This morning, chilling with my bestie, she said to me, ‘I tell you to do so many things, like make tarot videos for the public & write blogs, write a book; because I know you, your gifts, talents and I love you. Why don’t you ever tell me what to do?’ I was about to answer, when her 8 year old Son knocked on the door & she asked, ‘who is it?’ He replied, ‘Rajneesh’. That’s not her son’s name. That is my master, Bhagwan’s name. And this kiddo only calls Bhagwan, ‘Acharya’ or ‘Osho’, as his mom refers to her master as well. She looked at me in surprise.
I said to her, as she unlocked the door, ‘the answer to your question is coming from Rajneesh, for ‘I am not’. We laughed. She attended to her son for a few minutes & then I attempted to allow the answer to come through.
‘Why don’t you tell me what to do?’, was her question. The reply that came through, ‘no one can tell you what to do. No one at all! If someone says to you that I’m telling you to do this, that or the other because I love you, I care for you; it is not love. Know that. Because love only accepts as it is. Love is not for what you do, only for what you are in ‘being’. Do nothing at all & love will remain. Love will celebrate all that you do, but will never tell you what to do. If no one can tell you what to do, the question still remains, ‘tell me what to do?’ She listened intently as I allowed the answer to complete itself. ‘There are two ways of approaching life – expansion, which is ‘doing’ & growth, which is ‘being’. Expansion is outward & growth is inward. When we grow inside (vertically) in ‘being’, our own higher self takes us where we need to ‘Show up’ to expand (horizontally) & allows existence to ‘do’ what needs to be done through the ‘being’. It’s called Faith in all that is as it is. It is an intelligence of its own – Tantra!’ Tantra, unlike any other spiritual path, is a Path of ‘doing’ but without the involvement of the ‘I’. It is full of techniques which need to be done, from a space of ‘being’.
Not just an answer for her, this was Bhagwan’s reminder for me too. A culminating validation of a recent awakening.
My recent awakening
A month & a half ago, as a big ego death process began for me, triggered by the final struggle between ‘being’ & ‘becoming’ (ref. Blog post ‘life in surrender’); I started to detach from my own story automatically. I started questioning myself, ‘is there any need to express my ‘play’ of life? Who exactly am I expressing to? And who is expressing when ‘I am not’?’ I was very close to deactivating my social media & retiring into the peace & acceptance I was finding within myself in my own understanding. I understood that there is no need to express outwardly my inner experience of life. It is between me & life, not between my life & the world. But Bhagwan had other plans. Bhagwan says, ‘only when one has totally removed himself, his ‘I’dentity from his story, does one live a story in true freedom. Then one becomes a channel for the truth to be expressed through his ‘being’, no matter the cost’ Because … freedom is really from the ‘idea’ of the self in realizing the true self. That true self is therefore selfless.
Over the past several weeks, I’ve found myself sitting with a question – Does it really take a whole world to tell someone, he has no reason to laugh, celebrate, sing & dance; unless he has ‘done’ something to ‘become’ worthy of expressing it? Celebrating it? The law of manifestation says, live the experience before it manifests & don’t be attached to any outcome.
So who decides what I am worthy of expressing? Then how is that my own life or expression? ‘I am not’, who will decide? Someone else? How is that true freedom? When one has the courage to stand in his own understanding, even if the whole world is against it; all of existence conspires to validate his understanding. There is no right or wrong understanding, there is only individual understanding. And understanding is awareness. Then all one has to ‘do’ is to just show up where he is called & existence takes care of the rest.
Now, does that mean that one is so rigid in one’s understanding, to not be open to surface or superficial ‘self’ change? (as the core true self is not changeable, only realizable & the same in all). No, that is not what it means. On the contrary, no matter how big, one is open to every change because it changes nothing of the true self. And there is no ‘I’ to be rigid. Who will be rigid? Only the motivation for accepting change in this case is different. The motivation is not the self because the self is self less & with surrender one has totally accepted the self and all as it is. It is then beyond the limited self. The motivation – It maybe change required to allow existence to ‘do’ what needs to be done. Or it maybe change just to put a smile on a loved ones face. Or the change maybe for larger collective consciousness reasons. Whatever the motivation, It doesn’t come from a space of needing to become ‘better’, it comes from a space of total acceptance of the nature of the inner & outer worlds. The true self remains unchanged.
My recent awakening has shown me how to just show up & allow the story to be written, no matter the change that must be embraced. One can absolutely learn on the job, as long as he is willing to just show up in faith.
There are no teachers, only students
It is my observation throughout life so far, that everyone seems to know what another should to ‘do’ to ‘become’ worthy & deserving. Everyone has an opinion about everything, as so many seemed to have when I chose the path of Neo Sanyas. I am not for or against any opinion because all opinions stem from individual experiences of one’s past. They are all valid in their rightful place. No opinions are right or wrong, yet one’s opinion is irrelevant to the experience of another. And yesterday’s experience is not today’s reality. Yesterday is memory, today is reality!
So, even in asking another, ‘what should I do?’, one is essentially seeking validation outside of the self. When one stands by his own true understanding of the self (of the selfless self, removing the ‘I’), even if there is no validation from the outside world, that validation comes directly from the universe itself. It comes in the form of signs & synchronicities, and also manifested happenings. The Pathless path unfolds as I walk. Everyone learns what he needs to learn for his individual journey. No two experiences of life are the same. One’s opinion is irrelevant to the other. So I learnt, at the Temple of love, to allow my own understanding to lead the way. For there is no other way.
At the Temple of Love, one of the first lessons I learnt is that I must unlearn everything I know to learn that which aligns me with my own individual path in this collective consciousness. What I unlearnt is the world & what I learnt is my ‘self’! The thing is, there are no teachers. A true master or guru will never accept that he is a teacher. There are no teachers, only students. When one wants to learn, he can learn from anything & anyone. If I sit before a tree, just staring at it everyday, I can learn some profound lessons of life. In watching a seed grow into a plant & then into a tree, the whole circle of life & death can be understood. All of Tantra is in the story of a seed & tree.
There are no teachers, only students. No true master will ever accept he is a master, Yet, a true student will always accept his master as his master. The master wants no praise, he wants no-thing. The disciple wants to praise his master, he wants every-thing for his master. For every-‘thing’ already belongs to the master. The master – a vibrational frequency of the vertical dimension that aligns with one’s inner master. In celebrating the master, the disciple is celebrating him ‘self’, the self beyond the limited self. ⭕️
The ‘show’ must go on
Yes, life & its experiences are just a ‘leela’, a ‘play’, but we are not just spiritual beings. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. That human experience is real, while in human form. Regardless of where one is in consciousness, he feels just like everyone else. The approach & response to that feeling will continuously change, as one’s consciousness evolves.
My best friend from school is a dancer & choreographer of Attakalari & other dance forms. She ‘uses’ her creativity to spread awareness about many social issues. Some 10 years ago, she was in love & soon to be married. Her fiancée travelled to Thailand for his bachelors vacation. He & his friend were waiting for a third friend at the bus station behind a big crowd. When a bus arrived, the crowd was pushed back & the fiancée & his friend fell into a dry concrete fountain head first. The fiancée lost his life instantly, the friend was saved with lifelong serious damage. My friend got the news only 3 hours before a dance performance. Incidentally, one of her best till date as I hear.
I asked her, ‘how did you perform?’ She replied, ‘I danced like a zombie, blank mind. I remember nothing of it. It is better I danced before I grieved though. It somehow helped me to see that life goes on.’ In other words, the show must go on. I asked her, ‘what does it feel like to know that you have no control over life?’ She replied, ‘it’s like living with the weight of a dead man on my shoulders but it makes me fearless towards death too. I realized that death can come at anytime, without warning & nothing of what I’ve done in life will mean anything at all. I have no control over my life’s story.’ As of last year she is happily married 😊 & her wedding was a moment when I was able to reconnect after 20 years with my oldest friends. Where we’re all loved for what we are, not what we do. Anyways …
Essentially, what she was experiencing is a big ego death. I, of course didn’t know that then. An ego death is not much different from death itself. In death the ego dies with the body. In ego death, it dies before the body. One can watch himself dying in ego death. It’s painful, there is grieving too, but on the other side of it, is true freedom. None else are grieving with me though. I grieve my own death & transform to a deathless state of ‘being’. Mortal yes, but death less. When life shows us, we are not in control, ego death is the only response. The realization of that which is bigger than ‘I’. One just surrenders to that which is bigger.
For the past month & a half, my limited self has been grieving my biggest ego death yet. The limited self suddenly feels like the whole world is laughing at it. Mocking it. Yet, because ‘I am not’ in my own story; I’ve been able to laugh with the world too, as I grieve 😊. Somehow, I’ve been somewhere above the pain. Existence has certainly conspired to validate my individual understanding though, by carrying me into a new phase of this journey as I grieved, not even bothering to pick up the pieces of a dead, broken ego. Yet that is what has given me the strength to ‘just show up’ in faith where I’m being called. Thank god, the grieving has finally ended & after the rains, the Sun shines again. ☀️ 😊👍🏻
Life is beyond my control
I’m not sure how often I’ll be able to blog over the next few months, as focus shifts to a book that needs to be completed sooner than later. And I’m so inspired currently. Immensely grateful 🙏🏻. I know nothing about the journey ahead. It is completely unknown territory for me, but Bhagwan has sent a team that knows everything about it. It is their playing ground. So I just show up, in faith with the gifts bestowed upon me by existence itself & learn on the job as I go 😊.
The moment of life & the moment of death – the two most important happenings of any story, is beyond one’s control. The two most important experiences of one’s journey, happens without the involvement of ‘I’. ‘I am not’ in the moments of birth & death. And everything in between is just a ‘play’. For that play, each one of us has been given gifts as mediums to express our human experience. To ‘play’ our part. Because everyone is so focused on writing the story of their ‘I’ themselves, our whole expression becomes utilitarian. We use our ‘I’dentity, our gifts, our whole life, to write the story we want to write. The one we want to control.
For the one who has experienced ego death, ‘I am not’ in my own story, nothing is utilitarian. The one who has seen that the involvement of ‘I’, the ego, isn’t needed for a story to be written, there is no ‘I’, no one to use the gifts, or to use anything to write anything. Yet, a story is being written. Yet the gifts are being shared. Just show up to play the part. When a door opens, enter to show up, when a door closes, exit to show up.
Then I ask myself, ‘but who is showing up?’ To which, there is no answer. It is pure silence 🤫. The end of all questions. Because that which shows up is no-thing & therefore all there is! ⭕️
As this No-thing just shows up at the onset of a humbling 1st major tie up for the ‘We Woman Foundation’, to bring forward a new vision for women’s liberation; In gratitude for the ‘being’ of a friend, who intentionally or subconsciously (I don’t know) encouraged me to get back to the ‘word’. Either ways, the universe certainly used his being to conspire to align me with the story of the ‘word’.
Always in celebration of the Sun ☀️
For a Sunset is always followed by a moonrise.
And after a full moon-night too, there is always a sunrise ⭕️
I was born in an Indian city called Kolkata, capital of the state of West Bengal. This region of India has gifted mankind with many enlightened spiritualists & literature masters like Robindro Nath Tagore; ‘Thakur’ as we call him in Bengali; literally translated ‘God’. Bhagwan! I’m not here today to speak about Him though, I’m here today to speak about Bhagwan, not my master, the consciousness. God consciousness!
Mayapur is a village of devotees situated at about 6 hours drive from Kolkata. It is the birthplace of Chaintanya Mahaprabhu & the ISKCON movement (international society of Krishna Consciousness). As a child I’d frequent Mayapur with my family, and remember the joy of experience, celebrating, dancing & singing with the devotees. The first temple & ashram of the ISKCON movement is in Mayapur, established by Shrila Prabhupada. The ashram boasts a grand temple, housing & dining for the devotees, a gurukul for devotee children, many meditation parks, a huge library & some lodging for guests. My mother often tells me, ‘generally a silent child, in Mayapur, you’d just open up like it is where you belong.’ She tells me, she could never make me understand why I couldn’t just study with the devotee children at the gurukul. I still don’t understand 😁
I remember, my favourite place at the ashram was the silent sitting room with a wax statute of Shrila Prabhupada. My memory is staring into his eyes & feeling a kind of peace that I didn’t find anywhere else. That is why, I’d open up & just celebrate. Only God knows what? 🤷🏻♀️ It felt safe to be myself there. It was all so simple. There was no need to fit in. Outside, I was fairly silent, more observant. The other space I remember is a Museum of wax statues, showcasing the story of Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. I remember always being so confused because they said, he was Krishna, yet I didn’t recognize the story as that of Krishna & neither did I understand. There was no Radha.
Chaitanya Mahaprabhu
Chaintanya Mahaprabhu was a saint in the 15th century. The Krishna consciousness movement practiced at ISKCON is not based on Krishna at all. It is founded on the teachings of Chaintanya Mahaprabhu – a reincarnation of Krishna’s consciousness & Radha’s soul in one ☝🏻 ‘being’; a reincarnation in union. For the past few days, as a beautiful new journey unfolds for me, aligning me with the true story of my ‘being’; Bhagwan (the master 😊) has taken me deep into the consciousness of Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. I’ve had to find my way through research as Bhagwan has spoken about almost every enlightened being, except … Chaintanya Mahaprabhu. I didn’t know anything about Him when I was a child in Mayapur, only in these past few days, it all makes sense. No more confused. Chaintanya Mahaprabhu is an anomaly 😁
The story goes, Radha after surrendering her wish to be with Krishna, with which she surrendered herself to the divine too; was granted one wish in exchange – The last wish. She wished Krishna to be born as Radha in the following incarnation, not because she wanted him to experience the pain, but because she wanted him to experience her soul. Her love. The last wish – It freed Radha to experience & enjoy the love that she had unearthed within herself & to share it. Krishna also agreed to be born again as Chaintanya Mahaprabhu for two reasons. First, Krishna wanted to experience first hand, what this love, ‘prem Bhav’ was that Radha enjoyed so much within herself in surrender. Secondly, he wanted to walk people at large to ‘Braj Bhakti’ – the ultimate love of the Divine – the union of Masculine & Feminine within self. Braj Bhakti, the state of ultimate bliss. As explained by ISKCON, Krishna said, ‘if Braj Bhakti is lost, mankind will be wiped out. His own mind will wipe him out. A man whose love is that of a subordinate to me, fails to attract me. Man must learn the ways of Braj Bhakti, to attract me, and to awaken to the leela (play) of life.’
I understand, Krishna was speaking about God consciousness, which Bhagwan (the master 😊) refers to as ‘godliness’. Braj Bhakti. To attract God, one must be a friend of God, equal to God, not a subordinate to God. To me Bhagwan Rajneesh is the complete expression of Krishna Consciousness in the modern world, yet Chaintanya Mahaprabhu’s expression of ‘being’ must be taken into consideration. There is immense inspiration & encouragement in it.
Chaintanya Mahaprabhu’s expression of ‘being’
In the 15th century, when Europe – the western world was turning man’s focus from God to Human desire for exploration of land (materialism); Chaintanya Mahaprabhu in India, was turning people’s focus back to Divine consciousness (spiritualism), through celebration in devotion. Being initiated into sanyas at the age of 16, then known as Saint Nimai, He Blessed the world with the gift of chanting.
After Bengal was captured by the Muslim invaders in the 12th century, the focus of the population had turned towards pride & material wealth. This caused a forgetfulness of spiritual culture. Many enlightened saints, prayed for divine intervention & saint Nimai was born on a full moon eclipse. When his birth chart was studied, it held very close resemblance to the birth chart of Lord Krishna. His disciples included the likes of Hari Das, who later initiated Baiju Bawra as his disciple. Baiju was the only one to have defeated Tansen in a battle of singing. Tansen was one of the 9 jewels of Akbar’s Kingdom & none other than Tansen was allowed to sing in his kingdom, without defeating Tansen. If Tansen won, the looser of the battle of song would have to loose his life too. Song was silenced, and materialized into the hands of one man.
Chaintanya Mahaprabhu’s whole expression of being was one of celebration in chanting & song & dance. His disciples are evidence too, not just him. Chaitanya Mahaprabhu’s whole being was an expression of a devotee in love. His soul was that of Radha. His intrinsic nature & expression was feminine. Of unconditional Love, ripened to compassion.
The contributions of Chaintanya Mahaprabhu
Even in mind, Chaintanya Mahaprabhu’s was an evolved consciousness. He casually defeated the greatest scholars. He was a revolutionary, who organized India’s first disobedience movement. A social reformer, who transcended the rigid Hindu caste system of India. He was also known as the Supreme renouncer – The part of original sanyas that Bhagwan Rajneesh’s Neo Sanyas does not agree with, because renunciation is irrelevant in the modern world. Neo, meaning RE-programming; Neo Sanyas is a path of reprogramming the whole being, no matter where he is. The old sanyas is the path of renouncing the world. And the ‘work’ really is in the world. To ‘be in the world, but not of it’. So the renouncer bit, I’m unable to align with; But the rest, my God! I’m so fascinated by the consciousness of Chaintanya Mahaprabhu!
So surrendered, devoted, sensitive, emotional, loving feminine in being; yet so courageous, fearless & strong in his masculine contributions to the material world as well. What an expression of a ‘being’ in union?
Chaintanya Mahaprabhu spread love wherever he went. Whoever he touched, even with his energy, was transformed to love. To Bhakti. To devotion. But he must’ve had to be courageous, fearless, provocative, triggering in his word, (like Bhagwan Rajneesh) only to rightfully deliver the message, the truth he came to deliver. One of the unified being – Braj Bhakti.
