Sanyas Archives - The Maroon Rising

July 14, 2023

Just Show up!

Why don’t you tell me what to ‘do’?

This morning, chilling with my bestie, she said to me, ‘I tell you to do so many things, like make tarot videos for the public & write blogs, write a book; because I know you, your gifts, talents and I love you. Why don’t you ever tell me what to do?’ I was about to answer, when her 8 year old Son knocked on the door & she asked, ‘who is it?’ He replied, ‘Rajneesh’. That’s not her son’s name. That is my master, Bhagwan’s name. And this kiddo only calls Bhagwan, ‘Acharya’ or ‘Osho’, as his mom refers to her master as well. She looked at me in surprise.

I said to her, as she unlocked the door, ‘the answer to your question is coming from Rajneesh, for ‘I am not’. We laughed. She attended to her son for a few minutes & then I attempted to allow the answer to come through.

‘Why don’t you tell me what to do?’, was her question. The reply that came through, ‘no one can tell you what to do. No one at all! If someone says to you that I’m telling you to do this, that or the other because I love you, I care for you; it is not love. Know that. Because love only accepts as it is. Love is not for what you do, only for what you are in ‘being’. Do nothing at all & love will remain. Love will celebrate all that you do, but will never tell you what to do. If no one can tell you what to do, the question still remains, ‘tell me what to do?’
She listened intently as I allowed the answer to complete itself. ‘There are two ways of approaching life – expansion, which is ‘doing’ & growth, which is ‘being’. Expansion is outward & growth is inward. When we grow inside (vertically) in ‘being’, our own higher self takes us where we need to ‘Show up’ to expand (horizontally) & allows existence to ‘do’ what needs to be done through the ‘being’. It’s called Faith in all that is as it is. It is an intelligence of its own – Tantra!’ Tantra, unlike any other spiritual path, is a Path of ‘doing’ but without the involvement of the ‘I’. It is full of techniques which need to be done, from a space of ‘being’.

Not just an answer for her, this was Bhagwan’s reminder for me too. A culminating validation of a recent awakening.

My recent awakening

A month & a half ago, as a big ego death process began for me, triggered by the final struggle between ‘being’ & ‘becoming’ (ref. Blog post ‘life in surrender’); I started to detach from my own story automatically. I started questioning myself, ‘is there any need to express my ‘play’ of life? Who exactly am I expressing to? And who is expressing when ‘I am not’?’ I was very close to deactivating my social media & retiring into the peace & acceptance I was finding within myself in my own understanding. I understood that there is no need to express outwardly my inner experience of life. It is between me & life, not between my life & the world. But Bhagwan had other plans.
Bhagwan says, ‘only when one has totally removed himself, his ‘I’dentity from his story, does one live a story in true freedom. Then one becomes a channel for the truth to be expressed through his ‘being’, no matter the cost’ Because … freedom is really from the ‘idea’ of the self in realizing the true self. That true self is therefore selfless.

Over the past several weeks, I’ve found myself sitting with a question – Does it really take a whole world to tell someone, he has no reason to laugh, celebrate, sing & dance; unless he has ‘done’ something to ‘become’ worthy of expressing it? Celebrating it? The law of manifestation says, live the experience before it manifests & don’t be attached to any outcome.

So who decides what I am worthy of expressing? Then how is that my own life or expression? ‘I am not’, who will decide? Someone else? How is that true freedom? When one has the courage to stand in his own understanding, even if the whole world is against it; all of existence conspires to validate his understanding. There is no right or wrong understanding, there is only individual understanding. And understanding is awareness. Then all one has to ‘do’ is to just show up where he is called & existence takes care of the rest.

Now, does that mean that one is so rigid in one’s understanding, to not be open to surface or superficial ‘self’ change? (as the core true self is not changeable, only realizable & the same in all). No, that is not what it means. On the contrary, no matter how big, one is open to every change because it changes nothing of the true self. And there is no ‘I’ to be rigid. Who will be rigid? Only the motivation for accepting change in this case is different. The motivation is not the self because the self is self less & with surrender one has totally accepted the self and all as it is. It is then beyond the limited self.
The motivation – It maybe change required to allow existence to ‘do’ what needs to be done. Or it maybe change just to put a smile on a loved ones face. Or the change maybe for larger collective consciousness reasons. Whatever the motivation, It doesn’t come from a space of needing to become ‘better’, it comes from a space of total acceptance of the nature of the inner & outer worlds. The true self remains unchanged.

My recent awakening has shown me how to just show up & allow the story to be written, no matter the change that must be embraced. One can absolutely learn on the job, as long as he is willing to just show up in faith.

There are no teachers, only students

It is my observation throughout life so far, that everyone seems to know what another should to ‘do’ to ‘become’ worthy & deserving. Everyone has an opinion about everything, as so many seemed to have when I chose the path of Neo Sanyas. I am not for or against any opinion because all opinions stem from individual experiences of one’s past. They are all valid in their rightful place. No opinions are right or wrong, yet one’s opinion is irrelevant to the experience of another. And yesterday’s experience is not today’s reality. Yesterday is memory, today is reality!

So, even in asking another, ‘what should I do?’, one is essentially seeking validation outside of the self. When one stands by his own true understanding of the self (of the selfless self, removing the ‘I’), even if there is no validation from the outside world, that validation comes directly from the universe itself. It comes in the form of signs & synchronicities, and also manifested happenings. The Pathless path unfolds as I walk. Everyone learns what he needs to learn for his individual journey. No two experiences of life are the same. One’s opinion is irrelevant to the other. So I learnt, at the Temple of love, to allow my own understanding to lead the way. For there is no other way.

At the Temple of Love, one of the first lessons I learnt is that I must unlearn everything I know to learn that which aligns me with my own individual path in this collective consciousness. What I unlearnt is the world & what I learnt is my ‘self’! The thing is, there are no teachers. A true master or guru will never accept that he is a teacher. There are no teachers, only students. When one wants to learn, he can learn from anything & anyone. If I sit before a tree, just staring at it everyday, I can learn some profound lessons of life. In watching a seed grow into a plant & then into a tree, the whole circle of life & death can be understood. All of Tantra is in the story of a seed & tree.

There are no teachers, only students. No true master will ever accept he is a master, Yet, a true student will always accept his master as his master. The master wants no praise, he wants no-thing. The disciple wants to praise his master, he wants every-thing for his master. For every-‘thing’ already belongs to the master. The master – a vibrational frequency of the vertical dimension that aligns with one’s inner master. In celebrating the master, the disciple is celebrating him ‘self’, the self beyond the limited self. ⭕️

The ‘show’ must go on

Yes, life & its experiences are just a ‘leela’, a ‘play’, but we are not just spiritual beings. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. That human experience is real, while in human form. Regardless of where one is in consciousness, he feels just like everyone else. The approach & response to that feeling will continuously change, as one’s consciousness evolves.

