When I rise to being choice-less, situations present themselves with a choice, as a challenge to remaining choice less. This blog is inspired by a conversation my bestie and myself had a couple nights ago, over dinner. The conversation was about ‘The One’ as we call it. The one can really refer to anything that we believe is in true alignment with the expression of our being. Most literally the perfect match; be it a person, career, place, circumstance or thing. It is essentially ‘a wish list’, of all the qualities ‘the One’ must have to be ‘The one’ I pick.
The Conversation
So back to the conversation. My bestie has just returned from her first vacation with her boyfriend. At dinner, she is telling me all about her trip. New relationship, celebrating each other, understanding each other. So I ask her, ‘did you bond deeper?’ And she replies with a ‘yes, but …’ Essentially she likes him. He ticks all the boxes on that ‘wish list’ of ‘The one’. But she says, ‘I don’t feel the Love’. She hesitates for a moment as she says ‘Love’ but I’m so glad she still said Love & not spark. We all evolve through our own journeys. She says He’s everything on the list so I don’t wanna let such a great guy go. And because I’ve waited so long, I don’t want to settle either. Fair enough!
Although everything she said, was resonating with me, through my own past experience of ‘The One’ I picked by ‘The wish List’; we are all unique beings who write our story through actions arising out of our own individual experience of life. No two experiences are the same. Even a wish feels like a choice unless we can accept, transcend & be choice-less.
My approach to the Choice
Now I am approaching this conversation from a whole different kind of choice of ‘The One’ to pick for myself. An engagement ring 💍. ‘The One’ I’ve always wanted. When I had the opportunity to experience it in the way it is ‘supposed to’ be, engagement essentially, then I didn’t have the humbling ability to experience the one I’m to experience now 😊. Also I’d only be able to afford it through EMI instalments, as opposed to owning it cash down. A solitaire is a desire, I can’t love it; but it can always be a reminder for me and an expression of gratitude. The ring is the desire, what it celebrates is what I’m grateful for. As Love is God, Gratitude is prayer. Gratitude is the path to God!
I’m faced with my own choice, confused why that is; as I speak of being choice less 🤔. I’ve narrowed my search for ‘The One’ to the final two. I’m essentially buying the solitaire, which I’ve already picked. The setting is my confusion. It’s only the outward expression of the solitaire. One is by the ‘wish list’ and beyond, because my wish list was fairly humble. The other was not of the wish list at all but instantly drew me in. There was a spark. My expression through style, has always been flowing. Very feminine. The first one was exactly that. The one drawing me in was not what I ‘thought’ I liked. Contained & structured. The solitaire itself was rising upwards like a crown from within the structure. Like consciousness rising from the confines of the mind. It didn’t tick any of the boxes of the list.
Like When Love awakened in me. It was naturally flowing to him who didn’t tick any boxes but I was drawn to.
The conversation continues
My bestie asks me, ‘if he’s everything on the list, why don’t I feel the Love? And which way do I go?’ I reflect for a moment and allow myself to say, what has essentially inspired this blog post. I tell her, ‘I can’t tell you what to choose, no one can but I might be able to share why I feel you don’t feel the Love’
The wish list is a list, physical or mental, of all the qualities we would want in someone to be ‘The one’ I pick. The list includes everything we know we want or like. It don’t include that which we don’t know we like or don’t like. And even if it includes what we don’t like, it doesn’t include the rest that goes into making a being with all his layers. That stuff we may like or we may not like. A surprise or a shock.
The wish list is not of what we Love, it is of what we desire. The person is the desire, the being is Love. And Love is a happening, not a doing or even a wishing. It usually happens when we’re not wanting. The wish list don’t include all that it takes for love to be awakened in me. Even when there’s an instant spark, sometimes Love never happens.
Spark & Love
Spark is the desire to know where the vibration the energy of another is at. The desire to know if this is ‘The one’. Essentially the desire to know if it’s a match. There is a mystery to it which slowly fully reveals itself, after the desire is achieved. Then the Spark is gone. Love is no mystery. Love is our true nature. When love is awakened by another, we just know it is there. Love May or may not be accompanied by a spark. Love has always known ‘The one’ to pick.
Spark is temporary unless channelled. Once it is channeled it can become permanent or for the long term in this current life. The same energy that expresses itself as desire, lust & greed, can be Channelled to be expressed as passion, drive & determination. Desire will die, passion can be made permanent. If you know that our journeys are never limited to a lifetime, then permanent is also temporary.
Love is eternal that is why it already knows. Knows that it flows innately in a direction. It is a pull. Being drawn to a person without knowing why. This is someone outside of the wish list. It is actually beyond it. It defies my past, my understanding of my own self & It defies my ego. This one is something more. And that ‘more’ is intimidating. Love is intimidating.
