The Maroon Rising

truth

Just Show up! 

Why don’t you tell me what to ‘do’? 

This morning, chilling with my bestie, she said to me, ‘I tell you to do so many things, like make tarot videos for the public & write blogs, write a book; because I know you, your gifts, talents and I love you. Why don’t you ever tell me what to do?’ I was about to answer, when her 8 year old Son knocked on the door & she asked, ‘who is it?’ He replied, ‘Rajneesh’. That’s not her son’s name. That is my master, Bhagwan’s name. And this kiddo only calls Bhagwan, ‘Acharya’ or ‘Osho’, as his mom refers to her master as well. She looked at me in surprise.

I said to her, as she unlocked the door, ‘the answer to your question is coming from Rajneesh, for ‘I am not’. We laughed. She attended to her son for a few minutes & then I attempted to allow the answer to come through. 

‘Why don’t you tell me what to do?’, was her question. The reply that came through, ‘no one can tell you what to do. No one at all! If someone says to you that I’m telling you to do this, that or the other because I love you, I care for you; it is not love. Know that. Because love only accepts as it is. Love is not for what you do, only for what you are in ‘being’. Do nothing at all & love will remain. Love will celebrate all that you do, but will never tell you what to do. If no one can tell you what to do, the question still remains, ‘tell me what to do?’
She listened intently as I allowed the answer to complete itself. ‘There are two ways of approaching life – expansion, which is ‘doing’ & growth, which is ‘being’. Expansion is outward & growth is inward. When we grow inside (vertically) in ‘being’, our own higher self takes us where we need to ‘Show up’ to expand (horizontally) & allows existence to ‘do’ what needs to be done through the ‘being’. It’s called Faith in all that is as it is. It is an intelligence of its own – Tantra!’ Tantra, unlike any other spiritual path, is a Path of ‘doing’ but without the involvement of the ‘I’. It is full of techniques which need to be done, from a space of ‘being’.

Not just an answer for her, this was Bhagwan’s reminder for me too. A culminating validation of a recent awakening. 

My recent awakening 

A month & a half ago, as a big ego death process began for me, triggered by the final struggle between ‘being’ & ‘becoming’ (ref. Blog post ‘life in surrender’); I started to detach from my own story automatically. I started questioning myself, ‘is there any need to express my ‘play’ of life? Who exactly am I expressing to? And who is expressing when ‘I am not’?’ I was very close to deactivating my social media & retiring into the peace & acceptance I was finding within myself in my own understanding. I understood that there is no need to express outwardly my inner experience of life. It is between me & life, not between my life & the world. But Bhagwan had other plans.
Bhagwan says, ‘only when one has totally removed himself, his ‘I’dentity from his story, does one live a story in true freedom. Then one becomes a channel for the truth to be expressed through his ‘being’, no matter the cost’ Because … freedom is really from the ‘idea’ of the self in realizing the true self. That true self is therefore selfless. 

Over the past several weeks, I’ve found myself sitting with a question – Does it really take a whole world to tell someone, he has no reason to laugh, celebrate, sing & dance; unless he has ‘done’ something to ‘become’ worthy of expressing it? Celebrating it? The law of manifestation says, live the experience before it manifests & don’t be attached to any outcome. 

So who decides what I am worthy of expressing? Then how is that my own life or expression? ‘I am not’, who will decide? Someone else? How is that true freedom? When one has the courage to stand in his own understanding, even if the whole world is against it; all of existence conspires to validate his understanding. There is no right or wrong understanding, there is only individual understanding. And understanding is awareness. Then all one has to ‘do’ is to just show up where he is called & existence takes care of the rest. 

Now, does that mean that one is so rigid in one’s understanding, to not be open to surface or superficial ‘self’ change? (as the core true self is not changeable, only realizable & the same in all). No, that is not what it means. On the contrary, no matter how big, one is open to every change because it changes nothing of the true self. And there is no ‘I’ to be rigid. Who will be rigid? Only the motivation for accepting change in this case is different. The motivation is not the self because the self is self less & with surrender one has totally accepted the self and all as it is. It is then beyond the limited self.
The motivation – It maybe change required to allow existence to ‘do’ what needs to be done. Or it maybe change just to put a smile on a loved ones face. Or the change maybe for larger collective consciousness reasons. Whatever the motivation, It doesn’t come from a space of needing to become ‘better’, it comes from a space of total acceptance of the nature of the inner & outer worlds. The true self remains unchanged. 

My recent awakening has shown me how to just show up & allow the story to be written, no matter the change that must be embraced. One can absolutely learn on the job, as long as he is willing to just show up in faith. 

There are no teachers, only students 

It is my observation throughout life so far, that everyone seems to know what another should to ‘do’ to ‘become’ worthy & deserving. Everyone has an opinion about everything, as so many seemed to have when I chose the path of Neo Sanyas. I am not for or against any opinion because all opinions stem from individual experiences of one’s past. They are all valid in their rightful place. No opinions are right or wrong, yet one’s opinion is irrelevant to the experience of another. And yesterday’s experience is not today’s reality. Yesterday is memory, today is reality! 

So, even in asking another, ‘what should I do?’, one is essentially seeking validation outside of the self. When one stands by his own true understanding of the self (of the selfless self, removing the ‘I’), even if there is no validation from the outside world, that validation comes directly from the universe itself. It comes in the form of signs & synchronicities, and also manifested happenings. The Pathless path unfolds as I walk. Everyone learns what he needs to learn for his individual journey. No two experiences of life are the same. One’s opinion is irrelevant to the other. So I learnt, at the Temple of love, to allow my own understanding to lead the way. For there is no other way. 

At the Temple of Love, one of the first lessons I learnt is that I must unlearn everything I know to learn that which aligns me with my own individual path in this collective consciousness. What I unlearnt is the world & what I learnt is my ‘self’! The thing is, there are no teachers. A true master or guru will never accept that he is a teacher. There are no teachers, only students. When one wants to learn, he can learn from anything & anyone. If I sit before a tree, just staring at it everyday, I can learn some profound lessons of life. In watching a seed grow into a plant & then into a tree, the whole circle of life & death can be understood. All of Tantra is in the story of a seed & tree. 

There are no teachers, only students. No true master will ever accept he is a master, Yet, a true student will always accept his master as his master. The master wants no praise, he wants no-thing. The disciple wants to praise his master, he wants every-thing for his master. For every-‘thing’ already belongs to the master. The master – a vibrational frequency of the vertical dimension that aligns with one’s inner master. In celebrating the master, the disciple is celebrating him ‘self’, the self beyond the limited self. ⭕️

The ‘show’ must go on

Yes, life & its experiences are just a ‘leela’, a ‘play’, but we are not just spiritual beings. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. That human experience is real, while in human form. Regardless of where one is in consciousness, he feels just like everyone else. The approach & response to that feeling will continuously change, as one’s consciousness evolves. 

My best friend from school is a dancer & choreographer of Attakalari & other dance forms. She ‘uses’ her creativity to spread awareness about many social issues. Some 10 years ago, she was in love & soon to be married. Her fiancée travelled to Thailand for his bachelors vacation. He & his friend were waiting for a third friend at the bus station behind a big crowd. When a bus arrived, the crowd was pushed back & the fiancée & his friend fell into a dry concrete fountain head first. The fiancée lost his life instantly, the friend was saved with lifelong serious damage. My friend got the news only 3 hours before a dance performance. Incidentally, one of her best till date as I hear. 

I asked her, ‘how did you perform?’ She replied, ‘I danced like a zombie, blank mind. I remember nothing of it. It is better I danced before I grieved though. It somehow helped me to see that life goes on.’ In other words, the show must go on. I asked her, ‘what does it feel like to know that you have no control over life?’
She replied, ‘it’s like living with the weight of a dead man on my shoulders but it makes me fearless towards death too. I realized that death can come at anytime, without warning & nothing of what I’ve done in life will mean anything at all. I have no control over my life’s story.’ As of last year she is happily married 😊 & her wedding was a moment when I was able to reconnect after 20 years with my oldest friends. Where we’re  all loved for what we are, not what we do. Anyways …

Essentially, what she was experiencing is a big ego death. I, of course didn’t know that then. An ego death is not much different from death itself. In death the ego dies with the body. In ego death, it dies before the body. One can watch himself dying in ego death. It’s painful, there is grieving too, but on the other side of it, is true freedom. None else are grieving with me though. I grieve my own death & transform to a deathless state of ‘being’. Mortal yes, but death less. When life shows us, we are not in control, ego death is the only response. The realization of that which is bigger than ‘I’. One just surrenders to that which is bigger. 

For the past month & a half, my limited self has been grieving my biggest ego death yet. The limited self suddenly feels like the whole world is laughing at it. Mocking it. Yet, because ‘I am not’ in my own story; I’ve been able to laugh with the world too, as I grieve 😊. Somehow, I’ve been somewhere above the pain. Existence has certainly conspired to validate my individual  understanding though, by carrying me into a new phase of this journey as I grieved, not even bothering to pick up the pieces of a dead, broken ego. Yet that is what has given me the strength to ‘just show up’ in faith where I’m being called. Thank god, the grieving has finally ended & after the rains, the Sun shines again. ☀️ 😊👍🏻

Life is beyond my control 

I’m not sure how often I’ll be able to blog over the next few months, as focus shifts to a book that needs to be completed sooner than later. And I’m so inspired currently. Immensely grateful 🙏🏻. I know nothing about the journey ahead. It is completely unknown territory for me, but Bhagwan has sent a team that knows everything about it. It is their playing ground. So I just show up, in faith with the gifts bestowed upon me by existence itself & learn on the job as I go 😊. 

The moment of life & the moment of death – the two most important happenings of any story, is beyond one’s control. The two most important experiences of one’s journey, happens without the involvement of ‘I’. ‘I am not’ in the moments of birth & death. And everything in between is just a ‘play’. For that play, each one of us has been given gifts as mediums to express our human experience. To ‘play’ our part. Because everyone is so focused on writing the story of their ‘I’ themselves, our whole expression becomes utilitarian. We use our ‘I’dentity, our gifts, our whole life, to write the story we want to write. The one we want to control. 

For the one who has experienced ego death, ‘I am not’ in my own story, nothing is utilitarian. The one who has seen that the involvement of ‘I’, the ego, isn’t needed for a story to be written, there is no ‘I’, no one to use the gifts, or to use anything to write anything. Yet, a story is being written. Yet the gifts are being shared. Just show up to play the part. When a door opens, enter to show up, when a door closes, exit to show up. 