My best friend from school is a dancer & choreographer of Attakalari & other dance forms. She ‘uses’ her creativity to spread awareness about many social issues. Some 10 years ago, she was in love & soon to be married. Her fiancée travelled to Thailand for his bachelors vacation. He & his friend were waiting for a third friend at the bus station behind a big crowd. When a bus arrived, the crowd was pushed back & the fiancée & his friend fell into a dry concrete fountain head first. The fiancée lost his life instantly, the friend was saved with lifelong serious damage. My friend got the news only 3 hours before a dance performance. Incidentally, one of her best till date as I hear.

I asked her, ‘how did you perform?’ She replied, ‘I danced like a zombie, blank mind. I remember nothing of it. It is better I danced before I grieved though. It somehow helped me to see that life goes on.’ In other words, the show must go on. I asked her, ‘what does it feel like to know that you have no control over life?’
She replied, ‘it’s like living with the weight of a dead man on my shoulders but it makes me fearless towards death too. I realized that death can come at anytime, without warning & nothing of what I’ve done in life will mean anything at all. I have no control over my life’s story.’ As of last year she is happily married 😊 & her wedding was a moment when I was able to reconnect after 20 years with my oldest friends. Where we’re all loved for what we are, not what we do. Anyways …

Essentially, what she was experiencing is a big ego death. I, of course didn’t know that then. An ego death is not much different from death itself. In death the ego dies with the body. In ego death, it dies before the body. One can watch himself dying in ego death. It’s painful, there is grieving too, but on the other side of it, is true freedom. None else are grieving with me though. I grieve my own death & transform to a deathless state of ‘being’. Mortal yes, but death less. When life shows us, we are not in control, ego death is the only response. The realization of that which is bigger than ‘I’. One just surrenders to that which is bigger.

For the past month & a half, my limited self has been grieving my biggest ego death yet. The limited self suddenly feels like the whole world is laughing at it. Mocking it. Yet, because ‘I am not’ in my own story; I’ve been able to laugh with the world too, as I grieve 😊. Somehow, I’ve been somewhere above the pain. Existence has certainly conspired to validate my individual understanding though, by carrying me into a new phase of this journey as I grieved, not even bothering to pick up the pieces of a dead, broken ego. Yet that is what has given me the strength to ‘just show up’ in faith where I’m being called. Thank god, the grieving has finally ended & after the rains, the Sun shines again. ☀️ 😊👍🏻

Life is beyond my control

I’m not sure how often I’ll be able to blog over the next few months, as focus shifts to a book that needs to be completed sooner than later. And I’m so inspired currently. Immensely grateful 🙏🏻. I know nothing about the journey ahead. It is completely unknown territory for me, but Bhagwan has sent a team that knows everything about it. It is their playing ground. So I just show up, in faith with the gifts bestowed upon me by existence itself & learn on the job as I go 😊.

The moment of life & the moment of death – the two most important happenings of any story, is beyond one’s control. The two most important experiences of one’s journey, happens without the involvement of ‘I’. ‘I am not’ in the moments of birth & death. And everything in between is just a ‘play’. For that play, each one of us has been given gifts as mediums to express our human experience. To ‘play’ our part. Because everyone is so focused on writing the story of their ‘I’ themselves, our whole expression becomes utilitarian. We use our ‘I’dentity, our gifts, our whole life, to write the story we want to write. The one we want to control.

For the one who has experienced ego death, ‘I am not’ in my own story, nothing is utilitarian. The one who has seen that the involvement of ‘I’, the ego, isn’t needed for a story to be written, there is no ‘I’, no one to use the gifts, or to use anything to write anything. Yet, a story is being written. Yet the gifts are being shared. Just show up to play the part. When a door opens, enter to show up, when a door closes, exit to show up.

Then I ask myself, ‘but who is showing up?’ To which, there is no answer. It is pure silence 🤫. The end of all questions. Because that which shows up is no-thing & therefore all there is! ⭕️

As this No-thing just shows up at the onset of a humbling 1st major tie up for the ‘We Woman Foundation’, to bring forward a new vision for women’s liberation; In gratitude for the ‘being’ of a friend, who intentionally or subconsciously (I don’t know) encouraged me to get back to the ‘word’. Either ways, the universe certainly used his being to conspire to align me with the story of the ‘word’.

Always in celebration of the Sun ☀️

For a Sunset is always followed by a moonrise.

And after a full moon-night too, there is always a sunrise ⭕️

Everything happens for a reason! Grateful!

Radhe Radhe 🙏🏻

July 9, 2023

The Last Wish

Mayapur

I was born in an Indian city called Kolkata, capital of the state of West Bengal. This region of India has gifted mankind with many enlightened spiritualists & literature masters like Robindro Nath Tagore; ‘Thakur’ as we call him in Bengali; literally translated ‘God’. Bhagwan! I’m not here today to speak about Him though, I’m here today to speak about Bhagwan, not my master, the consciousness. God consciousness!

Mayapur is a village of devotees situated at about 6 hours drive from Kolkata. It is the birthplace of Chaintanya Mahaprabhu & the ISKCON movement (international society of Krishna Consciousness). As a child I’d frequent Mayapur with my family, and remember the joy of experience, celebrating, dancing & singing with the devotees. The first temple & ashram of the ISKCON movement is in Mayapur, established by Shrila Prabhupada. The ashram boasts a grand temple, housing & dining for the devotees, a gurukul for devotee children, many meditation parks, a huge library & some lodging for guests. My mother often tells me, ‘generally a silent child, in Mayapur, you’d just open up like it is where you belong.’ She tells me, she could never make me understand why I couldn’t just study with the devotee children at the gurukul. I still don’t understand 😁

I remember, my favourite place at the ashram was the silent sitting room with a wax statute of Shrila Prabhupada. My memory is staring into his eyes & feeling a kind of peace that I didn’t find anywhere else. That is why, I’d open up & just celebrate. Only God knows what? 🤷🏻‍♀️ It felt safe to be myself there. It was all so simple. There was no need to fit in. Outside, I was fairly silent, more observant. The other space I remember is a Museum of wax statues, showcasing the story of Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. I remember always being so confused because they said, he was Krishna, yet I didn’t recognize the story as that of Krishna & neither did I understand. There was no Radha.

