idol worship

Idol worship

Idol worship is an expression of prayer, practiced by many & refuted by others. Some say God is in the idol & others say there is God in everything, yet other, like Bhagwan says, ‘there is no God, only godliness.’ Much misunderstood, Bhagwan does not refute idol worship though or mantra chanting for that matter. He agrees with the Shiv Puran, which I have read too, when He says, ‘Idol worship is a technique only to focus a devotee’s energy towards one source of light, so that the darkness is first removed enough. After which point, idol worship is useless, because you have now embodied the light yourself. Wherever you go, there is light. Then there is no God, only godliness.’ So idol worship does have its place in spirituality too, not just in religion. Only in spirituality there is understanding of idol worship, in religion it is blind faith. 

Idol worship & me 

At the start of my spiritual journey about six years ago, I was faced with a challenging crisis, which seemed to be shattering the reality that I’d known all along. I ran to my then safe haven – a colourful town named Jodhpur, in Rajasthan, India. Having been married, at the time into a community of Pushkarna Bhahmins, the Shiva worshiping tribe; having extensively travelled there, & the mystical experiences of 15 years, have me convinced that I have some past life connection with the region. I was brought there. During this particular visit, I was meditating facing the Mehrangarh Fort. It felt like I was only meditating for 30 minutes, but my partner at the time told me I was meditating for 4 hours. The longest at a stretch yet for me. Sure enough, he was right. I saw the clock & was quite surprised. 

I came out of meditation with 3 profound messages that came to me as visions & sounds. 1st I heard, ‘call him’, taking the name of my divine counterpart. I didn’t know that then, so I asked my partner at the time to do the needful. The second vision was profound. I saw a thick steel tube, looked much like a neck. Suddenly a neonish, Aqua blue snake pushed out of the tube. I remember feeling mesmerized. I don’t think I could even imagine a snake so beautiful. That blue colour hasn’t left me till date. It was otherworldly. Since my introduction to the Pushkarna Bhahmin community, Snakes have always been a symbol of Shiva’s protection for me. I’ve dreamt of of the hugest anacondas (sesh naag) for years at a stretch, until the day I started meditating.
In Jodhpur, it is a known fact that the late mother of my then partner, dreamt of snakes until she took to the path of deep meditative idol worship. Whoever she touched was transformed to love. Her picture rests in the in-house temples of all the houses of the old city.  I have never met her, yet her mystical presence on my journey of love cannot be denied. She hasn’t visited for a long time. I know I’ll meet her in the formless. This snake vision was the most important for my life path, ‘Coz it was about me, not about another. 

And the third vision was me meditating in a cave alone. A huge shivling of ice standing before me, that I was meditating on; melted down to a small ice shivling on the palm of my hand. 

I researched the two visions. The blue snake indeed was the colour of the throat chakra & the pipe was the throat. It was a signalling of the start of my journey of truth. One that ‘I’ share in my words – both written & spoken. One that I share through my being. The shivling I looked up to find a buy. I found one in natural quartz that looked exactly like the one in my vision. Incidentally, pure natural quartz is made of solidified ice. I started to worship it with water & chanting. I was never one to do that before this time. It came as a natural thirst. At the time I started to awaken to a divine connection on my journey, I was already blissing out on the presence of Shiva. 

Idol worship began for me with that vision & dropped soon after Bhagwan entered the story. Both were natural processes. However, at The temple of Love I experienced another kind of idol worship 

Another kind of idol worship 

At The Temple of Love, I experienced a different kind of idol worship, which I understood because I was practicing it unaware for the past 3 years of my spiritual journey. A more alive, playful idol worship. Worshiping the light in a ‘being’ of form or a consciousness in the formless. I was doing both – one being shiva himself. Many are devoted in worship to Swami Anand Arun in form & others are surrendered in devotion to Bhagwan’s consciousness in the formless. Scientifically, idol worship or worshiping the light in another, is doing the same thing. Focusing the energy on the light, so darkness disappears. That is why Love is the greatest teacher & beloved is the path itself. I’d like to share a couple of my own experiences from the temple of love. 

An experience of compassion 

In December of last year, a new sanyasin, came to the Temple of Love. He saw me at the library & introduced himself. I introduced myself & then for many months we didn’t talk. Only smiled at each other & wished ‘Pranam’ in passing. The last couple times at the ashram, we became friends. Actually not just the two of us, three of us. A very dear friend, who’s friend this fellow sanyasin is, and myself. One day he said to me, ‘I am in love with you & I want to marry you. And we will have 2 kids’ 😂. Sorry, I don’t mean to laugh, not then, not now. But this friend does make everyone laugh a lot. 