Then I ask myself, ‘but who is showing up?’ To which, there is no answer. It is pure silence 🤫. The end of all questions. Because that which shows up is no-thing & therefore all there is! ⭕️

As this No-thing just shows up at the onset of a humbling 1st major tie up for the ‘We Woman Foundation’, to bring forward a new vision for women’s liberation; In gratitude for the ‘being’ of a friend, who intentionally or subconsciously (I don’t know) encouraged me to get back to the ‘word’. Either ways, the universe certainly used his being to conspire to align me with the story of the ‘word’. 

Always in celebration of the Sun ☀️ 

For a Sunset is always followed by a moonrise. 

And after a full moon-night too, there is always a sunrise ⭕️

Everything happens for a reason! Grateful! 

Radhe Radhe 🙏🏻

Life in Surrender

Surrender

Surrender is truly an art. They say the most beautiful expression of love is creation. And the most exquisite expression of creation is the ‘being’ of love. The ‘being’ of love is really just an expression of a ‘being’ in surrender; expressed in celebration of the gift Love is, life is. ‘Surrender’ – the word has such a negative feeling attached to it though. It gives the sense of ‘giving up’ on life. Actually surrender is something completely different. It is actually ‘not giving up’ on life; it is only a ‘giving up’ the fight with life. Surrender is to accept life – finally. Surrender is true freedom. 

Have you ever experienced laughing uncontrollably & crying profusely, both at the same time? Over the past months, ‘I’ have. It’s a beautiful feeling. One that cannot be expressed in words. But I kept trying to, these past months, which I am remorseful about, for words from a wound can certainly be harassing. Didn’t understand, now, I understand 😊🙏🏻.

What I can say about tears & laughter together though, it is a profound expression of surrender. A word, of which the true meaning cannot be understood, without experiencing it. Yet, I try in this blog post, that makes me cry here and there & makes me laugh here and there. 

I’m hoping I can bring you a glimpse of a life in surrender through my own journey & experiences, both inside & outside The Temple of Love. 

A little of the past

I am born with the Sun ☀️ in the first house of my birth chart. The first house governs consciousness, the ‘being’, the true self. The Sun ☀️ is not a planet. It is the light that all the planets revolve around. It is pure Divine Masculine energy, a symbol of enlightenment. Yet, the path to enlightenment seems to be in the understanding & acceptance of pure feminine energy. The path of love, the nature of which is surrender. A surrender to a dance of Masculine & Feminine energies with ourselves.

Ever since I was a little girl, I seemed to be seeking peace. I was seeking because although there was love but there was no peace at home. It’s a lot better now, because everyone has found their own space outside the home; but still, the atmosphere at home is a serious one. Close knit but serious. From home I learnt that life is a serious affair, quite contrary to what I learnt at the Temple of Love. Intrinsically, I enjoy laughing, singing, dancing, celebrating; much like my daddy. Yet, some of these expressions, growing up became serious activities of learning. So with that serious knowledge, I could seriously ‘become’ some ‘thing’ in the world. The atmosphere of a home is lead by the woman they say. Mommy is a serious expression 🫤

The Bone of contention

so mommy & me have not always been friends. Our bone of contention – I say, ‘let me ‘be’; and she says, ‘to ‘be’ in the world, you have to ‘do’ something.’ In other words, If life ain’t a struggle, there ain’t a story to tell. Unless one ‘becomes’ in the world, one is useless. The ‘being’ in itself has no meaning. So a child is told, he must ‘become’ something when he grows up. Until then the child’s ‘being’ is worthless. We all grow up with a sense of seeking worthiness. That’s where the root of the need to be ‘accepted’ rests. And in different ways, this aspect of the Human Condition shows up in trauma wounds that we trigger in each other without realizing it, without even knowing each other. To me the past dies every moment as taught by my master. Yet, regardless of the circumstance that the root of the trauma lies in, it is in the understanding that essentially the same wound expresses differently in different individuals; that common ground for peace & compassion can be reached.

The serious question

I had been asked a very serious question since I was 8, in serious talk sessions, on ‘what do you want to become? If you just want to become a housewife, then that is a full time profession too. I have to prepare you. Start thinking about it.’ So I had prepared an answer since then, for when the serious talk ‘became’ a serious question. I still don’t know what I want to become 🤔 because now I’m at so much peace with ‘being’ who I am. Thanks to Bhagwan. Yet, I needed an answer & sometimes I still find people asking me this question, ‘why are you escaping? What do you want to make of your life?’ ‘In other words’, ‘what do you want to ‘become’? It’s a fair question, for I have not ‘become’.
My ego construct with which I lead in the world of ‘doing’ is a gift of masculine energy from my mother. Grateful! Intrinsically, my ‘being’ resembles my father. This being, who I said ‘Oh hello 👋🏻’ to only post my sanyas initiation 2 years ago. Anyways, The terror I grew up with in my mother, who is now my best friend, is unparalleled. So I answered finally, ‘I want to ‘become’ an actor.’ They said earn your way back to film school. I did that and landed myself in a film school in India two and a half years later, after part time university & two full time jobs. Running a dance troop & selling shoes at the Hudson’s bay company in canada.

Sometimes I don’t understand jokes but in my own ‘self’ I often laughed at the joke of ‘being’ & ‘becoming’. I’m slow sometimes to get jokes or I need some help understanding it but I enjoy laughing none the less 😂. The struggle between the ‘being’ & ‘becoming’ ‘became’ the split within me, manifesting as the lifelong ‘chaos’ outside. This constant struggle for life atmosphere I’ve grown up in had me constantly looking for an escape to peace. In other words, ‘the calm’.

Naturally, when there is stress and pressure all the time, so serious, it will lead to conflicts & fights in the environment. when a child faces any sort of assault or abuse in such an environment, the child feels unsafe to express it. The child is silenced, until something wakes his playfulness up again. Grateful! But there is no escape. I thought I found an escape for 15 years. It was only an illusion though. It was now the chaos of two ‘becomings’ not ‘one’. It was always two – ‘I’ & ‘you’. Peace or calm cannot be found, only claimed in the now, despite the circumstances outside. I finally decided to stop escaping & claim it, within myself, in a life in surrender.

My journey of surrender

Until I found surrender, I found no peace, I found no true freedom. Freedom from myself first. Freedom from the struggle of ‘being’ & ‘becoming’. My journey of surrender began soon after my divorce. Intrinsically, I had no ambition, yet, from my mother I had received the gift of ambition & the gift of wisdom to know what I want & how to get it. Then love happened again. A love that was here not to love me, but to teach me, that love is truly freedom. Freedom from the ‘self’. Love was here to teach me that ‘in surrendering that which is most precious to me, I am freed from myself. The part of myself that is attached to the struggle to become peaceful, become the ‘calm’. Because peace cannot be found, it can only be claimed in the ‘now’’ – the biggest learning; the greatest gift of love I have found. Peace, ‘being’ in love, now. Regardless of what will ‘become’ of it. 
This lesson was not learnt in one stage of surrender though. It happened in three stages. The final stage that I am currently in the process of wrapping up. Each stage had me surrender a different aspect of myself that was blocking me from claiming peace within myself. Yet each stage of surrender also brought me closer to peace within myself. It brought me closer to accepting myself as I am intrinsically. The acceptance that I was looking for outside of myself, as an escape to peace. In things, in ambitions, in dreams, in goals, in people. 
I experienced through the stages of surrender, that each stage of surrender brought me closer to the truth of my ‘being’, which cannot be expressed in words. And each surrender was triggered by a lie. Each of those lies, today I am immensely grateful for & dedicate this post to. Today I celebrate lies before truth. And how grateful I am cannot be expressed in words. For I would never have known the truth had the lies not helped me realize again and again that I cannot fight with life. Peace can only be claimed by befriending it and riding the wave, wherever it takes me. For life is on the winning team always. I just want the freedom to choose the winning team. Because ‘I understand’ & always have … 

You can’t always get what you want, but you always get what you need.’ 

Surrender happened  

Yes, surrender too is a happening. It cannot be forced or ‘done’. Like love & meditation, it also just happens. During my struggling days in Mumbai, to ‘become’ an actor; as we all know, it can be tough, very tough to ‘become’. And that sense of self that is constantly in an insecure vulnerable place. We open ourselves up to immense scrutiny based on physical appearance & sometimes talent. When one’s chubby, you’re too fat. When one is thin, then your face looks too thin. Occasionally, when one lands an audition looking for talent, they’d ultimately cast someone who’d come through reference. I can’t blame them now, although it’s not something that I do, I understand how tough this industry is. And it is what it is. I am grateful to be able to express through the medium. I enjoy the challenges too. The whole process is fulfilling. And for some reason, the films I signed, never took off or just were shelved mid way. But that was all destiny. Bhagwan himself.
Life, just whispering in my ear, ‘surrender, I’ll take you where you gotta go.’ For the longest time, I couldn’t hear it, in the noise of the world of ‘becoming’. I heard it only during my first stage of surrender, once I’d already become some, little bit 😊. Mom super happy 😁

This first lie hit in just the right place – ambition to ‘become’ more, & that is what suddenly dropped. I accepted myself a little bit more, for the first time, without the need of any ambition. I suddenly felt like all the weight of the world had lifted off my shoulders. I tasted a little of what true freedom feels like. I this first stage of surrender, ambition became the offering & I received a friend instead, who finally accepted me without the need to ‘become’ – His Consciousness Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh at his Temple of Love.

Surrender at the Temple of love 

When I was first brought to the temple of love, many women Sanyasins noticed my strong, masculine energy, & mentioned it in compliment. It allowed me to look for the feminine energy inside myself, that I needed as a disciple to grow on this path. A disciple is receptive feminine energy. And only feminine energy surrenders. Masculine energy protects. That is why, a little ego is needed too, to negotiate the world. But the path of sanyas don’t need masculine energy at all. Feminine is being, masculine is becoming.
The second stage of surrender happened in the first year of sanyas. I was still getting used to constant outside opinions & influence against my decision of sanyas; I was rapidly loosing friends & extended family, who were unable to understand why I would take to a path of sanyas. My decision was constantly being challenged, scrutinized & I was being influenced to drop sanyas itself. I was being called an escapist, yet for me I knew I had only just stopped escaping from myself. Yes that is the common belief of sanyas, that it is an escape from ‘reality’. But that is completely untrue. Sanyas is hard hard work on the ‘self’. There is no escape. All escape routes are closed. One must only sit with it all. To surrender, to claim the peace. To be free.
For the first time I had tasted peace, without escape. Right where I was, in my ‘being’. At home, finally. Within myself. Yet, the world would not stop telling me a big lie. That I can find freedom & peace without sanyas too. For me it was a big lie. Still in the world of ‘becoming’, my ‘being’ was a lie. At the time, many many (not one) were telling me this big lie of ‘becoming’ when I was finally in a space that was accepting me for ‘being’ my ‘self’. 