The Dance to Braj Bhakti 💃 🕺
It’s not easy to get to Braj Bhakti. It’s a journey, one that I’m still on. A journey of union within. All paths lead to this destination. I’ve always really been a courageous, fearless, strong, confident woman. Actually, before my spiritual awakening & sanyas, I operated mostly from my masculine energy. Life has mostly been a struggle, which I walked in faith but needed a strong masculine energy to lead in the man’s world. I also was quite ambitious & had my dreams, goals & the usual. When love happened, for the first time I saw, how wounded & neglected my feminine energy had been all this while. It was like she was just asking to be acknowledged, loved, nurtured.
When I was first brought to the Temple of Love, my masculine energy became a blockage to my growth. A disciple, a devotee is always in feminine energy. Only then can one receive from a master. The masculine (mind) is rigid in its conditionings. It is a barrier to transformation. That is why, so many techniques of ‘working’ with the mind & breath, although positive in experience & not harmful at all; only provide some temporary relaxation. It doesn’t transform the ‘being’. Because there is no access to the being, the soul. All the work is done with masculine energy. All ‘doing’ is masculine. The feminine energy is not even being accessed. It is still an outward flow of energy.
In truth, nothing can be done with the mind or breath. It can only be watched & allowed it’s full expression. Watching, watching, watching, one day, the watcher suddenly separates from the mind & experiences freedom from it. The mind doesn’t cease, but one rises above it & then he has detached from his own story. The story remains, only the ‘being’ has transcended it.
At The Temple of Love, I dropped into my wounded feminine energy. I had to totally forget my masculine qualities, which were all I knew at the time. For the first two years of sanyas, one is extra sensitive because heart activations & feminine energy rising is taking place. I have only recently completed my first two years of sanyas. The first two years of sanyas, with devoted practice, a total transformation of being takes place. Of course, if ‘I’ (the ego) allow it. Total surrender takes place & the whole perception of life changes, from the inside, out. As within, so without. Once the change happens within, it starts manifesting without (outside) too.
The moment my total surrender took place, all that lost masculine energy seems to rush back. But it felt different this time. It just isn’t leading the dance within anymore. The feminine is. Love is leading, compassion is leading, surrender is leading. The masculine qualities are available to access whenever I need it, or my journey calls for it.
In this dance to Braj Bhakti, I’m learning that strength is in surrender. It takes courage to put one’s complete faith in something that cannot be experienced in the physical reality & to allow it to align me with my story. It takes more courage than to keep up the fight to write the story I have in mind. At least that is how it has been for me.
Aligning with the story
Swamiji Anand Arun, once said to my mother, ‘I want a commune in Canada some day.’ She said, I’ll find you the land & all permits permissions etc but you need a dedicated sanyasin to run the commune like you do here.’ So he pointed at me. I was humbled, my mother was triggered. She called me up one day & she said, ‘you are a filmmaker, an actor, a producer. You have no time & you can’t manage a commune. Explain that to swamiji.’ She was triggered & She had an idea of me, of an identity, a definition; not realizing at the time, that idea, that person was long dead. She was talking to a new being in making, who didn’t fit into an idea, into any definition.
I told her, ‘sometimes in our own attachment & desire to write a story we want to write of our life; we miss the story that is written for us. One that is so much more meaningful & greater than the one we so desperately want to write. A story that we may not even be able to conceive but is just waiting for us to experience.’ She hung up on me. She didn’t want to hear it from her daughter. But then she called me back in 10 minutes. She processes fast, so she said, ‘ask swamiji to send you to some communes to learn how to run a commune. If he has so much faith in you, I don’t want to stand in the way. In fact it is something good for mankind. I’ll help you with it.’ 😊 I have a feeling, she started to surrender her attachment to my identity, in all reality, only after that day.
Swamiji did not send me to any communes though. He only asked me to start with a meditation centre, which I’m currently in the process of setting up. And to continue with the penning of a book in progress. Knowledge without experience is no knowledge at all. Knowledge with experience is wisdom.
RadheKrishna’s expression of being, in every incarnation is the same – one that keeps love alive, because Love is God. It’s so mystical, how Bhagwan Rajneesh takes me back to the consciousness of the Last wish – Chaintanya Mahaprabhu, for the path of the ‘word’ ahead. The word of a devotee in love. Grateful & so humbled 🙏🏻
Love, God, faith, surrender, freedom; to a devotee; are synonyms. This high vibrational energy that aligns us with truth, is always returned in so many many ways. But that return only comes when we aren’t doing it for any outcome. Only for the joy of it, the love of it. Yet, those returns aren’t even the true reward. The true reward of unconditional love & complete faith in surrender, is a story that goes beyond our own limited self. Post my recent surrender, I may not have much faith left in the ways in which humans ‘do’ love today, but my faith in the frequency of unconditional love has only strengthened. For ‘I’ write a story only to put a smile on a face, & existence writes a story to put a smile on many faces. Now, that puts a smile on my face 😊 ⭕️.
In grateful celebration of the consciousness of Chaintanya Mahaprabhu, The Last Wish 💫
Idol worship is an expression of prayer, practiced by many & refuted by others. Some say God is in the idol & others say there is God in everything, yet other, like Bhagwan says, ‘there is no God, only godliness.’ Much misunderstood, Bhagwan does not refute idol worship though or mantra chanting for that matter. He agrees with the Shiv Puran, which I have read too, when He says, ‘Idol worship is a technique only to focus a devotee’s energy towards one source of light, so that the darkness is first removed enough. After which point, idol worship is useless, because you have now embodied the light yourself. Wherever you go, there is light. Then there is no God, only godliness.’ So idol worship does have its place in spirituality too, not just in religion. Only in spirituality there is understanding of idol worship, in religion it is blind faith.
Idol worship & me
At the start of my spiritual journey about six years ago, I was faced with a challenging crisis, which seemed to be shattering the reality that I’d known all along. I ran to my then safe haven – a colourful town named Jodhpur, in Rajasthan, India. Having been married, at the time into a community of Pushkarna Bhahmins, the Shiva worshiping tribe; having extensively travelled there, & the mystical experiences of 15 years, have me convinced that I have some past life connection with the region. I was brought there. During this particular visit, I was meditating facing the Mehrangarh Fort. It felt like I was only meditating for 30 minutes, but my partner at the time told me I was meditating for 4 hours. The longest at a stretch yet for me. Sure enough, he was right. I saw the clock & was quite surprised.
I came out of meditation with 3 profound messages that came to me as visions & sounds. 1st I heard, ‘call him’, taking the name of my divine counterpart. I didn’t know that then, so I asked my partner at the time to do the needful. The second vision was profound. I saw a thick steel tube, looked much like a neck. Suddenly a neonish, Aqua blue snake pushed out of the tube. I remember feeling mesmerized. I don’t think I could even imagine a snake so beautiful. That blue colour hasn’t left me till date. It was otherworldly. Since my introduction to the Pushkarna Bhahmin community, Snakes have always been a symbol of Shiva’s protection for me. I’ve dreamt of of the hugest anacondas (sesh naag) for years at a stretch, until the day I started meditating. In Jodhpur, it is a known fact that the late mother of my then partner, dreamt of snakes until she took to the path of deep meditative idol worship. Whoever she touched was transformed to love. Her picture rests in the in-house temples of all the houses of the old city. I have never met her, yet her mystical presence on my journey of love cannot be denied. She hasn’t visited for a long time. I know I’ll meet her in the formless. This snake vision was the most important for my life path, ‘Coz it was about me, not about another.
And the third vision was me meditating in a cave alone. A huge shivling of ice standing before me, that I was meditating on; melted down to a small ice shivling on the palm of my hand.
I researched the two visions. The blue snake indeed was the colour of the throat chakra & the pipe was the throat. It was a signalling of the start of my journey of truth. One that ‘I’ share in my words – both written & spoken. One that I share through my being. The shivling I looked up to find a buy. I found one in natural quartz that looked exactly like the one in my vision. Incidentally, pure natural quartz is made of solidified ice. I started to worship it with water & chanting. I was never one to do that before this time. It came as a natural thirst. At the time I started to awaken to a divine connection on my journey, I was already blissing out on the presence of Shiva.
Idol worship began for me with that vision & dropped soon after Bhagwan entered the story. Both were natural processes. However, at The temple of Love I experienced another kind of idol worship
Another kind of idol worship
At The Temple of Love, I experienced a different kind of idol worship, which I understood because I was practicing it unaware for the past 3 years of my spiritual journey. A more alive, playful idol worship. Worshiping the light in a ‘being’ of form or a consciousness in the formless. I was doing both – one being shiva himself. Many are devoted in worship to Swami Anand Arun in form & others are surrendered in devotion to Bhagwan’s consciousness in the formless. Scientifically, idol worship or worshiping the light in another, is doing the same thing. Focusing the energy on the light, so darkness disappears. That is why Love is the greatest teacher & beloved is the path itself. I’d like to share a couple of my own experiences from the temple of love.
An experience of compassion
In December of last year, a new sanyasin, came to the Temple of Love. He saw me at the library & introduced himself. I introduced myself & then for many months we didn’t talk. Only smiled at each other & wished ‘Pranam’ in passing. The last couple times at the ashram, we became friends. Actually not just the two of us, three of us. A very dear friend, who’s friend this fellow sanyasin is, and myself. One day he said to me, ‘I am in love with you & I want to marry you. And we will have 2 kids’ 😂. Sorry, I don’t mean to laugh, not then, not now. But this friend does make everyone laugh a lot.
I told him, ‘I can only give you friendship. I feel no romantic love for you & the word marriage scares me. A switch in my mind goes off & everything seems off balance 😂. I also have a bit of a complicated love story & someone already lives in my heart.’ Then he said something that further sealed the deal on no romance for me. He said, ‘I come from a wealthy family & I am wealthy myself. I will take care of you & I will also speak to your parents when they come to the ashram.’ I controlled my laughter this time & said to him, ‘don’t say this to my parents. They will laugh.’
I understand that his intention was in the right place in wanting to take care of me, but that wealthy part was not called for, especially when talking to a sanyasin, as a sanyasin. What does a sanyasin know of wealth & ‘things’. But I understand he was trying to express his feelings, which cannot he expressed in words accurately.
A little about a fellow sanyasin
Despite this, everyday he’d bring me flowers or chocolates. I told him a few times, ‘plucked flowers & bouquets make me sad. These beautiful flowers are dead already.’ I’d refuse to take these gifts, but he’d just leave them outside my door. So I told him, ‘I accept your gift but I cannot keep it. I don’t love you the way you want me to. Again, I can give only friendship. So I’ll distribute your love amongst all Sanyasins.’ He liked that & said that’s more than enough for him. However, I saw that his desire overtook him at one point & we landed up fighting. He kept trying, and I was firm on ‘ NO’. Yet, he is a good man. Never crossed a boundary until that point. Is also kind & considerate.
The thing is, he got a-lot going on. High doses of anti-depressants & beer every night. Healthy lifestyle only goes as far as physical workout & healthy food. Low understanding of mental, emotional & spiritual health. Twice married & divorced & now wants the third 😂. I know he reads everything I write. But I know that he will be happy on his mention in my story. The temple of love & Bhagwan are helping him heal. Now, he’s really not my type & I feel no romantic love for him. He knows that from day 1. And seeing his past girlfriends, I’m definitely not his type 😂. He’s into the tall, bold, confident & sexy women. Why not? Some of his Sanyasin female friends, he likes to play with, have started to give me & my friend a little side eye though. Same story, all my life. Regardless, I only ever have a couple hours a day to spend with friends at the ashram. I’m mostly enrolled in all meditations & therapies.
Ego death at the temple of love
He was just over-expressing his love one morning at breakfast, in an attempt to joke with me. He crossed a line & I blew up. He’s an egoistic man & retaliated. We fought & that was that. I cut him out instantly. I remember the last thing I told him was, ‘if what you feel is truly love, then it will transform you in ways you can’t imagine. Be in love & be grateful for it. If it is truly love, and you allow it to teach you, and it don’t interfere with someone else’s destiny; Bhagwan will make it happen. But not if you don’t work on your ‘self’ first.’ He’s an irregular meditator, and when he reads this, I know he will start for a bit & fall off again in a couple weeks 😁. He’s probably laughing, ‘Coz I’ve said all of this to him.
During the fight, He said, ‘Bhagwan told me you would help me.’ I said, ‘I can’t. I’m sorry. I have nothing to give you. If Bhagwan wants to help you through me, he will find a way to show me.’ Sure enough, Bhagwan did show me & not in an easy way.
This friend, he just always showed up when I was in a talk with fellow Sanyasins. Said he just wanted to hear me speak. And he’d always be sitting at the samadhi just before he knew I’d arrive after morning meditations, to be with Bhagwan. He continued this even after I cut him out. I’d ignore him & he’d just take it with a smile. It reminded me of myself on my own journey.
I saw myself
Everything he said, like, ‘I see Bhagwan in you & I don’t want anything from you & I’ll wait for you forever’; I had heard someone saying before too – myself. I was laughing inside at the irony that life is. Wonder how many laughed at me at the time. Yet I understood him. Maybe that is why Bhagwan feels I can help him. Bhagwan knew, I didn’t want to tell him, ‘you’ll learn.’ It’s a painful process but it is the pain of love that makes one evolve.
Later, something happened in my own spiritual connection that had me reflecting on all the times love was rejected. I remembered, how despite the pain, I was grateful just for love to have awakened in me through the being of a being. Where it has brought me today. So grateful 🤲🏻. Such a gift Love is. Bhagwan showed me in these moments of reflection, how I had disrespected love by doing the same thing with this friend, that I had experienced. Could I have responded differently, instead of reacting? I feel no-thing for him, except an understanding of his experience because I’ve been through it. A few friends told me that this big ego man was seen crying to Bhagwan multiple times, after I cut him out. I felt terrible but I was also stubborn. And it wasn’t time. Bhagwan hadn’t shown me yet. He recently reached out to me again through a friend, saying, ‘I’m sorry, I just want us to be okay. I want nothing more.’ I finally responded through my friend & said, ‘we’re good, I don’t love you but I’m here if you need someone to talk to.’ He hasn’t reached out since. I guess he’s scared that I’ll cut him out again. Says he’s grateful enough & that he’s been meditating regularly too 😊. Bhagwan has his ways, I trust Bhagwan but not this friend. He knows it.
It’s only idol worship
What He is doing is worshiping the light he sees in a ‘being’ of form. And that is taking him closer to the light. I’ve experienced this too. All the love I have given in devotion to the one, comes back to me in many forms. Love expressed, or given always comes back. Always. Maybe not in the way one wants but in the way one needs. Seeing the divine in another – It is what aligned me with my true path – this spiritual path. Bhagwan needs love in all his Sanyasins to evolve. Without love there is no evolution. Love only happens when one sees something of the divine in another. And idol worship of an idol or the light is the same. It only serves its purpose when one has fallen in deep love with that which it worships. What he is seeing is not me or my light, it is the light that I have embodied by worshiping the one I first saw the divine light in, & then by worshiping the divine consciousness of Bhagwan. ‘I am not’, only Love Is.
On the path of love, when desire transforms to devotion, the second phase of the journey begins. Transforming devotion to compassion. This was an experience of pure compassion for me. And in so many ways, beautiful too.
Another experience of love
In yet another experience, in September of last year, I met a woman in her early thirties. This fellow sanyasin lost her husband some three years ago, after only three months of marriage. I asked her, ‘why didn’t you RE-marry or date again?’ She said, ‘I couldn’t fall in love again.’ She finds a way to come to the ashram every-time she finds out I’m there. Says she just likes talking to me & being in my presence.
One day she says to me, ‘I’m in love with you. Never thought I’d say this to a woman but I feel that kind of love for you that I felt for my husband.’ Well, it made me a little uncomfortable too but because her expression of love wasn’t of desire, I said, ‘I’m grateful.’ Once again, what she is seeing in me is only bhagwan using my ‘being’ as a catalyst or a gateway for her own evolution. ‘I am not’ Remember, Bhagwan needs awakened love in his Sanyasins to guide their evolution. He is not concerned with external union. He is concerned with inner union.
The connection is to the light, not me. I’m grateful for she celebrates my being & it makes her happy. I guess, what Bhagwan is saying is ‘you become what you seek & then the seeking ends & the expression of that which you have become begins. For when one is seeking, what does he have to share. Only a half-truth – a lie! He is still seeking, he has not found.’
The feminine power of love
These are just a couple examples of the open expressions of love that I’ve shared as a glimpse into the ordinary experiences of a Buddhafeild ‘idol worship’, at the Temple of Love. I will share many more experiences & stories in the coming blogs. Mystical ones too. These two though, in particular, have helped me immensely to understand the true power of the seed of love a woman carries. Bhagwan showed me. For ‘I am not’, only Love is. Both of these experiences took place after my second stage of surrender, in September of last year. After I had accepted that although I was not there yet, I must walk the path from worship in devotion to love in compassion.
The compassion had started to flow but the attachment to the one I worship, hasn’t fully dropped yet. I’m in no hurry to drop it as everything drops on its own, once it is fully experienced & a higher experience presents itself. The thing is, unconditional love is the highest experience. ‘Coz love is god. I’m not sure what’s higher than that but there is some no-thing, which Bhagwan will walk me to & the ‘being’ of the one I see the divine in.
These experiences were to show me that, ‘idol worship’ of the light has served its purpose. Pushing me to see that it’s time to accept the light that has already accepted me, and plant the seed of love through my being. For what else is left to ‘do’. Grateful 🤲🏻. When a woman falls in love, she automatically surrenders to the divine light, (not the person) that she sees in her man. This automatic surrender is a natural response of feminine energy. Love is feminine energy. The energy of all creation.
When the feminine energy falls into a natural state of surrender, she becomes sensitive. Her heart is expanded & and throat (truth & expression chakra) starts clearing. She herself is now transforming to an expression of love – the ultimate truth & the greatest mystery. Also love itself – the greatest teacher. I guess it was love looking like a ‘blue’ snake, telling me it was time to seek the truth, to speak it later.