I told him, ‘I can only give you friendship. I feel no romantic love for you & the word marriage scares me. A switch in my mind goes off & everything seems off balance 😂. I also have a bit of a complicated love story & someone already lives in my heart.’ Then he said something that further sealed the deal on no romance for me. He said, ‘I come from a wealthy family & I am wealthy myself. I will take care of you & I will also speak to your parents when they come to the ashram.’ I controlled my laughter this time & said to him, ‘don’t say this to my parents. They will laugh.’

I understand that his intention was in the right place in wanting to take care of me, but that wealthy part was not called for, especially when talking to a sanyasin, as a sanyasin. What does a sanyasin know of wealth & ‘things’. But I understand he was trying to express his feelings, which cannot he expressed in words accurately. 

A little about a fellow sanyasin 

Despite this, everyday he’d bring me flowers or chocolates. I told him a few times, ‘plucked flowers & bouquets make me sad. These beautiful flowers are dead already.’ I’d refuse to take these gifts, but he’d just leave them outside my door. So I told him, ‘I accept your gift but I cannot keep it. I don’t love you the way you want me to. Again, I can give only friendship. So I’ll distribute your love amongst all Sanyasins.’ He liked that & said that’s more than enough for him. However, I saw that his desire overtook him at one point & we landed up fighting. He kept trying, and I was firm on ‘ NO’. Yet, he is a good man. Never crossed a boundary until that point. Is also kind & considerate. 

The thing is, he got a-lot going on. High doses of anti-depressants & beer every night. Healthy lifestyle only goes as far as physical workout & healthy food. Low understanding of mental, emotional & spiritual health. Twice married & divorced & now wants the third 😂. I know he reads everything I write. But I know that he will be happy on his mention in my story.
The temple of love & Bhagwan are helping him heal. Now, he’s really not my type & I feel no romantic love for him. He knows that from day 1. And seeing his past girlfriends, I’m definitely not his type 😂.  He’s into the tall, bold, confident & sexy women. Why not? Some of his Sanyasin female friends, he likes to play with, have started to give me & my friend a little side eye though. Same story, all my life. Regardless, I only ever have a couple hours a day to spend with friends at the ashram. I’m mostly enrolled in all meditations & therapies. 

Ego death at the temple of love 

He was just over-expressing his love one morning at breakfast, in an attempt to joke with me. He crossed a line & I blew up. He’s an egoistic man & retaliated. We fought & that was that. I cut him out instantly. I remember the last thing I told him was, ‘if what you feel is truly love, then it will transform you in ways you can’t imagine. Be in love & be grateful for it. If it is truly love, and you allow it to teach you, and it don’t interfere with someone else’s destiny; Bhagwan will make it happen. But not if you don’t work on your ‘self’ first.’ He’s an irregular meditator, and when he reads this, I know he will start for a bit & fall off again in a couple weeks 😁. He’s probably laughing, ‘Coz I’ve said all of this to him. 

During the fight, He said, ‘Bhagwan told me you would help me.’ I said, ‘I can’t. I’m sorry. I have nothing to give you. If Bhagwan wants to help you through me, he will find a way to show me.’ Sure enough, Bhagwan did show me & not in an easy way. 

This friend, he just always showed up when I was in a talk with fellow Sanyasins. Said he just wanted to hear me speak. And he’d always be sitting at the samadhi just before he knew I’d arrive after morning meditations, to be with Bhagwan. He continued this even after I cut him out. I’d ignore him & he’d just take it with a smile. It reminded me of myself on my own journey. 

I saw myself 

Everything he said, like, ‘I see Bhagwan in you & I don’t want anything from you & I’ll wait for you forever’; I had heard someone saying before too – myself. I was laughing inside at the irony that life is. Wonder how many laughed at me at the time. Yet I understood him. Maybe that is why Bhagwan feels I can help him. Bhagwan knew, I didn’t want to tell him, ‘you’ll learn.’ It’s a painful process but it is the pain of love that makes one evolve. 