Chaitanya Mahaprabhu

Chaintanya Mahaprabhu was a saint in the 15th century. The Krishna consciousness movement practiced at ISKCON is not based on Krishna at all. It is founded on the teachings of Chaintanya Mahaprabhu – a reincarnation of Krishna’s consciousness & Radha’s soul in one ☝🏻 ‘being’; a reincarnation in union. For the past few days, as a beautiful new journey unfolds for me, aligning me with the true story of my ‘being’; Bhagwan (the master 😊) has taken me deep into the consciousness of Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. I’ve had to find my way through research as Bhagwan has spoken about almost every enlightened being, except … Chaintanya Mahaprabhu. I didn’t know anything about Him when I was a child in Mayapur, only in these past few days, it all makes sense. No more confused. Chaintanya Mahaprabhu is an anomaly 😁

The story goes, Radha after surrendering her wish to be with Krishna, with which she surrendered herself to the divine too; was granted one wish in exchange – The last wish. She wished Krishna to be born as Radha in the following incarnation, not because she wanted him to experience the pain, but because she wanted him to experience her soul. Her love. The last wish – It freed Radha to experience & enjoy the love that she had unearthed within herself & to share it. Krishna also agreed to be born again as Chaintanya Mahaprabhu for two reasons.
First, Krishna wanted to experience first hand, what this love, ‘prem Bhav’ was that Radha enjoyed so much within herself in surrender. Secondly, he wanted to walk people at large to ‘Braj Bhakti’ – the ultimate love of the Divine – the union of Masculine & Feminine within self. Braj Bhakti, the state of ultimate bliss. As explained by ISKCON, Krishna said, ‘if Braj Bhakti is lost, mankind will be wiped out. His own mind will wipe him out. A man whose love is that of a subordinate to me, fails to attract me. Man must learn the ways of Braj Bhakti, to attract me, and to awaken to the leela (play) of life.’

I understand, Krishna was speaking about God consciousness, which Bhagwan (the master 😊) refers to as ‘godliness’. Braj Bhakti. To attract God, one must be a friend of God, equal to God, not a subordinate to God. To me Bhagwan Rajneesh is the complete expression of Krishna Consciousness in the modern world, yet Chaintanya Mahaprabhu’s expression of ‘being’ must be taken into consideration. There is immense inspiration & encouragement in it.

Chaintanya Mahaprabhu’s expression of ‘being’

In the 15th century, when Europe – the western world was turning man’s focus from God to Human desire for exploration of land (materialism); Chaintanya Mahaprabhu in India, was turning people’s focus back to Divine consciousness (spiritualism), through celebration in devotion. Being initiated into sanyas at the age of 16, then known as Saint Nimai, He Blessed the world with the gift of chanting.

After Bengal was captured by the Muslim invaders in the 12th century, the focus of the population had turned towards pride & material wealth. This caused a forgetfulness of spiritual culture. Many enlightened saints, prayed for divine intervention & saint Nimai was born on a full moon eclipse. When his birth chart was studied, it held very close resemblance to the birth chart of Lord Krishna. His disciples included the likes of Hari Das, who later initiated Baiju Bawra as his disciple. Baiju was the only one to have defeated Tansen in a battle of singing. Tansen was one of the 9 jewels of Akbar’s Kingdom & none other than Tansen was allowed to sing in his kingdom, without defeating Tansen. If Tansen won, the looser of the battle of song would have to loose his life too. Song was silenced, and materialized into the hands of one man.

Chaintanya Mahaprabhu’s whole expression of being was one of celebration in chanting & song & dance. His disciples are evidence too, not just him. Chaitanya Mahaprabhu’s whole being was an expression of a devotee in love. His soul was that of Radha. His intrinsic nature & expression was feminine. Of unconditional Love, ripened to compassion.

The contributions of Chaintanya Mahaprabhu

Even in mind, Chaintanya Mahaprabhu’s was an evolved consciousness. He casually defeated the greatest scholars. He was a revolutionary, who organized India’s first disobedience movement. A social reformer, who transcended the rigid Hindu caste system of India. He was also known as the Supreme renouncer – The part of original sanyas that Bhagwan Rajneesh’s Neo Sanyas does not agree with, because renunciation is irrelevant in the modern world. Neo, meaning RE-programming; Neo Sanyas is a path of reprogramming the whole being, no matter where he is. The old sanyas is the path of renouncing the world. And the ‘work’ really is in the world. To ‘be in the world, but not of it’. So the renouncer bit, I’m unable to align with; But the rest, my God! I’m so fascinated by the consciousness of Chaintanya Mahaprabhu!

So surrendered, devoted, sensitive, emotional, loving feminine in being; yet so courageous, fearless & strong in his masculine contributions to the material world as well. What an expression of a ‘being’ in union?

Chaintanya Mahaprabhu spread love wherever he went. Whoever he touched, even with his energy, was transformed to love. To Bhakti. To devotion. But he must’ve had to be courageous, fearless, provocative, triggering in his word, (like Bhagwan Rajneesh) only to rightfully deliver the message, the truth he came to deliver. One of the unified being – Braj Bhakti.

The Dance to Braj Bhakti 💃 🕺

It’s not easy to get to Braj Bhakti. It’s a journey, one that I’m still on. A journey of union within. All paths lead to this destination. I’ve always really been a courageous, fearless, strong, confident woman. Actually, before my spiritual awakening & sanyas, I operated mostly from my masculine energy. Life has mostly been a struggle, which I walked in faith but needed a strong masculine energy to lead in the man’s world. I also was quite ambitious & had my dreams, goals & the usual. When love happened, for the first time I saw, how wounded & neglected my feminine energy had been all this while. It was like she was just asking to be acknowledged, loved, nurtured.

When I was first brought to the Temple of Love, my masculine energy became a blockage to my growth. A disciple, a devotee is always in feminine energy. Only then can one receive from a master. The masculine (mind) is rigid in its conditionings. It is a barrier to transformation. That is why, so many techniques of ‘working’ with the mind & breath, although positive in experience & not harmful at all; only provide some temporary relaxation. It doesn’t transform the ‘being’. Because there is no access to the being, the soul. All the work is done with masculine energy. All ‘doing’ is masculine. The feminine energy is not even being accessed. It is still an outward flow of energy.

In truth, nothing can be done with the mind or breath. It can only be watched & allowed it’s full expression. Watching, watching, watching, one day, the watcher suddenly separates from the mind & experiences freedom from it. The mind doesn’t cease, but one rises above it & then he has detached from his own story. The story remains, only the ‘being’ has transcended it.

At The Temple of Love, I dropped into my wounded feminine energy. I had to totally forget my masculine qualities, which were all I knew at the time. For the first two years of sanyas, one is extra sensitive because heart activations & feminine energy rising is taking place. I have only recently completed my first two years of sanyas. The first two years of sanyas, with devoted practice, a total transformation of being takes place. Of course, if ‘I’ (the ego) allow it. Total surrender takes place & the whole perception of life changes, from the inside, out. As within, so without. Once the change happens within, it starts manifesting without (outside) too.