‘I am not’, Love is the pull
In my research I found a lot about many women today, like myself, being born with thyroid conditions or other throat conditions; have been persecuted & even eliminated for speaking their truth in past lives. Like the witches of Salem. Their truth seemed like prophecies & they were considered evil. They were only speaking ‘in tune with the reality’ or you can call it ‘intuition’ (ref. Blog post ‘Here’s How?’) In current lives, their journeys are that of speaking their truth yet again and the journey is not free from challenges either. These feminine energies have chosen lifetime after lifetime a purpose of keeping love alive despite the challenges of a loveless world. To keep The truth alive.
These experiences in particular showed me that this natural surrender in a woman that happens with love, awakens a natural gentleness that a feminine energy is an expression of. This gentleness of being, is a sort of magnetic force that attracts the thirsty for love. The medicine for the Human Condition. The feminine energy, in understanding & acceptance of her natural surrendered state, is most powerful. She plants the seed of love wherever she goes, whoever she touches. Romantic or plutonic. Or just in a hug or just by listening to someone. In so many many ways, she herself is unaware of.
The strong, masculine energy in women, which I strongly support as well; keeping in mind the Man’s world that ‘We women’ have to negotiate; is attractive too but doesn’t seem to hold the magnetism that existence has expressed in its full potential through a woman. I myself have to switch between my masculine & feminine energies, so I feel the difference myself, through outside response.
His love is also Hers
I’ve also learnt that it is very difficult for a Masculine energy, especially in a man’s body to truly fall in love. Deep attraction, lust, all that is quick & misunderstood too. But to fall in love is a different story. Not just with a woman but also with a master. Love breaks the ego & kills it for empty space for the divine light of love to take its place. Love is needed on both journeys. When he does fall in love, he also falls in love from the feminine aspect of himself. It goes deeper than the love of a woman, much much deeper. Love is the feminine energy, even in a man. It is deeper in a man, because it has been suppressed for very long. In love, Then wherever he goes, whatever he touches, he also plants the seed of love.
There is a lot of divine power in the woman’s acceptance of her intrinsic nature of love; in this Man’s world & for this Man’s world to be also a woman’s world. But this power unearths itself after her ‘idol worship’ of the light is complete & she has now become that which she seeks. The light itself. The need for ‘idol worship’ of devotion automatically drops & she is now just an expression of love.
The idol worship of Meera & the expression of Radha
In my understanding the story of Meera & Radha are two chapters of one story of a woman on the path of love (Bhakti). Regardless of the situation-ship or relationship; Chapter 1 is of the ‘idol worshiper’ & Chapter 2 is of the expression of the divine. The compassionate love.
I’d like to share a conversation with Bhagwan that not only inspired this series but also this first blog post …
It’s a beautiful day of silence to ‘be’ an expression! An expression of true freedom He says. So ‘I’ ask Him …
How to ‘be’ an ‘expression’ of the divine, without ‘being’ a ‘watcher’ of the divine? He says, ‘Love is God. YES, BUT … Love is also freedom, even freedom from the ‘idol worship’ of the divine.’
‘Hmm’, I ask in a different way, ‘How to free the ‘idol’ from the ‘watcher’ & yet ‘be’ an expression of the ‘worshiper’? For Meera is an expression of ‘idol worship’. The seeker of Krishna.’
‘How to free love from the ‘watcher’ & yet ‘be’ an expression of love?’ ‘I’ continue … ‘How to walk with the divine & not seem like ‘I’ ‘watch’ the divine?’ 🤷🏻♀️
‘Radha has an answer for you,’ He says, ‘for when the ‘idol worship’ of Meera is complete; The mystery of Radha is ‘now’ to ‘be’ lived. Radha is just an expression of love, not the ‘idol worshiper’. The ‘play’ in which Krishna ‘plays’ ball with the universe. Radha is the true friend, the play mate of Krishna. His inner world. Radha is a ‘watcher’ only of the ‘self’, not of Krishna. Krishna is the ‘watcher’ of Radha. The ‘play’ of the inward flow of life. ‘Radha is not’ a seeker, only an expression of Krishna. SHE ‘plays’ – YES, BUT … only in silence 🤫 . For Radha IS Krishna. She is the seeking of Meera. Meera’s seeking is complete with Radha.’ ⭕️
‘I am not’ just as ‘Radha is not’, only love is; I do not touch the souls of beings. I do not plant the seed of love. Just as Radha, I am only an expression of Love. In that expression what must happen, happens. The mystery that ‘We women’ are, is not just an experience for the world but also ‘We women’ ourselves.
‘We women’ are in the Man’s world, but not of it. Before my sanyas, I already had accepted that there is nothing I can’t do that a man can do. Maybe apart from anything of physical strength, which he’d out do me in. But sanyas & the experiences of the Temple of Love, showed me that my greatest strength is in my acceptance of my intrinsic feminine nature.
We Women
‘You maybe an exception to the rule, but an exception only proves the rule.’ ~ Bhagwan.
The handful of women who are the faces of empowered women, is not the reality of We women at large. They are the exceptions to the rule. The majority, however, are not that fortunate. They don’t have opportunities like we do. Realistically, They cannot raise their voices, strongly project themselves. They don’t even care for it. That is not the feminine nature. Feminine energy is still, it don’t find comfort in fight. All they are looking for is peace & some respect & dignity & acceptance for being exactly as they are. Treated like second class citizens of this world, suppressed, depressed, women suffer in many ways in this Man’s world – most of all emotionally but also mentally, physically & spiritually. Therefore the man suffers too at the hands of women, who blame him for their condition. The empowered woman of today, is not a representation of the feminine energy at all. Neither of the women population of the world at large.
There is no way to hold a position of influence or power in a Man’s world without operating from Masculine Energy. The empowered woman of today has nothing to offer to the non-empowered majority. In fact if anything, she is here to take away from the majority her greatest strength – the feminine power of her Love. And with that she takes away the gentleness that is her gift of magnetism from existence itself. Sadly, In the expression of an empowered woman today, the majority of We women are not reflected. On the contrary, they seem intimidating, overwhelming & & scary to the ordinary woman. There is no inspiration because the circumstances are not the same. The needs are not the same.
Fear is not a means to inspire change. Fear is a means to control only. Once a woman knows your weakness, knows what scares you, suppresses you; oh can she be nasty! Especially if she operates from the masculine mind. She can use your fear against you to cripple you & kill your spirit. A woman can make or break a man, therefore his world too.
Handful of women are controlling the narrative of the empowered woman. It actually saddens me, yet, I am grateful that at least Bhagwan has helped me to understand. And gives me multiple opportunities to help other women understand too. The women of the rule, not the exception. For the ones who are an exception are already exceptional & accepted.
The empowered woman of the Temple of Love
It is not about the masculine or feminine energy, each one of us carries both within & both are needed to navigate life. But to lead from the masculine principal in a competition with Man in his own world & to deny the feminine principle, which contradicts the competition with Man; is essentially the death of the feminine aspect on this planet. The feminine is truly a dying breed & she holds the seed of love. Love is God. To allow her to die, is to allow the divine to die.
I personally don’t belong to this majority, yet I understand because I get to interact on a one on one basis, everyday with women from such majority. I just speak with them & help them with some tools to unearth their natural feminine power of love. I’ve heard from these women time & again that their sense of self respect, self love & self dependency, has healed, only through the understanding & acceptance of the intrinsic feminine nature & its tremendous force. In this acceptance they find their peace & power, because it is not in constant conflict with their own intrinsic energy. It is in alignment with it. Then, when feminine energy is leading the way energetically, all wars can also be fought with love – the Krishna consciousness way.
The empowerment of the feminine, her true freedom is in her acceptance of her feminine spirit. And idol worship can be the beginning of that journey back to the ‘self’, because before an idol of God, or a being of divine light; at least the head will bow down. When it’s bowed down enough, the divine will speak to her & to all, through her ‘being’ – that is her empowerment – God or … Godliness. But upon empowerment, her love is needed in this loveless world of a whole lot of noise about love. Then idol worship is futile, ‘Coz She now is divine herself in the light of the power of her Love ❤️
I am not here to refute by any means that women must be strong & courageous & survivors & achievers. I’m only here to remind women of their super power. That’s all. I’m grateful that Bhagwan has found so many ways, alongside ‘earning’ a living, for me to ‘share’ my living too. Individually & in small collectives; with many women, who are not by any standard of the world, ‘exceptional’, only ordinary. The rule, not the rule-breaker. I’m grateful to have the opportunity to share a word with them, just to remind them that …
Reality, is all that we humans can perceive through our 5 senses – touch, taste, smell, see, hear. Any experience beyond these 5 senses is beyond our perceived reality. It is a choice, to accept the experience of the 6th sense as reality or not. A choice to choose our reality. But does that split reality itself? Reality is choice-less, all of it exists in reality whether we perceive it or not, whether we accept it or not.
Over the past couple weeks, I’ve been sitting with the depth of unexpressed reality. What’s real is the truth essentially. Unexpressed! For truth cannot be expressed. Arriving at an understanding that Truth is a lie. How can truth be a lie? Either there is truth or there is lie. How can they both be the same? Yet they are! 😊
Just like love is no-thing. Love really cannot be in any ‘thing’. It is so vast that it can only exist where there is immense empty space. Empty of ‘things’ to contain it. That is why in the world where the first requirement of ‘living’ is to ‘earn’ a ‘living’; love is just ‘nothing’. It has to be nothing. Do you blame man? I don’t. I accept, Yet, ‘I’ choose to understand love as no-thing not nothing. Love is beyond the world of things – matter. Even expression. So love & no-thing is the same 😊.
Love is a reality. It IS. Yet it is not, unless we can perceive it through our 5 senses. Love is the truth of all reality, one that we choose to accept & one that we don’t choose to accept as well. It is the ultimate truth, therefore the greatest lie. Like god.
I’m not sure you follow me …
So I’d like to explore from different perspectives.
Reality of self
One of my earliest introductions to spiritual practice was through the third eye meditations of swami Nityananda. He explained the three perceptions of self, which has stayed with me till date. I understood it because I have always basically lived unaware trough that space. Now I am conscious of it. Aware.
Nityananda says, ‘the three perceptions of self reality are, Mamakara, Ahankara & Anyakara. Mamakara (true self) – how ‘I’ perceives itself; Ahankara (ego self) – how ‘I’ perceives others to perceive ‘I’; Anyakara (projected self) – how ‘I’ is actually perceived by others. When all there ‘Karas’ are aligned, the same; the complete self is realized. Then we live in completion.’ ⭕️. Free from the ‘karma’ of the ‘kara’
Essentially what Swami Nityananda is saying is that none of the three ‘Karas’ are aligned in the reality of the 5 senses. Our world. Everyone perceives everything from the limitations of self understanding & experience. The 5 senses are designed to perceive only the outside. Quantifiable matter. Therefore all self work, unfortunately, gets focused on the latter two, Ahankara (ego self) & Anyakara (projected self). Mamakara remains silent, hidden & misunderstood because it belongs to the reality of the sixth sense. When the true self is the focus, the ego self dissolves unexpressed & therefore the projection dissolves too. There is now just a direct connection between true self & how it is perceived, by self & by the outside. True authenticity, some would say!
Without trying to explain this inexplicable understanding further, I invite you to meditate on the two paragraphs preceding this one. In my experience, the aligned one is the crazy one. The Rumi, the Meera, the Bhagwan, the Buddha. It finds peace outside the world, which is inside its true self. So all expression is from the true self. But that true self is only a lie inside the outside world because it comes from the part of reality that has not been accepted as perceived reality inside the outside world. Yet it is a truth of the whole reality. Do you follow me?
From yet another perspective
Truth is that which IS. Lie is that which is not, yet the lie also IS in the not. The ‘not’ which is yet not perceived or expressed. Don’t mean it don’t exist. It IS because it exists in the ‘not’ part of the reality. Perceivable by the same sixth sense only.
For instance, a toddler has no perception of truth & lies. He operates from pure innocence. He can say a lie like, ‘god speaks to me’, we accept it as his ‘play’. His innocence. It is his truth in that moment, it may change later. He has no need for consistency. But for an adult, the child’s truth is a lie. The adult is knowledgeable, the child has No knowledge at all. Raw, uncultured, totally focused on what he is doing in the moment. When the focus changes, he is totally focused on the now focus. He is not concerned about the outcome, only the experience. The play. The child has no perceived sense self yet. So there is no split between the inside & the outside. It is total acceptance essentially, in innocence & immaturity. God speaks to the child & also his mommy. Both are reality. No spilt between truth & lies.
A Buddha, again a lie until attained, is the same as a child. Only difference is that a Buddha is an adult. He has gained knowledge to birth maturity, and then lost all knowledge, to RE-birth the innocence of a child ⭕️. So there is no difference in the innocence of a Buddha & a child, except maturity. A buddha is aware innocence, a child is unaware innocence. Neither hold knowledge; Buddha carries wisdom & both carry innocence. A Buddha also says, ‘God speaks to me’, again we accept it as Buddha’s ‘play’ of wisdom. But for the rest of the adults of knowledge & maturity, Buddha’s statement is a lie. They only nod their heads because it is Buddha, they accept Buddha, not his truth. How can they? They have ‘not’ yet experienced it.
A truth of one’s story, is a lie of another’s story. Yet once the story connects, it is one story, where both truth & lies can exist together. Both the truth & the lie can be accepted, & experienced, to transcend to the third state of being – ‘living’ the mystery’. Question less.
A beautifully divine mystery of 6 years is now a wrap for me, in this understanding that truth is a lie. There is no more mystery left to live. I have lived it, at least this part of the mystery. The seeking of Meera is now a living of the mystery that Radha is. When the flow ‘dhara’ moves inward, ‘Radha’. The outside mystery is lived & revealed 😁. Grateful, so grateful 🤲🏻. The expressed lie, hides the unexpressed truth. It is the same.
The Tantra way
From yet another perspective. The story of a seed & the story of a tree. The truth of the seed is a lie of the tree & the truth of the tree is a lie of the seed ⭕️. It sounds like philosophy, because our minds are fragmented (ref blog post titled ‘Here’s How). I’ve explained the fragmentation of the mind in the horizontal dimensions in detail there. So won’t go into it here. Philosophy is of the fragmented mind. The philosophizing of the reality that the mind has a ‘knowledge’ of existing but has no experience of it. The story of the seed and tree is reality not philosophy, because they are not two stories. It is one story from the seed to the tree & from the tree back to the seed. The tree is the seed realized, the seed is the potential tree. Tantra sees the full story. ⭕️
Tantra, as much misunderstood, is not about dark spirituality or sacred sex. The dark is equally accepted as the light, within the ways of tantra & yes, sacred sex is a part of the understanding. However, Tantra is a way of life that sees non-fragmented & accepts the whole as is. Light & dark included. Truth & lies included. Tantra is a state of ‘being’ that, slowly but surely, is the transcendence of all dualities ☯️.
Tantra sees the tree in the seed & the seed in the tree, that is why it is associated with mysteries & mystics; witches & prophecies. But it’s basic principle is that, darkness is not, where light is. There is no fight between truth & lies, no fight between light & dark. When light comes, darkness disappears. When a candle is lit, the darkness will not say, ‘I will not go. I will fight to stay.’ Tantra is a misunderstood expression of the vertical dimensions of reality, or one can call it, the sixth sense. Therefore, misunderstood. Fragmented in understanding from the consciousness of the horizontal dimension.
Tantra is a constant remembrance that life is a ‘play’ of existence. To split it between truth & lies is to split the ‘play’ of life into real & unreal. It is not a complete experience of the show that life is. In the ways of tantra, there is no truth & there is no lie, only a complete acceptance of the ‘living’ of the mystery called life. Tantra don’t allow a split, it accepts all – the known & the unknown; it plays with both. It expresses both. It is the true authenticity of tantra. Therefore tantriks & tantrikas seem eccentric inside the outside reality. There is no split of truth or lie in their experience of the ‘play’. The ‘leela’ that life is.
Truth cannot be in words 🤫
Love is no-thing, because truth is a lie. Truth is that which cannot be expressed in words. Especially the spoken word. Therefore it is a lie. Love that can be expressed in the spoken word, is not love. It is only a feeling that seems like love. Thoughts & feelings are temporary. Love is eternal. It is the divine itself. Love can only be expressed as creativity. ‘Coz love is creation. She is creation. She is love. The truth that love is can only be expressed as a lie that no-thing is, within the confines of the limitations of expression in the so called free world. How to express this in words? But in a song, or a dance or poetry or a painting it can be expressed.
One might argue that love has most exquisitely & eloquently been expressed in words by a Rumi or a Meera. Only because the ‘play’ of words IS their creative expression. They have expressed love through their whole being, not just words. Their ‘being’ is their creative expression. YES, BUT … not without paying the price of speaking the truth in a hypocritical world. I often wonder, had a Rumi or a Meera been afraid of being consistently questioned & laughed at during their time, how would they ever stand as an encouragement for those like me? To me they say, ‘it’s okay, it’s okay to be questioned & laughed at now, just so love can live eternally; because it lives in your creative expression of the self.’ That’s all they say to me in all of their contradictory words of love & truth. It is all no-thing & lies 😊. Meaningless in the world of matter of the 5 senses. They have lived only from the sixth sense & used the 5 senses not to perceive only to express.
Truth can only be expressed through creativity. The rest is all a lie. One of the greatest kept secrets of religion is Love itself. Because love is God. Jesus said god is love & his love is the unaccepted secret of Christianity. The lie that IS in the not. Not of Christ, of Christianity. The love story of Jesus & Mary Magdalene. Where, on the one hand, Radha, Hinduism’s (not Krishna’s) secret love; has been expressed in the words of hymns; the love of Jesus has been secretly expressed in code through Da Vinci’s paintings. The longer love is a secret, the divine will remain a secret to this world. Love & truth are not words, so they are no-thing & lies. Yet in this ‘play’ of no-thing & lies, love needs to be expressed. For love to live. It is the only expression of God.
