expression Archives - The Maroon Rising

July 14, 2023

Just Show up!

Why don’t you tell me what to ‘do’?

This morning, chilling with my bestie, she said to me, ‘I tell you to do so many things, like make tarot videos for the public & write blogs, write a book; because I know you, your gifts, talents and I love you. Why don’t you ever tell me what to do?’ I was about to answer, when her 8 year old Son knocked on the door & she asked, ‘who is it?’ He replied, ‘Rajneesh’. That’s not her son’s name. That is my master, Bhagwan’s name. And this kiddo only calls Bhagwan, ‘Acharya’ or ‘Osho’, as his mom refers to her master as well. She looked at me in surprise.

I said to her, as she unlocked the door, ‘the answer to your question is coming from Rajneesh, for ‘I am not’. We laughed. She attended to her son for a few minutes & then I attempted to allow the answer to come through.

‘Why don’t you tell me what to do?’, was her question. The reply that came through, ‘no one can tell you what to do. No one at all! If someone says to you that I’m telling you to do this, that or the other because I love you, I care for you; it is not love. Know that. Because love only accepts as it is. Love is not for what you do, only for what you are in ‘being’. Do nothing at all & love will remain. Love will celebrate all that you do, but will never tell you what to do. If no one can tell you what to do, the question still remains, ‘tell me what to do?’
She listened intently as I allowed the answer to complete itself. ‘There are two ways of approaching life – expansion, which is ‘doing’ & growth, which is ‘being’. Expansion is outward & growth is inward. When we grow inside (vertically) in ‘being’, our own higher self takes us where we need to ‘Show up’ to expand (horizontally) & allows existence to ‘do’ what needs to be done through the ‘being’. It’s called Faith in all that is as it is. It is an intelligence of its own – Tantra!’ Tantra, unlike any other spiritual path, is a Path of ‘doing’ but without the involvement of the ‘I’. It is full of techniques which need to be done, from a space of ‘being’.

Not just an answer for her, this was Bhagwan’s reminder for me too. A culminating validation of a recent awakening.

My recent awakening

A month & a half ago, as a big ego death process began for me, triggered by the final struggle between ‘being’ & ‘becoming’ (ref. Blog post ‘life in surrender’); I started to detach from my own story automatically. I started questioning myself, ‘is there any need to express my ‘play’ of life? Who exactly am I expressing to? And who is expressing when ‘I am not’?’ I was very close to deactivating my social media & retiring into the peace & acceptance I was finding within myself in my own understanding. I understood that there is no need to express outwardly my inner experience of life. It is between me & life, not between my life & the world. But Bhagwan had other plans.
Bhagwan says, ‘only when one has totally removed himself, his ‘I’dentity from his story, does one live a story in true freedom. Then one becomes a channel for the truth to be expressed through his ‘being’, no matter the cost’ Because … freedom is really from the ‘idea’ of the self in realizing the true self. That true self is therefore selfless.

Over the past several weeks, I’ve found myself sitting with a question – Does it really take a whole world to tell someone, he has no reason to laugh, celebrate, sing & dance; unless he has ‘done’ something to ‘become’ worthy of expressing it? Celebrating it? The law of manifestation says, live the experience before it manifests & don’t be attached to any outcome.

So who decides what I am worthy of expressing? Then how is that my own life or expression? ‘I am not’, who will decide? Someone else? How is that true freedom? When one has the courage to stand in his own understanding, even if the whole world is against it; all of existence conspires to validate his understanding. There is no right or wrong understanding, there is only individual understanding. And understanding is awareness. Then all one has to ‘do’ is to just show up where he is called & existence takes care of the rest.

Now, does that mean that one is so rigid in one’s understanding, to not be open to surface or superficial ‘self’ change? (as the core true self is not changeable, only realizable & the same in all). No, that is not what it means. On the contrary, no matter how big, one is open to every change because it changes nothing of the true self. And there is no ‘I’ to be rigid. Who will be rigid? Only the motivation for accepting change in this case is different. The motivation is not the self because the self is self less & with surrender one has totally accepted the self and all as it is. It is then beyond the limited self.
The motivation – It maybe change required to allow existence to ‘do’ what needs to be done. Or it maybe change just to put a smile on a loved ones face. Or the change maybe for larger collective consciousness reasons. Whatever the motivation, It doesn’t come from a space of needing to become ‘better’, it comes from a space of total acceptance of the nature of the inner & outer worlds. The true self remains unchanged.

My recent awakening has shown me how to just show up & allow the story to be written, no matter the change that must be embraced. One can absolutely learn on the job, as long as he is willing to just show up in faith.

There are no teachers, only students

It is my observation throughout life so far, that everyone seems to know what another should to ‘do’ to ‘become’ worthy & deserving. Everyone has an opinion about everything, as so many seemed to have when I chose the path of Neo Sanyas. I am not for or against any opinion because all opinions stem from individual experiences of one’s past. They are all valid in their rightful place. No opinions are right or wrong, yet one’s opinion is irrelevant to the experience of another. And yesterday’s experience is not today’s reality. Yesterday is memory, today is reality!

So, even in asking another, ‘what should I do?’, one is essentially seeking validation outside of the self. When one stands by his own true understanding of the self (of the selfless self, removing the ‘I’), even if there is no validation from the outside world, that validation comes directly from the universe itself. It comes in the form of signs & synchronicities, and also manifested happenings. The Pathless path unfolds as I walk. Everyone learns what he needs to learn for his individual journey. No two experiences of life are the same. One’s opinion is irrelevant to the other. So I learnt, at the Temple of love, to allow my own understanding to lead the way. For there is no other way.

At the Temple of Love, one of the first lessons I learnt is that I must unlearn everything I know to learn that which aligns me with my own individual path in this collective consciousness. What I unlearnt is the world & what I learnt is my ‘self’! The thing is, there are no teachers. A true master or guru will never accept that he is a teacher. There are no teachers, only students. When one wants to learn, he can learn from anything & anyone. If I sit before a tree, just staring at it everyday, I can learn some profound lessons of life. In watching a seed grow into a plant & then into a tree, the whole circle of life & death can be understood. All of Tantra is in the story of a seed & tree.

There are no teachers, only students. No true master will ever accept he is a master, Yet, a true student will always accept his master as his master. The master wants no praise, he wants no-thing. The disciple wants to praise his master, he wants every-thing for his master. For every-‘thing’ already belongs to the master. The master – a vibrational frequency of the vertical dimension that aligns with one’s inner master. In celebrating the master, the disciple is celebrating him ‘self’, the self beyond the limited self. ⭕️

The ‘show’ must go on

Yes, life & its experiences are just a ‘leela’, a ‘play’, but we are not just spiritual beings. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. That human experience is real, while in human form. Regardless of where one is in consciousness, he feels just like everyone else. The approach & response to that feeling will continuously change, as one’s consciousness evolves.

My best friend from school is a dancer & choreographer of Attakalari & other dance forms. She ‘uses’ her creativity to spread awareness about many social issues. Some 10 years ago, she was in love & soon to be married. Her fiancée travelled to Thailand for his bachelors vacation. He & his friend were waiting for a third friend at the bus station behind a big crowd. When a bus arrived, the crowd was pushed back & the fiancée & his friend fell into a dry concrete fountain head first. The fiancée lost his life instantly, the friend was saved with lifelong serious damage. My friend got the news only 3 hours before a dance performance. Incidentally, one of her best till date as I hear.