I was in a weekly silence at the temple of love & on the 5th day, I was walking down the bridge connecting our rooms to the main meditation hall. All this chaos outside was taking place during my week of silence. I broke down & almost fell to the ground. Before I hit the ground, my Buddha Bro, a brother from another mother, held me & lifted me up. Hugged me & said, ‘cry, it’s okay to cry. The more you cry, the more you’ll laugh tomorrow.’ And I started laughing. It’s true – the pendulum that our emotions are. That was the first time I experienced crying & laughing together in surrender. It was beautiful… I was in immense praise of the temple of love & Bhagwan’s consciousness at the time & was using words as a medium of catharsis. All the words saying only one thing, not to the world but to Bhagwan …

Let it be a little more of you & a little less of me …

A little more of Buddha Bro 

Buddha bro, having RE-birthed into sanyas, the same day as me; we have some past life connection for sure. I have a full blog post on the Buddha Bro for those interested in learning about the spiritual connection we share. We have definitely meditated together in many lives, for our energies are so aligned. But our journeys are poles apart. He comes from a broken family. Bullied through school, bullied by the elder sister & always told that he could ‘become’ nothing in life. Naturally he rebelled early as he was a totally neglected child. He had total freedom to rebel. Everyone into their own lives. Had to fend for himself from an early age. Had no sense of belonging at all. Naturally

Then he got tired of rebelling, quite early too. Or … did he fall in love? He says it happened simultaneously. Or … as I ask him, ‘was it love that asked him what he would get from this struggle with life?’ At the age of 19 he was introduced to the meditative path with Sadhguru & the Isha foundation. Ultimately took sanyas under the Neo Sanyas movement at the age of 33. Never could fall in love again, but found freedom from the self in surrender at the Temple of Love. Claimed peace in acceptance of self. 

After complete silence of over 5 years, the love of his life, called him one day. Said she needed his help. Her sister needed help with her mental condition. He invited her to the ashram. She came with her sister. He says they shared some of the most beautiful moments & her sister felt much better too. Well, on this path of love, love is found in the being of a being one cannot always have. So one just focuses on the ‘self’ & finds everything within. She was actually shocked to see his transformation. It triggered her to look at herself. For they are mirrors to each other. Despite the love, the trigger overpowered.
She left with some nasty words to him. She said that he was delusional for following this path & that real life is outside & that she hates Bhagwan for taking him on this fake path. He said something on the lines of, ‘you don’t know anything about sanyas or Bhagwan. Or even the last 5 years of my life. My love for you that connected me to myself. That helped me accept myself. How can you say that?’ 

She left & the sweet little thing that my Buddha Bro is, was left questioning his path altogether. He was so confused. So lost. So silenced within himself. To hear it from the one who’s being connected him to himself, can really break one. He was ready to give it up altogether. But Bhagwan, being Bhagwan, he brought me to the ashram three days later. 

A surrender with Buddha Bro

After my weekly silence broke, I said to my Buddha Bro, ‘if you leave the sanyas path, will she be with you? Will she allow you to give her your love?’ He replied, ‘probably not or else she would say that.’ So I asked him, ‘if this life is fake & the life outside is the only reality, then why is it that this one seems to cost more? Why is this one only exclusive to those who are willing & able to pay for it with the surrender of the whole self?’ It was not a question o was asking him. It was a question I was asking myself aloud.

He says, ‘that is what did it for me? I was never accepted for being myself, I had low self worth outside. Here I found acceptance of myself by surrendering my fight with myself.’ So I told him, ‘If you get what you want by leaving this path, leave it. Even Bhagwan is for it then, for he wants you to experience all your wants & desires to transcend them.’ There was understanding together. We found strength in each others stories and …

With that together, we surrendered our struggle with the outside world on our path of sanyas. And after this stage of surrender, I found peace & freedom in acceptance of all paths.

It was an experience surrendering with a loved one. We both accepted, ‘you can’t always get what you want, but you’ll always get what you need’. All we needed to do was to surrender that which is most precious to us. It is after my second stage of surrender that Bhagwan taught me total acceptance. Accepting all as it is. To accept that even though I don’t know or understand another’s path or perspective, I cannot just deny it. I have to accept my truth & theirs. My judgement in ignorance is what was surrendered in this stage. And the reward I received is acceptance. Accepting my ‘being’ a little more & accepting outside all as it is. Yet the surrender wasn’t total. Another lie had to happen for my complete surrender of ‘being’ & ‘becoming’.

The final stage of surrender 

I’m currently experiencing my final stage of surrender. Wrapping it up actually with this post, while gratefully, Buddha Bro is helping me out with The first meditation centre on my journey. Our guru, Swamiji Anand Arun put us together for this task as we live in the same city in India. I’m excited about this meditation centre after a very long time. Anyways. Off track … the final stage of surrender, Once again triggered by a lie. The greatest lie.

The lie ain’t important because any lie that leads to surrender is a divinely orchestrated happening to reach the truth. It is a divine lie. A white lie. Surrender essentially is an ego death. Big enough for one to say, ‘I accept all as it is’. And sanyas is the path of non-ego. I’m grateful for every blow to my ego over the years before & after my sanyas. I truly am. Today, in this moment I am. With tears in my eyes, I am in humble acceptance of all as it is. This final stage of surrender has been the biggest challenge on this life long struggle between ‘being’ & ‘becoming’.  

I’m learning from this stage of surrender, that  a sanyasin is so undefined in its ‘being’, that it can ‘be’ in any world. Yet, I understand why a sanyasin is always considered a renunciate, an escapist; Because he is ‘being’ in a world of ‘becoming’. And a sanyasin knows no becoming, only ‘being’. I’ve known ‘becoming’, and with this is final stage of surrender, I farewell the world of ‘becoming’, to remain an expression of a ‘being’ in surrender. Whatever ‘becomes’ of this ‘being’, I accept with gratitude 😊🙏🏻 I keep the peace I have longed for all my life. It is not an escape …

For where can I go. All the worlds are in this world. Life still goes on. Celebrating the gift of love that I’ve found. I remain a watcher of my breath & the watcher of the world too. ‘Being’ an expression of a life in surrender.

Closing words  

Bhagwan says, ‘the same people, or the same situation with different people repeats in different ways again & again until we see what existence is trying to show us of our own patterns in that repeated experience.’ 

This morning, my mother was nagging me again. Saying, ‘I don’t like how you’ve made this statement. It’s missing this that and the other. You should make statements for everyone to understand, not just you.’ She’s right, yet it is a statement that no one else but me is going to refer to and see. So as long as it serves the purpose. But I don’t argue with her no more. I don’t repeat the pattern, so we don’t fight. I said, ‘okay mom. Will have it to you in a couple days.’

She heard what I didn’t say & said, ‘I am just making you ‘do’ this out of my own stubbornness.’ I said, ‘I know. It is your love language. Make me ‘do’ all that you can, for when Bhagwan takes me deeper into the unknown, and there is no more ‘I’ to ‘do’ no more, what will you ‘do’ mommy? 😊 I don’t know how to control life, I’m certain it cannot be controlled either. I don’t even understand pace; sometimes life is fast, sometimes it is slow; I just go with the flow. I understand moving with life as it comes, as it moves me.

My surrender – It is not an escape, it is not a lack of effort. It is only effort when & where it is called for. Surrender is only an acceptance that ‘I am not’ the doer, yet the ‘doing’ is. To me it is not philosophy, it is Krishna consciousness. A way of life. I’m here, living in this very world, in peace and surrender to the mystery life is. I watch myself & the world but I have no-thing left to ‘become’. There is no split between ‘being’ & ‘becoming’. It is all just a ‘being’ now. In surrendering this life long struggle between ‘being’ & ‘becoming, I have accepted myself. I have come home 😊🙏🏻 A little tired, actually exhausted but home 🏡❤️

‘in surrendering that which is most precious to me, I am freed from myself. The part of myself that is attached to the struggle to become peaceful. Because peace cannot be found, it can only be claimed in the ‘now’, in my ‘being’. 

MaPJ

The Temple of Love – we women – Her Idol Worship 

Idol worship

Idol worship is an expression of prayer, practiced by many & refuted by others. Some say God is in the idol & others say there is God in everything, yet other, like Bhagwan says, ‘there is no God, only godliness.’ Much misunderstood, Bhagwan does not refute idol worship though or mantra chanting for that matter. He agrees with the Shiv Puran, which I have read too, when He says, ‘Idol worship is a technique only to focus a devotee’s energy towards one source of light, so that the darkness is first removed enough. After which point, idol worship is useless, because you have now embodied the light yourself. Wherever you go, there is light. Then there is no God, only godliness.’ So idol worship does have its place in spirituality too, not just in religion. Only in spirituality there is understanding of idol worship, in religion it is blind faith. 

Idol worship & me 

At the start of my spiritual journey about six years ago, I was faced with a challenging crisis, which seemed to be shattering the reality that I’d known all along. I ran to my then safe haven – a colourful town named Jodhpur, in Rajasthan, India. Having been married, at the time into a community of Pushkarna Bhahmins, the Shiva worshiping tribe; having extensively travelled there, & the mystical experiences of 15 years, have me convinced that I have some past life connection with the region. I was brought there. During this particular visit, I was meditating facing the Mehrangarh Fort. It felt like I was only meditating for 30 minutes, but my partner at the time told me I was meditating for 4 hours. The longest at a stretch yet for me. Sure enough, he was right. I saw the clock & was quite surprised. 

