The Last Wish
Mayapur
I was born in an Indian city called Kolkata, capital of the state of West Bengal. This region of India has gifted mankind with many enlightened spiritualists & literature masters like Robindro Nath Tagore; ‘Thakur’ as we call him in Bengali; literally translated ‘God’. Bhagwan! I’m not here today to speak about Him though, I’m here today to speak about Bhagwan, not my master, the consciousness. God consciousness!
Mayapur is a village of devotees situated at about 6 hours drive from Kolkata. It is the birthplace of Chaintanya Mahaprabhu & the ISKCON movement (international society of Krishna Consciousness). As a child I’d frequent Mayapur with my family, and remember the joy of experience, celebrating, dancing & singing with the devotees. The first temple & ashram of the ISKCON movement is in Mayapur, established by Shrila Prabhupada. The ashram boasts a grand temple, housing & dining for the devotees, a gurukul for devotee children, many meditation parks, a huge library & some lodging for guests. My mother often tells me, ‘generally a silent child, in Mayapur, you’d just open up like it is where you belong.’ She tells me, she could never make me understand why I couldn’t just study with the devotee children at the gurukul. I still don’t understand 😁
I remember, my favourite place at the ashram was the silent sitting room with a wax statute of Shrila Prabhupada. My memory is staring into his eyes & feeling a kind of peace that I didn’t find anywhere else. That is why, I’d open up & just celebrate. Only God knows what? 🤷🏻♀️ It felt safe to be myself there. It was all so simple. There was no need to fit in. Outside, I was fairly silent, more observant. The other space I remember is a Museum of wax statues, showcasing the story of Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. I remember always being so confused because they said, he was Krishna, yet I didn’t recognize the story as that of Krishna & neither did I understand. There was no Radha.
Chaitanya Mahaprabhu
Chaintanya Mahaprabhu was a saint in the 15th century. The Krishna consciousness movement practiced at ISKCON is not based on Krishna at all. It is founded on the teachings of Chaintanya Mahaprabhu – a reincarnation of Krishna’s consciousness & Radha’s soul in one ☝🏻 ‘being’; a reincarnation in union. For the past few days, as a beautiful new journey unfolds for me, aligning me with the true story of my ‘being’; Bhagwan (the master 😊) has taken me deep into the consciousness of Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. I’ve had to find my way through research as Bhagwan has spoken about almost every enlightened being, except … Chaintanya Mahaprabhu. I didn’t know anything about Him when I was a child in Mayapur, only in these past few days, it all makes sense. No more confused. Chaintanya Mahaprabhu is an anomaly 😁
The story goes, Radha after surrendering her wish to be with Krishna, with which she surrendered herself to the divine too; was granted one wish in exchange – The last wish. She wished Krishna to be born as Radha in the following incarnation, not because she wanted him to experience the pain, but because she wanted him to experience her soul. Her love. The last wish – It freed Radha to experience & enjoy the love that she had unearthed within herself & to share it. Krishna also agreed to be born again as Chaintanya Mahaprabhu for two reasons.
First, Krishna wanted to experience first hand, what this love, ‘prem Bhav’ was that Radha enjoyed so much within herself in surrender. Secondly, he wanted to walk people at large to ‘Braj Bhakti’ – the ultimate love of the Divine – the union of Masculine & Feminine within self. Braj Bhakti, the state of ultimate bliss. As explained by ISKCON, Krishna said, ‘if Braj Bhakti is lost, mankind will be wiped out. His own mind will wipe him out. A man whose love is that of a subordinate to me, fails to attract me. Man must learn the ways of Braj Bhakti, to attract me, and to awaken to the leela (play) of life.’
I understand, Krishna was speaking about God consciousness, which Bhagwan (the master 😊) refers to as ‘godliness’. Braj Bhakti. To attract God, one must be a friend of God, equal to God, not a subordinate to God. To me Bhagwan Rajneesh is the complete expression of Krishna Consciousness in the modern world, yet Chaintanya Mahaprabhu’s expression of ‘being’ must be taken into consideration. There is immense inspiration & encouragement in it.