I asked her, ‘how did you perform?’ She replied, ‘I danced like a zombie, blank mind. I remember nothing of it. It is better I danced before I grieved though. It somehow helped me to see that life goes on.’ In other words, the show must go on. I asked her, ‘what does it feel like to know that you have no control over life?’
She replied, ‘it’s like living with the weight of a dead man on my shoulders but it makes me fearless towards death too. I realized that death can come at anytime, without warning & nothing of what I’ve done in life will mean anything at all. I have no control over my life’s story.’ As of last year she is happily married 😊 & her wedding was a moment when I was able to reconnect after 20 years with my oldest friends. Where we’re all loved for what we are, not what we do. Anyways …

Essentially, what she was experiencing is a big ego death. I, of course didn’t know that then. An ego death is not much different from death itself. In death the ego dies with the body. In ego death, it dies before the body. One can watch himself dying in ego death. It’s painful, there is grieving too, but on the other side of it, is true freedom. None else are grieving with me though. I grieve my own death & transform to a deathless state of ‘being’. Mortal yes, but death less. When life shows us, we are not in control, ego death is the only response. The realization of that which is bigger than ‘I’. One just surrenders to that which is bigger.

For the past month & a half, my limited self has been grieving my biggest ego death yet. The limited self suddenly feels like the whole world is laughing at it. Mocking it. Yet, because ‘I am not’ in my own story; I’ve been able to laugh with the world too, as I grieve 😊. Somehow, I’ve been somewhere above the pain. Existence has certainly conspired to validate my individual understanding though, by carrying me into a new phase of this journey as I grieved, not even bothering to pick up the pieces of a dead, broken ego. Yet that is what has given me the strength to ‘just show up’ in faith where I’m being called. Thank god, the grieving has finally ended & after the rains, the Sun shines again. ☀️ 😊👍🏻

Life is beyond my control

I’m not sure how often I’ll be able to blog over the next few months, as focus shifts to a book that needs to be completed sooner than later. And I’m so inspired currently. Immensely grateful 🙏🏻. I know nothing about the journey ahead. It is completely unknown territory for me, but Bhagwan has sent a team that knows everything about it. It is their playing ground. So I just show up, in faith with the gifts bestowed upon me by existence itself & learn on the job as I go 😊.

The moment of life & the moment of death – the two most important happenings of any story, is beyond one’s control. The two most important experiences of one’s journey, happens without the involvement of ‘I’. ‘I am not’ in the moments of birth & death. And everything in between is just a ‘play’. For that play, each one of us has been given gifts as mediums to express our human experience. To ‘play’ our part. Because everyone is so focused on writing the story of their ‘I’ themselves, our whole expression becomes utilitarian. We use our ‘I’dentity, our gifts, our whole life, to write the story we want to write. The one we want to control.

For the one who has experienced ego death, ‘I am not’ in my own story, nothing is utilitarian. The one who has seen that the involvement of ‘I’, the ego, isn’t needed for a story to be written, there is no ‘I’, no one to use the gifts, or to use anything to write anything. Yet, a story is being written. Yet the gifts are being shared. Just show up to play the part. When a door opens, enter to show up, when a door closes, exit to show up.

Then I ask myself, ‘but who is showing up?’ To which, there is no answer. It is pure silence 🤫. The end of all questions. Because that which shows up is no-thing & therefore all there is! ⭕️

As this No-thing just shows up at the onset of a humbling 1st major tie up for the ‘We Woman Foundation’, to bring forward a new vision for women’s liberation; In gratitude for the ‘being’ of a friend, who intentionally or subconsciously (I don’t know) encouraged me to get back to the ‘word’. Either ways, the universe certainly used his being to conspire to align me with the story of the ‘word’.

Always in celebration of the Sun ☀️

For a Sunset is always followed by a moonrise.

And after a full moon-night too, there is always a sunrise ⭕️

Everything happens for a reason! Grateful!

Radhe Radhe 🙏🏻

July 9, 2023

The Last Wish

Mayapur

I was born in an Indian city called Kolkata, capital of the state of West Bengal. This region of India has gifted mankind with many enlightened spiritualists & literature masters like Robindro Nath Tagore; ‘Thakur’ as we call him in Bengali; literally translated ‘God’. Bhagwan! I’m not here today to speak about Him though, I’m here today to speak about Bhagwan, not my master, the consciousness. God consciousness!

Mayapur is a village of devotees situated at about 6 hours drive from Kolkata. It is the birthplace of Chaintanya Mahaprabhu & the ISKCON movement (international society of Krishna Consciousness). As a child I’d frequent Mayapur with my family, and remember the joy of experience, celebrating, dancing & singing with the devotees. The first temple & ashram of the ISKCON movement is in Mayapur, established by Shrila Prabhupada. The ashram boasts a grand temple, housing & dining for the devotees, a gurukul for devotee children, many meditation parks, a huge library & some lodging for guests. My mother often tells me, ‘generally a silent child, in Mayapur, you’d just open up like it is where you belong.’ She tells me, she could never make me understand why I couldn’t just study with the devotee children at the gurukul. I still don’t understand 😁

I remember, my favourite place at the ashram was the silent sitting room with a wax statute of Shrila Prabhupada. My memory is staring into his eyes & feeling a kind of peace that I didn’t find anywhere else. That is why, I’d open up & just celebrate. Only God knows what? 🤷🏻‍♀️ It felt safe to be myself there. It was all so simple. There was no need to fit in. Outside, I was fairly silent, more observant. The other space I remember is a Museum of wax statues, showcasing the story of Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. I remember always being so confused because they said, he was Krishna, yet I didn’t recognize the story as that of Krishna & neither did I understand. There was no Radha.

Chaitanya Mahaprabhu

Chaintanya Mahaprabhu was a saint in the 15th century. The Krishna consciousness movement practiced at ISKCON is not based on Krishna at all. It is founded on the teachings of Chaintanya Mahaprabhu – a reincarnation of Krishna’s consciousness & Radha’s soul in one ☝🏻 ‘being’; a reincarnation in union. For the past few days, as a beautiful new journey unfolds for me, aligning me with the true story of my ‘being’; Bhagwan (the master 😊) has taken me deep into the consciousness of Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. I’ve had to find my way through research as Bhagwan has spoken about almost every enlightened being, except … Chaintanya Mahaprabhu. I didn’t know anything about Him when I was a child in Mayapur, only in these past few days, it all makes sense. No more confused. Chaintanya Mahaprabhu is an anomaly 😁

The story goes, Radha after surrendering her wish to be with Krishna, with which she surrendered herself to the divine too; was granted one wish in exchange – The last wish. She wished Krishna to be born as Radha in the following incarnation, not because she wanted him to experience the pain, but because she wanted him to experience her soul. Her love. The last wish – It freed Radha to experience & enjoy the love that she had unearthed within herself & to share it. Krishna also agreed to be born again as Chaintanya Mahaprabhu for two reasons.
First, Krishna wanted to experience first hand, what this love, ‘prem Bhav’ was that Radha enjoyed so much within herself in surrender. Secondly, he wanted to walk people at large to ‘Braj Bhakti’ – the ultimate love of the Divine – the union of Masculine & Feminine within self. Braj Bhakti, the state of ultimate bliss. As explained by ISKCON, Krishna said, ‘if Braj Bhakti is lost, mankind will be wiped out. His own mind will wipe him out. A man whose love is that of a subordinate to me, fails to attract me. Man must learn the ways of Braj Bhakti, to attract me, and to awaken to the leela (play) of life.’

I understand, Krishna was speaking about God consciousness, which Bhagwan (the master 😊) refers to as ‘godliness’. Braj Bhakti. To attract God, one must be a friend of God, equal to God, not a subordinate to God. To me Bhagwan Rajneesh is the complete expression of Krishna Consciousness in the modern world, yet Chaintanya Mahaprabhu’s expression of ‘being’ must be taken into consideration. There is immense inspiration & encouragement in it.