Later, something happened in my own spiritual connection that had me reflecting on all the times love was rejected. I remembered, how despite the pain, I was grateful just for love to have awakened in me through the being of a being. Where it has brought me today. So grateful 🤲🏻. Such a gift Love is. Bhagwan showed me in these moments of reflection, how I had disrespected love by doing the same thing with this friend, that I had experienced. Could I have responded differently, instead of reacting? I feel no-thing for him, except an understanding of his experience because I’ve been through it.
A few friends told me that this big ego man was seen crying to Bhagwan multiple times, after I cut him out. I felt terrible but I was also stubborn.  And it wasn’t time. Bhagwan hadn’t shown me yet. He recently reached out to me again through a friend, saying, ‘I’m sorry, I just want us to be okay. I want nothing more.’ I finally responded through my friend & said, ‘we’re good, I don’t love you but I’m here if you need someone to talk to.’ He hasn’t reached out since. I guess he’s scared that I’ll cut him out again. Says he’s grateful enough & that he’s been meditating regularly too 😊. Bhagwan has his ways, I trust Bhagwan but not this friend. He knows it. 

It’s only idol worship 

What He is doing is worshiping the light he sees in a ‘being’ of form. And that is taking him closer to the light. I’ve experienced this too. All the love I have given in devotion to the one, comes back to me in many forms. Love expressed, or given always comes back. Always. Maybe not in the way one wants but in the way one needs. Seeing the divine in another – It is what aligned me with my true path – this spiritual path. Bhagwan needs love in all his Sanyasins to evolve. Without love there is no evolution.
Love only happens when one sees something of the divine in another. And idol worship of an idol or the light is the same. It only serves its purpose when one has fallen in deep love with that which it worships. What he is seeing is not me or my light, it is the light that I have embodied by worshiping the one I first saw the divine light in, & then by worshiping the divine consciousness of Bhagwan. ‘I am not’, only Love Is. 

On the path of love, when desire transforms to devotion, the second phase of the journey begins. Transforming devotion to compassion. This was an experience of pure compassion for me. And in so many ways, beautiful too. 

Another experience of love

In yet another experience, in September of last year, I met a woman in her early thirties. This fellow sanyasin lost her husband some three years ago, after only three months of marriage. I asked her, ‘why didn’t you RE-marry or date again?’ She said, ‘I couldn’t fall in love again.’ She finds a way to come to the ashram every-time she finds out I’m there. Says she just likes talking to me & being in my presence. 

One day she says to me, ‘I’m in love with you. Never thought I’d say this to a woman but I feel that kind of love for you that I felt for my husband.’ Well, it made me a little uncomfortable too but because her expression of love wasn’t of desire, I said, ‘I’m grateful.’ Once again, what she is seeing in me is only bhagwan using my ‘being’ as a catalyst or a gateway for her own evolution. ‘I am not’ Remember, Bhagwan needs awakened love in his Sanyasins to guide their evolution. He is not concerned with external union. He is concerned with inner union. 

The connection is to the light, not me. I’m grateful for she celebrates my being & it makes her happy. I guess, what Bhagwan is saying is ‘you become what you seek & then the seeking ends & the expression of that which you have become begins. For when one is seeking, what does he have to share. Only a half-truth – a lie! He is still seeking, he has not found.’

The feminine power of love 

These are just a couple examples of the open expressions of love that I’ve shared as a glimpse into the ordinary experiences of a Buddhafeild ‘idol worship’, at the Temple of Love. I will share many more experiences & stories in the coming blogs. Mystical ones too. These two though, in particular, have helped me immensely to understand the true power of the seed of love a woman carries. Bhagwan showed me. For ‘I am not’, only Love is. Both of these experiences took place after my second stage of surrender, in September of last year. After I had accepted that although I was not there yet, I must walk the path from worship in devotion to love in compassion. 

The compassion had started to flow but the attachment to the one I worship, hasn’t fully dropped yet. I’m in no hurry to drop it as everything drops on its own, once it is fully experienced & a higher experience presents itself. The thing is, unconditional love is the highest experience. ‘Coz love is god. I’m not sure what’s higher than that but there is some no-thing, which Bhagwan will walk me to & the ‘being’ of the one I see the divine in. 

These experiences were to show me that, ‘idol worship’ of the light has served its purpose. Pushing me to see that it’s time to accept the light that has already accepted me, and plant the seed of love through my being. For what else is left to ‘do’. Grateful 🤲🏻. When a woman falls in love, she automatically surrenders to the divine light, (not the person) that she sees in her man. This automatic surrender is a natural response of feminine energy. Love is feminine energy. The energy of all creation. 