Permanent & Eternal
Permanent don’t change. It is a promise, that is binding. Something disciplined. It is mundane. Eternal is forever changing and evolving. Nothing & no one ever remains the same. Change is the way of existence. It is the only constant. When one is forever evolving & changing, we are presented with an opportunity to relearn the other again and again. It lives on in different forms. The intrigue is always reignited just by ‘being’.
A relationship can be temporary or permanent but Love will always be eternal.
The One for me
The one for me is the one that existence picks for me. It took a lot of meditation to get there. Until a couple months ago, however, I had only two points on a subconscious list for ‘The One’. Someone who creatively expresses his authenticity. And someone who is spiritual.
We are Conditioned to have a wish list of qualities that we want in the one. Essentially we want to be loved, needed by the one. But that is need not Love. The one is the one we want to give love to, we want to love, care for, nurture or protect. Who has awakened our own Love. He is the one that makes me want to give not take.
So since I ‘thought’ I wanted someone spiritual, Bhagwan showed me something. People who try to be spiritual, or who are essentially bored of spirituality but are attached to it as their ‘personality’ from a past, their act, or the ones who are in it for the wrong reasons; you take your pick. They have a tone of achievement instead of celebration in the expression of themselves. A true seeker or master of the self or another, will never accept he’s a master, no matter who comes and says ‘I learn from you’. He receives with gratitude and offers it to a higher source. A seeker, may or may not know how to give; but is always learning how to receive. Giving is not a huge problem, He doesn’t really know how to receive. So he celebrates everything he receives with gratitude.
I Love ‘The One’ I learn from.
I learn from a master, master of himself, his craft, his expression, or a master of many. A Master can really be anyone, a friend, lover, beloved, guru; who has my unconditional love & faith. Somehow, innately my love flows to those who I learn from. But as I’ve seen, A subtle way of feeding the ego is by expressing to the world that another holds you in high regard. As a sanyasin, I’ve seen that even under the disguise of a Maroon Robe & a Mala. The ego is the Human condition. The need to be needed. We all suffer from it to various degrees. Kind of like a fever.
Spirituality is the medicine to heal the Human condition. Spirituality is about the death of the ego. Nothing that feeds it is spiritual. So here we have what I wanted. ‘A spiritual being’ I can learn from. But with that we have a little extra too – a spiritual ego. Spirituality was on the list, spiritual ego was not. It was not even addressed.
An aware choice is Choice-less
Awareness is really about acting consciously. Knowing fully what energy, intention & impact we’re experiencing & putting out there with our action, choices & expression. Being able to see when we’re acting from the ego, the false & when we’re acting from the true self. In being aware to ourselves, we are aware of others too. In being true to ourselves, we see the truth of others too. We see things in them that we see in us. We are all mirrors, we just think everyone outside is a screen.
The one that celebrates the appreciation of others, is the Human condition
The one that is in celebration, in Gratitude, in Love, and in Devotion despite the others, is spiritual.
For example, when someone appreciates my celebration, prayer, devotion, to feed my ego, to get some ego stroked back; it is called flattering. It is the human condition. I can clearly see it but we all engage. And when someone just joins in my celebration without any appreciation, without any expectation; it is gratitude, is prayer, it is devotion & spiritual. He is there for him not me. We can be aware to this difference when faced with a choice. In awareness, we will be choice less as we can accept all as it is.
‘I’ pick ‘The One’
I’m not a friend who would help a friend to agree to my experience and go by that. I’m a friend who wants her to have her own experience, different from mine. It will be, because no two beings are the same. No two journeys are the same. Our journeys are what we are. And as Ram Dass says, ‘we’re all just walking each other home’.
All I can say at this point is that I know what I want. 🤩 I actually want the ring that I don’t want. 😁 Coz the one I want don’t draw me in and the one I don’t want does. Although diamonds are forever, I can’t be in love with it. I can be grateful for it. The one that draws me in, defies the wish list. Defies my past, defies what I ‘think’ I like. It’s ‘The one’ sent by existence. It’s the one I want to admire, look at, appreciate, care for. This one is nothing like I’ve experienced before. It’s an expression of who I am today and so I’m drawn to it. Simple. 😊 I’m grateful for this gift from ‘The Night Lord’.
The ring ain’t the gift. The understanding is. The understanding to have no list. To throw away the ‘Wish list’. To throw away all the wish lists, and to experience that which life itself has planned for me to experience. I got home & finally bought the ring I couldn’t even dream of; to celebrate the gift of understanding ‘The One’. I also got it engraved ‘From The Night Lord’. 😊