The moment my total surrender took place, all that lost masculine energy seems to rush back. But it felt different this time. It just isn’t leading the dance within anymore. The feminine is. Love is leading, compassion is leading, surrender is leading. The masculine qualities are available to access whenever I need it, or my journey calls for it.

In this dance to Braj Bhakti, I’m learning that strength is in surrender. It takes courage to put one’s complete faith in something that cannot be experienced in the physical reality & to allow it to align me with my story. It takes more courage than to keep up the fight to write the story I have in mind. At least that is how it has been for me.

Aligning with the story

Swamiji Anand Arun, once said to my mother, ‘I want a commune in Canada some day.’ She said, I’ll find you the land & all permits permissions etc but you need a dedicated sanyasin to run the commune like you do here.’ So he pointed at me. I was humbled, my mother was triggered. She called me up one day & she said, ‘you are a filmmaker, an actor, a producer. You have no time & you can’t manage a commune. Explain that to swamiji.’ She was triggered & She had an idea of me, of an identity, a definition; not realizing at the time, that idea, that person was long dead. She was talking to a new being in making, who didn’t fit into an idea, into any definition.

I told her, ‘sometimes in our own attachment & desire to write a story we want to write of our life; we miss the story that is written for us. One that is so much more meaningful & greater than the one we so desperately want to write. A story that we may not even be able to conceive but is just waiting for us to experience.’ She hung up on me. She didn’t want to hear it from her daughter. But then she called me back in 10 minutes.
She processes fast, so she said, ‘ask swamiji to send you to some communes to learn how to run a commune. If he has so much faith in you, I don’t want to stand in the way. In fact it is something good for mankind. I’ll help you with it.’ 😊 I have a feeling, she started to surrender her attachment to my identity, in all reality, only after that day.

Swamiji did not send me to any communes though. He only asked me to start with a meditation centre, which I’m currently in the process of setting up. And to continue with the penning of a book in progress. Knowledge without experience is no knowledge at all. Knowledge with experience is wisdom.

RadheKrishna’s expression of being, in every incarnation is the same – one that keeps love alive, because Love is God. It’s so mystical, how Bhagwan Rajneesh takes me back to the consciousness of the Last wish – Chaintanya Mahaprabhu, for the path of the ‘word’ ahead. The word of a devotee in love. Grateful & so humbled 🙏🏻

Love, God, faith, surrender, freedom; to a devotee; are synonyms. This high vibrational energy that aligns us with truth, is always returned in so many many ways. But that return only comes when we aren’t doing it for any outcome. Only for the joy of it, the love of it. Yet, those returns aren’t even the true reward. The true reward of unconditional love & complete faith in surrender, is a story that goes beyond our own limited self. Post my recent surrender, I may not have much faith left in the ways in which humans ‘do’ love today, but my faith in the frequency of unconditional love has only strengthened. For ‘I’ write a story only to put a smile on a face, & existence writes a story to put a smile on many faces. Now, that puts a smile on my face 😊 ⭕️.

In grateful celebration of the consciousness of Chaintanya Mahaprabhu, The Last Wish 💫

‘Hare Krishna’ & ‘Radhe Radhe’ 🙏🏻

June 30, 2023

Life in Surrender

Surrender

Surrender is truly an art. They say the most beautiful expression of love is creation. And the most exquisite expression of creation is the ‘being’ of love. The ‘being’ of love is really just an expression of a ‘being’ in surrender; expressed in celebration of the gift Love is, life is. ‘Surrender’ – the word has such a negative feeling attached to it though. It gives the sense of ‘giving up’ on life. Actually surrender is something completely different. It is actually ‘not giving up’ on life; it is only a ‘giving up’ the fight with life. Surrender is to accept life – finally. Surrender is true freedom.

Have you ever experienced laughing uncontrollably & crying profusely, both at the same time? Over the past months, ‘I’ have. It’s a beautiful feeling. One that cannot be expressed in words. But I kept trying to, these past months, which I am remorseful about, for words from a wound can certainly be harassing. Didn’t understand, now, I understand 😊🙏🏻.

What I can say about tears & laughter together though, it is a profound expression of surrender. A word, of which the true meaning cannot be understood, without experiencing it. Yet, I try in this blog post, that makes me cry here and there & makes me laugh here and there.

I’m hoping I can bring you a glimpse of a life in surrender through my own journey & experiences, both inside & outside The Temple of Love.

A little of the past

I am born with the Sun ☀️ in the first house of my birth chart. The first house governs consciousness, the ‘being’, the true self. The Sun ☀️ is not a planet. It is the light that all the planets revolve around. It is pure Divine Masculine energy, a symbol of enlightenment. Yet, the path to enlightenment seems to be in the understanding & acceptance of pure feminine energy. The path of love, the nature of which is surrender. A surrender to a dance of Masculine & Feminine energies with ourselves.

Ever since I was a little girl, I seemed to be seeking peace. I was seeking because although there was love but there was no peace at home. It’s a lot better now, because everyone has found their own space outside the home; but still, the atmosphere at home is a serious one. Close knit but serious. From home I learnt that life is a serious affair, quite contrary to what I learnt at the Temple of Love. Intrinsically, I enjoy laughing, singing, dancing, celebrating; much like my daddy. Yet, some of these expressions, growing up became serious activities of learning. So with that serious knowledge, I could seriously ‘become’ some ‘thing’ in the world. The atmosphere of a home is lead by the woman they say. Mommy is a serious expression 🫤

The Bone of contention

so mommy & me have not always been friends. Our bone of contention – I say, ‘let me ‘be’; and she says, ‘to ‘be’ in the world, you have to ‘do’ something.’ In other words, If life ain’t a struggle, there ain’t a story to tell. Unless one ‘becomes’ in the world, one is useless. The ‘being’ in itself has no meaning. So a child is told, he must ‘become’ something when he grows up. Until then the child’s ‘being’ is worthless. We all grow up with a sense of seeking worthiness. That’s where the root of the need to be ‘accepted’ rests. And in different ways, this aspect of the Human Condition shows up in trauma wounds that we trigger in each other without realizing it, without even knowing each other. To me the past dies every moment as taught by my master. Yet, regardless of the circumstance that the root of the trauma lies in, it is in the understanding that essentially the same wound expresses differently in different individuals; that common ground for peace & compassion can be reached.