When the feminine energy falls into a natural state of surrender, she becomes sensitive. Her heart is expanded & and throat (truth & expression chakra) starts clearing. She herself is now transforming to an expression of love – the ultimate truth & the greatest mystery. Also love itself – the greatest teacher. I guess it was love looking like a ‘blue’ snake, telling me it was time to seek the truth, to speak it later. 

‘I am not’, Love is the pull 

In my research I found a lot about many women today, like myself, being born with thyroid conditions or other throat conditions; have been persecuted & even eliminated for speaking their truth in past lives. Like the witches of Salem. Their truth seemed like prophecies & they were considered evil. They were only speaking ‘in tune with the reality’ or you can call it ‘intuition’ (ref. Blog post ‘Here’s How?’) In current lives, their journeys are that of speaking their truth yet again and the journey is not free from challenges either. These feminine energies have chosen lifetime after lifetime a purpose of keeping love alive despite the challenges of a loveless world. To keep The truth alive. 

These experiences in particular showed me that this natural surrender in a woman that happens with love, awakens a natural gentleness that a feminine energy is an expression of. This gentleness of being, is a sort of magnetic force that attracts the thirsty for love. The medicine for the Human Condition. The feminine energy, in understanding & acceptance of her natural surrendered state, is most powerful. She plants the seed of love wherever she goes, whoever she touches. Romantic or plutonic. Or just in a hug or just by listening to someone. In so many many ways, she herself is unaware of. 

The strong, masculine energy in women, which I strongly support as well; keeping in mind the Man’s world that ‘We women’ have to negotiate; is attractive too but doesn’t seem to hold the magnetism that existence has expressed in its full potential through a woman. I myself have to switch between my masculine & feminine energies, so I feel the difference myself, through outside response. 

His love is also Hers 

I’ve also learnt that it is very difficult for a Masculine energy, especially in a man’s body to truly fall in love. Deep attraction, lust, all that is quick & misunderstood too. But to fall in love is a different story. Not just with a woman but also with a master. Love breaks the ego & kills it for empty space for the divine light of love to take its place. Love is needed on both journeys. When he does fall in love, he also falls in love from the feminine aspect of himself. It goes deeper than the love of a woman, much much deeper. Love is the feminine energy, even in a man. It is deeper in a man, because it has been suppressed for very long. In love, Then wherever he goes, whatever he touches, he also plants the seed of love. 

There is a lot of divine power in the woman’s acceptance of her intrinsic nature of love; in this Man’s world & for this Man’s world to be also a woman’s world. But this power unearths itself after her ‘idol worship’ of the light is complete & she has now become that which she seeks. The light itself. The need for ‘idol worship’ of devotion automatically drops & she is now just an expression of love. 

The idol worship of Meera & the expression of Radha 

In my understanding the story of Meera & Radha are two chapters of one story of a woman on the path of love (Bhakti). Regardless of the situation-ship or relationship; Chapter 1 is of the ‘idol worshiper’ & Chapter 2 is of the expression of the divine. The compassionate love. 

I’d like to share a conversation with Bhagwan that not only inspired this series but also this first blog post … 

It’s a beautiful day of silence to ‘be’ an expression! An expression of true freedom He says. So ‘I’ ask Him … 

How to ‘be’ an ‘expression’ of the divine, without ‘being’ a ‘watcher’ of the divine? He says, ‘Love is God. YES, BUT … Love is also freedom, even freedom from the ‘idol worship’ of the divine.’

‘Hmm’, I ask in a different way, ‘How to free the ‘idol’ from the ‘watcher’ & yet ‘be’ an expression of the ‘worshiper’? For Meera is an expression of ‘idol worship’. The seeker of Krishna.’ 

‘How to free love from the ‘watcher’ & yet ‘be’ an expression of love?’ ‘I’ continue … ‘How to walk with the divine & not seem like ‘I’ ‘watch’ the divine?’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

‘Radha has an answer for you,’ He says, ‘for when the ‘idol worship’ of Meera is complete; The mystery of Radha is ‘now’ to ‘be’ lived. Radha is just an expression of love, not the ‘idol worshiper’. The ‘play’ in which Krishna ‘plays’ ball with the universe. Radha is the true friend, the play mate of Krishna. His inner world. Radha is a ‘watcher’ only of the ‘self’, not of Krishna. Krishna is the ‘watcher’ of Radha. The ‘play’ of the inward flow of life. ‘Radha is not’ a seeker, only an expression of Krishna. SHE ‘plays’ – YES, BUT … only in silence 🤫 . For Radha IS Krishna. She is the seeking of Meera. Meera’s seeking is complete with Radha.’ ⭕️

‘I am not’ just as ‘Radha is not’, only love is; I do not touch the souls of beings. I do not plant the seed of love. Just as Radha, I am only an expression of Love. In that expression what must happen, happens. The mystery that ‘We women’ are, is not just an experience for the world but also ‘We women’ ourselves. 