The last question !
It’s All just a ‘play’ – truth or lie, don’t matter. Love expressed as creativity is not just a gift for one, it is a gift for all. A gift of freedom. A gift of love. So Keep playing & gratefully enjoy this beautiful play that existence has given us an opportunity to experience. She accepts your lie & knows your truth too. She withdraws in the acceptance of your lie, she stays in the knowing of your truth. Much like Mother Earth & the Pandemic. It creates a split in the reality & man is confused. The truth is always evident in a lie because it is the same. The truth you ‘stand by’ & not ‘necessarily’ tell, to create a lie, is always clear as day. All three ‘karas’ are aligning. Once aligned, there will be no experience left in expression. And expression is an experience. Only silence will Be in the absence of expression. Don’t just play, also say, whenever you’re ready to say; until then just play. For the truth can live in the lie of the play. Yes it can – The Tantra way 👍🏻
I wonder, Can this no-thing that love is & this Lie that the truth is, that I try to express in words; be expressed in creativity not of words too? YES? NO? YES, BUT ? 😁
Is there anything left in this play,
Except the lie that’s left to say?
Or is there still a reason to save,
The truth,
will you take it to the grave?
Say it like truth, or say it like a lie,
Will you express it before you die?
Let me know that Love is,
I know … yet …
Whoever she is, divinity is …
For until ‘you’ express or say,
How can ‘I’ STOP the play? 🥹🙏🏻
With immense immense Gratitude for the lies of no-thing that has lead to the un-expected & unexpressed truth of love after (almost) six long years 🙏🏻
In celebration of the truth & the lie, please let the truth live in the lie of the play. YES? NO? YES, BUT? 😊
Oh! How I’ve missed this space. And how grateful ‘I’ is to be back here. I left off months ago at the vertical dimensions of existence. Today ‘I’ stands at a space on the vertical where ‘I’ can reflect, only to share. For ‘I am not’, but a word – HIS 👆🏻word – just an expression of ‘being’.
Not that I didn’t explore with the word in this time, but not as an expression. Mostly just as a ‘word’ at this point. This space belongs to HIM (Bhagwan). Here I dance too 💃 not just sing 🎶. So even the late nights in the moonlight, seem beautiful here. What it’s ‘doing’ is meaningless to me, yet what it ‘does’ is meaningful. That meaning ain’t ‘I’, for ‘I am not’. That meaning is Love ❤️. ‘Coz love is god!
Getting ready for the vertical
I’m going to use my own journey as a reference, for this post. Although each individual has a unique journey, the core experience of a transition from the horizontal to the vertical, is the same.
At the onset of my spiritual journey, almost 6 years ago now, the vertical dimension opened up for me (ref. Blog post titled ‘Here’s How?’). I could see it clearly but I couldn’t jump high enough to enter it. For the first 3 years, I only played with the light falling down on me from the mystical vertical dimension, that was now open to me but not reachable. It required a very big jump – a leap of faith into an unknown portal, which was only visible to me. A door 🚪 that those closest to me, at the time, couldn’t even see.
I recognized early, that I’d first have to ‘get ready’ to take this jump, so I started to do the work. I worked with many common tools, available in the markets of the horizontal dimension (3D world); simultaneously embracing my biggest fear of aloneness. The most painful part of the journey, YES, BUT … a much needed one. 3 and half years later, I reached the first stage of surrender to divine will. Ready to give up my fight with myself, accepting that ‘I’ cannot ‘do’ anything else to prepare for the leap.
With that surrender, came the magic 🪄, knocking on the very door that I’d tried to reach all this while. I heard HIM ask, ‘May I come in?’ And before I could reply, the door finally opened & I found myself at the temple of love – The Tapoban International Commune in Nepal. A man dressed in a robe & mala, who I had only seen in my dreams, was sitting in front of me in form, totally aware that HIS mystical master had brought me here too, just for a long chat 😊.
Entering the vertical
Finally the silence had broken. The vertical was speaking to me as Bhagwan, and I started listening as Ma Prem Jaya (victorious love ❤️), an undefined ‘being’ – a sanyasin.
The leap of faith into the vertical dimension for me was sanyas. But can one enter the vertical without sanyas – yes, of course. Why not? But I don’t know that way. If not sanyas, at least a guide from the vertical really helps. There is so much word about spirituality in the horizontal dimensions, some truly about the spirit, and so much more about the ‘I’dentity’ of spirituality. A guide helps, as a constant reminder, to not get lost in the ‘I’dentity’ & to keep rising beyond the attachments of the horizontal dimensions.
Does the horizontal disappear?
No. It doesn’t. At least not on the path of neo-sanyas. The horizontal dimension is the dimension of ‘karma’ – it continues as is. I found only my own relationship to karma changing. Before the door of the vertical opened for me, I was still in a struggle between the karmic & the spiritual worlds. They seemed conflicting. Only when I could see the horizontal dimension from a higher floor in the building of consciousness, did I see that there is no conflict, except within my own self. The split in duality within myself was manifesting as a split in the karmic reality.
In the early days of sanyas, I understood the true meaning of Krishna’s statement from the ‘Gita’ – ‘He alone wins, who doesn’t want to win’. And a literal win of a 4 year long legal battle, ‘happened’ as a validation to my understanding. The first stage of surrender had already happened before sanyas, which essentially meant that, I had already understood that whatever happens, ‘I am not’. Existence is working through me. All ‘doing’ is existence’s ‘doing’. Therefore all ‘karma’ is existence’s karma.
I found, that releasing myself from attachments to outcomes of my ‘doings’ in the horizontal dimension; is the key to the door of the vertical. Now for me this happened before the voice of the master started speaking to me. He only validated my understanding. But for some this shift in understanding may need a guide. It depends on many factors, including the ‘work’ done on the self, in previous lifetimes too.
The horizontal remains, all ‘doing’ remains; only the ‘doer’ disappears. Then the door to the vertical opens, with or without a guide or sanyas.
Two years in this vertical dimension of existence, I’d like to address a couple questions that I’ve been repeatedly asked.
What’s the hurry?
Actually there is no hurry at all to enter the vertical dimension. The cycle of life & death is continuous & eternal ⭕️. The journey of life itself is a spiritual one & each lifetime, we evolve, slowly but surely. There is no hurry to enter the vertical dimension. One has all of eternity to enter it.
However, the karmic wheel is a never ending one. Karma never wraps up. In order to wrap up something karmic (as I had to do), we build more karma. As long as ‘I’, the ‘doer’ is there, there is no way out of the karmic cycle. So it really isn’t a question of hurry. One cannot enter the vertical as a ‘doer’. Therefore, it turns into cycles of karma building up lifetimes after lifetimes, even carrying karma forth into future lifetimes; with no door to the vertical dimension in sight.
So there is no hurry. The moment one understands that ‘I am not’ the ‘doer’; the door to the vertical dimension opens up & automatically takes one in. The horizontal remains the same but now one is not building any karma. All karma belongs to existence – to the vertical dimension itself. There is no hurry, only the experience of living the mystery of life as an awakened or enlightened consciousness is a whole other experience of true freedom.
It’s the freedom to ‘be in the world, but not of it’.
Does one need a master for the vertical?
Essentially the answer is No. However, as Rumi says, ‘a 2 year journey takes 200 years without a guide’. That’s all. And there is a small difference in the nature of enlightenment with & without a master. The difference between an ‘Arhat’ & a ‘Bodhisattva’.
I’d like to share the story of J.Krishnamurthy to explain this better but first the difference between an ‘Arhat’ & a ‘Bodhisattva’. One who is enlightened ‘Arhat’ has contributed all he can to the evolution of mankind by being enlightened. He has already crossed over to the other shore. He has no responsibilities left on this shore. The self is realized.
A Bodhisattva is of enlightened consciousness but not enlightened. He sees the other shore and he need only take one more step to the other shore. However, he still has a responsibility left on this shore. To connect through love, to his consciousness as many as he can. So that when he takes that final step to the other shore, a collective of consciousness within mankind evolves together. A Bodhisattva is responsible for collective consciousness evolution, via self realization.
So which one am ‘I’ & which one are ‘you’? That existence alone knows. Yet another mystery of life to be lived, not solved.
J. Krishnamurthy
J. Krishnamurthy is a consciousness that I much admire. An enlightened ‘Arhat’, he has contributed much to those who can understand him. He don’t speak to the ordinary mind. And there is not an iota of ‘ego’ in that. It is the truth of His ‘being’.
J.Krishnamurthy’s birth was a planned project of the theosophical society, at the time, included the likes of Madam Annie Besant. The 24th Buddha had professed before leaving his body that ‘2500 years later, when religion is redundant, & the relationship between man & god must change, I will return as Maitreya Buddha, as the teacher of the New World.’ The New World, or New Earth, which began at the onset of the recent pandemic.
J. Krishnamurthy is a soul swap project of the theosophical society. The right parents were picked to call in a highly evolved consciousness into incarnation. Krishnamurthy was then taken away by the theosophical society to be prepared for the soul swap. Annie Besant & others of the theosophical society are the teachers of Krishnamurthy. His gurus.
Man has always tried to control nature. It cannot be done. At the age of 16, being a highly evolved consciousness, Krishnamurthy revolted against the soul swap, declaring freedom for his realized self. Nothing wrong with that at all but … The 100 year project was a fail. Later, Maitreya Buddha incarnated into a modest Jain home in Jabalpur, as Rajneesh Chandra Mohan, aka Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh 😊.
J. Krishnamurthy’s philosophy
J. Krishnamurthy, as enlightened ‘Arhat’ is self realized and has no responsibility towards collective consciousness evolution. Yet, he speaks. He speaks from compassion – the highest expression of love. Krishnamurthy is a practical man, yet he speaks of love. ‘Coz love is the nature of the vertical dimension. He is of the vertical dimension too but he is not a guide. If you notice, Krishnamurthy speaks of the experience of enlightenment but not of the ‘how’ to get there. He has no responsibility to as He is not a teacher. He is a philosopher, speaker & author.
Krishnamurthy states that there is no need of a guru for self realization. Yet, the presence of teachers on his own journey cannot be denied. The importance of a teacher is reflected in his first book, ‘At the feet of the master’; which he wrote at the age of 14. This was before his revolt at the age of 16 and so he denies that it reflects his own philosophy.
What exactly is a master?
A master is a vibrational frequency of the vertical dimension, that matches the vibrational frequency of the master within self (the higher self). During Sanyas initiation or ‘Shakti path’, the master (or his medium), awakens the frequency of the master within self; via transmission of vertical dimension energy into the third eye chakra. Essentially, the master creates a space within the Sanyasin’s energy field, through which the energy of the master from the vertical dimension can work easily on the sanyasin, or disciple.
The consciousness of a master also acts as a reminder of a Bodhisattva, as he takes the responsibility of all his disciples. It takes lifetimes of hard work before the master begins to speak & guide. And then it takes lifetimes to enlightenment. Bhagwan guarantees enlightenment in one lifetime for the dedicated Sanyasins & two at the most for the lazy or slow ones 😂.
A master can guide & teach & walk along all the way, but even the master cannot enter the door of the final temple with the disciple. That door admits only one ☝🏻. Rama Krishna stood at the door of the temple to his enlightenment for months at a stretch, only because he was unable to leave his master, Goddess Kali, behind. He ultimately had to take his sword 🗡️ and split her in half (of course in consciousness) before he could enter the door.
That is why Bhagwan says, ‘I’m here to love you. I bring only love. but when you are love, don’t cling to my love, for that will become your barrier.’ A master is the love of the vertical dimension.
The love of the vertical
The vertical dimension is made up of only that which all of existence is made of – the frequency of unconditional love. The door to the vertical dimension maybe another ‘being’, a teacher, god himself or love itself. No matter what form the vertical shows up in, if you can see it (the vertical), love must’ve happened. For it is only love that can call in the vertical! 😊
At the Garden of Eden, Lilith is the first woman created by God, alongside Adam. As the narrative of the Old Testament goes, Lilith awoke just before Adam, and was asked by God to lay beneath Adam for the birthing of mankind. Lilith revolted, asking for equality, disrespecting God by taking his name.
Lilith then fled the Garden of Eden, and met Lucifer, God’s fallen angel; who turned Lilith into the goddess of daemons. Then Eve was created from one of the ribs of Adam.
Our world is built from the fruit of knowledge, which Adam & Eve tasted at the Garden of Eden, before being banished. Then Lilith is the one who can see the kingdom of god & Adam’s world from the outside. She is the outsider who watches. And as She watches, She also sees.
Lilith is a seer in Adam’s dreaming world.
The Truce
Later in the narrative of the Old Testament, after much blood & battle, God made a truce with Lucifer & Lilith, for peace. So Lucifer & Lilith were so strong that God had to surrender. Yes, for the love of God is great. He surrendered for his creation. But …
Did God not create Lucifer & Lilith too ?!! 🤔 so God created the devil, who he himself mastered & taught and who became more powerful than God himself. Now a true master, is one who is fulfilled only when his disciple outgrows him. Then the master, surrenders to his own disciple, and declares him master. A true creator is surrendered to his creation, he need not surrender for his creation. His creation is his expression of love. Love is God. If God created Lucifer & Lilith, how did they get more powerful than God himself? And if somehow they did, why did God not surrender? He said instead, ‘I’ll keep the kingdom of god, & Adam’s world; you keep the rest.’ – the unknown as we call it.
The unknown was termed daemonic territory & Lilith was blamed. She still is. This is the root of the fight between Good & Evil, the only knowledge of the Garden of Eden. This is also the root of misunderstanding Tantra – shivas sacred sexual teachings to Shakti, without even touching her. In Tantra, there is no divide, no duality. It says, ’all is divine’.
Oh how questionable Lilith!
The narrative states that Lilith disobeyed God by asking for equality & disrespected him by taking his name. It’s a narrative that fits so perfectly in Adam’s world today. But was Lilith so strong at awakening that she could disobey & disrespect her own Creator? If yes, why would she even need a Lucifer to uncover her complete feminine potential? Lilith is feminine energy, which is Love. It may manifest & express in many ways but intrinsically ‘She’ is love.
Could it be then, that Lilith wasn’t asking for equality but only asking God to let love lead the way to life. Asking for the freedom to let love be free? Well if God allowed love to be free then there would be no God left. Love is God.
Now the narrative terms Lilith the Goddess of the Daemons. If she is so powerful that God had to surrender, and so daemonic to drink the blood of Adam’s babies in revenge; how in hell is humanity still going? Is the Lilith archetype so questionable because she don’t obey & respect, or because She comes from a world we don’t know?
Amoral Lilith
There is morality, there is immorality & then there is the fight between the two. Good & evil. Lilith is a fourth kind. She is Amoral. Beyond moral & immoral. Good & Evil. Actually, Lilith don’t know the concept of morality. She has no understanding of it. The world she comes from is not bound by the conditions of Adam’s world. Her world is the vastness of the unknown existence. All is divine. She is more uncultured, raw for Adam’s world, you could say. Her world is free. So she is already transcended the duality of morality. She is Amoral. Thus confusing & immensely misunderstood.
Lilith is largely misrepresented by the common narrative as a sexy seductress, who drinks the blood of babies & births daemonic babies with Lucifer. The Lilith archetype breathes & lives within us in this world but She is just not of it. Lilith is the one who has been raised in love & freedom. She has been raised not for the world but for existence. She comes from an understanding that a being can only be a medium for existence to another being, not an owner. So she is free to burn her hands to learn that fire can burn & let other beings be the same. Free essentially. She has known love as freedom. Only in freedom can one learn responsibility. Responsible freedom is the playing & growing ground for love.
Adam’s world is not free, so it loves irresponsibly.
Adam’s dreaming world
If Lilith were granted a wish, she’d only wish that Adam taste the fruit of life too, before being banished from the Garden of Eden. Lilith has watched Adam’s world dreaming asleep, as a third person, as an outsider. While herself, she has been awake in a world where there is no dreaming. She has watched in amusement sometimes & in pain at other times. Adam is her counterpart. She loves him.
Essentially, goals, wishes, hopes; they are all dreams. Even in a waking state, if you look into yourself, you can hear the mind, in a future goal, wish, hope; or in a past memory. You will not find the mind in the present. It is constantly projecting its ‘dream’. A dream feels like reality when the mind is asleep. It is all a dream. Not that matter don’t exist. It does. But just like Adam’s world has devices like goals, ambitions, hopes; to keep it asleep. Lilith’s world has devices like, ‘the world is a dream’, to keep it awake. Existence don’t dream. No goals, no ambitions, no hopes. Adam’s dreaming world is just a device, not a theory or a philosophy.
When there is no dreaming of the past or future, there is the gift of life. Life is in the present, it is the gift of presence and it’s nature is love. Life is to love. When there is no thought, there is love, there is surrender, there is living. Lilith only wishes for Adam to taste the fruit of life, which keeps her awake to watch Adam & his dreaming, yet beautiful world.
No Lilith without a Lucifer
Lilith seems like a Neo Sanyasin to me 😊. And Lucifer is her master. There is a very intimate spiritual connection between a master & his disciple. It may or may not be romantic but it is intimate & energetic. It has to be, due to the nature of wisdom he is to impart to her. A disciple, despite the gender is always only feminine energy. Only then can a disciple receive sacred wisdom. The feminine is the receiver. Essentially, the disciple must be in love with the master. Surrendered.
Lilith may not always know, but Lucifer always watches her. He is the ultimate watcher. That is how he teaches her where to watch & how to watch. From an early age, a Lilith will encounter both divine masculine & distorted masculine energy in close proximity. Lucifer does this so she can develop her natural ability to recognize her Adam. Most important masculine relationships in her life will be with men who are of divine masculine archetype or awakened potential. Their nature is love. They have all been her teachers at some point on her journey. All been preparing her for her role.