Chaintanya Mahaprabhu’s expression of ‘being’

In the 15th century, when Europe – the western world was turning man’s focus from God to Human desire for exploration of land (materialism); Chaintanya Mahaprabhu in India, was turning people’s focus back to Divine consciousness (spiritualism), through celebration in devotion. Being initiated into sanyas at the age of 16, then known as Saint Nimai, He Blessed the world with the gift of chanting.

After Bengal was captured by the Muslim invaders in the 12th century, the focus of the population had turned towards pride & material wealth. This caused a forgetfulness of spiritual culture. Many enlightened saints, prayed for divine intervention & saint Nimai was born on a full moon eclipse. When his birth chart was studied, it held very close resemblance to the birth chart of Lord Krishna. His disciples included the likes of Hari Das, who later initiated Baiju Bawra as his disciple. Baiju was the only one to have defeated Tansen in a battle of singing. Tansen was one of the 9 jewels of Akbar’s Kingdom & none other than Tansen was allowed to sing in his kingdom, without defeating Tansen. If Tansen won, the looser of the battle of song would have to loose his life too. Song was silenced, and materialized into the hands of one man.

Chaintanya Mahaprabhu’s whole expression of being was one of celebration in chanting & song & dance. His disciples are evidence too, not just him. Chaitanya Mahaprabhu’s whole being was an expression of a devotee in love. His soul was that of Radha. His intrinsic nature & expression was feminine. Of unconditional Love, ripened to compassion.

The contributions of Chaintanya Mahaprabhu

Even in mind, Chaintanya Mahaprabhu’s was an evolved consciousness. He casually defeated the greatest scholars. He was a revolutionary, who organized India’s first disobedience movement. A social reformer, who transcended the rigid Hindu caste system of India. He was also known as the Supreme renouncer – The part of original sanyas that Bhagwan Rajneesh’s Neo Sanyas does not agree with, because renunciation is irrelevant in the modern world. Neo, meaning RE-programming; Neo Sanyas is a path of reprogramming the whole being, no matter where he is. The old sanyas is the path of renouncing the world. And the ‘work’ really is in the world. To ‘be in the world, but not of it’. So the renouncer bit, I’m unable to align with; But the rest, my God! I’m so fascinated by the consciousness of Chaintanya Mahaprabhu!

So surrendered, devoted, sensitive, emotional, loving feminine in being; yet so courageous, fearless & strong in his masculine contributions to the material world as well. What an expression of a ‘being’ in union?

Chaintanya Mahaprabhu spread love wherever he went. Whoever he touched, even with his energy, was transformed to love. To Bhakti. To devotion. But he must’ve had to be courageous, fearless, provocative, triggering in his word, (like Bhagwan Rajneesh) only to rightfully deliver the message, the truth he came to deliver. One of the unified being – Braj Bhakti.

The Dance to Braj Bhakti 💃 🕺

It’s not easy to get to Braj Bhakti. It’s a journey, one that I’m still on. A journey of union within. All paths lead to this destination. I’ve always really been a courageous, fearless, strong, confident woman. Actually, before my spiritual awakening & sanyas, I operated mostly from my masculine energy. Life has mostly been a struggle, which I walked in faith but needed a strong masculine energy to lead in the man’s world. I also was quite ambitious & had my dreams, goals & the usual. When love happened, for the first time I saw, how wounded & neglected my feminine energy had been all this while. It was like she was just asking to be acknowledged, loved, nurtured.

When I was first brought to the Temple of Love, my masculine energy became a blockage to my growth. A disciple, a devotee is always in feminine energy. Only then can one receive from a master. The masculine (mind) is rigid in its conditionings. It is a barrier to transformation. That is why, so many techniques of ‘working’ with the mind & breath, although positive in experience & not harmful at all; only provide some temporary relaxation. It doesn’t transform the ‘being’. Because there is no access to the being, the soul. All the work is done with masculine energy. All ‘doing’ is masculine. The feminine energy is not even being accessed. It is still an outward flow of energy.

In truth, nothing can be done with the mind or breath. It can only be watched & allowed it’s full expression. Watching, watching, watching, one day, the watcher suddenly separates from the mind & experiences freedom from it. The mind doesn’t cease, but one rises above it & then he has detached from his own story. The story remains, only the ‘being’ has transcended it.

At The Temple of Love, I dropped into my wounded feminine energy. I had to totally forget my masculine qualities, which were all I knew at the time. For the first two years of sanyas, one is extra sensitive because heart activations & feminine energy rising is taking place. I have only recently completed my first two years of sanyas. The first two years of sanyas, with devoted practice, a total transformation of being takes place. Of course, if ‘I’ (the ego) allow it. Total surrender takes place & the whole perception of life changes, from the inside, out. As within, so without. Once the change happens within, it starts manifesting without (outside) too.

The moment my total surrender took place, all that lost masculine energy seems to rush back. But it felt different this time. It just isn’t leading the dance within anymore. The feminine is. Love is leading, compassion is leading, surrender is leading. The masculine qualities are available to access whenever I need it, or my journey calls for it.

In this dance to Braj Bhakti, I’m learning that strength is in surrender. It takes courage to put one’s complete faith in something that cannot be experienced in the physical reality & to allow it to align me with my story. It takes more courage than to keep up the fight to write the story I have in mind. At least that is how it has been for me.

Aligning with the story

Swamiji Anand Arun, once said to my mother, ‘I want a commune in Canada some day.’ She said, I’ll find you the land & all permits permissions etc but you need a dedicated sanyasin to run the commune like you do here.’ So he pointed at me. I was humbled, my mother was triggered. She called me up one day & she said, ‘you are a filmmaker, an actor, a producer. You have no time & you can’t manage a commune. Explain that to swamiji.’ She was triggered & She had an idea of me, of an identity, a definition; not realizing at the time, that idea, that person was long dead. She was talking to a new being in making, who didn’t fit into an idea, into any definition.

I told her, ‘sometimes in our own attachment & desire to write a story we want to write of our life; we miss the story that is written for us. One that is so much more meaningful & greater than the one we so desperately want to write. A story that we may not even be able to conceive but is just waiting for us to experience.’ She hung up on me. She didn’t want to hear it from her daughter. But then she called me back in 10 minutes.
She processes fast, so she said, ‘ask swamiji to send you to some communes to learn how to run a commune. If he has so much faith in you, I don’t want to stand in the way. In fact it is something good for mankind. I’ll help you with it.’ 😊 I have a feeling, she started to surrender her attachment to my identity, in all reality, only after that day.

Swamiji did not send me to any communes though. He only asked me to start with a meditation centre, which I’m currently in the process of setting up. And to continue with the penning of a book in progress. Knowledge without experience is no knowledge at all. Knowledge with experience is wisdom.

RadheKrishna’s expression of being, in every incarnation is the same – one that keeps love alive, because Love is God. It’s so mystical, how Bhagwan Rajneesh takes me back to the consciousness of the Last wish – Chaintanya Mahaprabhu, for the path of the ‘word’ ahead. The word of a devotee in love. Grateful & so humbled 🙏🏻

Love, God, faith, surrender, freedom; to a devotee; are synonyms. This high vibrational energy that aligns us with truth, is always returned in so many many ways. But that return only comes when we aren’t doing it for any outcome. Only for the joy of it, the love of it. Yet, those returns aren’t even the true reward. The true reward of unconditional love & complete faith in surrender, is a story that goes beyond our own limited self. Post my recent surrender, I may not have much faith left in the ways in which humans ‘do’ love today, but my faith in the frequency of unconditional love has only strengthened. For ‘I’ write a story only to put a smile on a face, & existence writes a story to put a smile on many faces. Now, that puts a smile on my face 😊 ⭕️.