I came out of meditation with 3 profound messages that came to me as visions & sounds. 1st I heard, ‘call him’, taking the name of my divine counterpart. I didn’t know that then, so I asked my partner at the time to do the needful. The second vision was profound. I saw a thick steel tube, looked much like a neck. Suddenly a neonish, Aqua blue snake pushed out of the tube. I remember feeling mesmerized. I don’t think I could even imagine a snake so beautiful. That blue colour hasn’t left me till date. It was otherworldly. Since my introduction to the Pushkarna Bhahmin community, Snakes have always been a symbol of Shiva’s protection for me. I’ve dreamt of of the hugest anacondas (sesh naag) for years at a stretch, until the day I started meditating.
In Jodhpur, it is a known fact that the late mother of my then partner, dreamt of snakes until she took to the path of deep meditative idol worship. Whoever she touched was transformed to love. Her picture rests in the in-house temples of all the houses of the old city.  I have never met her, yet her mystical presence on my journey of love cannot be denied. She hasn’t visited for a long time. I know I’ll meet her in the formless. This snake vision was the most important for my life path, ‘Coz it was about me, not about another. 

And the third vision was me meditating in a cave alone. A huge shivling of ice standing before me, that I was meditating on; melted down to a small ice shivling on the palm of my hand. 

I researched the two visions. The blue snake indeed was the colour of the throat chakra & the pipe was the throat. It was a signalling of the start of my journey of truth. One that ‘I’ share in my words – both written & spoken. One that I share through my being. The shivling I looked up to find a buy. I found one in natural quartz that looked exactly like the one in my vision. Incidentally, pure natural quartz is made of solidified ice. I started to worship it with water & chanting. I was never one to do that before this time. It came as a natural thirst. At the time I started to awaken to a divine connection on my journey, I was already blissing out on the presence of Shiva. 

Idol worship began for me with that vision & dropped soon after Bhagwan entered the story. Both were natural processes. However, at The temple of Love I experienced another kind of idol worship 

Another kind of idol worship 

At The Temple of Love, I experienced a different kind of idol worship, which I understood because I was practicing it unaware for the past 3 years of my spiritual journey. A more alive, playful idol worship. Worshiping the light in a ‘being’ of form or a consciousness in the formless. I was doing both – one being shiva himself. Many are devoted in worship to Swami Anand Arun in form & others are surrendered in devotion to Bhagwan’s consciousness in the formless. Scientifically, idol worship or worshiping the light in another, is doing the same thing. Focusing the energy on the light, so darkness disappears. That is why Love is the greatest teacher & beloved is the path itself. I’d like to share a couple of my own experiences from the temple of love. 

An experience of compassion 

In December of last year, a new sanyasin, came to the Temple of Love. He saw me at the library & introduced himself. I introduced myself & then for many months we didn’t talk. Only smiled at each other & wished ‘Pranam’ in passing. The last couple times at the ashram, we became friends. Actually not just the two of us, three of us. A very dear friend, who’s friend this fellow sanyasin is, and myself. One day he said to me, ‘I am in love with you & I want to marry you. And we will have 2 kids’ 😂. Sorry, I don’t mean to laugh, not then, not now. But this friend does make everyone laugh a lot. 

I told him, ‘I can only give you friendship. I feel no romantic love for you & the word marriage scares me. A switch in my mind goes off & everything seems off balance 😂. I also have a bit of a complicated love story & someone already lives in my heart.’ Then he said something that further sealed the deal on no romance for me. He said, ‘I come from a wealthy family & I am wealthy myself. I will take care of you & I will also speak to your parents when they come to the ashram.’ I controlled my laughter this time & said to him, ‘don’t say this to my parents. They will laugh.’

I understand that his intention was in the right place in wanting to take care of me, but that wealthy part was not called for, especially when talking to a sanyasin, as a sanyasin. What does a sanyasin know of wealth & ‘things’. But I understand he was trying to express his feelings, which cannot he expressed in words accurately. 

A little about a fellow sanyasin 

Despite this, everyday he’d bring me flowers or chocolates. I told him a few times, ‘plucked flowers & bouquets make me sad. These beautiful flowers are dead already.’ I’d refuse to take these gifts, but he’d just leave them outside my door. So I told him, ‘I accept your gift but I cannot keep it. I don’t love you the way you want me to. Again, I can give only friendship. So I’ll distribute your love amongst all Sanyasins.’ He liked that & said that’s more than enough for him. However, I saw that his desire overtook him at one point & we landed up fighting. He kept trying, and I was firm on ‘ NO’. Yet, he is a good man. Never crossed a boundary until that point. Is also kind & considerate. 

The thing is, he got a-lot going on. High doses of anti-depressants & beer every night. Healthy lifestyle only goes as far as physical workout & healthy food. Low understanding of mental, emotional & spiritual health. Twice married & divorced & now wants the third 😂. I know he reads everything I write. But I know that he will be happy on his mention in my story.
The temple of love & Bhagwan are helping him heal. Now, he’s really not my type & I feel no romantic love for him. He knows that from day 1. And seeing his past girlfriends, I’m definitely not his type 😂.  He’s into the tall, bold, confident & sexy women. Why not? Some of his Sanyasin female friends, he likes to play with, have started to give me & my friend a little side eye though. Same story, all my life. Regardless, I only ever have a couple hours a day to spend with friends at the ashram. I’m mostly enrolled in all meditations & therapies. 

Ego death at the temple of love 

He was just over-expressing his love one morning at breakfast, in an attempt to joke with me. He crossed a line & I blew up. He’s an egoistic man & retaliated. We fought & that was that. I cut him out instantly. I remember the last thing I told him was, ‘if what you feel is truly love, then it will transform you in ways you can’t imagine. Be in love & be grateful for it. If it is truly love, and you allow it to teach you, and it don’t interfere with someone else’s destiny; Bhagwan will make it happen. But not if you don’t work on your ‘self’ first.’ He’s an irregular meditator, and when he reads this, I know he will start for a bit & fall off again in a couple weeks 😁. He’s probably laughing, ‘Coz I’ve said all of this to him. 

During the fight, He said, ‘Bhagwan told me you would help me.’ I said, ‘I can’t. I’m sorry. I have nothing to give you. If Bhagwan wants to help you through me, he will find a way to show me.’ Sure enough, Bhagwan did show me & not in an easy way. 

This friend, he just always showed up when I was in a talk with fellow Sanyasins. Said he just wanted to hear me speak. And he’d always be sitting at the samadhi just before he knew I’d arrive after morning meditations, to be with Bhagwan. He continued this even after I cut him out. I’d ignore him & he’d just take it with a smile. It reminded me of myself on my own journey. 

I saw myself 

Everything he said, like, ‘I see Bhagwan in you & I don’t want anything from you & I’ll wait for you forever’; I had heard someone saying before too – myself. I was laughing inside at the irony that life is. Wonder how many laughed at me at the time. Yet I understood him. Maybe that is why Bhagwan feels I can help him. Bhagwan knew, I didn’t want to tell him, ‘you’ll learn.’ It’s a painful process but it is the pain of love that makes one evolve. 

Later, something happened in my own spiritual connection that had me reflecting on all the times love was rejected. I remembered, how despite the pain, I was grateful just for love to have awakened in me through the being of a being. Where it has brought me today. So grateful 🤲🏻. Such a gift Love is. Bhagwan showed me in these moments of reflection, how I had disrespected love by doing the same thing with this friend, that I had experienced. Could I have responded differently, instead of reacting? I feel no-thing for him, except an understanding of his experience because I’ve been through it.
A few friends told me that this big ego man was seen crying to Bhagwan multiple times, after I cut him out. I felt terrible but I was also stubborn.  And it wasn’t time. Bhagwan hadn’t shown me yet. He recently reached out to me again through a friend, saying, ‘I’m sorry, I just want us to be okay. I want nothing more.’ I finally responded through my friend & said, ‘we’re good, I don’t love you but I’m here if you need someone to talk to.’ He hasn’t reached out since. I guess he’s scared that I’ll cut him out again. Says he’s grateful enough & that he’s been meditating regularly too 😊. Bhagwan has his ways, I trust Bhagwan but not this friend. He knows it. 

It’s only idol worship 

What He is doing is worshiping the light he sees in a ‘being’ of form. And that is taking him closer to the light. I’ve experienced this too. All the love I have given in devotion to the one, comes back to me in many forms. Love expressed, or given always comes back. Always. Maybe not in the way one wants but in the way one needs. Seeing the divine in another – It is what aligned me with my true path – this spiritual path. Bhagwan needs love in all his Sanyasins to evolve. Without love there is no evolution.
Love only happens when one sees something of the divine in another. And idol worship of an idol or the light is the same. It only serves its purpose when one has fallen in deep love with that which it worships. What he is seeing is not me or my light, it is the light that I have embodied by worshiping the one I first saw the divine light in, & then by worshiping the divine consciousness of Bhagwan. ‘I am not’, only Love Is. 

On the path of love, when desire transforms to devotion, the second phase of the journey begins. Transforming devotion to compassion. This was an experience of pure compassion for me. And in so many ways, beautiful too. 

Another experience of love

In yet another experience, in September of last year, I met a woman in her early thirties. This fellow sanyasin lost her husband some three years ago, after only three months of marriage. I asked her, ‘why didn’t you RE-marry or date again?’ She said, ‘I couldn’t fall in love again.’ She finds a way to come to the ashram every-time she finds out I’m there. Says she just likes talking to me & being in my presence. 

One day she says to me, ‘I’m in love with you. Never thought I’d say this to a woman but I feel that kind of love for you that I felt for my husband.’ Well, it made me a little uncomfortable too but because her expression of love wasn’t of desire, I said, ‘I’m grateful.’ Once again, what she is seeing in me is only bhagwan using my ‘being’ as a catalyst or a gateway for her own evolution. ‘I am not’ Remember, Bhagwan needs awakened love in his Sanyasins to guide their evolution. He is not concerned with external union. He is concerned with inner union. 

The connection is to the light, not me. I’m grateful for she celebrates my being & it makes her happy. I guess, what Bhagwan is saying is ‘you become what you seek & then the seeking ends & the expression of that which you have become begins. For when one is seeking, what does he have to share. Only a half-truth – a lie! He is still seeking, he has not found.’

The feminine power of love 

These are just a couple examples of the open expressions of love that I’ve shared as a glimpse into the ordinary experiences of a Buddhafeild ‘idol worship’, at the Temple of Love. I will share many more experiences & stories in the coming blogs. Mystical ones too. These two though, in particular, have helped me immensely to understand the true power of the seed of love a woman carries. Bhagwan showed me. For ‘I am not’, only Love is. Both of these experiences took place after my second stage of surrender, in September of last year. After I had accepted that although I was not there yet, I must walk the path from worship in devotion to love in compassion. 