‘We women’ are in the Man’s world, but not of it. Before my sanyas, I already had accepted that there is nothing I can’t do that a man can do. Maybe apart from anything of physical strength, which he’d out do me in. But sanyas & the experiences of the Temple of Love, showed me that my greatest strength is in my acceptance of my intrinsic feminine nature. 

We Women 

‘You maybe an exception to the rule, but an exception only proves the rule.’ ~ Bhagwan. 

The handful of women who are the faces of empowered women, is not the reality of We women at large. They are the exceptions to the rule. The majority, however, are not that fortunate. They don’t have opportunities like we do. Realistically, They cannot raise their voices, strongly project themselves. They don’t even care for it. That is not the feminine nature. Feminine energy is still, it don’t find comfort in fight. All they are looking for is peace & some respect & dignity & acceptance for being exactly as they are. Treated like second class citizens of this world, suppressed, depressed, women suffer in many ways in this Man’s world – most of all emotionally but also mentally, physically & spiritually. Therefore the man suffers too at the hands of women, who blame him for their condition. The empowered woman of today, is not a representation of the feminine energy at all. Neither of the women population of the world at large. 

There is no way to hold a position of influence or power in a Man’s world without operating from Masculine Energy. The empowered woman of today has nothing to offer to the non-empowered majority. In fact if anything, she is here to take away from the majority her greatest strength – the feminine power of her Love. And with that she takes away the gentleness that is her gift of magnetism from existence itself. Sadly, In the expression of an empowered woman today, the majority of We women are not reflected. On the contrary, they seem intimidating, overwhelming & & scary to the ordinary woman. There is no inspiration because the circumstances are not the same. The needs are not the same. 

Fear is not a means to inspire change. Fear is a means to control only. Once a woman knows your weakness, knows what scares you, suppresses you; oh can she be nasty! Especially if she operates from the masculine mind. She can use your fear against you to cripple you & kill your spirit. A woman can make or break a man, therefore his world too. 

Handful of women are controlling the narrative of the empowered woman. It actually saddens me, yet, I am grateful that at least Bhagwan has helped me to understand. And gives me multiple opportunities to help other women understand too. The women of the rule, not the exception. For the ones who are an exception are already exceptional & accepted. 

The empowered woman of the Temple of Love

It is not about the masculine or feminine energy, each one of us carries both within & both are needed to navigate life. But to lead from the masculine principal in a competition with Man in his own world & to deny the feminine principle, which contradicts the competition with Man; is essentially the death of the feminine aspect on this planet. The feminine is truly a dying breed & she holds the seed of love. Love is God. To allow her to die, is to allow the divine to die.   

I personally don’t belong to this majority, yet I understand because I get to interact on a one on one basis, everyday with women from such majority. I just speak with them & help them with some tools to unearth their natural feminine power of love. I’ve heard from these women time & again that their sense of self respect, self love & self dependency, has healed, only through the understanding & acceptance of the intrinsic feminine nature & its tremendous force. In this acceptance they find their peace & power, because it is not in constant conflict with their own intrinsic energy. It is in alignment with it. Then, when feminine energy is leading the way energetically, all wars can also be fought with love – the Krishna consciousness way. 

The empowerment of the feminine, her true freedom is in her acceptance of her feminine spirit. And idol worship can be the beginning of that journey back to the ‘self’, because before an idol of God, or a being of divine light; at least the head will bow down. When it’s bowed down enough, the divine will speak to her & to all, through her ‘being’ – that is her empowerment – God or … Godliness. But upon empowerment, her love is needed in this loveless world of a whole lot of noise about love. Then idol worship is futile, ‘Coz She now is divine herself in the light of the power of her Love ❤️ 

I am not here to refute by any means that women must be strong & courageous & survivors & achievers. I’m only here to remind women of their super power. That’s all. I’m grateful that Bhagwan has found so many ways, alongside ‘earning’ a living, for me to ‘share’ my living too. Individually & in small collectives; with many women, who are not by any standard of the world, ‘exceptional’, only ordinary. The rule, not the rule-breaker. I’m grateful to have the opportunity to share a word with them, just to remind them that … 

‘Ordinary is extra ordinary’ 

~ Bhagwan