Lilith’s potential is in birthing not just babies, but herself & also the new man.
Lucifer’s love for Lilith
Lucifer teaches Lilith many important lessons in love, surrender & freedom. He keeps her awake, non-attached & non-averse to the world of Adam, only allowing her to watch. The greatest wisdom he imparts to her, only to play her role in her ‘leela’; is to complete herself without Adam. One, ‘Coz all bets are off on when Adam will wake up to the present. Two, if she needs Adam’s love to give him love, love will die. Love’s only need is to give love. Adam’s world today, has proved that a woman needs no man, except for physical intimacy. That too, well … another day …
Lucifer has to have deep & pure intimacy with Lilith to impart sacred wisdom to her. To complete herself alone. Even the need for physical intimacy. He completes her in aloneness. Tantra is one such scared teaching of shiva to shakti. He has imparted scared sexual wisdom to her, only through techniques & meditations, without touching her. He teaches her how to exist in an orgasmic state of consciousness with existence, without even touching her. A good chunk of Tantra, is filled with meditative techniques for her to experience completeness even without Shiva. When shakti is receiving love from existence itself, source itself, she don’t need even shiva. Then from that space she can give herself as Love. Love only wants to give. When one is complete in their own being as love, then one can give themselves as Love to another. The feminine is the receiver, she only has love to give. It is shiva’s love for shakti. Shakti herself has her aspects of Lilith in kali, Durga & many more. Siva is shakti’s counterpart in every aspect. He knows the power he holds over her & tantra is his expression of love to empower her totally, because he cannot spill his Sperm. He is not just her counterpart, shiva is also Shakti’s master. There is love, there is surrender, there is deep understanding & there is respect on both sides.
Lucifer & Lilith’s common goal
But in Adam’s world, the counterparts are separated, so a Lucifer is needed to impart the wisdom of completion. A Radha is separated from krishna, a Mary is separated from Jesus, a Sita from Ram, a Romeo from Juliet, a Laila from majnu, and the list goes on. Lucifer Gives Lilith a direct source of love from existence itself, so she don’t need or depend on the love of Adam. But he keeps her love for Adam alive. Why? I’ve wondered! A recent understanding is, It isn’t essentially Adam or his world that Lucifer is directly interested in. He is only interested in keeping Lilith’s love alive. He needs that love in her for her to complete. It naturally just happens to flow to Adam.
They each have a role to play in her ‘leela’ (play) & their roles have a common goal. To keep love alive Coz love is god.
Misunderstood Lilith
Lilith seems to be existing for God, ‘Coz love is God; yet she is probably the most misunderstood mythological character, after God himself. Today, she is not a myth. She is a living, breathing being amongst us. It maybe hard to spot her or if she’s spotted, to understand her. The sexy, seductive, bold, woman has become the face of Lilith. There is an air of mystery & a certain magnetic pull in a Lilith, because of the world she comes from. It’s mystical, it’s unknown. But Lilith, may not be a fit with the common narrative of the ‘wild woman’. What she will definitely be is ‘in the world but not of it’.
Lilith is definitely,
Raw, May or may not be bold
Sensual, May or may not be sexy
Surrendered, May or May not be suppressed
Complete, never arrogant
Alone, never lonely
Innocent, not naive
Magnetic, not seductive
She is all of these, she need not become. There is no need for her to bare her body to become attractive to man. She is attractive to Man. Lilith & Adam were created to be attractive to each other. There is no acting, her role is written for her. She don’t need to try to be what she already is. In the same way, Neither does Adam. The thing is, Lilith is all of this and so much more, ‘Coz she don’t know at all what she is. She don’t know she is all of this. All she knows is that she is of existence and she is nothing. There is a mystical innocence to her. A knowing of that which is & no knowing of Adam’s world at all. She is always ready to learn what is known. Lilith knows how to watch & that is enough to learn. She knows nothing else. She knows only the unknown & The unknown is nothing. So she knows she is nothing. But To understand her, Adam needs to un-know all that he knows, to know that which is unknown. There is a ‘world’ between them. Adam’s dreaming world.
Waking up
Lilith is of the vastness of existence. She already knows she is not. Lilith too, lives in the ‘I am not’, where love lives. When ‘I am not’ love is. Now Adam’s world is a reality too. A dreaming one but a reality, none the less. Adam’s world cannot exist without ‘I am’. Lilith is not against or for Adam’s world. She is for him, thereby all his world. She just wishes for him to be awake in his dreaming world. So, She feeds his ‘I’ through her ‘I am not’. In a way that feeds the ‘I’ and yet wakes him up to life. To end the dream & birth the living.
There are only Two ways to wake up from the dream. A constant conscious awareness of ‘I am’ or ‘I am not’. When all that is true is ‘I am’ then everything else is just meaningless, a dream. Then the only question is who am ‘I’ if ‘I am’. This question leads to the same place as ‘I am not’. The more we enquire into ‘I’, the more we find that ‘I am not’. When ‘I am not’, dreams are not. That is why an awakening leads to ego death. That acceptance of all that ‘I’ know is that ‘I’ know nothing at all. It’s all false. It is a hard pill to swallow. Many enlightened masters have used this technique for jolting awakened consciousness in their disciples. Bhagwan Raman Maharshi for example. Now,
When all that is true is ‘I am not’ then everything is not, it is all a dream. Only a few enlightened masters have used this technique as it is more suited to the intrinsic feminine nature. All enlightened beings in women’s bodies have used this technique. It is faster, yes, but also more painful as the drop is steep. Straight from ‘I’ to ‘I am not’.
The duality of Lilith & Adam
Shiva has taught shakti this through technique & Bhagwan has simplified it, saying
‘If you are, then the whole reality is just a dream. If you are not, then the dreaming becomes a reality’.
Adam’s ‘I am’ and Lilith’s ‘I am not’ are two faces of the same coin of duality. They are Yin Yang. They balance each other to transcend the dreaming state. As her ‘I am not’ awakens more & more to the truth, his ‘I am’ will die to the false. ‘I’ is the dream, from which comes the dreaming world, from which comes another dreaming ‘I’. It’s a vicious circle. There is no end for lifetimes at a stretch, unless the dreaming stops. We do a million things in our life and find ourselves getting bored with everything. Some get bored quickly, and some take time. But eventually all get bored of everything. In existence, Lilith’s world, the world itself is a dream, ‘Coz she is not. There is no boredom, ‘Coz only ‘I’ can get bored.
How many lifetimes does one want to go through these series of boredoms? It’s the same cycle of momentary joy & then back to boredom. The boredom is because the dream is. Mind always needs something to project. That is why when there is no dreaming, you cannot exist. There is no presence beyond past & future. the dreaming is a way to suppress the present. because the present is life less. there is no love. So you push away the present, the gift, life itself. Love is life. The Buddhas say, one who gets bored easily is an old soul of much wisdom, contrary to the common narrative that if you’re bored easily, you’re not focused, grounded or you’re lazy. In truth? It’s Better to be done with the dreaming, let it drop one at a time; so destiny can unfold, so living can begin.
Adam wants to be needed, but needs to be loved
Adam’s human condition is one that wants to be needed but needs to be loved. Lilith is incapable of giving him what he wants, ‘Coz she is complete in her existence, and she don’t know Adam’s wants. She don’t even know his world. Lilith is not. She needs nothing. She knows Love, so she has life, & the rest is a dream. Lilith IS, to give Adam what he needs. Love. ❤️
Only When Adam has love, can he give his World Love. The gift of presence.
You can’t always get what you want, but you always get what you need. 😊
Lolita was a lover of Krishna & also a grateful receiver of His divine love & trust. Her devotion to Krishna, knew no end. Only second to Radha, she was Love herself. Yet she was second to Radha, because she had 1% of jealousy towards Radha. It is this tiny blockage that brought her back as Meera in her following incarnation. A life full of struggles as many would call it. But not for Meera herself.
Meera was born & raised a princess who later went on to be married to a prince. From an early age, Meera was attracted to the consciousness of Krishna, which threatened her very existence, time & again, through her journey as Meera. Her love in devotion & prayer to Krishna, has her termed ‘the other half’ of Him through history. ‘She is not’. So she became an ‘enlightened being’. She became love itself. And love is God. But to become, She did nothing. Love happened to her & it raised her to Krishna consciousness.
Meera is a happening.
Do we really need a Meera today?
A single word answer is ‘yes’. Why? For love itself.
Meera is a mirror. She has lost her whole sense of ‘I’ in the consciousness of Krishna. There is no sense of ‘I’ left in a Meera. No sense of ‘I am not’ either. There is no ‘I’. Period. There is no experiencer of love, but there is a being of Love. She is Love. So when the you are touched by the love of Meera, the mirror, you are not seeing her at all. In Meera, you can only see your own reflection as God himself.
In a world where Love & God are only words, a Meera is needed to reflect the highest conscious potential of man.
Meera – a way of life
Not only her love, but her surrender of self is also needed. Her surrender comes from a deep understanding & acceptance of the intrinsic feminine nature. ‘She’ is surrendered. In her own nature ‘She’ is most powerful. In her own nature, ‘She’ is to be the energetic leader of the world of freedom. Love is freedom. It is a Meera’s faith that keeps faith alive. We all have a hope for god. But faith is whole different story. Hope is a dream, faith is a knowing. And there is no faith without total surrender.
When existence (Krishna for Meera), is responsible, then who is ‘I’ to decide what ‘I’ deserve? What ‘I’ is worthy of? ‘Let Him decide’ is what a Meera says. He decides, she deserves to be a princess & He also decides she deserves to be a Buddha – the enlightened one. Total surrender, is total acceptance too. They go hand in hand. The fight with life is eradicated. Now the fight with the world remains. A Meera is in this world but not of it. She is of God, existence, Krishna. Miraculously, He takes care of the world. How? There is no answer to that but it IS.
Meera is a way of life that can change the world, because only a Meera don’t want to change the world. Krishna has said, ‘He alone achieves, who doesn’t want to achieve’. Meera is a happening, everything that happens through her being, is also just a happening. She is grateful but she cannot take credit for it. There is no ‘I’.
Meera – not a religion
Religions like Buddhism, Jainism & Christianity are formed around enlightened beings. No religion can be formed around a Meera or for that matter, a Rumi. Rumi IS Meera, just in a man’s body. Religion is here to separate man from god & love is here to unite man with God. Religion cannot be formed on love. Meera is love.
Meera – just a happening
So what exactly happened to Meera? Love. That’s all. Love happened to Meera. It has happened to all of us. And if it hasn’t, Meera’s only blessing is ‘May you fall in love.’ Love just happens but is it really love? How to know? You can be with a person for years but love May never happen, or May happen years later, or at first sight. That don’t matter. The moment love happens, is crucial. The moment when ‘I’ sees the divine in ‘you’. That is the moment, ‘I’ knows love.
Love happens in the present. The mind lives in the future or the past. Love cannot happen in the mind. Love happens, the moment another consciousness’ presence stops the futility of time within your consciousness. It is the moment, thinking stops. It is the moment a mirror meets a mirror. Or a mirror meets a screen, that’ll later turn in to a mirror. Meeting a mirror, awakens love. Time stops, the present, the gift of love is revealed.
Love – the fast track to enlightenment.
Once love has happened, even for a moment, the being has received a glimpse into his highest potential. That glimpse cannot be forgotten. For Meera, it had to be Krishna, because she had already experienced the Love of the highest. Regardless, all life is a manifestation of God himself. All life is God himself.
Once Love happens, God has started happening. Love is the nature of all beings. It is Godliness. It is the nature of feminine energy. When that feminine energy within a being, undergoes a ‘dark night of the soul’, the masculine energy, ‘I’, within the being, undergoes ‘ego death’, a layer at a time.
Love IS or ‘I’ IS
As the ego, the ‘I’ dies, a layer at a time, love frees the lover from the attachments of the world. So love can be free. The lover goes into a meditative state. That is why Bhagwan says, ‘if you are really in love, you don’t even need to meditate.’ The ‘I’ becomes slower, but the ‘eye’ (thirds eye) becomes stronger.
However, for the ‘I’ to completely die, for total surrender to happen; the ‘I’, the ego must reach its peak. Only a total ego, can totally surrender. The lover has lost most of its ego on the path. Now how will the lover reach the peak? Love itself becomes the ‘I’ & the ‘I’ ‘thinks’ ‘I am love’. Ego is completing itself. Only at its peak, can ego see that love is much greater than it. And for love itself, it will die for the final time.
When Love goes through her final short but deep, ‘Dark night of the soul’, the ‘I’ mirrors that through its complete ‘ego death’. Then there is no ‘I’. Only love IS.
Then Meera is not Krishna consciousness. Then Meera is Krishna. She has arrived, she has attained. She is in union. Whatever you’d like to say. She doesn’t even know arrival or attainment or even union. There is no ‘I’. Love is meditation. Love must be for Her to be.
Meera is a message
Meera is a message from existence. A message of love that reads, ‘Love is God’. Love happens & when it happens, existence has decided that we are worthy of this divine gift.
Love is not a person. It happens within the self. It maybe awakened by the being of another but it is a happening within self. Once it happens, we can either choose to murder it by reducing it to matter, possession, relationship. Or we can choose to perish in the pain of separation. (These are the poets who wrote only of the pain of love & added to the suppression and fear of love) OR
We can choose to experience the divine Gift that love IS, despite the separation. The message is simple, ‘Love is God’ & Love is simple too. Love only wants to give. Everything else is the ego.
So, can a Meera happen today?
Simple answer, ‘Yes’. A Meera ain’t bound by time. She is beyond time. She is beyond separation. She must happen more often as ‘She is in the world but not of it’. She is a glimpse, an awakening, a door into a world of freedom. That is why a Meera don’t happen no more. Most tools in the world are unconsciously built to strengthen the sense of ‘I’ and a Meera can only happen in the ‘I am not’.
Meera can happen when the feminine herself accepts her own intrinsic nature of love & surrender. Then the true power of the feminine can be revealed. Every Meera will flower unique to its individuality but she can only be discovered with love as the teacher.
Love of a beloved being
Love of a beloved master
Love of the beloved god.
The face of the beloved may change, the soul remains love. Regardless, ‘the beloved is the path itself.’
It is said that we can revisit previously opened windows on our experience of life. And we can look at them anew. When we can share the view with no pain, or attachment to it; we have healed. I couldn’t agree more. This blog post is close to my heart. I’m sharing, as I also revisit, some windows, I opened early in life. These are some windows weve all opened in our basic experience of life. These are the windows that shaped my initial view/perception/understanding of life itself.
The view from the windows I speak about below, is the view I see when I look back into them today. At the time, I experienced the view with ‘them’ (others) in it. Today there’s so little of ‘I’ left, so there is a ‘you’ but no ‘they’. The more the ‘I’, the more the ‘they’The less the ‘I’, the less the ‘you’. ‘I’ & ‘YOU’ = The View. that is today. When there is no ’I’ left, there will be no ’You’ left either. and no View either. only the complete reality – The Truth. So as we get closer to Truth, the same View changes too.
A Window
Once upon a beautiful time,
Before all the days of rhyme,
A mystical window I discovered.
Never opened, always covered.
Intrigued & mystified, one fine day,
I opened the inviting window wide.
It was Godly, shining, ‘Divine’, I say,
The view from this side. 👌🏻
My sight was drawn to a bright white light,
Emitting from another window in sight.
There’s other windows in sight alright,
But none emitting such a divine light.
It was like ‘they’ never saw the light,
It was like ‘they’ never had a sight.
Not the light, ‘they’ saw my glowing face,
Only then did ‘they’ really, make it a race.
‘They’ saw me, & then the light,
There began all the cunning fight.
It became such an ugly sight.
Now, I was the reason to fight. 🥺
I still wanted to just see the light,
But For me the window, was shut tight.
So I shut it too, this window tight, 😡
To be gone, forever outta sight.
For Many days & many nights,
There was no noise & no fights.
Windows remained shut so tight,
As I was finding my own little light.
Then one day, I heard a knock,
On the window, now with a lock.
With a lock, tick tock, tick tock,
Over the window, I had hung a clock. 🕚
I looked, and there was the bright white light,
Shining through the cracks, reaching my sight.
Fearful to open the window again,
Remembering all the Un-healed pain,
Yet I opened the window again,
Hoping this time to avoid the pain.
Yet again, yet again … 🤦🏻♀️
‘They’ saw me & then the light,
Again, began all the useless fight.
Again, It became an ugly sight.
Of course, now I too was to fight. 🥺
I still just wanted to see the light,
But, Only for me, it was fading to night.
So again, I shut this window tight,
Why be in sight & yet see no light? 🙄
Then for months, there was no light,
Open window, but not a sight.
It made me wonder, it made me feel,
How much the light is asking to heal. 🤔
Was it a mirror on the other side,
Of that window with the bright light?
Wanting this window opened wide,
So I can too, mirror …
Or reflect the light?
Or was it a mirror on the other side,
Of that window with the bright light?
Mirroring a bright white light, from inside,
For something other than my grateful …
But limited sight?
Or was there someone on the other side,
Of that window with the bright light?
Dimming the bright white light, from inside,
To protect me from some evil …
Or conditioned sight?
I see just a window, and just a light,
But for me it is a very sacred sight.
I’m the moon, I live in the dark night,
The ‘Night Lord’ showed me another Light.
I’d always wished upon a shining star,
The one I had named after my star. 😊
‘I wish with your cosmic magic one day,
I open the window, and there’s no ‘they’’ 🙏🏻
Been wanting to open the window again,
I don’t fear the fighting & all of the pain.
But I’d rather not be an object in ‘their’ sight,
I’d rather just be reflecting, only the light. 😊
So, then, after long, magic today I see,
This window, open can always be.