The compassion had started to flow but the attachment to the one I worship, hasn’t fully dropped yet. I’m in no hurry to drop it as everything drops on its own, once it is fully experienced & a higher experience presents itself. The thing is, unconditional love is the highest experience. ‘Coz love is god. I’m not sure what’s higher than that but there is some no-thing, which Bhagwan will walk me to & the ‘being’ of the one I see the divine in. 

These experiences were to show me that, ‘idol worship’ of the light has served its purpose. Pushing me to see that it’s time to accept the light that has already accepted me, and plant the seed of love through my being. For what else is left to ‘do’. Grateful 🤲🏻. When a woman falls in love, she automatically surrenders to the divine light, (not the person) that she sees in her man. This automatic surrender is a natural response of feminine energy. Love is feminine energy. The energy of all creation. 

When the feminine energy falls into a natural state of surrender, she becomes sensitive. Her heart is expanded & and throat (truth & expression chakra) starts clearing. She herself is now transforming to an expression of love – the ultimate truth & the greatest mystery. Also love itself – the greatest teacher. I guess it was love looking like a ‘blue’ snake, telling me it was time to seek the truth, to speak it later. 

‘I am not’, Love is the pull 

In my research I found a lot about many women today, like myself, being born with thyroid conditions or other throat conditions; have been persecuted & even eliminated for speaking their truth in past lives. Like the witches of Salem. Their truth seemed like prophecies & they were considered evil. They were only speaking ‘in tune with the reality’ or you can call it ‘intuition’ (ref. Blog post ‘Here’s How?’) In current lives, their journeys are that of speaking their truth yet again and the journey is not free from challenges either. These feminine energies have chosen lifetime after lifetime a purpose of keeping love alive despite the challenges of a loveless world. To keep The truth alive. 

These experiences in particular showed me that this natural surrender in a woman that happens with love, awakens a natural gentleness that a feminine energy is an expression of. This gentleness of being, is a sort of magnetic force that attracts the thirsty for love. The medicine for the Human Condition. The feminine energy, in understanding & acceptance of her natural surrendered state, is most powerful. She plants the seed of love wherever she goes, whoever she touches. Romantic or plutonic. Or just in a hug or just by listening to someone. In so many many ways, she herself is unaware of. 

The strong, masculine energy in women, which I strongly support as well; keeping in mind the Man’s world that ‘We women’ have to negotiate; is attractive too but doesn’t seem to hold the magnetism that existence has expressed in its full potential through a woman. I myself have to switch between my masculine & feminine energies, so I feel the difference myself, through outside response. 

His love is also Hers 

I’ve also learnt that it is very difficult for a Masculine energy, especially in a man’s body to truly fall in love. Deep attraction, lust, all that is quick & misunderstood too. But to fall in love is a different story. Not just with a woman but also with a master. Love breaks the ego & kills it for empty space for the divine light of love to take its place. Love is needed on both journeys. When he does fall in love, he also falls in love from the feminine aspect of himself. It goes deeper than the love of a woman, much much deeper. Love is the feminine energy, even in a man. It is deeper in a man, because it has been suppressed for very long. In love, Then wherever he goes, whatever he touches, he also plants the seed of love. 

There is a lot of divine power in the woman’s acceptance of her intrinsic nature of love; in this Man’s world & for this Man’s world to be also a woman’s world. But this power unearths itself after her ‘idol worship’ of the light is complete & she has now become that which she seeks. The light itself. The need for ‘idol worship’ of devotion automatically drops & she is now just an expression of love. 

The idol worship of Meera & the expression of Radha 

In my understanding the story of Meera & Radha are two chapters of one story of a woman on the path of love (Bhakti). Regardless of the situation-ship or relationship; Chapter 1 is of the ‘idol worshiper’ & Chapter 2 is of the expression of the divine. The compassionate love. 

I’d like to share a conversation with Bhagwan that not only inspired this series but also this first blog post … 

It’s a beautiful day of silence to ‘be’ an expression! An expression of true freedom He says. So ‘I’ ask Him … 

How to ‘be’ an ‘expression’ of the divine, without ‘being’ a ‘watcher’ of the divine? He says, ‘Love is God. YES, BUT … Love is also freedom, even freedom from the ‘idol worship’ of the divine.’

‘Hmm’, I ask in a different way, ‘How to free the ‘idol’ from the ‘watcher’ & yet ‘be’ an expression of the ‘worshiper’? For Meera is an expression of ‘idol worship’. The seeker of Krishna.’ 

‘How to free love from the ‘watcher’ & yet ‘be’ an expression of love?’ ‘I’ continue … ‘How to walk with the divine & not seem like ‘I’ ‘watch’ the divine?’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

‘Radha has an answer for you,’ He says, ‘for when the ‘idol worship’ of Meera is complete; The mystery of Radha is ‘now’ to ‘be’ lived. Radha is just an expression of love, not the ‘idol worshiper’. The ‘play’ in which Krishna ‘plays’ ball with the universe. Radha is the true friend, the play mate of Krishna. His inner world. Radha is a ‘watcher’ only of the ‘self’, not of Krishna. Krishna is the ‘watcher’ of Radha. The ‘play’ of the inward flow of life. ‘Radha is not’ a seeker, only an expression of Krishna. SHE ‘plays’ – YES, BUT … only in silence 🤫 . For Radha IS Krishna. She is the seeking of Meera. Meera’s seeking is complete with Radha.’ ⭕️

‘I am not’ just as ‘Radha is not’, only love is; I do not touch the souls of beings. I do not plant the seed of love. Just as Radha, I am only an expression of Love. In that expression what must happen, happens. The mystery that ‘We women’ are, is not just an experience for the world but also ‘We women’ ourselves. 

‘We women’ are in the Man’s world, but not of it. Before my sanyas, I already had accepted that there is nothing I can’t do that a man can do. Maybe apart from anything of physical strength, which he’d out do me in. But sanyas & the experiences of the Temple of Love, showed me that my greatest strength is in my acceptance of my intrinsic feminine nature. 

We Women 

‘You maybe an exception to the rule, but an exception only proves the rule.’ ~ Bhagwan. 

The handful of women who are the faces of empowered women, is not the reality of We women at large. They are the exceptions to the rule. The majority, however, are not that fortunate. They don’t have opportunities like we do. Realistically, They cannot raise their voices, strongly project themselves. They don’t even care for it. That is not the feminine nature. Feminine energy is still, it don’t find comfort in fight. All they are looking for is peace & some respect & dignity & acceptance for being exactly as they are. Treated like second class citizens of this world, suppressed, depressed, women suffer in many ways in this Man’s world – most of all emotionally but also mentally, physically & spiritually. Therefore the man suffers too at the hands of women, who blame him for their condition. The empowered woman of today, is not a representation of the feminine energy at all. Neither of the women population of the world at large. 

There is no way to hold a position of influence or power in a Man’s world without operating from Masculine Energy. The empowered woman of today has nothing to offer to the non-empowered majority. In fact if anything, she is here to take away from the majority her greatest strength – the feminine power of her Love. And with that she takes away the gentleness that is her gift of magnetism from existence itself. Sadly, In the expression of an empowered woman today, the majority of We women are not reflected. On the contrary, they seem intimidating, overwhelming & & scary to the ordinary woman. There is no inspiration because the circumstances are not the same. The needs are not the same. 

Fear is not a means to inspire change. Fear is a means to control only. Once a woman knows your weakness, knows what scares you, suppresses you; oh can she be nasty! Especially if she operates from the masculine mind. She can use your fear against you to cripple you & kill your spirit. A woman can make or break a man, therefore his world too. 

Handful of women are controlling the narrative of the empowered woman. It actually saddens me, yet, I am grateful that at least Bhagwan has helped me to understand. And gives me multiple opportunities to help other women understand too. The women of the rule, not the exception. For the ones who are an exception are already exceptional & accepted. 

The empowered woman of the Temple of Love

It is not about the masculine or feminine energy, each one of us carries both within & both are needed to navigate life. But to lead from the masculine principal in a competition with Man in his own world & to deny the feminine principle, which contradicts the competition with Man; is essentially the death of the feminine aspect on this planet. The feminine is truly a dying breed & she holds the seed of love. Love is God. To allow her to die, is to allow the divine to die.   

I personally don’t belong to this majority, yet I understand because I get to interact on a one on one basis, everyday with women from such majority. I just speak with them & help them with some tools to unearth their natural feminine power of love. I’ve heard from these women time & again that their sense of self respect, self love & self dependency, has healed, only through the understanding & acceptance of the intrinsic feminine nature & its tremendous force. In this acceptance they find their peace & power, because it is not in constant conflict with their own intrinsic energy. It is in alignment with it. Then, when feminine energy is leading the way energetically, all wars can also be fought with love – the Krishna consciousness way. 

The empowerment of the feminine, her true freedom is in her acceptance of her feminine spirit. And idol worship can be the beginning of that journey back to the ‘self’, because before an idol of God, or a being of divine light; at least the head will bow down. When it’s bowed down enough, the divine will speak to her & to all, through her ‘being’ – that is her empowerment – God or … Godliness. But upon empowerment, her love is needed in this loveless world of a whole lot of noise about love. Then idol worship is futile, ‘Coz She now is divine herself in the light of the power of her Love ❤️ 

I am not here to refute by any means that women must be strong & courageous & survivors & achievers. I’m only here to remind women of their super power. That’s all. I’m grateful that Bhagwan has found so many ways, alongside ‘earning’ a living, for me to ‘share’ my living too. Individually & in small collectives; with many women, who are not by any standard of the world, ‘exceptional’, only ordinary. The rule, not the rule-breaker. I’m grateful to have the opportunity to share a word with them, just to remind them that … 

‘Ordinary is extra ordinary’ 

~ Bhagwan 

Love is no-thing ‘Coz Truth is a Lie 😁

Reality

Reality, is all that we humans can perceive through our 5 senses – touch, taste, smell, see, hear. Any experience beyond these 5 senses is beyond our perceived reality. It is a choice, to accept the experience of the 6th sense as reality or not. A choice to choose our reality. But does that split reality itself? Reality is choice-less, all of it exists in reality whether we perceive it or not, whether we accept it or not.  