In grateful celebration of the consciousness of Chaintanya Mahaprabhu, The Last Wish 💫

‘Hare Krishna’ & ‘Radhe Radhe’ 🙏🏻

July 4, 2023

Love in Vairaag

What is Vairaag?

Vairaag is essentially to ‘be in the world but not of it.’ Engaging with it, yet not belonging to it. Being one’s own colour but not being coloured by anything of any world. Vairaag is to accept everything, enjoy whatever one wants, yet belong to no-thing. One can also call it true freedom. It is experienced differently by different people. Some find vairaag in creativity, some in travel, some in silence inside.

Not another soul, than Shakti herself, proved time & time again that she was love beyond heartbreak. Love beyond shiva himself. Only a play of existence. Only a complete surrender in love & faith. Unless one experiences a desire/want or … transcends the mind that is attached to the experience, it remains. Shakti had only the latter as a choice for many lives. Shakti is a choiceless expression of existence. Brahma had no choice but to create Her. Shiva would not take his soul, his feminine energy back after creation was created. He was fearful to loose the soulless Vairaag that he had found.

Despite Shakti herself as an evidence of a love that’s higher than heartbreak, even after physical union; Shiva never took her to Vairaag with Him. So everytime Shiva ran away to Vairaag, Shakti would find a little more of herself. She found her own Vairaag. In fact she created her greatest gift to mankind, while Shiva was in his Vairaag & she was in hers – Ganesha, the remover of obstacles. Ganesha, a dear friend, who showed up during the first painful experience on my journey. I wondered, we pray to Ganesha at the beginning of a journey. My journey, as I misunderstood at the time, had ended before it even began. Why was Ganesha showing up? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I befriended Him, to learn the original blueprint of love – ShivShakti ☯️

ShivShakti

Shiva had given away his feminine energy, Shakti, to Brahma to create the Brahman. Or one can call it the soul. Actually there is no soul really. It is only no-thing ness. But whatever it is, it’s nature is of love. When there is love, that love is the soul. The soul is feminine energy. This feminine energy of Shiva, his soul, incarnated in many forms but is essentially Shakti.

When Shiva encountered Shakti, there was a strong connection. Obviously, she held his soul. It must’ve been burdening for Her too. She probably just wanted to return his soul to him. But it was her soul too; a very very big one. The physical can be split, but not the soul. At the soul we are all ‘the one’. But it overwhelmed Shiva. He is a vairaagi, how could he possibly be with her? The illusion of the physical. He ran. And he ran as far as he could. She chased & then she got tired of chasing. So she surrendered to the divine. She found her own Vairaag in silence & meditation – dhyan & gyan. The more she surrendered to the divine, the more Shiva surrendered to love.

When they “united” in physical union, even after that, shiva would run away into Vairaag, leaving Shakti behind. She never stopped him, for love is freedom. During his Vairaag, she found her own individual path, separate from Shiva, one of her own making, much like shiva’s Vairaag but different. In this case – shiva is silence & Shakti is expression. Expressing her creativity, the most exquisite of which is Lord Ganesha – the remover of obstacles, created during one of Shiva’s longest Vairaag. Grateful to walk with Ganesha 😊🙏🏻

Love is eternal. structure don’t last

It is definitely a sad story we see in all the great love stories of the world, yet, something of the original blueprint of love rests in them alone. The Romeo Juliet, the Laila Majnu, The Heer Ranjha, The Sheree Farhad, The Jesus & Mary Magdalene. ‘Not’ RadheKrishna. They are a different story. RadheKrishna are the original blueprint of love in form. They are the solution to the sadness in the other stories. They are the solution to all the pain of love. Not that there is no pain but there is no regrets. Life keeps moving on Vairaag. They are beyond heartbreak together, yet alone. The difference is of playfulness only. A non-serious approach to love. They are love in a deep friendship.

The world always comes between true love – the original blueprint. By the world I don’t mean only people, I mean everything; the structure or its conditionings as well. The world is outside, but there is a whole world inside too. As within, so without. When Rumi says, ‘we need not find love but only remove all the barriers within ourselves that we built to keep it out’ (something to that effect), there is truth in that. There is the soul in that expression of his being, in surrender, in love.

All the other lovers, courageously fought the world & it’s created barriers (conditionings inside first & then manifested outside). Only to establish their love. To give it a structure. They rebelled for the freedom to be together in love. So they failed. Because love cannot fight, it always just surrenders. So the lovers failed, yet, love succeeded.

The thing is, love is eternal, yet it is not designed to last, it is designed only to experience. Love don’t ever die either. Once you love someone, that love never dies, even after one falls in love with someone else. Love only transforms & as it transforms, it also evolves the being to the highest frequency of love. Romantic love, transforms to deep love, and deep love transforms to compassion. Essentially true love cannot be structured in any way, in any relationship. It can only be experienced as a deep friendship free of worldly barriers.

RadheKrishna

Krishna says, ‘He alone wins, who doesn’t want to win.’ Keeping this in mind, the lovers of the greatest love stories lost, because they wanted to win against the world. But love is so soft, so surrendered & so gentle; it cannot fight any strongly defended world – inside a being or outside a being. Yet, ultimately love always wins, because it doesn’t want to win.

RadheKrishna, did not fight for their love. They only celebrated it, sometimes together, mostly physically apart. For separation is only of the physical. There is no separation in one soul. RadheKriahna did not fight for their love. They are not seeking any structure. They are not even seeking to establish their love in any ways of the world. RadheKrishna are only living love in their Vairaag. They only played in love. They understand that all of life is just a play & nothing else. Their love is also just a play. The separation is an illusion of the physical, yet a reality that can be experienced in love.

Although the story of RadheKrishna is only a metaphor expression of the inner world of Krishna, His love story, it holds significant mysteries of the original blueprint of love.

The original blueprint of Love

In the story of RadheKrishna, at one stage, Radha accepts sanyas as her path of Vairaag (freedom). Not too different to Meera, yet one filled with more play, more joy, more freedom. Meera is longing for Krishna, Radha is celebrating Krishna.

Krishna on the other hand is anything but sanyasin. He is play at its finest expression. His Vairaag is in his play. Spontaneous, colourful, all over the place. He is the one who tunes Radha to understand the tunes of his Vairaag, over time; so she can find her own play – her own Vairaag. Her own freedom of being. She finds it in sanyas.

To me it is significant that in this story there is no struggle to structure love. There cannot be because Radha does not exist, except as Krishna’s own inward flow of life. Yet, it only symbolizes that love is not meant to be a struggle. Relationship can be but love is not a struggle. It is meant only to be celebrated, together or alone. Because RadheKrishna are not struggling to establish, to structure anything, they have acceptance, respect & understanding of each other’s Vairaag (path of freedom). When together, they celebrate love in all its expressions, when separate they are an individual expressions of love in their individual vairaag.

The original blueprint of love cannot be found in any relationship. It can be found in some connections. The original blueprint of love is one ☝🏻, yet separate. If love were a home, and the pillars were too close together, the roof would fall down. Also if they are too far apart … but closeness is of the heart, not of the physical. In love but in Vairaag.

Love is the nature of the soul. If one can feel love, the soul is there, somewhere. In the original blueprint, She (regardless of gender) has the soul. She IS the soul. And the soul is the way home in Vairaag (freedom). In the original blueprint, one can have it all – freedom, soul & home. YES, BUT … home only ultimately.

The original blueprint of love – the more she surrenders to the divine, the more he surrenders to love. Love in Vairaag.