From the other windows, ‘they’ cannot see,
I see the window, & when it’s lit, it sees me 😁
Humbled by the light, not craving a sight
Now that there’s my own little light.
Not as white, not as bright,
But bright enough for my own sight. 🤩
Now that I, don’t see the ‘they’,
Now that there’s no un-healed pain,
Now there’s no ‘I’, waiting to play,
So I open the window again 🤫
#MaPJ
Behind the unopened windows
Behind all the unopened windows on our journey, are experiences we’ve missed to live. In other words, we’ve missed life itself. These windows are opportunities, we’ve missed leaping into, risks we’ve missed experiencing the adventure of. It is doubt & fear that holds us back. The only language of the mind, apart from desire. The aversion to a negative experience, is as self-destructive as attachment to a positive experience. Non-attachment & non-aversion is the middle path, the path less path, the gate less gate, the effortless effort. The path of the non-doer. The Path of Zen & the path of the ‘Geeta’.
Behind these unopened windows is the unknown! Our fear of the unknown, blocks our experience of the unknown as well. The only ‘doing’ is the opening or the ‘not opening’ of the window. Beyond that is only a reflection of our own perception; no matter which window I open and which I don’t.
The View
Once we open any window, we see the beautiful & the ugly. And the beautiful & the ugly will also see us. The world around us, is ‘doing’ so much that not for a moment, ‘they’ stop to experience the beauty around. If ‘they’ did, ‘they’ would see the divine light too. ‘Coz beauty cannot be seen with the body’s eyes, it can only be experienced by the soul. It can be seen by the ‘third eye’, the sixth sense. The rest is superficial beauty. When I see beauty, ‘I’ feel happy. But when I experience beauty, I am beautiful. When I am beautiful, wherever I am, there is beauty. Every ‘View’ is beautiful. Not the beauty of the conditioned ‘I’ but the beauty of the ‘Light’ of the view falling on me, reflecting my perception of life. The Divine Light. Only a Divine sight can see a divine light.
Amidst the ‘doing’, those around me, in passing, see me still, just ‘being’, with the ‘glow’ of the ‘light’ on my face. Then ‘they’ see the light. Then ‘they’ desire to take the ‘light’ ‘on the go’. In a ‘to go’ bag 😂. The ‘light’ stays put. When ‘they’ stand there ‘looking’ at me, the ‘light’ is making ‘their’ faces glow too. ‘They’ just can’t see themselves. We just need to ’be’ still a moment and it will reflect on us too. What is reflecting on our face is the light that is inside us. The view is beautiful when ‘I’ has the sight to see the beauty. The view outside, is only a mirror, reflecting back to me, ‘what I am’ inside. What my sight is showing me. So ‘they’ don’t even really exist between ‘I’ and the ‘view’ I wish to see.
The view is in my Experience
My View from the window – Nature & The Light
Life is beyond the control of ‘I’. The ‘I’ is too small to experience life. It only ‘does’ to find stimulus outside of itself. Finding the beauty outside to feel beautiful inside. But it’s the inside that reflects outside. Life will show me only that which is required to ‘be’ inside. When we open windows, we see the beautiful and the ugly. Both are there present outside because it is present inside. As we transform the inside, for which we must ‘be’ inside, the outside transforms. As within, so without; as above, so below.
Essentially the energy for ‘them’ flows outward & outward (& sometimes inward). All ‘doing’ is outward. All! Except meditation, which is a non-doing. A ‘being’. By meditation too, I mean vipassna only. Silent being. No other forms of active or even passive meditations. To control the view outside, our experience of life, the energy only needs to move inward and upward, which it does in vipassna sessions as there is no way for the energy to flow outward. There is no outward flow needed and the energy circles within. The outward is forever changing based on the inward flow of energy. So after ‘opening’ the window, there is no other ‘doing’ that is required. The ‘doing’ happens through the ‘being’ as we flow through the experience of life looking at the view from the opened windows.
A window to a different view
How do ‘I’ know the view beyond the window until I open it? I’d like to share some views of windows I opened as a teenager in a co-creative process with the universe. I just didn’t know then ‘why’, and neither did I care. Only because it is during those years that we all ‘choose’ a way of ‘being’, in one of two relationships with ourselves and that is how we start to experience the outside world.
Either we choose to see ourselves as different or unique from the rest of the world. Or we choose to see the world just as we are, where different and unique is the way it is. Intrinsically, We are all unique manifestations of existence. That is the unchanging truth. So in the former, we keep searching for somewhere to belong, outside of us. But the thought itself that ‘I am different’, has created a blockage in finding belonging, oneness or communion. The former is a mindset of separation consciousness. And in the latter we keep fitting in everywhere we go as different, unique individuals. An individual can fit in anywhere because he ain’t searching for belonging. His ‘home’ is him. He is at ‘home’ wherever he goes. A search for Belonging is the biggest symptom of the Human condition. We all want a home, because we’ve forgotten that we are home. It’s just a perspective. A manipulated perspective, muddled
in the illusion of preferences and choices.
During these years of choices in building a relationship to self, are initial experiences of two of the most manipulated aspects of the human consciousness, to control ‘them’ like herds. One is ‘their’ relationship to sex and the other is ‘their’ relationship to money (sometimes also referred to as Identity, in the material world). But first ….
A window to the illusion of freedom
I was raised in what we call a ‘Joint family’ in India. So three nuclear families under one roof, not so much because of the financial inability to support a nuclear family but more so because of the conditioning of what ‘family’ is really about. Brothers and their families + grandma must live together. And domestics helpers too in a three bedroom apartment. My cousin brothers and myself were growing up together with no separate rooms. So as I was approaching my 13th birthday, my parents and me unanimously decided that it’d be fun to explore life without nagging parents at a boarding school in the Himalayas! 😁.
I’ve always kinda been one to seek an adventure, so it was a yes to a boarding school. My parents didn’t know much about boarding schools then and so initially for the first 6 months I was in a convent in a tiny little hill station in the Himalayas. Very reputed, but a convent. Let’s just leave it at that for this post. Don’t feel like going into that today. A convent in itself was very new for me. Completely controlled by the knowledge of the garden of Eden. A window that would remain shut had I not agreed with my parents, just to see what it’s like. What was even more new, was an all girls boarding school. I had migrated from an all girls day school, with a counterpart boys school just across the street. I had cousins and friends who were boys and we were the same age. They went to the counterpart school. I grew up with boys and girls alike, as children. Here, there were only girls and nuns and some wired rules.
A window to sex
So these rules …. A specific rhythm to clap, a specific way to sit, the way to eat. I remember, we were punished for peeling a banana with our hands and eating it. The peeling, the chopping and the eating, all must be done with a fork and knife only! No hands. Why though, I’ve forever wondered! But yes, I’m grateful to have learnt the art of how to peel a banana with a fork and knife, if I’m ever on gunpoint to do so (or to win a trip to the moon). 🤩
Anyways, at that age, we start to explore freedom amidst rules & sexuality amidst a world where sex is suppressed and thereby used to mind control too. As our bodies grow so do our sexual urges. This place had no boys and of course, the girls were exploring their sexuality with the same sex. My first kiss, my first sexual experience was with a girl. We called it ‘making out’ then. There were no boys around and I too wanted to experience what was being experienced by everyone around me. So I opened that window. Did I enjoy the view? Well what’s there not to enjoy in an expression of affection towards you? It’s humbling. But that place wasn’t for me. Too many rules for a free bird like me. In 6 months I ran away from school and called my mom from a shop in town. I asked her to come get me Coz I was Cloister phobic in that environment. There was some emotional discomfort after, but everything heals faster at that age.
Another window to sex
After that, my parents and me were back on the decision making table. Now, did I wanna go back to a boarding school or stay at home. I didn’t like the stupid rules which made no sense to me, but I did enjoy the freedom and independence I had away from home, to experience life on my own. So I chose once again to go back to a boarding school. This time I landed myself in an even more reputed school, with 60 girls and 700 boys 😁. What fun!
Here I experienced my second kiss and my second, third and fourth ‘make-out’ experience. This time with boys. Was it different? The way affection was expressed by a girl and boy was different but the affection itself was no dufferent. Essentially they were both glimpses of Love expressed differently. I enjoyed them both but I knew this second time, third, forth time; that the feeling of the warm, heavier hands of a boy on my body and to feel the coarseness of a boys growing facial hair on my face as he kissed me; was taking the experience to a different level for me. It became my preference. During those years I could’ve chosen either or both, as some others in my friends & family have certainly chosen. I’m grateful I experienced both as early as I did. These experiences allowed me to remain open and non-judgemental towards sexual preferences of individuals, without even realizing it until now. It allowed me to experience so many conversations & some great friendships with the ones who continued to choose the alternate path than the one I had chosen. Learn from them too as I experience my own. To me each one of us is unique in any case.
A window to Love
Don’t matter the path, don’t matter the preference; what matters is love. Sex is an expression of love and the lowest at that. It is merely a release. All expression is a release, all ‘doing’ is a release; but it can also become a ‘giving’. Love is ‘giving’. Love is not an expression, it is our true nature that only needs to give. Surely our nature can be expressed in more & higher ways than sex. Devotion for instance. Gratitude. The expressions of love range, as it rises, from desire to prayer.
Sex is an expression of desire, Surrender is an expression of devotion & communion is an expression of prayer 🙏🏻 Only Desire can be manipulated as it is attached to that which is temporary, our body & mind. Beyond that Love cannot be manipulated because beyond desire, the need of the other is no more to ‘Love’. Then ‘Love’ has risen to a spiritual realm, it has transformed to Divine Love.
Love is beyond sex
In both of my experiences, in my choice to sexual preference, and after that, beyond a point, the sexual experiences became boring anyways. 🙄 The need of the body and need of the Soul is totally different. Body needs stimulus, soul needs to give Love. At first, I thought because I was conditionally holding myself back from penetrative sex, I was loosing interest in the experience, not the being.
‘Going all the way
as ‘they’ say’
I was stubborn, that I’d only loose my virginity to the man I marry. Back then I associated love with marriage. I lost all my ‘boyfriends’ to my rigidity and lost my virginity to a player, who I didn’t marry. But every cloud has a silver lining. I discovered at loosing my virginity that I’d missed nothing missing penetrative sex. Only the guys were missing out… well … not completely though 🤔. I was giving enough in my expression of desire, just not my flower 🌸 (all the ‘F•R•I•E•N•D•S fans can relate I’m sure ☺️)
Even after going ‘all the way’, it turned boring after a while. But there’s something beyond sex that never bores me. I never left a man I ‘thought’ I loved, until I experienced true love. ‘They’ left me, with glimpses of Love, from the windows I opened. I discovered there was something of Love in me, beyond the sex, very early in life. It took Spiritual Love to break the illusion of the purity of what I thought my Love was. It was only friendship, commitment, loyalty, respect, admiration and a desire to ‘make it work’ in the name of Love. All desire is of the ego, even the desire of enlightenment. I always had more than sex to give in love. I just wasn’t given the opportunity to express love beyond (worldly) desire, because I didn’t understand my own Love back then. As within, so without.
A window to True Love
When true love happened to me, at first, there was no desire for sex, only a need to express and … for the first time, a desire to create something beyond me … a baby. That was a desire too of the woman’s body to express its life force energy, which is essentially released in largest quantities with sex. That is why, sex is spiritual if experienced correctly. We have not been taught spiritual sex, where the need of the body & the soul are one. It is an art and is meditative.
The rising life force energy has a nature only, nothing else, and it is Love & Love is God. Bhagwan has explained the rising of life force energy in his most controversial discourse, available in videos on YouTube (edited of course by OIF) & in a book titled, ‘From Sex to superconsciousness’ (संभोग से समाधि तक). And that is where Tantra comes in, where Love meets meditation.
My expression of love has been surrender since an early age. My love starts at devotion not desire. Because sex wasn’t as important to me in the expression of Love, I believed that something was wrong with me. I just didn’t know, sex can be transcended, and I very well could have transcended it in a previous life. Now that would be a soul imprint, wouldn’t it? Sex can be transcended through meditation. And if sex turns meditative it can enlighten two beings in an instant. Sex cannot be suppressed, but it can be transcended. And that journey can be an experience with the art of Tantra.
Love Cannot be Transcended
Sex can be transcended.
But … love cannot be transcended. The thing is A man’s ego wants to be needed by a woman and the Man himself needs her Love. And A woman’s ego wants to get love from a man and the woman herself needs to give her Love. And this unawareness of our own Human Condition keeps us in a constant inner struggle with ourselves. I must know what attracts me, not my ego.
I’m not attracted to form, I’m attracted to the formless I experience, through the emotional intellect of an individual. Therefore my love cannot be manipulated. As I transcended further with meditation, that desire of a baby too, dropped. Actually I’d say it transformed to something more spiritual. To study the art of Tantra, the teaching of Shiva to Shakti, in an expression of Love. So far I see no Shiva to teach me, I know there must be a Shiva who’s willing to learn together 😊. It is the fastest path I’ve found to raise Love from devotion to prayer, but first Love must be there.
Love is the Bright White Light
Love is not romantic or plutonic as I’ve found. At most it can be karmic or spiritual. Karmic love is not really love, it is a relationship to balance the karma of our outward reality. And spiritual love is true love, it is only a ‘relating’ to evolve on our own soul’s path. Karmic Love ends at desire, it has no interference with spiritual Love. It is not of the spiritual realms, where spiritual Love births & breaths. Spiritual love starts beyond desire, at devotion. It has its own journey, beyond the material and the physical. It is from the beyond.
Sexual preference doesn’t matter, only Love matters. True love. For instance, my preference is a man’s body (and I know I’ve enjoyed a woman’s body too), and … I fall in love with a man whose feminine expression is strong. A creative man is of strong feminine expression. The expression of the heart. I’m surrendered in Love & yet I love feminine men. 😊 The moment we see a glimpse of Love, regardless of sexual preference, or form; by allowing ourselves to fall deep into love wherever it flows, we can rise high to communion in prayer. Because Love is God.
Love is divine nature. It is the consciousness behind all there is. In both sexual encounters with a girl & a boy, I had experienced glimpses of love. As they say in spirituality, love is neither homosexual nor heterosexual, it is bi-sexual. Love expressed as sexual preference is a desire, which can flow in any direction, until the heart chakra is transcended. Beyond that the ‘other’ is not physically longed for or needed to express love. Then love is only ‘being’ expressed through gratitude, celebration (together or alone), devotion and prayer (in communion with another or divine).
From Sex to Superconsciousness
Essentially, homosexuality is an aspect of the human condition which is an expression of an aversion to or an attachment to the same sex. As heterosexuality is to the opposite sex. All preferences are conditioning that don’t hold strong beyond the attachments of the heart. Even the type of body we prefer, is a preference and has nothing to do with the experience itself. Only if I step out of my preference, will I know a new experience. So beyond the heart, the body don’t matter anyways but as love rises beyond desire, which is comprised of conditioning through past experiences only; I’ve seen, preferences also change. Change is the only constant.
Bhagwan explains this process as well, in relation to the life force energy & love, in his discourse, ‘From Sex to superconsciousness’.
Nature is Divine. Nature is Natural
What was that ‘extra’ with the boy for me? Something about the meeting of the opposites. The hard and the soft, the masculine & the feminine. Something of the balance. The natural surrender that happened in me, how nature had it be. The bodies of men & women are designed the way they are, for a reason. For life to flow and be created. Penetrative sex is not for the pleasure of the woman. Well ‘they’ seem to enjoy it, but I don’t believe ‘they’; I believe experience only. Penetrative sex is a gift from existence for the man, for his pleasure. For his life force energy (love) to flow & be ‘given’ to life itself. The Divine designed ‘Her’ to give love, as an expression of gratitude by accepting ‘His’ Love, in celebration of life. His love starts at the lowest chakra and reaches the heart over time. Her love starts at the heart and flows to the lowest chakra over time. That is why, it is both true that love happens over time & Love happens at first sight.
Love finds it’s natural flow & counterpart when it rises beyond desire. And all desire must be experienced to be transcended. That is the beauty of nature and nature is ‘giving’ & nature ain’t constant. It is forever changing. Love is nature. Nature is God. Love is god.
A window to Work
At about the same age at 13, my mom, being a ‘karma yogi’ (one on the path of the doer), started conversing with me about what I wanted to ‘do’ in life and how I can prepare for it. I wanted to act, but that I was fearful to tell her. So I came across as someone who didn’t want to ‘do’ anything at all. That was a huge concern for her. So the drilling conversations continued for years until I ‘opened’ another window without telling mom and then told her I was moving to Mumbai to ‘act’. This was 8 years later.
Before that because I said nothing for all of these years, mom would get me some paid job during my holidays to teach me the importance of work & money. At the time my father was at the peak of his career in sales and was travelling the world, getting me used to a lifestyle of material & luxury brands, which he himself enjoyed. My mom was always the breadwinner of the family. So she was earning equally well if not more. My parents are both fairly financially independent. I didn’t need to ‘earn’ money but she wanted me to learn how to spend it more than earn it. and didn’t want my dad’s modest financial background, to become a reason for my attachment to money and material. She was raised in luxury and worked very hard for a life as such too despite her then circumstances. The ‘They’ on her journey.
A window to money
I’m grateful that once again I accepted my mom’s persuasive argument on why I should work at the age of 13, when all of my other affluent friends were not working. But It ‘worked’ really well. That window was a big one that took me no time to figure out. I learnt so early that money can be earned in so many ways. And it is only a means to an experience that I spend it on. It is not the end. I wasn’t attached to it and because it brought me both material and adventurous experiences; I could never be averted to it.
