, the becoming leads to a feeling of failure, adding further to our human condition of unworthiness. For a unique individual destiny to unfold, we must be willing to walk the paths not walked before. And the horizontal dimensions have few, if any, undiscovered paths to walk on. 

This wound of unworthiness is essentially the lack of love as children, resulting in the lack of love in the world. Love accepts as it is. There is no need to become. The becoming itself is a barrier to ‘be’. The ‘being’ is nothing but vertical dimensions of growth. There is growth. And love is the nature of being. We all suffer from this feeling of unworthiness, some less, some more but we are all suffering from the human condition. The more we have love, the higher we rise, the more we understand, the more we heal this condition. 

The healing happens on its own & so does understanding & so does love. We just need to accept & ‘be’ ready. Ready for the ‘I’ to die. Healing is from the ego. The ego is a thick coverup that don’t let the wound heal. The wound must be open & dressed with medicine for it to heal. A cover up don’t help, no matter how thick it is. Understanding is healing because healing is ego death. 

What you can’t achieve, Supersede 

‘What you can’t achieve, supersede.’ This is one of the greatest wisdom, imparted as knowledge, to me at an early age by my mother. I always knew it but only understood it, much later in life, through my own journey. My mother couldn’t teach me the how, although she tried a lot, but to no effect. This is ‘Coz we are intrinsically designed for different paths of life. She is a ‘karma yogi’ & I’m a ‘Bhakti & Gyan yogi’. Her path is of ‘doing’, my path is of ‘being’. But both of us transformed the same knowledge into our individual wisdom. The destination don’t matter because it is the same. We arrived at the same understanding. But our journeys are uniquely individual. 

So to supersede, is to rise above. What we can’t achieve, we either chase, or run from, or blame. Either ways it is a conflict, a fight with what life is presenting us. The moment we drop the fight & choose to ‘be’ the vertical dimensions open up. What we can’t achieve is already a block to further becoming. We must achieve it or reject it to move forward to become some more. Else we are stuck. And stuck means, we are incapable of ‘doing’. So what to do? Don’t ‘do’. Just ‘be’ & rise above it. 

The mind cannot ‘be’ 

But the mind, the ego cannot ‘be’. It needs to ‘be’ occupied ‘doing’ to cover up the wound & there is nothing ‘I’ can ‘do’, except to accept all as it is. Including the mind and it’s need to do. The mind is essentially the servant not the master. It only ‘thinks’ it’s the master. Mind can be reminded that you are the master, not the mind. It can be told that the ‘doing’ from this point on is to ‘be’. The ‘being’, meditation, internal growth, vertical expansion; call it anything, can be the doing itself. Not that you can move forward anyways. You are stuck till you become. But you can move upwards. That direction is never blocked by anything outside ourselves. 

As we rise higher through the vertical dimensions, our understanding expands, the vision expands. The situation we were trying to achieve, seems achievable now but also minute compared to the extent of the vision. The big vision as we call it. The visionary. With these higher states of consciousness, vertical growth; it becomes close to impossible for the energy of understanding to be swayed or manipulated. One, because you just don’t need external advise or validations to take any decisions. Two, you know you can see the full picture as compared to someone who is only seeing part of it from the ground floor.
With vertical growth, one can not only supersede what one cannot achieve, one can also expand beyond the vision one originally had. This is healing the wound of unworthiness without becoming. From the birds-eye view you can also see which roads to walk (freeways), which to avoid (traffic jams) to get to a particular destination.

One becomes one’s own gps navigator just by ‘being’. 

Loveless man

Have you ever watched a child? The innocence of a child? The child don’t operate from the mind. He don’t have no Knowledgeability yet. The child ‘does’ what he feels. He lets the feeling lead him. The parents are busy with guests lets say, for instance. And the child starts to seek attention. He wants to be seen. Acknowledged. One parent will scold the child, telling him he did something wrong by disturbing before guests. Another parent will give attention just for a moment to shut the child up and then send him to his room. And a third parent will give the child attention & include the child in the conversation. 

Each parent is operating from their knowledge of love. What each parent has known as love, seen as love. But essentially love only gives & accepts as it is. As my mother often says, ‘there is no guide book for raising children. Each child is unique.’ Love can be the only guide. Love in any form is the greatest teacher. My sibling and me have been raised with the same values but very differently. Our individual need for attention varies immensely. Even our need for guidance varies immensely. Even siblings cannot be raised alike. Each child’s need for love is different. 

How you’re loved is how worthy you feel

The child who was scolded, and who was sent to the room, feel unworthy and with multiple such circumstances, unworthiness becomes their reality. Then he either accepts himself as unworthy and moves through life, or he doesn’t accept and rebels his way through life to prove his worthiness. This wound of unworthiness, It can manifest in any area of life, personal or professional. It subconsciously leads all decisions in his life.  