Bhagwan says 😊

‘Freedom is of a higher value than love but love is freedom.’ ~Bhagwan

Do you see the paradox? Reality is always beyond duality. The struggle between love & freedom is the gift of structuring love, in which true love is lost – Lost Love. Yet love is freedom & the struggle is only of the mind – the mind is the world. Bhagwan says, ‘experience love, experience companionship, but be a good friend first. Don’t take away another’s freedom, & don’t give away yours. Give love & receive with gratitude whatever you get as love. Love only gives, wants nothing & takes away nothing. Freedom is higher than love but love is freedom.’ ⭕️

When one moves in Vairaag, yet in love; then there is true freedom. Nothing seems to be missing. One feels whole, complete, & at home. No matter where one is. No matter if he is with the one he loves or with himself in the world. Love in Vairaag can be nothing more than a playful friendship, one that is free of the world (inside & outside).

On a little side note, I can’t help but notice that all love great stories originating from the west, lead with the masculine name first & all originating from the East, lead with the feminine name first. There is significance in this. The west is masculine in its approach to life – the Mind. The East is feminine in its approach to life – the soul (no-thing ness). Neither is a balanced approach. Life is beyond the mind & in the nature of the soul – Love. When love is, life is in the now, not in a future, not in a past. But the current structure of the world is based on the western knowledge of the ‘Garden of Eden’ – the fruit of knowledge, without the fruit of life.
Life is not in the knowledge (the barriers); life is in the experience of it now, in love in Vairaag. All love stories of the world, fought for their love against the barriers for a future for the love. RadheKrishna played in love now, regardless of a future. The feminine energy holds the soul, and when she leads the energy of a being; soul, home, freedom is all in the same place, not physically – inside of a being. Wherever the being is – whole, complete in itself, engaged in the world, yet not coloured of it – Vairaag.

My Vairaag at the Temple of Love ❤️

Vairaag can be found in a space or activity we find most comfort & peace to be in. It feels like home, yet home is always within. But activities & spaces, human connection can certainly beautify the process. In freedom a being of love can be expressed in its original blueprint; which then unintentionally but surely shifts the surrounding to the original blueprint as well, no matter where the Vairaag takes one.

I found Vairaag in the mystical world always. Travelling to spaces & activities that connect me to that which is beyond the world of structure. For many years, I found it in tarot, stones, pendulums, some astrology. This was the beginning of my path truly connecting to the soul. Later I found Vairaag at the temple of love – in sanyas. A real physically manifested mystical world – my recharging station also my resting space. ‘I will always be in Vairaag. I will always be in sanyas.’ It is a different kinda flight, yet it is the same. Only Vairaag.

My expression of Vairaag

Early on my Sanyas Path, Bhagwan gifted me with the gift of meaningless words, to play around with expressing the inexpressible truth I had found in love in Vairaag ❤️🙏🏻. Mostly through the written word. I played around with poetry & prose. Then a year and a half ago, something stopped me from reading tarot publicly. Actually I stopped myself, in fear of some outside circumstances. I just limited tarot to private readings post that. So I used the past year and a half to pen a book instead, with this new found gift that I’d found. A little over half way through, a few months ago, I met with a serious writers block & have it on the shelf since. Yet, I also experimented with blog writing, which again in fear of outside circumstances, stopped writing a few months ago.

In these past few months, many experiences, mundane & mystical, have been pointing in the direction of the spoken word. Bhagwan being loud & clear, ‘Be available to me as I am available to you.’ Yet, the barriers of the mind. The spoken word is a bigger responsibility. It is a little more alive than the written word, it has expression & voice & tone & movement. And to speak on subjects that have already gotten me considerable criticism from many voices; requires courage. And especially to speak from a space of ‘I am not’, being just an expression of that no-thing ness, being just a channel for conscious wisdom; requires immense energy. So I’ve not known how to go about speaking of this Love in Vairaag.

Post my complete surrender, (ref. blog post life in surrender), an employee in a karmic project, who recently returned from the temple of love, reached out to me. Said my business partner had sent him to the ashram to help him with his life issues & the ashram with some PR for the Temple of Love. We all do our bit in our own ways. Told me all of the humbling things he heard about me from the ashramites & swamiji Anand Arun. Grateful 🙏🏻.
He basically manages marketing, positioning & social media publicity for projects & public speakers. I have a feeling Bhagwan made him talk to those I had spoken to 😊. So he approached me & said, ‘I’d like you to speak publicly at platforms & events. I can also get you decent money. I’d like to profile, position & publicize you as a speaker. I’ll have to increase your social media followers gradually, get you some publicity & get you to speaking platforms, which is my area of expertise. I also learnt that you’re writing a book on the Neo Sanyas Movement. I work with many publishers, so I’d like to help you publish & promote that too.’ Bhagwan sent me a manager for my word 😊🙏🏻. Guess I gotta get back to the book then … when I started the book, I had no clue how I’d have it published. The world of the ‘word’ is still an experiment … and also an expression of my being.

I smiled at Bhagwan’s play & told him, ‘okay, do what you will but don’t control the expression of my being. You were sent to profile, position & publicize the expression itself as I don’t want or need publicity. Money is not my concern but I do have a message to deliver. Thank you for reaching out.’ We spoke on the phone for an hour & he says, ‘I’m all the more convinced that your message must be delivered. Then that was that.

I also told him during the chat, that I was inspired by a friend to compile a book of all my poetry too. I have written some, just playing around with words. But I don’t have enough of them yet. When I do, I’d like to get that published & promoted too.’ 😊🙏🏻 My word is only an expression of love in Vairaag, a complete experience of life in freedom. Whatever it needs to get out there, I’ll attract to me. I’m not a ‘doer’ yet the ‘doing’ is. Bhagwan was right when he said to me, ‘some souls are too strong to be a medium. We are only collaborating because we have the same message to deliver.’ Of course too much of a soul, for it is equivalent to two souls in one 😊😉.

In the original blueprint of love – love can only live in Vairaag. It may or may not be celebrated together, but the expression of that love is in individual Vairaag (freedom). It is in that expression that lost love can be revived in humanity only by reviving it within ourselves. For true love is always eternal, yet it is not designed to last in any structure. It is designed for something else, only in its playful expression! A much bigger purpose.

Lost love

This deep understanding of love in Vairaag is not something I’m speaking about for the first time. I’ve been writing about it since I found the word. And since I found faith in love. It is the way of true love. When I speak of love, of divine connection; I speak of true love, the original blueprint – the lost love. Love in Vairaag. Together, yet separate. I’m grateful for truth today, so I can respond, ‘I understand’, of course I do. I’m love in Vairaag too & I’d give it up for nothing’ 😊

One of the biggest triggers in any person is to realize that one may have gotten love wrong. It is a common realization in many people at some point in their lives because it is the truth. All speakers of spirituality are speaking of ways to get to love, because there isn’t much. I’ve received a-lot of love & alot of criticism for writing about true love vs love, yet it is my own individual experience, my own expression of Vairaag, linked to my purpose of being. It is a gift from Bhagwan, which I want to cherish. Whatever existence wants to do with it, it will.
This is actually a topic I can speak about forever, and a more intricate aspect of the original blueprint is the subject matter of my book. The book will get me the most criticism & immense love too, I feel. I should be at a place to humbly, gratefully & playfully smile at it all. Receive what I need & leave the rest.

So with humble acceptance of all paths, because they all lead to the same destination – home; and with immense gratitude for all I have learnt on my journey with the ‘word’ so far; I silence out all the noise that silences me; and I remain open to all the tunes that inspire me. The journey ahead is true freedom, therefore more responsibility too. Two faces of the same coin of duality. And beyond duality is reality. This … Only … so I can continue on my path of the ‘word’, forward in playful & peaceful love in Vairaag 😊🙏🏻

She holds your soul

And she is expressing it …

In her celebration of ‘being’ …

With faith …

In a love in Vairaag!
MaPJ

June 21, 2023

Love is no-thing ‘Coz Truth is a Lie 😁

Reality

Reality, is all that we humans can perceive through our 5 senses – touch, taste, smell, see, hear. Any experience beyond these 5 senses is beyond our perceived reality. It is a choice, to accept the experience of the 6th sense as reality or not. A choice to choose our reality. But does that split reality itself? Reality is choice-less, all of it exists in reality whether we perceive it or not, whether we accept it or not.