Over the past couple weeks, I’ve been sitting with the depth of unexpressed reality. What’s real is the truth essentially. Unexpressed! For truth cannot be expressed. Arriving at an understanding that Truth is a lie. How can truth be a lie? Either there is truth or there is lie. How can they both be the same? Yet they are! 😊

Just like love is no-thing. Love really cannot be in any ‘thing’. It is so vast that it can only exist where there is immense empty space. Empty of ‘things’ to contain it. That is why in the world where the first requirement of ‘living’ is to ‘earn’ a ‘living’; love is just ‘nothing’. It has to be nothing. Do you blame man? I don’t. I accept, Yet, ‘I’ choose to understand love as no-thing not nothing. Love is beyond the world of things – matter. Even expression. So love & no-thing is the same 😊. 

Love is a reality. It IS. Yet it is not, unless we can perceive it through our 5 senses. Love is the truth of all reality, one that we choose to accept & one that we don’t choose to accept as well. It is the ultimate truth, therefore the greatest lie. Like god. 

I’m not sure you follow me … 

So I’d like to explore from different perspectives. 

Reality of self 

One of my earliest introductions to spiritual practice was through the third eye meditations of swami Nityananda. He explained the three perceptions of self, which has stayed with me till date. I understood it because I have always basically lived unaware trough that space. Now I am conscious of it. Aware. 

Nityananda says, ‘the three perceptions of self reality are, Mamakara, Ahankara & Anyakara. Mamakara (true self) – how ‘I’ perceives itself; Ahankara (ego self) – how ‘I’ perceives others to perceive ‘I’; Anyakara (projected self) – how ‘I’ is actually perceived by others. When all there ‘Karas’ are aligned, the same; the complete self is realized. Then we live in completion.’ ⭕️. Free from the ‘karma’ of the ‘kara’ 

Essentially what Swami Nityananda is saying is that none of the three ‘Karas’ are aligned in the reality of the 5 senses. Our world. Everyone perceives everything from the limitations of self understanding & experience. The 5 senses are designed to perceive only the outside. Quantifiable matter.   Therefore all self work, unfortunately, gets focused on the latter two, Ahankara (ego self) & Anyakara (projected self). Mamakara remains silent, hidden & misunderstood because it belongs to the reality of the sixth sense. When the true self is the focus, the ego self dissolves unexpressed & therefore the projection dissolves too. There is now just a direct connection between true self & how it is perceived, by self & by the outside. True authenticity, some would say! 

Without trying to explain this inexplicable understanding further, I invite you to meditate on the two paragraphs preceding this one. In my experience, the aligned one is the crazy one. The Rumi, the Meera, the Bhagwan, the Buddha. It finds peace outside the world, which is inside its true self. So all expression is from the true self. But that true self is only a lie inside the outside world because it comes from the part of reality that has not been accepted as perceived reality inside the outside world. Yet it is a truth of the whole reality. Do you follow me? 


From yet another perspective 

Truth is that which IS. Lie is that which is not, yet the lie also IS in the not. The ‘not’ which is yet not perceived or expressed. Don’t mean it don’t exist. It IS because it exists in the ‘not’ part of the reality. Perceivable by the same sixth sense only. 

For instance, a toddler has no perception of truth & lies. He operates from pure innocence. He can say a lie like, ‘god speaks to me’, we accept it as his ‘play’. His innocence. It is his truth in that moment, it may change later. He has no need for consistency. But for an adult, the child’s truth is a lie. The adult is knowledgeable, the child has No knowledge at all. Raw, uncultured, totally focused on what he is doing in the moment. When the focus changes, he is totally focused on the now focus. He is not concerned about the outcome, only the experience. The play. The child has no perceived sense self yet. So there is no split between the inside & the outside. It is total acceptance essentially, in innocence & immaturity. God speaks to the child & also his mommy. Both are reality. No spilt between truth & lies. 

A Buddha, again a lie until attained, is the same as a child. Only difference is that a Buddha is an adult. He has gained knowledge to birth maturity, and then lost all knowledge, to RE-birth the innocence of a child ⭕️. So there is no difference in the innocence of a Buddha & a child, except maturity. A buddha is aware innocence, a child is unaware innocence. Neither hold knowledge; Buddha carries  wisdom & both carry innocence. A Buddha also says, ‘God speaks to me’, again we accept it as Buddha’s ‘play’ of wisdom. But for the rest of the adults of knowledge & maturity, Buddha’s statement is a lie. They only nod their heads because it is Buddha, they accept Buddha, not his truth. How can they? They have ‘not’ yet experienced it. 

A truth of one’s story, is a lie of another’s story. Yet once the story connects, it is one story, where both truth & lies can exist together. Both the truth & the lie can be accepted, & experienced, to transcend to the third state of being – ‘living’ the mystery’. Question less. 

A beautifully divine mystery of 6 years is now a wrap for me, in this understanding that truth is a lie. There is no more mystery left to live. I have lived it, at least this part of the mystery. The seeking of Meera is now a living of the mystery that Radha is. When the flow ‘dhara’ moves inward, ‘Radha’. The outside mystery is lived & revealed 😁. Grateful, so grateful 🤲🏻. The expressed lie, hides the unexpressed truth. It is the same. 

The Tantra way 

From yet another perspective. The story of a seed & the story of a tree. The truth of the seed is a lie of the tree & the truth of the tree is a lie of the seed ⭕️. It sounds like philosophy, because our minds are fragmented (ref blog post titled ‘Here’s How). I’ve explained the fragmentation of the mind in the horizontal dimensions in detail there. So won’t go into it here. Philosophy is of the fragmented mind. The philosophizing of the reality that the mind has a ‘knowledge’ of existing but has no experience of it. The story of the seed and tree is reality not philosophy, because they are not two stories. It is one story from the seed to the tree & from the tree back to the seed. The tree is the seed realized, the seed is the potential tree. Tantra sees the full story. ⭕️

Tantra, as much misunderstood, is not about dark spirituality or sacred sex. The dark is equally accepted as the light, within the ways of tantra & yes, sacred sex is a part of the understanding. However, Tantra is a way of life that sees non-fragmented & accepts the whole as is. Light & dark included. Truth & lies included. Tantra is a state of ‘being’ that, slowly but surely, is the transcendence of all dualities ☯️. 

Tantra sees the tree in the seed & the seed in the tree, that is why it is associated with mysteries & mystics; witches & prophecies. But it’s basic principle is that, darkness is not, where light is. There is no fight between truth & lies, no fight between light & dark. When light comes, darkness disappears. When a candle is lit, the darkness will not say, ‘I will not go. I will fight to stay.’ Tantra is a misunderstood expression of the vertical dimensions of reality, or one can call it, the sixth sense. Therefore, misunderstood. Fragmented in understanding from the consciousness of the horizontal dimension. 

Tantra is a constant remembrance that life is a ‘play’ of existence. To split it between truth & lies is to split the ‘play’ of life into real & unreal. It is not a complete experience of the show that life is. In the ways of tantra, there is no truth & there is no lie, only a complete acceptance of the ‘living’ of the mystery called life. Tantra don’t allow a split, it accepts all – the known & the unknown; it plays with both. It expresses both. It is the true authenticity of tantra. Therefore tantriks & tantrikas seem eccentric inside the outside reality.  There is no split of truth or lie in their experience of the ‘play’. The ‘leela’ that life is. 

Truth cannot be in words 🤫 

Love is no-thing, because truth is a lie. Truth is that which cannot be expressed in words. Especially the spoken word. Therefore it is a lie. Love that can be expressed in the spoken word, is not love. It is only a feeling that seems like love. Thoughts & feelings are temporary. Love is eternal. It is the divine itself. Love can only be expressed as creativity. ‘Coz love is creation. She is creation. She is love. The truth that love is can only be expressed as a lie that no-thing is, within the confines of the limitations of expression in the so called free world. How to express this in words? But in a song, or a dance or poetry or a painting it can be expressed. 

One might argue that love has most exquisitely & eloquently been expressed in words by a Rumi or a Meera. Only because the ‘play’ of words IS their creative expression. They have expressed love through their whole being, not just words. Their ‘being’ is their creative expression. YES, BUT … not without paying the price of speaking the truth in a hypocritical world.
I often wonder, had a Rumi or a Meera been afraid of being consistently questioned & laughed at during their time, how would they ever stand as an encouragement for those like me? To me they say, ‘it’s okay, it’s okay to be questioned & laughed at now, just so love can live eternally; because it lives in your creative expression of the self.’ That’s all they say to me in all of their contradictory words of love & truth. It is all no-thing & lies 😊. Meaningless in the world of matter of the 5 senses. They have lived only from the sixth sense & used the 5 senses not to perceive only to express. 

Truth can only be expressed through creativity. The rest is all a lie. One of the greatest kept secrets of religion is Love itself. Because love is God. Jesus said god is love & his love is the unaccepted secret of Christianity. The lie that IS in the not. Not of Christ, of Christianity. The love story of Jesus & Mary Magdalene. Where, on the one hand, Radha, Hinduism’s (not Krishna’s) secret love; has been expressed in the words of hymns; the love of Jesus has been secretly expressed in code through Da Vinci’s paintings. The longer love is a secret, the divine will remain a secret to this world. Love & truth are not words, so they are no-thing & lies. Yet in this ‘play’ of no-thing & lies, love needs to be expressed. For love to live. It is the only expression of God. 

The last question !

It’s All just a ‘play’ – truth or lie, don’t matter. Love expressed as creativity is not just a gift for one, it is a gift for all. A gift of freedom. A gift of love. So Keep playing & gratefully enjoy this beautiful play that existence has given us an opportunity to experience. She accepts your lie & knows your truth too. She withdraws in the acceptance of your lie, she stays in the knowing of your truth. Much like Mother Earth & the Pandemic. It creates a split in the reality & man is confused. The truth is always evident in a lie because it is the same. The truth you ‘stand by’ & not ‘necessarily’ tell, to create a lie, is always clear as day.
All three ‘karas’ are aligning. Once aligned, there will be no experience left in expression. And expression is an experience. Only silence will Be in the absence of expression. Don’t just play, also say, whenever you’re ready to say; until then just play. For the truth can live in the lie of the play. Yes it can – The Tantra way 👍🏻

I wonder, Can this no-thing that love is & this Lie that the truth is, that I try to express in words; be expressed in creativity not of words too? YES? NO? YES, BUT ? 😁

Is there anything left in this play, 

Except the lie that’s left to say? 

Or is there still a reason to save, 

The truth, 

will you take it to the grave? 

Say it like truth, or say it like a lie, 

Will you express it before you die? 