The serious question

I had been asked a very serious question since I was 8, in serious talk sessions, on ‘what do you want to become? If you just want to become a housewife, then that is a full time profession too. I have to prepare you. Start thinking about it.’ So I had prepared an answer since then, for when the serious talk ‘became’ a serious question. I still don’t know what I want to become 🤔 because now I’m at so much peace with ‘being’ who I am. Thanks to Bhagwan. Yet, I needed an answer & sometimes I still find people asking me this question, ‘why are you escaping? What do you want to make of your life?’ ‘In other words’, ‘what do you want to ‘become’? It’s a fair question, for I have not ‘become’.
My ego construct with which I lead in the world of ‘doing’ is a gift of masculine energy from my mother. Grateful! Intrinsically, my ‘being’ resembles my father. This being, who I said ‘Oh hello 👋🏻’ to only post my sanyas initiation 2 years ago. Anyways, The terror I grew up with in my mother, who is now my best friend, is unparalleled. So I answered finally, ‘I want to ‘become’ an actor.’ They said earn your way back to film school. I did that and landed myself in a film school in India two and a half years later, after part time university & two full time jobs. Running a dance troop & selling shoes at the Hudson’s bay company in canada.

Sometimes I don’t understand jokes but in my own ‘self’ I often laughed at the joke of ‘being’ & ‘becoming’. I’m slow sometimes to get jokes or I need some help understanding it but I enjoy laughing none the less 😂. The struggle between the ‘being’ & ‘becoming’ ‘became’ the split within me, manifesting as the lifelong ‘chaos’ outside. This constant struggle for life atmosphere I’ve grown up in had me constantly looking for an escape to peace. In other words, ‘the calm’.

Naturally, when there is stress and pressure all the time, so serious, it will lead to conflicts & fights in the environment. when a child faces any sort of assault or abuse in such an environment, the child feels unsafe to express it. The child is silenced, until something wakes his playfulness up again. Grateful! But there is no escape. I thought I found an escape for 15 years. It was only an illusion though. It was now the chaos of two ‘becomings’ not ‘one’. It was always two – ‘I’ & ‘you’. Peace or calm cannot be found, only claimed in the now, despite the circumstances outside. I finally decided to stop escaping & claim it, within myself, in a life in surrender.

My journey of surrender

Until I found surrender, I found no peace, I found no true freedom. Freedom from myself first. Freedom from the struggle of ‘being’ & ‘becoming’. My journey of surrender began soon after my divorce. Intrinsically, I had no ambition, yet, from my mother I had received the gift of ambition & the gift of wisdom to know what I want & how to get it. Then love happened again. A love that was here not to love me, but to teach me, that love is truly freedom. Freedom from the ‘self’. Love was here to teach me that ‘in surrendering that which is most precious to me, I am freed from myself. The part of myself that is attached to the struggle to become peaceful, become the ‘calm’. Because peace cannot be found, it can only be claimed in the ‘now’’ – the biggest learning; the greatest gift of love I have found. Peace, ‘being’ in love, now. Regardless of what will ‘become’ of it.
This lesson was not learnt in one stage of surrender though. It happened in three stages. The final stage that I am currently in the process of wrapping up. Each stage had me surrender a different aspect of myself that was blocking me from claiming peace within myself. Yet each stage of surrender also brought me closer to peace within myself. It brought me closer to accepting myself as I am intrinsically. The acceptance that I was looking for outside of myself, as an escape to peace. In things, in ambitions, in dreams, in goals, in people.
I experienced through the stages of surrender, that each stage of surrender brought me closer to the truth of my ‘being’, which cannot be expressed in words. And each surrender was triggered by a lie. Each of those lies, today I am immensely grateful for & dedicate this post to. Today I celebrate lies before truth. And how grateful I am cannot be expressed in words. For I would never have known the truth had the lies not helped me realize again and again that I cannot fight with life. Peace can only be claimed by befriending it and riding the wave, wherever it takes me. For life is on the winning team always. I just want the freedom to choose the winning team. Because ‘I understand’ & always have …

You can’t always get what you want, but you always get what you need.’

Surrender happened

Yes, surrender too is a happening. It cannot be forced or ‘done’. Like love & meditation, it also just happens. During my struggling days in Mumbai, to ‘become’ an actor; as we all know, it can be tough, very tough to ‘become’. And that sense of self that is constantly in an insecure vulnerable place. We open ourselves up to immense scrutiny based on physical appearance & sometimes talent. When one’s chubby, you’re too fat. When one is thin, then your face looks too thin. Occasionally, when one lands an audition looking for talent, they’d ultimately cast someone who’d come through reference. I can’t blame them now, although it’s not something that I do, I understand how tough this industry is. And it is what it is. I am grateful to be able to express through the medium. I enjoy the challenges too. The whole process is fulfilling. And for some reason, the films I signed, never took off or just were shelved mid way. But that was all destiny. Bhagwan himself.
Life, just whispering in my ear, ‘surrender, I’ll take you where you gotta go.’ For the longest time, I couldn’t hear it, in the noise of the world of ‘becoming’. I heard it only during my first stage of surrender, once I’d already become some, little bit 😊. Mom super happy 😁

This first lie hit in just the right place – ambition to ‘become’ more, & that is what suddenly dropped. I accepted myself a little bit more, for the first time, without the need of any ambition. I suddenly felt like all the weight of the world had lifted off my shoulders. I tasted a little of what true freedom feels like. I this first stage of surrender, ambition became the offering & I received a friend instead, who finally accepted me without the need to ‘become’ – His Consciousness Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh at his Temple of Love.

Surrender at the Temple of love

When I was first brought to the temple of love, many women Sanyasins noticed my strong, masculine energy, & mentioned it in compliment. It allowed me to look for the feminine energy inside myself, that I needed as a disciple to grow on this path. A disciple is receptive feminine energy. And only feminine energy surrenders. Masculine energy protects. That is why, a little ego is needed too, to negotiate the world. But the path of sanyas don’t need masculine energy at all. Feminine is being, masculine is becoming.
The second stage of surrender happened in the first year of sanyas. I was still getting used to constant outside opinions & influence against my decision of sanyas; I was rapidly loosing friends & extended family, who were unable to understand why I would take to a path of sanyas. My decision was constantly being challenged, scrutinized & I was being influenced to drop sanyas itself. I was being called an escapist, yet for me I knew I had only just stopped escaping from myself. Yes that is the common belief of sanyas, that it is an escape from ‘reality’. But that is completely untrue. Sanyas is hard hard work on the ‘self’. There is no escape. All escape routes are closed. One must only sit with it all. To surrender, to claim the peace. To be free.
For the first time I had tasted peace, without escape. Right where I was, in my ‘being’. At home, finally. Within myself. Yet, the world would not stop telling me a big lie. That I can find freedom & peace without sanyas too. For me it was a big lie. Still in the world of ‘becoming’, my ‘being’ was a lie. At the time, many many (not one) were telling me this big lie of ‘becoming’ when I was finally in a space that was accepting me for ‘being’ my ‘self’.