I am grateful for money when it’s there and I celebrate my gratitude in many ways. When it’s not there, I’m grateful for the humility I experience in its absence. Whether it’s sexual preferences, work, money, a project, a goal or a desire of physical love; What I fear is how I will look to others when I open a window that is only mine to open. Will it be worthwhile opening the window? How will I know unless I open it?
Wishing upon a star – Manifesting Magic
Can I open a window and expect to not see others at all? Just me & the view? That’d be amazing! And then we’d open all the windows. Sounds impossible right? But it’s not. Manifestation is a mystical, cosmic superpower, called a ‘siddhi’, that a meditator discovers on his path. Like everything else, it is a divine gift which is the birth right of each one of us. Siddhis are here to help us proceed further on our soul’s journey to total enlightenment. Transcending all dualities to total freedom & and only pure love. Enlightenment broken down into two words is freedom & love. And Love is Freedom. Enlightenment is also our birth right.
A Siddhi, It is not meant to become attached to. Once manifestation ‘siddhi’ has served its purpose, a meditator must allow it to drop as well, if he wishes to proceed further into the unknown. To his highest potential. To the most divine experience. Also, regardless of our conditioned ‘view’ and preferences, we are unable to manifest anything of matter, a person, a body, a gender, money, a job etc. we are only able to manifest an unknown experience of how we wish to feel.
The Gift don’t belong to me
A ‘Siddhi’ is then essentially a gift. When inspiration (or calling as I call it) is there, before it is dropped, it can be shared. Sharing is giving and giving is the only language of Love. Sometimes Siddhis are a gift to earn a living and sometimes just to share.
Regardless of a home, a job, a person, a project, a car, a holiday or whatever else I manifest, it doesn’t belong to me. My ego certainly believes it all belongs to it but I know. I know, I’ve manifested it all into my reality for an experience that will push me forward on my own souls evolution. So I don’t fear loosing anything of what I experience. But when I experience it, I experience it so totally with intensity, that when it drops, I don’t miss it. We miss that which we’ve not fully experienced. What we’ve fully experienced, gets boring. Life is a journey of experiences.
A Siddhi will not always be in our experience. We will transcend experience itself in the journey of the soul’s conscious evolution.
Transcending experience to experience
Easier said than done though! So a simpler explanation would be to keep it simple 😊. Open the window without any expectation of a beautiful or ugly view, only with gratitude for whatever experience is to come. It is here for a reason. All windows are here for a reason. If we don’t open it in this life, we will in another life. If not in this dimension, then in another dimension. We are not separate from our experience, yet we are not our experience. Once the window is open, there will be the beautiful & the ugly. Both are Only an experience. Only a reflection of the beautiful & the ugly within us. Accepting both the beautiful & the ugly, is to accept ourselves completely. Also it ends the fight against the negative experiences we are fearful to encounter. Being non attached to the beautiful and being non-averse to the ugly.
Then to ‘be’ still and experience the beauty and become beautiful. To become the experience. We must ‘be’ it to transcend it. As we become more beautiful inside, the ugly will begin to vanish outside. Focusing on the Love not the preference. The experience not the money. Focusing on the mirror, not ‘them’. Reflecting the beauty, accepting the ugly, and just ‘being’. Wishes do come true, we can see the view we want to see, even a window without others; if we are just willing to ‘be’, non-attached & non-averse.
Surrender vs Giving up
I’ve experienced, in small and big manifestations on my journey; that the manifestation happens after surrender. Not ‘giving up’ but surrender. ‘Giving up’ doesn’t bring in manifestation. It brings in nothing. By ‘giving up’, we are cutting off the journey abruptly and the experience comes back in other forms until we learn to surrender. The window can be closed but the view cannot be unseen. Sometimes we come back lifetimes after lifetimes to repeat the experiences of unlearned lessons, just so that existence can bring us the blessings waiting lifetimes for our experience. Show us windows waiting to be opened for lifetimes at a stretch.
The ‘doing’, the effort is extremely important. The effort to create all the beauty in the windows we’ve opened. It is the effort, that brings us to a moment when we are ready to give up. Only effort can bring us there. But the soul never gives up. It knows that the experience is here for its own evolution & transcendence. So it surrenders the effort, the ‘doing’ and starts to go with the flow of life. It starts to see the beauty in everything life is showing it. Soul surrenders easy. It is not a doer. Ego don’t know surrender. We have to teach it. Or allow a master to do so. With surrender, Then we are co-creating. It is only then that manifestation can happen; if not in this lifetime, then in another. If not in this dimension, then in another. But the experience has been created with our ‘doing’ for us to align with it.
Gratitude before manifestation
All ‘Siddhis’ are beyond the ‘I’. The ego construct, concept, conditioning; call it whatever. The ‘I’ belongs to the same world of death and time. The world of concepts and illusions to control man. The more the ‘I’ dies, the ‘doing’ is dropped; the more ‘siddhis’ are earned. They’re like awards & acknowledgements on our worldly paths. But with an added advantage. Siddhis are here to push us forward on our journey. Only the manifestations that are in alignment with our soul’s journey, actually manifest. Only the Siddhis we need for our soul’s journeys, are earned. It is a co-creative process.
Channelling meaningless words is also a Siddhi on my experience of life. I’m grateful for words even before I begin to write. It would be wrong to say that I haven’t been writing much lately. I’ve been writing a fair bit but not blogs. I had gotten inspired to write a novel, over 3 months ago but only channelled an inspiring plot some three weeks ago. All my writing is being channelled into the book since. Fiction is hard to write and, ‘technically’, it’s my first. Apart from that, ‘Bhagwan’ wasn’t joking when he said I was ready to ‘be’ the New me in the world but not of it’. Moving into the post-development & pre-production phase of two projects that are developed to ‘show’ and entertain, with that which I attempt to ‘say’ through thousands of meaningless words. Also producing some content that is very close to my heart – mental health. I’m humbled because I was grateful even before they were ready for my experience! It sounds like a lot of ‘doing’ but really it’s not. I just open a window by saying ‘yes’ to life and then life itself does through me.
The stories I tell
The thing is, there are so many stories to tell. Different, unique views from different windows of life. But not all will align with my journey. Only the ones that move my soul will align with my journey. Some like to open their own windows, get inspired by their own view and tell a story & some like to see the view from the windows opened by others and tell an inspired story to more others. I enjoy the former, as long as the ‘I’ is still alive some.
I manifest my View
All our experiences are our own manifestations. At first, they are unconscious manifestations, then as we become more & more aware, we can consciously manifest our experiences. All these are manifestations of wishes I had at a point on my journey. My teenage experiences were manifestations of experiences that I needed for my journey ahead. To show me much later, where I was on my soul’s evolution. Everything happens as it is supposed to, when it is supposed to. In fact it is always happening. We must align with the happening. At this point, ‘I’ is on a different journey. The journey of its ‘death’ so that I can realize my highest potential. But my gratitude precedes the manifestations. I’m already grateful for the death of the ‘I’, the ego.
All of these manifestations are in alignment with my soul’s journey, it’s purpose; which is life itself. Which is the reason they are here, and there is no ‘I’ to decide, interfere or manipulate. Only a consciousness, to accept with gratitude, an experience to ‘watch’ that which is to be done through the journey of a non-doer. Every window, presents an opportunity to find a little more of ‘what I am’ and every window also places me in the sight of ‘others’, exposing me to their judgement. I can only experience the view meant for my individual sight, if I accept that I’m in ‘their’ sight, but that is of no value on my own individual experience of the view of life. If ‘they’ vanish inside, ‘they’ vanish outside. Like magic. It ain’t no magic. It is ‘I’ manifesting the view. When there is no ‘I’, there is no need for manifestation magic. Until then, ‘if it’s to be, it’s up to me’, to open the window.
Exceptional in my view
You see, ‘they’ are never at peace, never satisfied. And when ‘they’ see you at peace and happy & glowing, ‘they’ must pull you down to their vibration because life is a competition for ‘them’. So the more you focus on ‘them’ the more you will become ‘them’ too. Then you ‘do’ unto me as ‘they’ ‘do’ unto you. So I choose aloneness over ‘them’ on my journey. ‘They’ don’t exist in my View. It’s a new way of ‘being’ for me. Over the past few years of an inward and upward journey, I’ve lost touch with the outward ‘doing’. But …
‘I’ have opened the window ! 🪟 ‘Coz when there’s no ‘I’ to choose, and no ‘I’ to be manipulated, and no ‘I’ to be misunderstood; all the windows can remain open. My ‘view’ changes with the changing me. What remains unchanged is Love …
And the fact that everyone is different. Each one of us is unique. So unique that it almost seems like Humans were genetically engineered. But. … That is only how nature had it be. Nature’s rule in my view is ‘I am no different, if I’m different’. My view is that each of us is exceptional to our respective ‘they(s)’.
Celebration is an expression. Much like creativity is an expression of the inner being; celebration is an expression of gratitude. Gratitude for all that life has to offer, the good & the bad, the happy and the sad. Life, much like healing, is not linear. It ain’t a straight line. Life is an experience in waves. The higher I want to reach, the lower I must be willing to fall. Celebration is being grateful for the highs and the lows. Celebrating just the joys of life, is like trying to create the peaks without the valleys. Where there are peaks, there have to be valleys. Together they make a beautiful scenery.
Celebration is an outward expression of the inner spirit. The spirit is a ‘being’, not a doing. So the spirit cannot celebrate. Only the ‘person’, the ‘I’, the ego can. But what is the ‘person’ celebrating? It is celebrating the spirit’s manifestation of life, in all its forms, with all its waves. I cannot describe the spirit. Can you? Many say the spirit is the vibe of a being but that ain’t true. The spirit is just another name for the soul. The soul is really existence expressing through the manifested being. So it is the vibe of existence, of being.
Existence is everywhere, within everything. In other words, existence is the soul, the spirit. The spirit which manifests not just in us as humans but also in animals and trees and the ocean and the skies. In everything really. When trees sway to the tunes of the winds, they are celebrating together. When the tides of the ocean rise with the pull of the moon, they are celebrating together. Spirit is manifested everywhere and it celebrates everything. The storms and the calms.
What is Spirituality?
What is spirituality?
Spirituality is an adventure into the inner world of the spirit, the soul. It is a way of life, a lifestyle, that allows to live authentically through the soul. Spirituality is really a study, a practice, to understand the purpose, the meaning of life; which is life itself. If celebration is an expression of the spirit, then spirituality holds immense meaning & importance in the life of a being.
More than ever now, we see people on journeys of self-discovery. I’m not sure what exactly they’re looking to discover. There is nothing to discover. Whatever it is that we are looking for, is already there. Yet to find it, seek we must! We keep seeking for our ‘truth’, our authenticity outside. We are willing to walk miles; only to discover more new faces of ‘I’, our ego. The truth, the authenticity is not ‘out there’, but ‘in here’. We just need to remember and a step in the opposite direction does it. A step inward. Just a step and we’ve found it, our authenticity, our truth.
Truth doesn’t deny outward reality. The outward reality is real but it’s a manifestation of the internal reality. Outside is only one side of the coin. The other side is inside. Spirituality is a journey of accepting and transcending dualities inside. But trust me when I tell ya, they want us stuck in the dualities outside. They’ll do anything to keep us focused on the outside. To be able to look inside, we must quieten the mind chatter, that clouds it. This is only possible with inner silence, with meditation. But they’ve created so many distractions to keep us from silence, the diamond in the Lotus. I tell you, ‘spirituality without meditation, without silence is no spirituality. Celebration without spirituality is no celebration’. So, celebration without meditation is no celebration at all.
History of spirituality
Spirituality essentially, is as old as the spirit itself but it came into more prominence as a religious practice from the advent of society. It’s original concept can be found in all organized religion. The idea of a god separate from & outside of the self. Initially, this God was feared. The original God was scary really. He was tough, non-compassionate, judgemental. ‘God fearing’ attitude is what organized religion instilled in people to control them. Unfortunately, religion still subconsciously conditions all humans to be fearful, even if we aren’t religious.
Then came a revolution called Jesus. He said, ‘God is Love’. He made God soft, compassionate, forgiving, non-judgemental. It changed the whole dynamic between man and God. The very relationship began to undergo a transformation. The attitude began to change from ‘God fearing’ to ‘God Loving’. But this was too threatening for the ones who had controlled people for centuries, on the idea of fearing God. Unfortunately, Jesus was crucified and Christianity was born under the burden of a cross. The largest population of the world is buried under the cross.
The world has always been controlled by 1% of the population that holds 95% of the world’s abundance, in all its forms. This leaves the remaining 99% of us, struggling in the dark, to sustain & survive. We are constantly in a fight with their own energies, living in an illusion of a happy future dependant on factors outside of ourselves. This is exactly how people are controlled like mindless animals.
These 1% also control the narratives of all organized religion. Man doesn’t find solace in the world or in religion. So the 60s & 70s saw a significant growth in drug culture, giving birth to the Hippie culture. In many ways, It’s still prevalent, as communities expressed in communities, essentially as a search for freedom together.
Srila Prabhupada, founder of the International Society of Krishna consciousness (ISKCON) movement
Freedom is always crucified
With more and more people, mostly in the west, searching for freedom in drugs & parties of togetherness, not only were the 1% now controlling the people but also supplying them with another illusion of freedom – drugs & a periphery vision of spirituality. Hippies, still moved in groups and looked for peace, joy, love & freedom outside of the self. That is when the western world was introduced to the mystics and gurus of the east. Most of these mystics & gurus were enlightened beings, healing others to find true freedom from the controlled herd, and from societal conditionings through meditation.
The east had always known them but the west now needed them. These mystics and gurus were making people fearless individuals, helping them find the real God. Not outside but inside of the self. They were helping these lost souls to find themselves. They were holding hands and taking them in the opposite direction, a step inward. Mystics revealed, for the first time to the western world, that freedom is in individuality and not in a herd. They were turning people’s pain into power. Amongst the most popular names of such mystics and gurus are, Srila Prabhupada, founder of the ISKCON movement & of course the most dangerous man since Jesus, Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, founder of the Osho movement.
These were the Jesus of the new age and became very threatening for the 1%, the Vatican, the structures of the world. Almost all spiritual mystics, gurus and leaders have ‘mysteriously left their bodies’. Actually they’ve all been murdered, sadly by their own disciples. These particular disciples, when looked at closely, will always be the infiltrators, not the meditators. ‘They’ don’t want you to be free so they let you have an illusion of it. Freedom is always crucified, be it in the form of Jesus, Srila Prabhupada or Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh.
Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, founder of the Osho Movement
Science of spirituality
Spirituality is really the scientific & artistic study of the spirit in relation to the body. To me art and science are the duality of life. The design and the expression. Creativity in one word. But We are conscious to only one body, the physical body. Beyond the physical is the emotional body & beyond that the etheric body and so on, up to 7 layers. The etheric body holds our energy circles, which correspond to spots on the physical body. We call these, chakras. There is also a main energy centre of all chakras, which pulls in energy from everywhere and distributes it to the rest of the etheric body. Much like the heart pumping blood to the rest of the body.
During the Golden ages, this energy centre was located in its rightful place, 2 inches below the navel. The Japanese call this spot, ‘Hara’. When the energy centre is at the Hara, we feel grounded, balanced & strong on the inside, which manifests outwardly as a grounded, balanced & solid life. The individual cannot be uprooted by anything outside of him.
During the Middle Ages, this energy centre moved upward to the heart chakra. Then even war was fought with love. It was all about love. When the energy centre is at the heart, we feel loving & compassionate on the inside, which manifests outwardly as a loving & compassionate life. A life of sharing. We are closest to our soul. Our true nature.
Currently in the Dark ages, this energy centre has further moved upwards to the mind. This is the danger. The mind pulling energy from everywhere without us even having to do anything. When the energy centre is at the mind, our life is chaotic, confusing, just an illusion because mind is the illusions, the ego, the false. A borrowed idea. This is what the 1% wanted from the start. Feed the illusion, control man.
Only meditation pushes the energy centre down to the Hara. Takes us from Mind to No-mind. Once we are there, it is forever bliss!
Surrender ain’t stupid, the ego is
The ego cannot accept anything or anyone higher than itself. It holds the crown at the top and never wants to fall. What is the ego really? It is an identity, a personality, a false face, an illusion created by all of the conditioning we have been subject to since childhood. Parents, family, friends, communities, religion, governments, society etc etc. in simple words it is a borrowed idea of the self. This ‘idea’ of the self is so strong that even the slightest trigger to it, makes us defensive, ready to fight for it. For its survival. We become conscious of everything around us but ourselves. we don’t watch ourselves.
We keep fighting our own energies, our true nature, our inner being; only to feed an ‘idea’. We keep suppressing our, wants, needs to feed the desires arising from conditioning. Naturally, we are in a major conflict with ourselves. Now that’s stupid, very stupid! Suppression is suicide. The ego is not loving, even to the self. It not pro self. It is only pro ego. The bigger the ego, the harder it is to surrender. The ego cannot even surrender to a higher consciousness who has broken through his own ego, let alone surrendering to God.
Surrendering is the art of giving a part or all of ourselves to a higher force to show us the way for our highest good and the highest good of all, even if that’s against the ego. Surrender is not giving up. It is the secret behind manifestation, behind co-creating our life with the divine. But the ego sees surrender as giving up. The ego believes it knows best because it is the highest. Even if ego wants freedom, it must find it on its own. It must ‘achieve’. It cannot ask for help. The ego cannot ‘look’ helpless even if the being needs healing.
The ego is only outward focused. It can only experience with the 5 senses. The sixth sense belongs to the soul, the spirit and therefore can only be accessed through spirituality. True spirituality, I must say. It is ‘Third eye’. So the ones who control, will give you a million different illusions of freedom, of spirituality, of success, of abundance; to keep your sixth sense asleep. They will feed your ego, the false but never the real, the true.