Let me know that Love is, 

I know … yet …

Whoever she is, divinity is  … 

For until ‘you’ express or say, 

How can ‘I’ STOP the play? 🥹🙏🏻

With immense immense Gratitude for the lies of no-thing that has lead to the un-expected & unexpressed truth of love after (almost) six long years 🙏🏻

In celebration of the truth & the lie, please let the  truth live in the lie of the play. YES? NO? YES, BUT? 😊

~ MaPJ ~

Contradiction is closer to truth than consistency – The Gemini New Moon  

We are the creators of our own destiny, that’s true. And our destiny is already written in the stars, that’s also true. Both statements separately are half truths, which is just that – half truth, not The truth. Together they are the truth. Some have experienced their story as a creation of their own efforts. Some have experienced a story handed to them. Certainly, most of us will stand by one or the other statement. The human condition, makes everything a debate or a choice based on our own experiences. It is only a reflection of the duality of existence manifesting through our dualistic perspective of life.
Our ‘actions’ create our destiny but the circumstances for our actions must also be created. That is what existence, universe, call it whatever, does for us. Destiny, is a co-creative journey, before, during & after each incarnation. Existence is the director, we are the actors, but we are both writing the script together as we go.

A co-creative process, involves two, my being and the universe. Let’s call it the sky for this post. Everything that happens in our skies, cosmos created (or man-made), has an impact on our planet. When the moon rises, the tides of the ocean also rise. We ourselves are 70% water. If we work on our connection to the sky, attempt to understand it; obviously our ‘working’ relationship with it, will be better. In turn, the sky will understand us too. After all, we are partners in crime 😁

The sky is contradiction

I channel this post as a reflection on the current Gemini New moon. The Moon of the twins. The moon of duality. The moon of the Yin & Yang. Essentially, the shadow & the light. Of the contradictions. A new moon is of the darkness in any case. It isn’t a time to look outward because the outside is dark, no sun, no moon either. We can see nothing but the sky can still see us. On a New moon, the sky is intently watching us, at what’s inside us. In many ways, it is a moment in time for prayer. For gratitude. 

The moon itself is of the dark. When the sun is shining it’s light elsewhere, the moon reflects the light of the sun to illuminate the darkness. The sun & the moon are having the same effect on the planet, on us. They are both illuminating. The sun is shining on the outside in the light of day, the moon is illuminating in the darkness of the night. The sun brings it out in the open, the moon knows but keeps it hidden. The moon reflects the suns light to illuminate. The moon itself, ‘She’ is just existing. She can’t ‘do’.
This in itself is the complete story of yin & yang. The shadow & the light. All other planets that affect our being on planet earth, are also of the shadow or the light & further have their own shadows & light to work with. Both are a reality. There is no choice here. Truth is in the contradiction of the sky.

What does the Gemini New Moon sky say? 

I was inspired to channel this post all the way through, by including a breakdown of a Tarot reading with each section. Tarot essentially is a tool to support the intuition of a mystic in reading individual or collective energy. The energy which existence, the sky creates. The circumstance for our actions, our ‘acting’ essentially. As by rule, I must add a disclaimer, this part may or may not resonate with you as it reads for many. Take what does & leave the rest.

The energy showing up for this Gemini new moon is speaking to the Masculine. Regardless of our gender, the face we carry in the world. The part of us that shows up in the world. You can call him the doer, I’m beginning to see him as more and more of a ‘non-doer’. The way we show up in the world depends on our actions; acting as I’m calling it these days. This ‘acting’ depends on how we perceive ourselves, our character. Character is consistent but truth is contradictory. So character ain’t authenticity. We can only act truest to Our authenticity in that moment. 

This new moon of duality speaks to that actor in us. It encourages us to show up in our authenticity by embracing both the faces of duality within us in that moment, with no expectation or promise of a future. How we act in this moment is already aligned with a future we are to experience, yet reaching that by transcending the duality, will obviously present us with something that’s not exactly as we had expected or promised. There are so many possibilities. Our truth in that moment will differ. The transcendence of the duality will be neither this nor that and both. A third kind, co-created with the sky. This is ultimately moving our journey fast forward with intensity and passion. 

Card explanations 

The two faces of the situation are in the cards above. These could be two brothers, friends, partners, competitors or just two different faces of our own selves in the situation. Represented as kings, there is maturity with which we can look at a situation right now. Both faces are mature. One is of the sky & one is of the earth. One is of the mind & the other is of the home. And home is where the heart is. 

The king of Air (swords) on the left of the picture above, is crystal clear, honest, fair, just and truthful to the self. He knows his true face but still wears a thin mask to hide a part of him. An important part of him, his eyes. He is wise, intelligent and can be calculative. He is impeccable with his word and serious even in Love. You can’t debate with this man. The blue in the card talks about communication and coldness. A-lot of the times, he speaks only to restore fairness & justice, or to share wisdom. If he works through the shadow, he can be manipulative and hurtful. He can be closed due to hard experiences of his past. 

The king of Earth (pentacles) in the centre of the picture, is in contrast, grounded, hard working and humble. He maybe a businessman or not, but he is certainly self made. He has worked hard. No one leaves his home hungry. He is abundant and grateful for all he has. With what he has, he creates opportunities of abundance for others. Abundance for him is where he can provide a sense of belonging. Where he feels a sense of belonging. What he can call home, to provide, protect and to belong. What he can commit to. If he works through his shadow, he can be materialistic and arrogant. He is always open, either as a giver or as a show off. 

This new moon in Gemini is asking of the acceptance of both these faces, whether it’s within ourselves or in a connection we share with another. Once we accept the half truth presented by both, we can transcend to a choice less place that includes both and is neither. The third kind. That then pushes our journey forward with intensity and passion towards the future we can’t know but can experience in co-creation with the sky. They seem to be enjoying the journey amidst the fire balls in the card on the right of the picture. 

Truth is Freedom 

Truth, as I mentioned above, is subjective because it is only half truth when operating in the conflict of dualities. Both together make up the full truth. So in transcending duality we find the truth, which is both and neither. For example, the institution of Marriage. Personally, I’m all for Love & celebrating it in Union but I’m not for Marriage. That doesn’t mean I’m against it. I just don’t see marriage as synonymous with union or love. One can be in love and union without being married. Yet it is how it is and is followed unquestioned. So if we want companionship, we automatically think marriage. And if we don’t want marriage, we automatically are opposed to the idea of love or union. We unconsciously push love away both ways. In marriage we slowly kill it. The most crucial energy for evolution is Love. Both ways we are blocking evolution. Love/union and marriage; They are actually not connected. 

Attachment and aversion are two sides of the same coin of duality. In non-attachment to marriage (or anything else), we need not be averted to it. So we need not choose this or that. Freewill gives us a choice. But choice is not freedom. Accepting both and transcending both aspects of dualities, gives us freedom from needing to choose. Freedom is in being choice-less. So non-attachment & non-aversion is the path to truth. In truth is freedom. Freedom from ourselves and our blockages co-created with the sky. 

They say that a ‘sadhak’, a meditator is un-affected by the skies. Actually that is not entirely true. A meditator, is still affected by the skies but is slowly transcending the dualities presented by the skies. A meditator, learns to work with the energies that the skies present and also has a higher perspective on life. He just sees presented circumstances with higher emotional, mental and spiritual intellect. He just keeps experiencing freedom by transcending conflict – inner & outer. The conflicts created by duality. He finds truth in the freedom essentially. Freedom from the conflict created by the split of duality. 

What is the truth of the Gemini New Moon sky? 

The cards show me that, the Gemini New Moon is showing us how far we’ve come, even though we feel stuck. We’ve felt stuck in situations that are out of our control. It’s almost like the universe has hung us upside down. But for good reason. Wherever we’ve felt stuck, we’ve also found illumination and a new perspective. Something which we were looking at upside down, now seems to make sense. We’ve been under the energies of a retrograde Mercury for the last month or so. Mercury rules the sign of Gemini and is the planet of communication. Much of our interpretation of information or communication over the last month, is likely going through a shift now. We are seeing things very differently now as Mercury stations direct 3 days after the New moon. Mercury is most potent in its energy during its stations retrograde or direct, within 3 days on either side. 

With this new found perspective, we can see how to break out of a stuck situation, circumstance or relationship. The cards show a recognition and victory by way of our own efforts. It’s also about the future we see and want to experience. We want to recognize someone who has certainly helped us on this victory. I also see that this celebration of the journey of victory with the other, may need to happen away from the crowd, the people or the public. Most literally, these cards talk about action after a stagnant period. It can be in any area of life but certainly something (a creative project/partnership) or someone (friend/companion/lover/beloved/guru) we are passionate about. 

Consistency is conformity 

Certainly in a 9-5 job that we don’t enjoy, we are conforming to society, most literally. Conforming to a herd. We conform in other ways and areas of our lives too. To ideas, ideologies, individual experiences, social structures, family conditioning etc. In our relationships, or anywhere in life for that matter, we are conditioned to what ‘it’ must look like or feel like. So we are conforming to an idea, one created by our past experiences or one we’ve picked up from the world outside. Conforming makes me reliable & predictable.
For example, I’m known to have literally run away from most stressful situations in my life. This was before my spiritual journey began in 2016. Bags packed and off to the other side of the globe. I’ve lived out of fancy suitcases since 2012 😊. It’s fun & it’s not. The duality. I may not be reliable to others, I’m still predictable. They know how to deal with me, encourage me or manipulate me. When I’m predictable, I can be controlled. They know I’ll just run. Now I don’t run, I travel. It’s a bit more unpredictable. Now I have nothing to run from and nothing to run to. So I travel. 😊

Character is consistent but we’ve already established that the truth is in contradiction. Anything repeated to us multiple times is essentially hypnosis. That’s what marketing works on, advertising, sales, essentially the whole world. Mass hypnosis. What we are consistently told about ourself, builds our character through hypnosis. The character is consistent in conforming to its character. And the character is predictable. This New Moon gives us the opportunity for freedom from consistent conformity or consistent non-conformity. An opportunity to break out of the limitations of our own character, in many ways. 

Where does the Gemini New Moon present an opportunity to break out of the mould? 

Most literally in our most intimate & important connections, relationships or partnerships. The lovers card in the picture above is the card of Gemini, the twins in Tarot. The two of water (cups) is a connection of equals based in love. For me as a reader, it is the card of twin flames & spiritual partnerships. It can most literally be talking to Divine counterparts. Regardless of the type of connection, it is based in love, plutonic or romantic. With the sun card, there’s complete conscious illumination at this new moon of what makes us joyful in our connections and what doesn’t. Where there’s light and where there’s the darkness. With the lovers, there’s a choice to choose Love or not. But as I say, the sky doesn’t present us with a choice. Whatever the connection or relationship clarity we have found, is either reaching a breakthrough or a breakdown moment, depending on how we show up. We can see that with the clarifying card at the bottom. I do see a fear of breakdown that may keep us in an old way of acting (showing up). Essentially, keep us in the mould. This new moon energy presents us with an opportunity to be ‘acting’ (showing up) differently for a breakthrough despite the fear of breakdown. 

