woman

*Disclaimer* Sexually explicit* please use discretion before consuming the contents of this blog post.

I’ve been wanting to share my understanding on this topic for a while now but haven’t really found the words. Attempting today, to bring my two cents to the discussion table of a topic that has been much talked about – Sex.
Did you know, that 94% of women have not known orgasm at all during intercourse with a man? Well, for me this has been a shocker. Not only because of the fact itself but more so because it has been a stark reality check, that I belong to this majority of women too. I have no shame in admitting this. For the longest time, I believed that I was a sad exception but it turns out, there is nothing exceptional about me. That is where I found the confidence (& courage) to even touch on this topic. And trust me when I say that I’m only touching the tip of the iceberg in this post. 

The Orgasm

Let’s talk orgasm first. An orgasm lasts only moments but those are some precious moments for the evolution of consciousness. During an orgasm, what is experienced is a state of samadhi (super consciousness). In those moments, the ego drops completely. There is no personality, no sense of identity left; and what is experienced is the divine self. That is precisely how one travels from ‘sex to superconsciousness’. But the woman, yet again, has been denied this spiritual experience because 94% of women know no orgasm in sex. Why is that? 

Unlike man, whose entire sexuality is centred in the genitals; woman’s sexuality is spread all over her body. It takes much much longer for a woman to be fully aroused to experience an orgasm. When the man is done, she hasn’t even started. Yes of course, women have learnt how to fake it, for the sake of love (or dependency), whatever it maybe.  But In fact a woman cannot orgasm with penetration. Her orgasm is centred at the clitoris. There are more than 8,000 nerve endings in the tip of the clitoris alone, which is double of that in the penis. So you can imagine a woman’s ecstasy if she were to truly experience orgasm in sex. But most men do not pleasure the woman and the ones who do, don’t pleasure long enough for her to rise up to the occasion. Obviously boredom seeps in with time. 

Also there are only a handful of women who will honestly admit that orgasm in intercourse is something they haven’t experienced. Everyone has a need to fit in. And humans are the most sexual creatures on this planet. It’s ‘cool’ to talk about the experience of ‘good sex’. Again it is something of an ownership mentality. ‘I’ have ‘good sex’, is the voice of ownership. All Animals have mating seasons but humans are always sexual. Why? Because it has been suppressed, tabooed, to the extent that no matter how liberal we are in our approach to sex, there is some conditioning that isn’t allowing women to be open about this aspect of their sexual experiences (or the lack of it rather). Also a woman’s love doesn’t want her man to feel incapable of satisfying her. So she fakes it or just never talks about it. It is her Love really! 

Apart from this, man is capable of a single orgasm, whereas woman is capable of about half a dozen at a time. It’s a lot for the man to deliver. Too much in fact. So for a large part of the population, man has not even known how to satisfy a woman. Most don’t even try. The moment she knows orgasm, she will know her capacity as well. How will he fulfil her? So best not let her know it at all. I wonder if this also lends itself to the deep rooted, subconscious fear of intimacy in man. I mean it sounds intimidating to me too. The flip side of this is, the woman is blissful in her ignorance but in truth, ignorance is not bliss. Once she is awake to her ignorance, only a true divine masculine (or meditation) can satisfy her. 

The Taboo

Sadly, we live in a world where something as natural (& playful) as sex, has become the only source of energy release. Without meditation, it is the only source. So it has become a serious affair because it is a need of the body. sex is so conditioned that we need a re-vamping of the entire process of sex. We need real sex education. 

If you’re anything like me, who prefers to remain celibate as opposed to engaging in a non-satisfying experience of energy exchange, then you will be at the receiving end of immense sympathy. It’ll be like a mirror in your face that you’re missing out on the greatest experience of life – ‘good sex’. In truth, however, a sexual orgasm is the lowest of spiritual experiences. A desirable one no doubt, but of the lowest. Meditators exist in an orgasmic state with existence at all times but how to express that accurately enough to say, ‘I don’t need sympathy’? I understand! You respect your body the way you know the other won’t.  

The Body

So now let’s talk body. We identify ourselves with our body. The mind is also an extension of the body. The body is the outward appearance of the mind. The mind is the internal processing of the body. But neither is you. Any meditator can tell you that. When we awaken more and more to our true self, we un-identify ourselves more and more with our body. We recognize, we are not our body. But the body is sacred. It’s a temple, that houses the divine, our true self. It must be loved. It must be respected. 