Chaintanya Mahaprabhu’s expression of ‘being’
In the 15th century, when Europe – the western world was turning man’s focus from God to Human desire for exploration of land (materialism); Chaintanya Mahaprabhu in India, was turning people’s focus back to Divine consciousness (spiritualism), through celebration in devotion. Being initiated into sanyas at the age of 16, then known as Saint Nimai, He Blessed the world with the gift of chanting.
After Bengal was captured by the Muslim invaders in the 12th century, the focus of the population had turned towards pride & material wealth. This caused a forgetfulness of spiritual culture. Many enlightened saints, prayed for divine intervention & saint Nimai was born on a full moon eclipse. When his birth chart was studied, it held very close resemblance to the birth chart of Lord Krishna. His disciples included the likes of Hari Das, who later initiated Baiju Bawra as his disciple. Baiju was the only one to have defeated Tansen in a battle of singing. Tansen was one of the 9 jewels of Akbar’s Kingdom & none other than Tansen was allowed to sing in his kingdom, without defeating Tansen. If Tansen won, the looser of the battle of song would have to loose his life too. Song was silenced, and materialized into the hands of one man.
Chaintanya Mahaprabhu’s whole expression of being was one of celebration in chanting & song & dance. His disciples are evidence too, not just him. Chaitanya Mahaprabhu’s whole being was an expression of a devotee in love. His soul was that of Radha. His intrinsic nature & expression was feminine. Of unconditional Love, ripened to compassion.
The contributions of Chaintanya Mahaprabhu
Even in mind, Chaintanya Mahaprabhu’s was an evolved consciousness. He casually defeated the greatest scholars. He was a revolutionary, who organized India’s first disobedience movement. A social reformer, who transcended the rigid Hindu caste system of India. He was also known as the Supreme renouncer – The part of original sanyas that Bhagwan Rajneesh’s Neo Sanyas does not agree with, because renunciation is irrelevant in the modern world. Neo, meaning RE-programming; Neo Sanyas is a path of reprogramming the whole being, no matter where he is. The old sanyas is the path of renouncing the world. And the ‘work’ really is in the world. To ‘be in the world, but not of it’. So the renouncer bit, I’m unable to align with; But the rest, my God! I’m so fascinated by the consciousness of Chaintanya Mahaprabhu!
So surrendered, devoted, sensitive, emotional, loving feminine in being; yet so courageous, fearless & strong in his masculine contributions to the material world as well. What an expression of a ‘being’ in union?
Chaintanya Mahaprabhu spread love wherever he went. Whoever he touched, even with his energy, was transformed to love. To Bhakti. To devotion. But he must’ve had to be courageous, fearless, provocative, triggering in his word, (like Bhagwan Rajneesh) only to rightfully deliver the message, the truth he came to deliver. One of the unified being – Braj Bhakti.
The Dance to Braj Bhakti 💃 🕺
It’s not easy to get to Braj Bhakti. It’s a journey, one that I’m still on. A journey of union within. All paths lead to this destination. I’ve always really been a courageous, fearless, strong, confident woman. Actually, before my spiritual awakening & sanyas, I operated mostly from my masculine energy. Life has mostly been a struggle, which I walked in faith but needed a strong masculine energy to lead in the man’s world. I also was quite ambitious & had my dreams, goals & the usual. When love happened, for the first time I saw, how wounded & neglected my feminine energy had been all this while. It was like she was just asking to be acknowledged, loved, nurtured.
When I was first brought to the Temple of Love, my masculine energy became a blockage to my growth. A disciple, a devotee is always in feminine energy. Only then can one receive from a master. The masculine (mind) is rigid in its conditionings. It is a barrier to transformation. That is why, so many techniques of ‘working’ with the mind & breath, although positive in experience & not harmful at all; only provide some temporary relaxation. It doesn’t transform the ‘being’. Because there is no access to the being, the soul. All the work is done with masculine energy. All ‘doing’ is masculine. The feminine energy is not even being accessed. It is still an outward flow of energy.