What I’m seeing here is the affects of a Saturn stationing retrograde about 5 days after this new moon. Saturn is the teacher of the shadows. Naturally to teach you, he will take you into the shadows. He teaches a lesson for 2 and a half years and depending on your relationship to Saturn, how you worked with him & how you did on your tests; he leaves you a gift as a reward. When Saturn moves backward (retrograde) it takes us back over the lessons, to test us on what we’ve learnt. Saturn in many ways is the conformist because he is consistent. He is about the discipline but he is also the giver of karma, which doesn’t conform to any laws of the world. Saturn conforms to the ‘laws of the universe’, the sky.  He rewards consistency of the individual only to the self.   

Consistency is also rewarded in the ‘laws of the universe’ 

The sky rewards consistency by simplifying & beautifying the journey. The consistency to be aligned at all times with our own truth, even if it’s contradictory to our own outer character, past, narrative, ego or whatever else. That is how we transform our outer reality by transforming the inner reality. The Individual being the new face of society gives you the freedom to be authentic and well … you. It is a privilege that some will never know. Yet it can be isolating. The more authentic we are, the more isolated we will be. The duality, the contradiction is the truth, and will always be there in everything. That imperfection is the perfection of existence. Perfection is not the way of the sky. Regardless of the changeable and so perceived ‘non-changeable’ circumstances of our incarnation.
We can change our experience of every aspect of life by being consistent to ourself by transcending the contradictions of duality. We can achieve that by being consistent in our practice, no matter the chaos. Whatever the practice may be. The sky only asks for it to be co-creative. 

Where is the Gemini New Moon asking for consistency?

This New Moon is in some wonderful alignment with Pluto, the planet of transformation & the ruler of the underworld. Pluto is an outer planet that Vedic astrologers don’t consider in a birth chart, as Vedic astrology is focused on the individual. Western astrology, which comes about post the establishment of society, also considers Pluto as a means to read the collective energy. Vedic astrology works on the principal that the individual is the society and western astrology, rightfully also says that the society impacts the individual. Both together are correct and again are a reflection of duality manifested in differences. 

Our truth is subjective until we transcend it to be both and neither. A third kind. For example the collective self expression with the rising collective consciousness of mankind, is more diverse than ever because of the individual wanting to express his own authenticity. It is a movement in it self. An attempt to express authenticity through creativity. We can either evolve to be truthfully consistent with our own creative expression. Or consume the expression of others to form an idea. Creativity is an expression of the sky. The sky has manifested through creativity, in all of us too. It breathes in all of us. As an individual creative expression. Of course creativity is an individual expression and May or may not add to a collective voice. But it is consistent to the evolved self, even if it is contradictory to the self of the past. 

In short, being inspired by the creative expression of another is to be able to see the ocean from a distance, which is not an experience. It is consumption of creativity. To taste the ocean, to really be the ocean, to be creative; is to create your own, to approach the ocean and take a dip. Whatever that may be. For me I’ve found some in words and some in dance.  As Bhagwan says, it is only in dance that the dancer and the dance are one and the same. I don’t care to be good or even to be seen or heard, I care only to express. 

With social media and digital platforms, I find the same analogy. Everything reflects duality. You build a relationship to it based on where you are on the transcendence of the duality that rules it. The digital medium is a great medium for creative self expression, and it is also a platform that has been built to expand on the Human condition – the need to be needed, loved, heard. Where I come from in my truth in that moment; my expression/sharing or the Human condition, is really my only problem. The rest is outside of me, that the sky takes care of. I can’t be concerned with how it is perceived. At least I shouldn’t. 

Card explanations 

The cards show that it is not quite time to charge ahead. The chariot card in all honesty came out reversed but I don’t read these cards reversed. It tells me that, With the new found clarity on what celebration means to us, we will be moving forward when the duality in the situation has balanced out. Both together can then pull the chariot ahead. It needs both its horses, the yin & the yang. The shadow and the light. Right now, at least until mercury is out of shadow, around mid month, it’s time for rest, rejuvenation and reflection to integrate the lessons and blessings of the eclipse season that went by just before this new moon. 

The clarifiers below, show me, Whatever this is, once it moves forward, requires truthful and honest conversations that set everyone free. It seems to be the last resort to forward a dream that we are passionate about. The larger lessons of transformation that Pluto has shown us through the collective, has an opportunity to be integrated through this rest period, into our journeys ahead. 

We all live under the same sky 

The sky is the same for all of us. The same sun, the same moon, the same planets and the same alignments. Yes they will affect different areas of our individual life based on where the planets sit in our birth charts. But the sky is the same for all of us. Pluto rules the underworld, that’s oil & wars. It is there as a reality mankind lives through at the collective level and with its impact on the individual. 

But at the same time, we have a Saturn always teaching us strategy. Rightful ‘action’ for rightful karma, in the face of conflict. We also have a mercury, to teach us that the interpretations of our words and actions only depend on the receiver, not us. The sun to bring it out, the moon to illuminate. The sky is full of the shadow and the light and it’s contradictions. The sky itself is holding all its elements, it is unconditionally loving to exist through us, despite our conflicts. It loves the whole, the war and the peace. It is above the conflict of duality. We are existence manifested and have the potential to be above the conflict of duality. We just need a relationship with our partner – The Sky. 

The challenge presented by the Gemini New Moon 

The Gemini New moon is breakthrough or breakdown moment, as we saw above. The fear of the breakdown, is the challenge to the breakthrough essentially. The fear is based on only one face of duality. The one we’ve experienced. Fear blocks us from experiencing the other, so we can’t transcend the duality and experience freedom. There are two fives in the tarot cards above. That’s change. One that we have no control over. Our partner, the sky creates the tower, a breakthrough or breakdown moment. Our action, inaction or non action, moves the story of our destiny. 

In this moment of change, we have help in one (left) card that we see. And in the other (right) card we have a blockage. A fear, of another drowning, or of our character on letting someone drown, or our past. We are already moving our attention in both cards towards where there’s the light, the hope, but the blockage gets louder in the moments of breakthrough. In the face of this challenge, here’s an opportunity to accept that the blockage is there and let it be. At the same time to be consistent with our truth and accept the light, hope, the help too. It maybe contradictory to our past to not save someone from drowning but it’s also consistent to our own truth. In the cards, we’re coming out of a tough place ourselves. 

The opportunity presented by the Gemini New Moon 

Most literally a gift from the sky. From our partner in crime. An opportunity to create a destiny of abundance as we see it or wish for it. Either we’ve come into our own creative freedom of expression, through the expression of our own inner feminine; or a free spirited feminine energy in our lives has catalyzed a major transformation that cannot be stopped. It is essentially an opportunity to allow transformation to ground into physical reality, a new seed straight from the skies. This seed however comes with a guarantee of complete physical abundance, whatever that literally means to you. 

With the clarifier below, the sky is creating an opportunity here, the stage for our acting, to escape challenges, with another and move our journey forward, with intensity and passion. 

Chaotic Discipline 

So that means we can change our world completely by transcending the contradictions & being consistent to our own truth. Essentially by rising up to the sky and befriending it. We have that power. That’s a superpower. God like power. But it ain’t easy to get to. It’s hard work, can be challenging and can get very monotonous, especially the consistency part. I started to find that ‘work’ is easier and fun in ‘chaotic Discipline’. Bhagwan used that word and I instantly identified with it. 

A lot of people in my life have called me ‘procrastinator’, but it’s only chaotic discipline. For instance, I live out of three countries technically at the moment. Each of the countries has a space that I call home. Well Nepal literally does, and Goa soon to be. And Canada is home most literally. Because I feel a sense of belonging in all of these places. In my truth they all align with different layers of my being. 

At the commune in Nepal, the environment presented by the sky, asks for devoted discipline. I meditate and study over 8 hours a day there. In Goa, I enjoy my aloneness. the sky presents an environment which asks for dedicated discipline and reflection. I meditate and study for about 5 hours a day. In canada, I’m lazy, yet there’s so much to do. So I meditate only 2 hours a day and spend the rest of my time experiencing the outer world of family, friends, the luxuries of the outside world and a lot of nature. 

My own truth is both inward and outward, both yin and Yang. I accept fully the chaos, it creates in my journey. Travelling all the time. Never getting too comfortable in one spot. The circumstances presented by the sky dictate the consistency of my meditative practice. But my practice itself is not consistent as you can see. It is mouldable with the changing circumstance. I’ll get the work done, I may do a little at a time, I may do it after I experience the sunset, which I’ll miss if I do it now. But it’ll get it done. 

Being able to be fully present to where I’m being called by the director in the moment, is the actor’s job. That is how the Job will get done. That is not procrastination, it is Chaotic Discipline. 

My understanding of Krishna Consciousness. Krishna’s attempt with the Gita was to help mankind keep their energy centre at the heart before it rises to the mind. Krishna is all heart. But we are mostly mind. Living from the heart is what more & more of us must do. Those who can of course. So many can only live to survive. But the ones who can raise the collective vibration of our planet, should do it individually. If I’m consistently contradictory too, I’m essentially consistent. In truth, I’m sometimes consistent and sometimes contradictory. And that is contradictory itself. The contradiction of the heart is closer to truth than the consistency of the mind    

In the chaos of duality, where should our focus be at this Gemini New Moon? 

Our focus should be on where our intensity and passion is driving us. Letting the past be in the past, not crying over spilt milk, and charging forward with intensity and passion, AND the wisdom of the sphinx we now have, in the bottom right card in the picture above. This is where a new cycle, a new journey has already begun. 

The past as we saw in the cards above, always plays on our doubts and fears to keep us blocked. To transcend the duality in this situation we must focus on the new, not the better. 

Final words from the sky 

‘You have healed and your wishes will come true, through the inspired action you take but it will need moving forward from what holds you back, even if it’s with a heavy heart’ 

– The sky through the cards above

Advise From the Sky 

Please read the cards in the picture above. 
Thank You 🙏🏻

From The Sky & Me 😊

  • By: Ma PJ
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