Unfortunately, our bodies are full of suppression. We can’t see our bodies as sacred because we can’t see ourselves as divine. When we can’t see our body as sacred, how can we see the other’s body as sacred? And unless we can see the divine in the other, their body is only being used to release energy. Nothing else. There is no true Intimacy. True intimacy is possible only when one can penetrate beyond the body and touch the soul.
Sex is the highest expression of love, they say. But in truth, sex is the lowest expression of love, the highest being prayer, and connecting the two is devotion. But how can one rise to devotion and ultimately prayer if the divine cannot be seen in the other? Love is found either beyond sex or despite it, not in it. In sex we can only see love (or god) through a window. We cannot touch it. We are not it. And so we crave it more and more with an insatiable thirst. When we don’t see the divine in the other, love eventually dies at sex. There is no devotion, no prayer! 

There is another aspect of the body that needs some attention. The image of the ‘perfect body’, the ‘sexy body’ and the pressure that comes with it. There is no thing as perfection, as it isn’t the way of the universe but we want perfection. Rather our mind wants perfection. It wants the ‘sexy’. This need to be attractive to the other with the perfect body or a sexy body, doesn’t allow everyone to love their body as it is. Then there is no question of seeing the body as sacred. Let alone sacred, it’s hard to even accept the body as it is. How do I know this? Because I used to be one of those who was not comfortable in her own body. It’s not perfect. This only changed, and drastically that too, when I started to see the divine in another, thereby seeing the divine in myself.  

Tantra

Have you ever seen a peacock spread open his feathers to attract a mate? It is the male peacock doing this, just like all other species, except humans. It’s the women who have to do so much to attract a man and keep him interested. Strange really! Despite the above mentioned, we humans somehow find a way to keep releasing and keep going. But what about the ones who want a true experience of sex? What about the ones who cannot use their own and the other’s body just to release energy? The ones who truly love, who respect their own body & that of the other? I’ve finally found an answer – Tantra. 

Tantra is where Love meets meditation. It is sacred sexuality. Tantra is where love doesn’t die. It rises from sex to superconsciousness. From sex to devotion, from devotion to prayer. Tantra is a meditative practice which transforms sex from a doing into a being. Tantra makes sex meditative. It allows the divine to shine through, so the body can be seen as a temple. The other can be experienced as sacred. The body can be respected. It can be loved. But to experience Tantra, love must be there. Tantra is the meeting of Love & meditation. 

My Experience

I was quite a dreamy kid growing up. I’m sure like many other girls, In this world, I believed that I would end up marrying the man I lost my virginity to. Don’t we all know how such unrealistic expectations turn out? They don’t! They don’t turn out at all. All we are left with then, is a feeling of being used. But that is when we grow up. I’m grateful for growth. 

Then, one day, after I had long accepted the false concept of love, I truly fell in love. Rather, I should say, I rose in love. Rose above the mundane experiences of life. A higher experience had touched me. Never before had I experienced love despite the sex. It must be true. Through love I found meditation. And with meditation I went so far that there is no turning back for me now. 

So far my spiritual path has been walked alone but my master now shows me the path of Tantra as the step forward. Tantra cannot be experienced alone. It needs companionship. Two beings of aloneness, coming together to play, to experience and to rise together, from sex to superconsciousness. It’s overwhelming even just to know that a union of equals is in fact possible. That I too can experience the bliss of sexual orgasm. As for the companion, I’ve left that to ‘Him’ who shows me the way. He has promised to reward my unconditional Love, with true companionship and I trust ‘Him’ more than myself. My own choices have only led to pain. Now there is no desire left for the mundane. And a higher experience can only be co-created with the higher force. 

Finding Tantra

I’ve been doing some research and it seems there aren’t many places teaching the true art of Tantra meditation. I’ll mention one for all you beautiful souls, learning to love yourself in totality, and love the other in totality. Where I’m being led, in divine time of course. In a beautiful ashram retreat in Bali, Australia, taught by an enlightened master, Maha Satva Ma Anand Sarita; Tantra is ready when you are! 

As I prepare to turn inward again, stepping away from the outside world to plant the seeds of my first book, back at my ashram in Nepal for a month long meditation retreat; I feel better sharing my understanding on this subject. Someone must say, ‘you’re not alone woman!’  

If you’ve stuck around to read this till the end, with or without judgement, I express my humble gratitude 🙏🏻