In truth, nothing can be done with the mind or breath. It can only be watched & allowed it’s full expression. Watching, watching, watching, one day, the watcher suddenly separates from the mind & experiences freedom from it. The mind doesn’t cease, but one rises above it & then he has detached from his own story. The story remains, only the ‘being’ has transcended it.
At The Temple of Love, I dropped into my wounded feminine energy. I had to totally forget my masculine qualities, which were all I knew at the time. For the first two years of sanyas, one is extra sensitive because heart activations & feminine energy rising is taking place. I have only recently completed my first two years of sanyas. The first two years of sanyas, with devoted practice, a total transformation of being takes place. Of course, if ‘I’ (the ego) allow it. Total surrender takes place & the whole perception of life changes, from the inside, out. As within, so without. Once the change happens within, it starts manifesting without (outside) too.
The moment my total surrender took place, all that lost masculine energy seems to rush back. But it felt different this time. It just isn’t leading the dance within anymore. The feminine is. Love is leading, compassion is leading, surrender is leading. The masculine qualities are available to access whenever I need it, or my journey calls for it.
In this dance to Braj Bhakti, I’m learning that strength is in surrender. It takes courage to put one’s complete faith in something that cannot be experienced in the physical reality & to allow it to align me with my story. It takes more courage than to keep up the fight to write the story I have in mind. At least that is how it has been for me.
Aligning with the story
Swamiji Anand Arun, once said to my mother, ‘I want a commune in Canada some day.’ She said, I’ll find you the land & all permits permissions etc but you need a dedicated sanyasin to run the commune like you do here.’ So he pointed at me. I was humbled, my mother was triggered. She called me up one day & she said, ‘you are a filmmaker, an actor, a producer. You have no time & you can’t manage a commune. Explain that to swamiji.’ She was triggered & She had an idea of me, of an identity, a definition; not realizing at the time, that idea, that person was long dead. She was talking to a new being in making, who didn’t fit into an idea, into any definition.
I told her, ‘sometimes in our own attachment & desire to write a story we want to write of our life; we miss the story that is written for us. One that is so much more meaningful & greater than the one we so desperately want to write. A story that we may not even be able to conceive but is just waiting for us to experience.’ She hung up on me. She didn’t want to hear it from her daughter. But then she called me back in 10 minutes.
She processes fast, so she said, ‘ask swamiji to send you to some communes to learn how to run a commune. If he has so much faith in you, I don’t want to stand in the way. In fact it is something good for mankind. I’ll help you with it.’ 😊 I have a feeling, she started to surrender her attachment to my identity, in all reality, only after that day.
Swamiji did not send me to any communes though. He only asked me to start with a meditation centre, which I’m currently in the process of setting up. And to continue with the penning of a book in progress. Knowledge without experience is no knowledge at all. Knowledge with experience is wisdom.
RadheKrishna’s expression of being, in every incarnation is the same – one that keeps love alive, because Love is God. It’s so mystical, how Bhagwan Rajneesh takes me back to the consciousness of the Last wish – Chaintanya Mahaprabhu, for the path of the ‘word’ ahead. The word of a devotee in love. Grateful & so humbled 🙏🏻
Love, God, faith, surrender, freedom; to a devotee; are synonyms. This high vibrational energy that aligns us with truth, is always returned in so many many ways. But that return only comes when we aren’t doing it for any outcome. Only for the joy of it, the love of it. Yet, those returns aren’t even the true reward. The true reward of unconditional love & complete faith in surrender, is a story that goes beyond our own limited self. Post my recent surrender, I may not have much faith left in the ways in which humans ‘do’ love today, but my faith in the frequency of unconditional love has only strengthened. For ‘I’ write a story only to put a smile on a face, & existence writes a story to put a smile on many faces. Now, that puts a smile on my face 😊 ⭕️.
In grateful celebration of the consciousness of Chaintanya Mahaprabhu, The Last Wish 💫
‘Hare Krishna’ & ‘Radhe Radhe’ 🙏🏻