I was in a weekly silence at the temple of love & on the 5th day, I was walking down the bridge connecting our rooms to the main meditation hall. All this chaos outside was taking place during my week of silence. I broke down & almost fell to the ground. Before I hit the ground, my Buddha Bro, a brother from another mother, held me & lifted me up. Hugged me & said, ‘cry, it’s okay to cry. The more you cry, the more you’ll laugh tomorrow.’ And I started laughing. It’s true – the pendulum that our emotions are. That was the first time I experienced crying & laughing together in surrender. It was beautiful… I was in immense praise of the temple of love & Bhagwan’s consciousness at the time & was using words as a medium of catharsis. All the words saying only one thing, not to the world but to Bhagwan …

Let it be a little more of you & a little less of me …

A little more of Buddha Bro

Buddha bro, having RE-birthed into sanyas, the same day as me; we have some past life connection for sure. I have a full blog post on the Buddha Bro for those interested in learning about the spiritual connection we share. We have definitely meditated together in many lives, for our energies are so aligned. But our journeys are poles apart. He comes from a broken family. Bullied through school, bullied by the elder sister & always told that he could ‘become’ nothing in life. Naturally he rebelled early as he was a totally neglected child. He had total freedom to rebel. Everyone into their own lives. Had to fend for himself from an early age. Had no sense of belonging at all. Naturally

Then he got tired of rebelling, quite early too. Or … did he fall in love? He says it happened simultaneously. Or … as I ask him, ‘was it love that asked him what he would get from this struggle with life?’ At the age of 19 he was introduced to the meditative path with Sadhguru & the Isha foundation. Ultimately took sanyas under the Neo Sanyas movement at the age of 33. Never could fall in love again, but found freedom from the self in surrender at the Temple of Love. Claimed peace in acceptance of self.

After complete silence of over 5 years, the love of his life, called him one day. Said she needed his help. Her sister needed help with her mental condition. He invited her to the ashram. She came with her sister. He says they shared some of the most beautiful moments & her sister felt much better too. Well, on this path of love, love is found in the being of a being one cannot always have. So one just focuses on the ‘self’ & finds everything within. She was actually shocked to see his transformation. It triggered her to look at herself. For they are mirrors to each other. Despite the love, the trigger overpowered.
She left with some nasty words to him. She said that he was delusional for following this path & that real life is outside & that she hates Bhagwan for taking him on this fake path. He said something on the lines of, ‘you don’t know anything about sanyas or Bhagwan. Or even the last 5 years of my life. My love for you that connected me to myself. That helped me accept myself. How can you say that?’

She left & the sweet little thing that my Buddha Bro is, was left questioning his path altogether. He was so confused. So lost. So silenced within himself. To hear it from the one who’s being connected him to himself, can really break one. He was ready to give it up altogether. But Bhagwan, being Bhagwan, he brought me to the ashram three days later.

A surrender with Buddha Bro

After my weekly silence broke, I said to my Buddha Bro, ‘if you leave the sanyas path, will she be with you? Will she allow you to give her your love?’ He replied, ‘probably not or else she would say that.’ So I asked him, ‘if this life is fake & the life outside is the only reality, then why is it that this one seems to cost more? Why is this one only exclusive to those who are willing & able to pay for it with the surrender of the whole self?’ It was not a question o was asking him. It was a question I was asking myself aloud.

He says, ‘that is what did it for me? I was never accepted for being myself, I had low self worth outside. Here I found acceptance of myself by surrendering my fight with myself.’ So I told him, ‘If you get what you want by leaving this path, leave it. Even Bhagwan is for it then, for he wants you to experience all your wants & desires to transcend them.’ There was understanding together. We found strength in each others stories and …

With that together, we surrendered our struggle with the outside world on our path of sanyas. And after this stage of surrender, I found peace & freedom in acceptance of all paths.

It was an experience surrendering with a loved one. We both accepted, ‘you can’t always get what you want, but you’ll always get what you need’. All we needed to do was to surrender that which is most precious to us. It is after my second stage of surrender that Bhagwan taught me total acceptance. Accepting all as it is. To accept that even though I don’t know or understand another’s path or perspective, I cannot just deny it. I have to accept my truth & theirs. My judgement in ignorance is what was surrendered in this stage. And the reward I received is acceptance. Accepting my ‘being’ a little more & accepting outside all as it is. Yet the surrender wasn’t total. Another lie had to happen for my complete surrender of ‘being’ & ‘becoming’.

The final stage of surrender

I’m currently experiencing my final stage of surrender. Wrapping it up actually with this post, while gratefully, Buddha Bro is helping me out with The first meditation centre on my journey. Our guru, Swamiji Anand Arun put us together for this task as we live in the same city in India. I’m excited about this meditation centre after a very long time. Anyways. Off track … the final stage of surrender, Once again triggered by a lie. The greatest lie.

The lie ain’t important because any lie that leads to surrender is a divinely orchestrated happening to reach the truth. It is a divine lie. A white lie. Surrender essentially is an ego death. Big enough for one to say, ‘I accept all as it is’. And sanyas is the path of non-ego. I’m grateful for every blow to my ego over the years before & after my sanyas. I truly am. Today, in this moment I am. With tears in my eyes, I am in humble acceptance of all as it is. This final stage of surrender has been the biggest challenge on this life long struggle between ‘being’ & ‘becoming’.

I’m learning from this stage of surrender, that a sanyasin is so undefined in its ‘being’, that it can ‘be’ in any world. Yet, I understand why a sanyasin is always considered a renunciate, an escapist; Because he is ‘being’ in a world of ‘becoming’. And a sanyasin knows no becoming, only ‘being’. I’ve known ‘becoming’, and with this is final stage of surrender, I farewell the world of ‘becoming’, to remain an expression of a ‘being’ in surrender. Whatever ‘becomes’ of this ‘being’, I accept with gratitude 😊🙏🏻 I keep the peace I have longed for all my life. It is not an escape …

For where can I go. All the worlds are in this world. Life still goes on. Celebrating the gift of love that I’ve found. I remain a watcher of my breath & the watcher of the world too. ‘Being’ an expression of a life in surrender.

Closing words

Bhagwan says, ‘the same people, or the same situation with different people repeats in different ways again & again until we see what existence is trying to show us of our own patterns in that repeated experience.’

This morning, my mother was nagging me again. Saying, ‘I don’t like how you’ve made this statement. It’s missing this that and the other. You should make statements for everyone to understand, not just you.’ She’s right, yet it is a statement that no one else but me is going to refer to and see. So as long as it serves the purpose. But I don’t argue with her no more. I don’t repeat the pattern, so we don’t fight. I said, ‘okay mom. Will have it to you in a couple days.’