Over the past couple weeks, I’ve been sitting with the depth of unexpressed reality. What’s real is the truth essentially. Unexpressed! For truth cannot be expressed. Arriving at an understanding that Truth is a lie. How can truth be a lie? Either there is truth or there is lie. How can they both be the same? Yet they are! 😊

Just like love is no-thing. Love really cannot be in any ‘thing’. It is so vast that it can only exist where there is immense empty space. Empty of ‘things’ to contain it. That is why in the world where the first requirement of ‘living’ is to ‘earn’ a ‘living’; love is just ‘nothing’. It has to be nothing. Do you blame man? I don’t. I accept, Yet, ‘I’ choose to understand love as no-thing not nothing. Love is beyond the world of things – matter. Even expression. So love & no-thing is the same 😊.

Love is a reality. It IS. Yet it is not, unless we can perceive it through our 5 senses. Love is the truth of all reality, one that we choose to accept & one that we don’t choose to accept as well. It is the ultimate truth, therefore the greatest lie. Like god.

I’m not sure you follow me …

So I’d like to explore from different perspectives.

Reality of self

One of my earliest introductions to spiritual practice was through the third eye meditations of swami Nityananda. He explained the three perceptions of self, which has stayed with me till date. I understood it because I have always basically lived unaware trough that space. Now I am conscious of it. Aware.

Nityananda says, ‘the three perceptions of self reality are, Mamakara, Ahankara & Anyakara. Mamakara (true self) – how ‘I’ perceives itself; Ahankara (ego self) – how ‘I’ perceives others to perceive ‘I’; Anyakara (projected self) – how ‘I’ is actually perceived by others. When all there ‘Karas’ are aligned, the same; the complete self is realized. Then we live in completion.’ ⭕️. Free from the ‘karma’ of the ‘kara’

Essentially what Swami Nityananda is saying is that none of the three ‘Karas’ are aligned in the reality of the 5 senses. Our world. Everyone perceives everything from the limitations of self understanding & experience. The 5 senses are designed to perceive only the outside. Quantifiable matter. Therefore all self work, unfortunately, gets focused on the latter two, Ahankara (ego self) & Anyakara (projected self). Mamakara remains silent, hidden & misunderstood because it belongs to the reality of the sixth sense. When the true self is the focus, the ego self dissolves unexpressed & therefore the projection dissolves too. There is now just a direct connection between true self & how it is perceived, by self & by the outside. True authenticity, some would say!

Without trying to explain this inexplicable understanding further, I invite you to meditate on the two paragraphs preceding this one. In my experience, the aligned one is the crazy one. The Rumi, the Meera, the Bhagwan, the Buddha. It finds peace outside the world, which is inside its true self. So all expression is from the true self. But that true self is only a lie inside the outside world because it comes from the part of reality that has not been accepted as perceived reality inside the outside world. Yet it is a truth of the whole reality. Do you follow me?

From yet another perspective

Truth is that which IS. Lie is that which is not, yet the lie also IS in the not. The ‘not’ which is yet not perceived or expressed. Don’t mean it don’t exist. It IS because it exists in the ‘not’ part of the reality. Perceivable by the same sixth sense only.

For instance, a toddler has no perception of truth & lies. He operates from pure innocence. He can say a lie like, ‘god speaks to me’, we accept it as his ‘play’. His innocence. It is his truth in that moment, it may change later. He has no need for consistency. But for an adult, the child’s truth is a lie. The adult is knowledgeable, the child has No knowledge at all. Raw, uncultured, totally focused on what he is doing in the moment. When the focus changes, he is totally focused on the now focus. He is not concerned about the outcome, only the experience. The play. The child has no perceived sense self yet. So there is no split between the inside & the outside. It is total acceptance essentially, in innocence & immaturity. God speaks to the child & also his mommy. Both are reality. No spilt between truth & lies.

A Buddha, again a lie until attained, is the same as a child. Only difference is that a Buddha is an adult. He has gained knowledge to birth maturity, and then lost all knowledge, to RE-birth the innocence of a child ⭕️. So there is no difference in the innocence of a Buddha & a child, except maturity. A buddha is aware innocence, a child is unaware innocence. Neither hold knowledge; Buddha carries wisdom & both carry innocence. A Buddha also says, ‘God speaks to me’, again we accept it as Buddha’s ‘play’ of wisdom. But for the rest of the adults of knowledge & maturity, Buddha’s statement is a lie. They only nod their heads because it is Buddha, they accept Buddha, not his truth. How can they? They have ‘not’ yet experienced it.

A truth of one’s story, is a lie of another’s story. Yet once the story connects, it is one story, where both truth & lies can exist together. Both the truth & the lie can be accepted, & experienced, to transcend to the third state of being – ‘living’ the mystery’. Question less.

A beautifully divine mystery of 6 years is now a wrap for me, in this understanding that truth is a lie. There is no more mystery left to live. I have lived it, at least this part of the mystery. The seeking of Meera is now a living of the mystery that Radha is. When the flow ‘dhara’ moves inward, ‘Radha’. The outside mystery is lived & revealed 😁. Grateful, so grateful 🤲🏻. The expressed lie, hides the unexpressed truth. It is the same.

The Tantra way

From yet another perspective. The story of a seed & the story of a tree. The truth of the seed is a lie of the tree & the truth of the tree is a lie of the seed ⭕️. It sounds like philosophy, because our minds are fragmented (ref blog post titled ‘Here’s How). I’ve explained the fragmentation of the mind in the horizontal dimensions in detail there. So won’t go into it here. Philosophy is of the fragmented mind. The philosophizing of the reality that the mind has a ‘knowledge’ of existing but has no experience of it. The story of the seed and tree is reality not philosophy, because they are not two stories. It is one story from the seed to the tree & from the tree back to the seed. The tree is the seed realized, the seed is the potential tree. Tantra sees the full story. ⭕️

Tantra, as much misunderstood, is not about dark spirituality or sacred sex. The dark is equally accepted as the light, within the ways of tantra & yes, sacred sex is a part of the understanding. However, Tantra is a way of life that sees non-fragmented & accepts the whole as is. Light & dark included. Truth & lies included. Tantra is a state of ‘being’ that, slowly but surely, is the transcendence of all dualities ☯️.

Tantra sees the tree in the seed & the seed in the tree, that is why it is associated with mysteries & mystics; witches & prophecies. But it’s basic principle is that, darkness is not, where light is. There is no fight between truth & lies, no fight between light & dark. When light comes, darkness disappears. When a candle is lit, the darkness will not say, ‘I will not go. I will fight to stay.’ Tantra is a misunderstood expression of the vertical dimensions of reality, or one can call it, the sixth sense. Therefore, misunderstood. Fragmented in understanding from the consciousness of the horizontal dimension.

Tantra is a constant remembrance that life is a ‘play’ of existence. To split it between truth & lies is to split the ‘play’ of life into real & unreal. It is not a complete experience of the show that life is. In the ways of tantra, there is no truth & there is no lie, only a complete acceptance of the ‘living’ of the mystery called life. Tantra don’t allow a split, it accepts all – the known & the unknown; it plays with both. It expresses both. It is the true authenticity of tantra. Therefore tantriks & tantrikas seem eccentric inside the outside reality. There is no split of truth or lie in their experience of the ‘play’. The ‘leela’ that life is.