Better is not New
The world is controlled and influenced by the west. Rather I should say America. And the American way is all about making everything better. Better roads, better homes, better systems, better health, better education, better opportunities; even the better man. The American way is not about the new. It cannot birth ‘The New man’. The new requires the death of the old. The better requires building on the old. And the old is built on a faulty foundation of conditionings. So the better is always ‘bettering’ the faulty. The new requires a demolition of the entire foundation but that will break the illusion no? So they must better the illusion to suit the evolving human consciousness. Communities certainly support in that way. Celebration is one side of the coin, silent meditation is the other.
Let’s take this into the context of spirituality. The freedom seeking ones, wanting to ‘find’ themselves; over the years have created communities that move together & celebrate together. Back in the day, they called themselves Hippies and now there are many names. A community of people that meet to celebrate ‘Love & light & life & music & all the good things that sound lovely’. It’s really just a party of Hippies, maybe without the Booze and/or the drugs. But it is celebration. Which is essential.
They call them spiritual and the world let’s them be. Why? Because they are not a threat. True spirituality is always a threat. If they were spiritual, they’d be done. My commune in Nepal is under constant threats of shut down by the osho international foundation itself; which Swamiji has been fighting for over 30 years. The only reason it’s still alive, is because it’s situated in a spiritually advanced country like Nepal.
Most of the other communities may find temporary joy in celebration outside of the self. The state of bliss, of being unaffected by peak or valley; but it doesn’t last. That is potential, unrealized.
Be unique, be irresistible – be an individual
From my heart, I really sympathize with them. They are so lost 😢. Their egos are too big to surrender. Not them. They are trying to find a way. We all are. Some have just always been more awake to it. But they have no one to show them the way. Someone without an ego. The ego must arrive itself! And all they arrive at is another face of the false ‘I’. Spirituality kills the ‘I’ and births the ‘I am not’. These methods are just a temporary relief & worse, another way to suppress that which must be faced. I repeat, suppression is suicide. Freewill is not freedom. Freewill is the freedom to choose. Freedom to choose is not freedom. It is an illusion of freedom. True freedom is the freedom to be choice less.
True spiritual beings are truly unique. They stand out of the crowd. They’ve found their individuality by walking an inward path alone. They remember, they came alone, they’ll go alone. They are grateful for companionship, for a friend, for company, for a community; but they are more grateful for aloneness. Not lonely, just alone. They cherish their aloneness. celebrate their aloneness. They exude a different kind of energy. One that is totally unapologetic & charismatic; which makes them irresistible to most unawakened and many awakened too. This is a gift, to awaken others by awakening the self. It’s almost impossible to find others like true spiritual beings.
Spirituality is an individual path with Individual experiences, which are then celebrated together within a communion, not community. Celebration, it is always a celebration of individuals, celebrating their own unique path, with immense gratitude for all that life has to offer. They celebrate the peaks and the valleys with equal enthusiasm, with the same kind of gratitude. In fact you’ll find them more grateful for the lows than the highs. Do you know why? Because they see from higher consciousness, which they’ve arrived at through meditation. They see the 5D plan & the 3D play.
Spirituality without meditation is no spirituality. Celebration without spirituality is no celebration. So, celebration without meditation is no celebration at all! Are you spiritual? What exactly are you celebrating?
Original vs 1st copy
Knowledge without experience,
Is no knowledge at all.
Creation without vision,
Is no creation at all.
Prayer without gratitude,
Is no prayer at all.
Seeking without devotion,
Is no seeking at all.
Surrender without Faith,
Is no surrender at all.
Connection without synchronicity,
Is no connection at all.
Friendship without purity,
Is no friendship at all.
Self love without selflessness,
Is no self love at all.
Love without intensity,
Is no Love at all.
Celebration without meditation,
Is no celebration at all.
Transformation without spirituality.
Is no transformation at all.
Evolution without the ego death,
Is no evolution at all.
Meditation without silent practice,
Is no meditation at all.
And ….
A Life without knowledge & creation,
prayer, seeking, surrender & connection,
Friendship, self love, Love & celebration,
Transformation, evolution & meditation;
Is no life at all.
It is not original, meant for eternity; it is only a 1st Copy, not meant to last.
Tapoban International Commune in Nepal
Original vs 1st copy – Inspiration
This poem, came as a channeling to me, about a month ago, back at the commune. It was after an hour of Vipasna, at Bhagwan’s samadhi. I read it then and I didn’t fully understand it myself. So I put it away. This morning, I woke up with a clear idea of this post sharing. I knew it was inspiration. So on the first flight I started writing it. I was up early to catch a flight home. And had to meditate an hour before leaving. At the end of the first flight, a damage on one of my suitcases, by the airline, inspired the purpose of this post. It’s meaning.
Then on the second flight of over 4 hours, I wrote the rest of this post, except this chapter. Which is specifically inspired by what I had learnt of the ego, through my own response to the suitcase situation. When the ego ‘sees’ and it knows that it is the original, it will protect it more. So the ego can surrender but only to the original, the true, the authentic. But ego must see to know and … who will show it. We are all the ego. Only one who has the real, can show the real.
Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh Samadhi, Tapoban International Commune, Nepal
Community is 1st copy, communion is original.
In a community there is celebration, in a commune celebration is also a meditation. In a community there is Freewill, in a commune there is a freedom. and a master to prune the ego for freedom 🙄. In a community, it is about ‘us’, in a commune, it about the ‘I’. Actually, not ‘I’, it’s about my ‘eye’, not the ‘I’. A community is together, a commune is together in aloneness. A community seeks together. A commune is ‘being’ together. A community without a master, is built to be temporary. A commune with a master, is the way to eternity.
The one who has experienced the original, don’t really care about the 1st copy. But the original is very expensive. You gotta pay for it with yourself, your whole ‘I’ and be nothing. Only a few can afford it. The 1% are amongst them. They don’t control for themselves. The 1% too have surrendered their ‘I’ to the ‘eye’. They too control for the one they see as ‘God’. Whatever the face, whoever your God, your true God, is who you are. Because you are ‘it’ – you ‘God’. Regardless of what the original looks like, it is original. It is the ‘eye’. Shiva’s third eye.
A community is a 1st copy of the original celebration of life, so they let us have it. A commune is the original celebration of Life, so it threatens them. And with this chapter, which I wrote after my evening meditation, connected the poem which I had written a month ago, at the commune. Now I understand it fully.
Back in the early days of my Sanyas, I had asked my master a question, ’how can a commune ensure that there wont be infiltrators and only meditators. I ’see’ ‘He’ has answered it today. It seems we can’t but under a master, they may also be transformed. A commune is not a community of people with the same interest or love for the same. A commune is a communion of very different people, with no similarities, common ground, no point of merging; being alone together, for the common Love of the Divine. I understand the purpose of this post on the Lunar eclipse – ‘the original life is the most expensive, one must loose it all, to have it all. that is why very few live it. very few can afford it.’
I understand, an Original Life of authentic celebration is dangerous to say the least, it is a complete jump into the unknown, because it is rare. It is about dropping the entire past. It is not for the faint of heart. Never getting too comfortable in one place. Living on the edge of life, ready to celebrate whatever it brings! Ready to fall, ready to rise. ready to live!
Are we living it? What exactly are we celebrating?
‘Om Mani Padme Hum’, is a Tibetan mantra which means, ‘The sound of silence is like a diamond in a Lotus’. So to reach true silence within, I first must get to the Lotus. But the Lotus is surrounded by mud, rather by muddy still waters. The Lotus floats above it. I must go through the muddy, still waters first. These muddy waters only look still and calm. Underneath it, there are dangerous weeds, that grow over me & suck me in as soon as I step in. Almost like a hungry beast wanting to eat me. Our outward reality, our world is the muddy waters, sucking us all in. These weeds of desires, goals, ambitions, greed, lust, money, name, fame, and the list goes on; have grown all over us. So much so that we don’t even know where we end and where the weeds begin. We have become the weeds.
Then there are some of us, who have seen a tiny bit of ourselves through the weeds. That is enough. When I see even a tiny bit of myself, I’ve started to awaken. I’ve seen the Lotus floating above. I want to get to the Lotus now. So I start to cut the weeds out, one at a time. Each time I cut a weed, I see more of me. I feel more liberated, a little more free. And as I taste more of freedom, I empathize with the others who keep getting sucked in. I want to pull them up as well. I want to free them as well but I can’t. How can I until I’m on the Lotus? I’m still stuck. Maybe not as much, but I’m still cutting through the weeds.
So instead, I speak and I scream and I shout out for all, ‘wake up, wake up. Cut through the weeds. Look at the Lotus.’ Not many listen. They are far too sunken, engulfed by the weeds. They see the weeds as themselves. But some listen, some really do. They listen and they start to cut through the weeds too and then they start to speak, and scream and shout out to the rest, ‘wake up, wake up. Cut through the weeds. Look at the Lotus.’
THE ONE SITTING ON THE LOTUS.
There is someone sitting on the Lotus too. He has arrived, Cutting through all the weeds. Reaching the diamond, he is the diamond. He is still speaking, and screaming and shouting out; but in silence. How else can he speak, if not in silence? He is the diamond of silence, sitting in the Lotus. I hear him say, ‘I will show you the way and I will give you a sharper knife, I will bring you to the Lotus.’ So I follow him, I do as he says. I need him to guide me. The real treasure is in the Lotus. What is in the weeds?
The one sitting on the Lotus becomes the master, the one cutting the weeds becomes the disciple.
BUDDHA’S BIKKHU
The disciple has many names. My master calls his disciple a ‘Nav Sanyasin’. Other masters call their disciples a sanyasin. Buddha called his disciples ‘Bikkhu’, translated literally, a beggar. Not really a beggar in the way we translate the word today but as the, ‘Bikkhu’ meant 2500 years ago. In Buddha’s time, a Bikkhu was one who depended on the community, the society for his daily bread. In exchange of the bread, he gave his gratitude. This gratitude came from the soul because, He didn’t know when he woke up that morning, if he would get to eat today or not. So he is truly grateful. And when gratitude comes from the soul, it becomes a blessing.
The thing is, a Bikkhu has cut through some weeds and has reached a level of consciousness that takes him closer to god. In other words, he has courageously, dropped his desires, goals, ambitions, wealth and other worldly attachments, to raise his consciousness to god consciousness. Thereby, raising the collective consciousness of our world. He is doing it for his own freedom but the vibrations and effects of his doing, or rather non-doing, are reaching all of mankind. It’s beautiful. That is why, in those days, and in the east even today, they say, ‘be grateful for the blessings from a sanyasin, and fear his curse.’ Whatever comes from the soul of a conscious being, it manifests. A bikkhu, a sanyasin, is not a beggar, he is a blessing!
MATERIAL WORLD FOR A SANYASIN
So why did Buddha call his disciples ‘Bikkhu’? It was symbolic. To remind the disciple that essentially he is empty on the inside. He is free of all worldly attachments and entanglements. Free of the weeds. Or at least getting there. In that, he is rich on the inside; rich in freedom, rich in love, rich in compassion, rich in joy, rich in bliss, rich in intellect, rich in emotional intelligence, rich in true abundance. So does that mean that as a sanyasin, I’m a beggar in the material world? Actually quite the contrary. Inner abundance manifests as outer abundance. As above, so below. As within, so without. I’ve never been richer in the material world. Multiple rental incomes, a hefty inheritance. My multiple sources of income. A fund, with ready funding. A not-for-profit with a salaried position. Not having to think twice before spending on anything I want or need. Fulfilling all my desires so they are not renounced, they drop on their own. I feel blessed.
Existing in three countries at the same time is not a cheap affair in today’s world. But I’m grateful that I can afford to do so. And what do I do for this kind of abundance? I only meditate. That’s all I do. The rest is taken care of by my master. He has taken my responsibility, while I cut through the weeds. But what I’m aware of consciously, is that this abundance doesn’t belong to me. It belongs to Him who allows it to me. He can take it away when he wants. When it is time for it to drop. I’m only a bikkhu, on the inside. No matter what it looks like, on the outside. But I don’t beg. I only watch the ‘leela’. The act of life manifesting through me.
MY MASTER’S LEELA
I’d like to share, one of the most inspiring accounts of the life of my master in this context. Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, my beloved master is known for his 99 Rolce Royces, and a super luxurious commune in the heart of Oregon, called Rajneeshpuram. When the commune was shut down by the Ronald Regan government and all assets seized, thousands of Sanyasins along with my master were deported from USA and left stranded without homes, almost like beggars. Among them was also my master, who was incidentally in deep silence during the three and a half years of the existence of Rajneeshpuram. I bet you didn’t know that!
Regardless, thousands of deported Sanyasins fell into heavy depression at the huge loss. My guru swami Anand Arun, then a young sanyasin, approached my master with the help of one of his closest disciples, veteran actor of Bollywood, Shree Vinod Khanna. Swamiji, said to Bhagwan in deep concern, ‘they will kill you. Please do something.’ To this Bhagwan replied with only a calmness on his face, ‘I know. Can you do something about it? No you can’t. So why don’t you focus on what I have asked you to do? Do your work. Go find a spot in the mountains of Nepal and build a commune. Take my message forward. Help the others find meditation. In my body or not, I will always be there.’
Swamiji was amazed at this and asked, ‘I will do as you say. But so many of us are in depression at the loss. Why aren’t you sad?’ Bhagwan replied, ‘I am sad, not about the loss of Rajneeshpuram, but because my Sanyasins have not learnt anything from me. I have been teaching you, life is a leela, an act and we are all actors. Enjoy it all to the fullest, while it is there, so when it drops, there is no sadness. That was a leela, I have enjoyed it fully. Now this is a leela too and I will enjoy this too. Go build the commune and don’t worry about your family and business. You focus on the commune and I will take care of everything else for you. You and your loved ones are my responsibility.’
Swamiji says to us, it gave him strength and sure enough, that is exactly what happened. His business grew as he mediated and as he built this commune, Osho Tapoban international in the heart of the Nagarjuna Hills in Nepal. I can believe this because this is exactly what is happening with me and my loved ones. All I’m doing is focusing on my work. Meditating and now cutting the weeds.
IN MY NON-DOING
My birth mother, had come to visit me at the commune a couple weeks ago. At that time she met with swamiji and much to my surprise, he said something I wasn’t expecting. At least not yet. He said to my mother, ‘People who live in Canada, are blessed. I want a commune to be built in the mountains of canada’. My mother asked, ‘but who will build it? You need someone dedicated to do this. Someone devoted.’ Swamiji smiled and said pointing to me, ‘she is one of the most dedicated, devoted sanyasins I’ve found. She will do it.’
I didn’t say a word but I was shocked, for so many reasons. Throughout my life, I wished that at least one teacher, had praised me as a good student. But in school I really wasn’t a good student at all. It was always, ’she’s too naughty or she’s too talkative or she doesn’t work hard or something else.’ And here, the most important teacher of my life was describing me in ways that at first I couldn’t believe. It was my conditioning. I didn’t feel good enough, I didn’t feel worthy. Also I don’t feel ready to take on a project as big as a commune but Bhagwan speaks through swamiji. His will is my path. So if he believes in me, who am I to question it? I leave it to him and become a silent observer of my leela. 😊
THE RAT RACE
My master says that once you drop out of the Rat race of worldly achievements, the ones who tried to pull you down, to get ahead of you, will be the unhappiest. In this last week of silence, I experienced this first hand. I guess I had to experience it for knowledge to become wisdom. I would imagine that those who tried to sabotage me professionally, when I chased my ‘dreams’, would be the happiest when I dropped out of the rat race. One less competitor for them. But it turns out, they were unhappier than when I was in the rat race. It is true, as Bhagwan says, the world we live in is drowned in such misery, that they can’t bear to see someone else’s happiness, joy, peace. They would rather compete with me than see that I’ve risen above the competition.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I’m doing nothing. I’m cutting the weeds. To get to the real treasure. That’s the biggest achievement for me. It’s some hard hard work. And the rest of the abundance that they are chasing, comes as a bi-product for me. It’s not the real deal. Well, to be honest, this achieving mind is such a devil in disguise, that even in the world of Sanyasins, there is jealousy that grows between sanyasins. So let alone the material world, I don’t even talk about my spiritual evolution with fellow sanyasins, no matter how close they are to me. Not about my internal evolution, not even about my spiritual journey or my divine counterpart. On the contrary, I find immense joy in talking about their spiritual evolution, their journeys. My need to speak, is now channeled in my writing and my sharing.
Some say, this path, it’s courage, but for me it’s always been Love. I’m doing the same things in the material world, rather, I’m allowing it to be done through me, but with no attachment to it. It bothers them more. Misery loves company!
THE ILLUSION OF MIRRORS
To conclude, let me try to bring forth another analogy. We live in a room surrounded by mirrors. Like a maze we walk through it, many paths reflected, surrounded by more mirrors; all leading to our desires, goals, ambitions & relationships; but none leading to us. Actually we don’t know what we are. We think we know, we only know our reflections. What we see all around the illusionary maze, are mirrors reflecting other mirrors, showing us our reflection but we perceive it as screens. Because we have only seen mirrors, not us. They look so achievable, so much like a path leading to something meaningful.
We don’t know it is only our reflection. So we want everything to look like that which we have seen in the mirrors, not knowing that is us. We are meaningful but we don’t know that ‘coz we don’t know ourselves. Always trying to become something/someone, instead of just being who we are. We can claim it all now; we need not go far at all. Just a step, in the opposite direction, inward! But we choose to become projectors instead, walking a million miles outward, with no end in sight. Reflections upon reflections.
If you’ve found a door, find a key. If you have a key, find a door; and escape, just run for your life. It is our illusionary world, keeping us from the real one, outside the mirrored room. We don’t know what we are, except from the illusion(ed) eyes, with which we see the illusionary world. So how to find a door or a key? By closing our eyes and silencing the chatter. By feeling our way through it. Cut the weeds. Get to the diamond in the Lotus.