She heard what I didn’t say & said, ‘I am just making you ‘do’ this out of my own stubbornness.’ I said, ‘I know. It is your love language. Make me ‘do’ all that you can, for when Bhagwan takes me deeper into the unknown, and there is no more ‘I’ to ‘do’ no more, what will you ‘do’ mommy? 😊 I don’t know how to control life, I’m certain it cannot be controlled either. I don’t even understand pace; sometimes life is fast, sometimes it is slow; I just go with the flow. I understand moving with life as it comes, as it moves me.

My surrender – It is not an escape, it is not a lack of effort. It is only effort when & where it is called for. Surrender is only an acceptance that ‘I am not’ the doer, yet the ‘doing’ is. To me it is not philosophy, it is Krishna consciousness. A way of life. I’m here, living in this very world, in peace and surrender to the mystery life is. I watch myself & the world but I have no-thing left to ‘become’. There is no split between ‘being’ & ‘becoming’. It is all just a ‘being’ now. In surrendering this life long struggle between ‘being’ & ‘becoming, I have accepted myself. I have come home 😊🙏🏻 A little tired, actually exhausted but home 🏡❤️

‘in surrendering that which is most precious to me, I am freed from myself. The part of myself that is attached to the struggle to become peaceful. Because peace cannot be found, it can only be claimed in the ‘now’, in my ‘being’.
MaPJ

March 17, 2022

Sanyas – An expression of unspoken words!

Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh with his beloved Ma Prem Nirvano

‘I love you’, two words and a vowel; the most widely used in our world today, yet the most difficult to say! ‘Love’, or what we call love, is so freely available in our world; especially in the virtual age of social media. If an extra terrestrial was to analyze humans based on our social media platforms, he would conclude that humans are the most loving, the happiest beings in a very sad world, struck by hunger, disease & war. He would also conclude that we are a righteous bunch, with the continuous voices against the issues of the world. The voices of revolution, sadly which do nothing at all, only rebellion does, but I’ve already written about that a lot.

Although, not to say, that on occasion humans aren’t genuinely happy or genuinely angry, but from a birds eye view, the ET’s conclusions will be far from reality. Underneath the projections, the reality is ‘The Human Condition’. To put it simply, the need to be loved, the need to be needed, the need to be heard, the need to be seen. It is essentially a subconscious search for ‘who am I’ in this world full of people.

The Human Condition stems from layers of wounding, which go deep into the subconscious of Man & Woman. It is in our very psyche. That is why our world is so sad 😞. It cannot be healed overnight, or even over a lifetime, but it can be understood. Every Man has a subconscious fear of intimacy, because of a mother wound. He has not experienced love. He is a boy, he must toughen up. The boy in him, fears love, because what he has seen is not love. It is conditioning.

Every woman lives with a subconscious abandonment wound, because there is no place for her love in this world. There is no ‘need’ for her love for the world to function. Even as a mother she cannot love the way she wants to. She must raise her child for the world, where there is no need for love. To understand this better, I invite you to read my previous blog posts, especially where I write about Adam, Eve & Lilith. So from this wounding, a subconscious need to be loved, a need to be needed arises. And we share love so freely, even when we don’t feel it, we say it easily; just to get some back. I’ll admit, I’ve done it too. In fact, I’ve only recently awakened to this observation.

But love is not free. It is a treasure, buried deep within our being. It is the water of a well, which bursts forth with intensity, in a moment, just like that! But to reach the treasure, the earth must be dug to the depths of its core. And who wants to do that? So we try to get it from wherever we can. Everyone needs love to live. Not many have any Love to give though, as they are looking for it themselves. True love only wants to give. It needs nothing. Occasionally, it happens. Love happens, truly, deeply, madly (as they say). It bursts out like lava from a volcano; and we can’t find the words to express it. Sharing love so easily in the world. Saying it so easily but here, where it truly means something, Love becomes silent. Why is that?

I experienced two reasons. First, precisely because of everything I mentioned above. Those words have lost it’s meaning. It has lost its sacredness. And second, because the experience of true love is so divine, so otherworldly, so spiritual; that ‘I love you’ seems too small, too insignificant to express the experience. Words just cannot do justice. But love is bubbling, the more silent it is, the more it grows. It must be expressed. It is a new birth really, a re-birth. Like a little child it wants to ask questions, it wants to play, it wants to shout it from the mountain top, but it cannot.

Love wakes us up to ourselves. Shows us a mirror. It wants to express the truth. It wants to be authentic. And we can’t be authentic because we don’t know what we are. We don’t know our authentic self. If we did, we would know we are Love. But then I wonder, when a fellow passenger says ’I love you’, even when i know it ain’t Love, how would authenticity respond? in truth it would say, ’you are love and so am I’. And that, my friend, will label you ’crazy’. There are no words really. Love can only be expressed through action, silent action. Through the being.

In Sanyas alone, did I find an expression of my unspoken words.

The Sanyasin

A Sanyasin is a seeker of truth. One who is on a path to finding out what he is. What his authentic face is. A sanyasin is awake to his human condition and is on the path to heal it with the illumination of truth, of authenticity. The sanyasin is transforming his being to express authentically, his truth, through his being.

It is not my personal belief that one must be initiated to be a sanyasin, however, initiation has its own place and importance in a seekers experience

The history of Sanyas

Sanyas is as old as organized religion. Organized religion or organized crime, same thing, if you ask me. Sanyas is the process of knowing one’s authentic self, which is love or god, call it what you want. But organized religion, all organized religion, promotes the idea of a God who is outside of the self, who will judge us. The crime here is that sanyas for the longest time has been the monopoly of organized religion. It’s sad. Not allowing people to know what they are. So it becomes impossible for a sanyasin to reach god because his search is in the wrong direction. The growth is obstructed. But when Sanyas first started, it wasn’t necessarily a wrong method. The method has been exploited by the priests over the years.

In the old way of sanyas, a disciple cannot question the master. He simply must obey the master and do silently what is being asked of him. The master would ask the disciple to work in a workshop making shoes for years. The disciple wants to ask, ‘what has this got to do with my spiritual evolution?’, but if he does, the master will turn him out. He cannot ask, He cannot say anything. He must remain silent. And slowly as time goes by, his need to ask any questions, his need to express will just die. One day, He will give up. He will accept. Essentially he will surrender. The need of his ego, to be loved, heard, needed; will be surrendered. The master knows this will happen eventually. So the master waits, just as the disciple waits. For when the need has dropped, the ego has given up.