Truth cannot be in words 🤫

Love is no-thing, because truth is a lie. Truth is that which cannot be expressed in words. Especially the spoken word. Therefore it is a lie. Love that can be expressed in the spoken word, is not love. It is only a feeling that seems like love. Thoughts & feelings are temporary. Love is eternal. It is the divine itself. Love can only be expressed as creativity. ‘Coz love is creation. She is creation. She is love. The truth that love is can only be expressed as a lie that no-thing is, within the confines of the limitations of expression in the so called free world. How to express this in words? But in a song, or a dance or poetry or a painting it can be expressed.

One might argue that love has most exquisitely & eloquently been expressed in words by a Rumi or a Meera. Only because the ‘play’ of words IS their creative expression. They have expressed love through their whole being, not just words. Their ‘being’ is their creative expression. YES, BUT … not without paying the price of speaking the truth in a hypocritical world.
I often wonder, had a Rumi or a Meera been afraid of being consistently questioned & laughed at during their time, how would they ever stand as an encouragement for those like me? To me they say, ‘it’s okay, it’s okay to be questioned & laughed at now, just so love can live eternally; because it lives in your creative expression of the self.’ That’s all they say to me in all of their contradictory words of love & truth. It is all no-thing & lies 😊. Meaningless in the world of matter of the 5 senses. They have lived only from the sixth sense & used the 5 senses not to perceive only to express.

Truth can only be expressed through creativity. The rest is all a lie. One of the greatest kept secrets of religion is Love itself. Because love is God. Jesus said god is love & his love is the unaccepted secret of Christianity. The lie that IS in the not. Not of Christ, of Christianity. The love story of Jesus & Mary Magdalene. Where, on the one hand, Radha, Hinduism’s (not Krishna’s) secret love; has been expressed in the words of hymns; the love of Jesus has been secretly expressed in code through Da Vinci’s paintings. The longer love is a secret, the divine will remain a secret to this world. Love & truth are not words, so they are no-thing & lies. Yet in this ‘play’ of no-thing & lies, love needs to be expressed. For love to live. It is the only expression of God.

The last question !

It’s All just a ‘play’ – truth or lie, don’t matter. Love expressed as creativity is not just a gift for one, it is a gift for all. A gift of freedom. A gift of love. So Keep playing & gratefully enjoy this beautiful play that existence has given us an opportunity to experience. She accepts your lie & knows your truth too. She withdraws in the acceptance of your lie, she stays in the knowing of your truth. Much like Mother Earth & the Pandemic. It creates a split in the reality & man is confused. The truth is always evident in a lie because it is the same. The truth you ‘stand by’ & not ‘necessarily’ tell, to create a lie, is always clear as day.
All three ‘karas’ are aligning. Once aligned, there will be no experience left in expression. And expression is an experience. Only silence will Be in the absence of expression. Don’t just play, also say, whenever you’re ready to say; until then just play. For the truth can live in the lie of the play. Yes it can – The Tantra way 👍🏻

I wonder, Can this no-thing that love is & this Lie that the truth is, that I try to express in words; be expressed in creativity not of words too? YES? NO? YES, BUT ? 😁

Is there anything left in this play,

Except the lie that’s left to say?

Or is there still a reason to save,

The truth,

will you take it to the grave?

Say it like truth, or say it like a lie,

Will you express it before you die?

Let me know that Love is,

I know … yet …

Whoever she is, divinity is …

For until ‘you’ express or say,

How can ‘I’ STOP the play? 🥹🙏🏻

With immense immense Gratitude for the lies of no-thing that has lead to the un-expected & unexpressed truth of love after (almost) six long years 🙏🏻

In celebration of the truth & the lie, please let the truth live in the lie of the play. YES? NO? YES, BUT? 😊

~ MaPJ ~

March 17, 2022

Sanyas – An expression of unspoken words!

Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh with his beloved Ma Prem Nirvano

‘I love you’, two words and a vowel; the most widely used in our world today, yet the most difficult to say! ‘Love’, or what we call love, is so freely available in our world; especially in the virtual age of social media. If an extra terrestrial was to analyze humans based on our social media platforms, he would conclude that humans are the most loving, the happiest beings in a very sad world, struck by hunger, disease & war. He would also conclude that we are a righteous bunch, with the continuous voices against the issues of the world. The voices of revolution, sadly which do nothing at all, only rebellion does, but I’ve already written about that a lot.

Although, not to say, that on occasion humans aren’t genuinely happy or genuinely angry, but from a birds eye view, the ET’s conclusions will be far from reality. Underneath the projections, the reality is ‘The Human Condition’. To put it simply, the need to be loved, the need to be needed, the need to be heard, the need to be seen. It is essentially a subconscious search for ‘who am I’ in this world full of people.

The Human Condition stems from layers of wounding, which go deep into the subconscious of Man & Woman. It is in our very psyche. That is why our world is so sad 😞. It cannot be healed overnight, or even over a lifetime, but it can be understood. Every Man has a subconscious fear of intimacy, because of a mother wound. He has not experienced love. He is a boy, he must toughen up. The boy in him, fears love, because what he has seen is not love. It is conditioning.

Every woman lives with a subconscious abandonment wound, because there is no place for her love in this world. There is no ‘need’ for her love for the world to function. Even as a mother she cannot love the way she wants to. She must raise her child for the world, where there is no need for love. To understand this better, I invite you to read my previous blog posts, especially where I write about Adam, Eve & Lilith. So from this wounding, a subconscious need to be loved, a need to be needed arises. And we share love so freely, even when we don’t feel it, we say it easily; just to get some back. I’ll admit, I’ve done it too. In fact, I’ve only recently awakened to this observation.

But love is not free. It is a treasure, buried deep within our being. It is the water of a well, which bursts forth with intensity, in a moment, just like that! But to reach the treasure, the earth must be dug to the depths of its core. And who wants to do that? So we try to get it from wherever we can. Everyone needs love to live. Not many have any Love to give though, as they are looking for it themselves. True love only wants to give. It needs nothing. Occasionally, it happens. Love happens, truly, deeply, madly (as they say). It bursts out like lava from a volcano; and we can’t find the words to express it. Sharing love so easily in the world. Saying it so easily but here, where it truly means something, Love becomes silent. Why is that?

I experienced two reasons. First, precisely because of everything I mentioned above. Those words have lost it’s meaning. It has lost its sacredness. And second, because the experience of true love is so divine, so otherworldly, so spiritual; that ‘I love you’ seems too small, too insignificant to express the experience. Words just cannot do justice. But love is bubbling, the more silent it is, the more it grows. It must be expressed. It is a new birth really, a re-birth. Like a little child it wants to ask questions, it wants to play, it wants to shout it from the mountain top, but it cannot.

Love wakes us up to ourselves. Shows us a mirror. It wants to express the truth. It wants to be authentic. And we can’t be authentic because we don’t know what we are. We don’t know our authentic self. If we did, we would know we are Love. But then I wonder, when a fellow passenger says ’I love you’, even when i know it ain’t Love, how would authenticity respond? in truth it would say, ’you are love and so am I’. And that, my friend, will label you ’crazy’. There are no words really. Love can only be expressed through action, silent action. Through the being.

In Sanyas alone, did I find an expression of my unspoken words.

The Sanyasin

A Sanyasin is a seeker of truth. One who is on a path to finding out what he is. What his authentic face is. A sanyasin is awake to his human condition and is on the path to heal it with the illumination of truth, of authenticity. The sanyasin is transforming his being to express authentically, his truth, through his being.