The child who was included in the conversation, feels worthy. In fact you can say, no perception or feeling of worthiness was raised or affected. The question of worthiness hasn’t arisen because he has not yet felt any unworthiness. The conflict is only between the dualities. This child only feels the love. Feels satisfied. There is no need for attention left. It is there. Need for attention is only an asking for love 💕 

The world outside the home plays a big part too but the child’s own sense of worth that comes from the home always leads the way. We all carry this wound of unworthiness as the ego through life. To heal this wound is to re-parent ourselves, this time with love. And love accepts as it is. 

Transforming energy 

Our entire ego, that is to cover up the unworthiness wound, is basically conditioning; which is essentially energy. Everything is energy. It can be anger, greed, jealousy, desire for love (sex), happiness, peace. Whatever we are made up off. All of it is only energy. And energy cannot be killed, suppressed or eradicated. Whatever we suppress, try to deny, it will show up in another form in another area of life. It is energy, and energy cannot remain without flowing. It cannot be denied but it can be transformed. 

All energy can be transformed. And once it is transformed, it expresses the same energy through a higher quality. Vertical growth is the only way energy can transform and the catalytic thread, the path itself is Love. When energy transforms, the physical manifestations can be seen in the horizontal dimension too. It may not look like the original vision but for certain, the original vision will look small compared to the big reality unfolding. Life is happening to us then.  I’ll try to share my understanding on energy transformations below. 

Distorted love to divine love

Love is one of the most chased after means of covering the wound of unworthiness. When we feel loved, when we get love from another, our ego gets satisfied that ‘I am worthy.’ That child’s need for attention is satisfied. Need to be loved is the ego. Wanting to give love is love itself. For a man the journey of love begins as a desire for love (sex). It is not lust that he will act on. Sex is a desire to get love because he has been loved the least. It manifests first for a man as a sexual desire. For a woman, the journey of love begins again as a need to be loved. A desire for love. For her it may not manifest as sexual but will manifest as romantic love. 

Like the body needs oxygen to live, the soul needs love to live. Love is a need for us but love’s need is only to give. If love is there, any energy can be transformed to a higher expression. The being can grow. When in love (honeymoon phase), sex can be transformed to eternal love, and love can be transformed to compassion. The more sex energy one has, the faster the transformation. A highly sexual man is most probable to enlighten if his sexual energy is transformed to love. Once sex is transformed, so is lust and other sexual addictions. Freedom – But love is needed for any transformation. A relationship based purely on attraction or lust cannot transform. There is no love

Only in love is one willing to fully surrender the ego. In love, ‘you’ is always more important than ‘I’. When there is no ‘I’, there is love. The lover sees the divine in his beloved. This is not possible in a relationship based on pure attraction or lust. There is no love for transformation. When in love, if the sexual expression of love (sex) is made meditative, sex will transform to eternal love, and eventually sex May drop but love will remain as love or be further transformed to compassion. Passion realized is compassion. Distorted love that ends in boredom, transforms to divine love that is eternal. 

So here’s how 

So how to make sex meditative? One, see the divine in the beloved, so their body is transformed to a temple for you. This is only possible with the one you love. Two, keep the focus on the third eye, between your eyebrows. This keeps one conscious, aware to the experience & for the understanding of love to happen. Three, take it as slow as you can. Enjoy not in minutes, but in hours. Of course there are many other techniques but these are the basic three to transform sex energy to real love. Over time, love will grow, and sex will go 😊. The same peak of an orgasmic bliss, will become the natural state of being. 

Once you have love, you have god. You can transform any energy by making it meditative. Tantra is full of such techniques to make our entire life a meditative experience, no matter what we are doing. All energies can be transformed through vertical growth. Anger, greed, jealousy, all worldly desires; they can all be transformed with love. How they will express once transformed, will depend on the individuality of the being. In consciousness we are all the same with the same wound to heal, with the same ego to break through; but we all flower uniquely individual. Even with the other, The path is always alone, but the experience is oneness. The experience is transforming, it is healing.

Enjoy it to transform it

The only way to transform any energy is to fully and totally enjoy it. So totally that when it’s lower expression drops, you don’t miss it. You’ve played with the toy enough, you don’t cling to it. If it is sex, enjoy it so totally, with such conscious presence, that when it drops, you don’t miss it. You don’t even think of it. It has transformed to divine love. if it is any other desire, enjoy it so totally, that when ot drops, you don’t miss it. It drops only to create space for a higher experience. You are not defined by your experiences. in fact, you are not defined. period. But to enjoy anything fully, you will have to go into it. The way even to rise above, is always through, not around.  

As you rise in love, you will get farther away from the ground floor. A certain detachment from the world will seep in. As you detach from the need to be needed in the world, you will also detach from the material aspects of yourself. The body. You will only use your body & your mind when it is needed. You will see not just the world but yourself too from the birds-eye view. Then you will understand yourself back to the innocence of the child still feeling unworthy in you. You can love that child through his healing journey back to worthiness. 

Love is the only way to rise, the only ‘how’ to heal, the only thing to understand, the only catalyst for transformation.