It’s is a precious moment in the evolution of that consciousness, that being. The master will speak in that moment. Because the disciple will be receptive. He has dropped a large part of his pre-conceived notions, ideas, conditioning. A Sanyasin’s journey truly begins there.

My love was silent for years. I wrote so much, so many words, in poetry & prose, in letters & songs, in friendship & in fights. But in all of those words, I never could say ‘I love you’. When the need to ask, the need to speak, the need to express was no more; I was introduced to my master & sanyas. I was already a sanyasin before I was initiated. My master reminded me when I was ready.

Sanyas today

Today, the old sanyas doesn’t work. It can’t. Today, It’s based on exploitation & a false notion of a god outside of the self. And who has that kind of patience today? But sanyas is a journey of patience. It teaches the art of waiting, the art of life. We are all essentially waiting for the unknown. The old sanyas, originally was based on love. The master’s love that the disciple has yet to experience once he surrenders. When the master will speak. When the disciple experiences the power in his surrender.

But today, no disciple surrenders, no master speaks. There are no masters really. The disciple is again left loveless like any other person. And love is the only teacher. Love is the rarest of treasures. Hardest to find, because we are looking outside. Love is a happening within the self. Everyone wants, no one wants to give, because not many have love. They have words, they have smiles, hugs, attraction; they have respect, maybe even admiration, but not Love.

Today sanyas is a fruitless effort because there is no Love anywhere to be found. Actually, I’d say the old sanyas is a fruitless effort, because, let’s face it, who gets enlightened in a monastery or an ashram these days? It’s not like the days gone by when sanyas was not corrupted by the world that the old sanyas itself renounces. Which is precisely the issue.

The conditioning that ‘sanyas is fruitless, why renounce the world’ is the problem. Sanyas is possible today only if people are not asked to renounce the world as a condition. And really, there is no need. Buddha agreed with his wife that he could’ve been enlightened anywhere. Sanyas is a process that will drop the worldly attachments on its own, as the sanyasin identifies more and more with his true face, his authentic self. All things outside of the self will loose meaning, before the ultimate truth, the divine face.

Experience is not in renouncing that which feels meaningless now. That which felt meaningful in another time. Experience is in saying yes to everything life has to offer, the good & the evil, now with new found clarity. To enjoy it all, knowing that it is just a ‘Leela’. A play! Today’s sanyas cannot be so serious. It has to be a ‘play’. An attitude of ‘come check it out’. Enjoy it all, enjoy this too. It cannot be monopolized. If the disciple is serious about it, he will be committed to his practice. And as his practise intensifies, so will his expression of the unspoken words, as an offering of Love, to love, through his whole being.

The Initiated Sanyasin

As I mentioned above, it is not my personal belief that a Sanyasin must be an initiate. A Sanyasin really just has a different perspective on life. As he moves through life, his vibration, naturally, attract others of a similar vibration. It is the law of attraction. He learns from others, shares with others and continues horizontal (outward) growth, with his freshly awakened eyes. He has tasted the fruit of knowledge. The fruit of good & evil. He knows now, ignorance is not bliss. He is figuring out who he is!

When a sanyasin has been initiated, he has tasted the fruit of life too. He is in bliss. No question of ignorance. He has the knowledge & he has the bliss. Now he can’t learn from others, he can barely share with others. His experience is now not of this world. He exists in multiple dimensions. The initiated sanyasin is not interested in who he is. He is on a path to remembering what he is. His search so far has been futile. He is not of this world. He is only in it. Experiencing it. Observing it. Witnessing it. A Sanyasin has heard of vertical growth, the other dimensions, the world of god. But he has not experienced it. He has knowledge but no experience.

An initiated sanyasin is living the experience, as he remembers he is all there is, and nothing at all. As he remembers he is God because his nature is love. Naturally, his being expresses just that. But he doesn’t know it. Only others can see it. He is not interested in anything outside of his inner experience.

The mysteries of initiation

Only a fully enlightened consciousness can initiate on the path of Sanyas. His ego self, the person has fully died and he is now merged in union with cosmic consciousness. Only such a consciousness is capable of fully awakening the kundalini (life force) energy within someone. He can certainly use other high consciousness beings as mediums to initiate others, but it is essentially the enlightened master who is initiating a sanyasin.

In the moment of initiation, the disciple has to be in complete surrender as I mentioned above. And surrender is the hardest things for the ego to do. Only for the ego though, not for the being. Essentially all the disciple has to do is surrender. Have faith. The master on the other hand has a tremendous job. He has to take the responsibility of the disciple. The master is responsible for all the needs of the disciple, while he seeks the the truth.

Sometimes I wonder if the old sanyas’ insistence on the renunciation of the world was because of this? Which master will take the responsibility of the entire worldly affairs of a disciple? And for how many disciples? I mean … It’s a struggle to survive ourselves, how to be responsible for another, including their families that too? So it’s understandable but it’s a huge blockage. A sanyasin who renounces anything, develops a subconscious aversion to it. What we can’t achieve, we condemn. And aversion is the duality of attachment. Both must be transcended for evolution. So ‘let it drop when it drops’, is more the way of the new sanyasin. What we cant achieve, the new sanyas allows us to supersede instead.

But which master will take all the responsibility of a disciple and his loved ones? My master does just that. As I approach my first sanyas birthday in less than a month, I reflect back and see, that in this short span of time, the emotional, physical & financial health of my loved ones & myself has totally transformed. I’ve talked to so many Sanyasins from my spiritual community, and they tell me similar magical experiences. One sanyasin is famous for turning millionaire the morning after his sanyas initiation by Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh. And this is only the outer reality mysteries I’m talking about. The inner reality experiences magic & mystery too, but no point talking about it here. There are no words to express. And it is unique to each being. That is what makes it so otherworldly. Everyone is magical in their own way.

My master’s love is so unconditional, he gives me love unconditionally, just to give it away to someone else unconditionally. I learn so much from him & my love doesn’t feel so unconditional then. I’m humbled and I transform to be more true to my authentic self. My true nature. My love. There are no words. All I can say is that initiation, if accepted with total surrender to & total faith in the master, completely liberates the sanyasin to dedicate himself to his practice. Liberates him to experience, to create, to express through his being, all the unspoken words.

Conclusion
Initiated or not, Sanyas is an experience, it is the art of living! Every seeker’s search ends with sanyas. Then life is only a ‘Leela’. Every human’s search essentially ends with sanyas. It is the path of god, unearthing unlimited love within self, as one moves. Naturally, his love spreads in a loveless world. He becomes a magnet. Then he is not thirsty, then the thirsty come to him. A Sanyasin’s entire being is an expression of his unspoken words.

I’m grateful to life for the experience of expression! 🙏🏻