It is not my personal belief that one must be initiated to be a sanyasin, however, initiation has its own place and importance in a seekers experience

The history of Sanyas

Sanyas is as old as organized religion. Organized religion or organized crime, same thing, if you ask me. Sanyas is the process of knowing one’s authentic self, which is love or god, call it what you want. But organized religion, all organized religion, promotes the idea of a God who is outside of the self, who will judge us. The crime here is that sanyas for the longest time has been the monopoly of organized religion. It’s sad. Not allowing people to know what they are. So it becomes impossible for a sanyasin to reach god because his search is in the wrong direction. The growth is obstructed. But when Sanyas first started, it wasn’t necessarily a wrong method. The method has been exploited by the priests over the years.

In the old way of sanyas, a disciple cannot question the master. He simply must obey the master and do silently what is being asked of him. The master would ask the disciple to work in a workshop making shoes for years. The disciple wants to ask, ‘what has this got to do with my spiritual evolution?’, but if he does, the master will turn him out. He cannot ask, He cannot say anything. He must remain silent. And slowly as time goes by, his need to ask any questions, his need to express will just die. One day, He will give up. He will accept. Essentially he will surrender. The need of his ego, to be loved, heard, needed; will be surrendered. The master knows this will happen eventually. So the master waits, just as the disciple waits. For when the need has dropped, the ego has given up.

It’s is a precious moment in the evolution of that consciousness, that being. The master will speak in that moment. Because the disciple will be receptive. He has dropped a large part of his pre-conceived notions, ideas, conditioning. A Sanyasin’s journey truly begins there.

My love was silent for years. I wrote so much, so many words, in poetry & prose, in letters & songs, in friendship & in fights. But in all of those words, I never could say ‘I love you’. When the need to ask, the need to speak, the need to express was no more; I was introduced to my master & sanyas. I was already a sanyasin before I was initiated. My master reminded me when I was ready.

Sanyas today

Today, the old sanyas doesn’t work. It can’t. Today, It’s based on exploitation & a false notion of a god outside of the self. And who has that kind of patience today? But sanyas is a journey of patience. It teaches the art of waiting, the art of life. We are all essentially waiting for the unknown. The old sanyas, originally was based on love. The master’s love that the disciple has yet to experience once he surrenders. When the master will speak. When the disciple experiences the power in his surrender.

But today, no disciple surrenders, no master speaks. There are no masters really. The disciple is again left loveless like any other person. And love is the only teacher. Love is the rarest of treasures. Hardest to find, because we are looking outside. Love is a happening within the self. Everyone wants, no one wants to give, because not many have love. They have words, they have smiles, hugs, attraction; they have respect, maybe even admiration, but not Love.

Today sanyas is a fruitless effort because there is no Love anywhere to be found. Actually, I’d say the old sanyas is a fruitless effort, because, let’s face it, who gets enlightened in a monastery or an ashram these days? It’s not like the days gone by when sanyas was not corrupted by the world that the old sanyas itself renounces. Which is precisely the issue.

The conditioning that ‘sanyas is fruitless, why renounce the world’ is the problem. Sanyas is possible today only if people are not asked to renounce the world as a condition. And really, there is no need. Buddha agreed with his wife that he could’ve been enlightened anywhere. Sanyas is a process that will drop the worldly attachments on its own, as the sanyasin identifies more and more with his true face, his authentic self. All things outside of the self will loose meaning, before the ultimate truth, the divine face.

Experience is not in renouncing that which feels meaningless now. That which felt meaningful in another time. Experience is in saying yes to everything life has to offer, the good & the evil, now with new found clarity. To enjoy it all, knowing that it is just a ‘Leela’. A play! Today’s sanyas cannot be so serious. It has to be a ‘play’. An attitude of ‘come check it out’. Enjoy it all, enjoy this too. It cannot be monopolized. If the disciple is serious about it, he will be committed to his practice. And as his practise intensifies, so will his expression of the unspoken words, as an offering of Love, to love, through his whole being.

The Initiated Sanyasin

As I mentioned above, it is not my personal belief that a Sanyasin must be an initiate. A Sanyasin really just has a different perspective on life. As he moves through life, his vibration, naturally, attract others of a similar vibration. It is the law of attraction. He learns from others, shares with others and continues horizontal (outward) growth, with his freshly awakened eyes. He has tasted the fruit of knowledge. The fruit of good & evil. He knows now, ignorance is not bliss. He is figuring out who he is!

When a sanyasin has been initiated, he has tasted the fruit of life too. He is in bliss. No question of ignorance. He has the knowledge & he has the bliss. Now he can’t learn from others, he can barely share with others. His experience is now not of this world. He exists in multiple dimensions. The initiated sanyasin is not interested in who he is. He is on a path to remembering what he is. His search so far has been futile. He is not of this world. He is only in it. Experiencing it. Observing it. Witnessing it. A Sanyasin has heard of vertical growth, the other dimensions, the world of god. But he has not experienced it. He has knowledge but no experience.

An initiated sanyasin is living the experience, as he remembers he is all there is, and nothing at all. As he remembers he is God because his nature is love. Naturally, his being expresses just that. But he doesn’t know it. Only others can see it. He is not interested in anything outside of his inner experience.

The mysteries of initiation

Only a fully enlightened consciousness can initiate on the path of Sanyas. His ego self, the person has fully died and he is now merged in union with cosmic consciousness. Only such a consciousness is capable of fully awakening the kundalini (life force) energy within someone. He can certainly use other high consciousness beings as mediums to initiate others, but it is essentially the enlightened master who is initiating a sanyasin.

In the moment of initiation, the disciple has to be in complete surrender as I mentioned above. And surrender is the hardest things for the ego to do. Only for the ego though, not for the being. Essentially all the disciple has to do is surrender. Have faith. The master on the other hand has a tremendous job. He has to take the responsibility of the disciple. The master is responsible for all the needs of the disciple, while he seeks the the truth.

Sometimes I wonder if the old sanyas’ insistence on the renunciation of the world was because of this? Which master will take the responsibility of the entire worldly affairs of a disciple? And for how many disciples? I mean … It’s a struggle to survive ourselves, how to be responsible for another, including their families that too? So it’s understandable but it’s a huge blockage. A sanyasin who renounces anything, develops a subconscious aversion to it. What we can’t achieve, we condemn. And aversion is the duality of attachment. Both must be transcended for evolution. So ‘let it drop when it drops’, is more the way of the new sanyasin. What we cant achieve, the new sanyas allows us to supersede instead.

But which master will take all the responsibility of a disciple and his loved ones? My master does just that. As I approach my first sanyas birthday in less than a month, I reflect back and see, that in this short span of time, the emotional, physical & financial health of my loved ones & myself has totally transformed. I’ve talked to so many Sanyasins from my spiritual community, and they tell me similar magical experiences. One sanyasin is famous for turning millionaire the morning after his sanyas initiation by Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh. And this is only the outer reality mysteries I’m talking about. The inner reality experiences magic & mystery too, but no point talking about it here. There are no words to express. And it is unique to each being. That is what makes it so otherworldly. Everyone is magical in their own way.

My master’s love is so unconditional, he gives me love unconditionally, just to give it away to someone else unconditionally. I learn so much from him & my love doesn’t feel so unconditional then. I’m humbled and I transform to be more true to my authentic self. My true nature. My love. There are no words. All I can say is that initiation, if accepted with total surrender to & total faith in the master, completely liberates the sanyasin to dedicate himself to his practice. Liberates him to experience, to create, to express through his being, all the unspoken words.

Conclusion
Initiated or not, Sanyas is an experience, it is the art of living! Every seeker’s search ends with sanyas. Then life is only a ‘Leela’. Every human’s search essentially ends with sanyas. It is the path of god, unearthing unlimited love within self, as one moves. Naturally, his love spreads in a loveless world. He becomes a magnet. Then he is not thirsty, then the thirsty come to him. A Sanyasin’s entire being is an expression of his unspoken words.

I’m grateful to life for the experience of expression! 🙏🏻