ego

Preface

It is said that we can revisit previously opened windows on our experience of life. And we can look at them anew. When we can share the view with no pain, or attachment to it; we have healed. I couldn’t agree more. This blog post is close to my heart. I’m sharing, as I also revisit, some windows, I opened early in life. These are some windows weve all opened in our basic experience of life. These are the windows that shaped my initial view/perception/understanding of life itself.

The view from the windows I speak about below, is the view I see when I look back into them today. At the time, I experienced the view with ‘them’ (others) in it. Today there’s so little of ‘I’ left, so there is a ‘you’ but no ‘they’. The more the ‘I’, the more the ‘they’The less the ‘I’, the less the ‘you’. ‘I’ & ‘YOU’ = The View. that is today. When there is no ’I’ left, there will be no ’You’ left either. and no View either. only the complete reality – The Truth. So as we get closer to Truth, the same View changes too.

A Window

Once upon a beautiful time, 
Before all the days of rhyme, 
A mystical window I discovered. 
Never opened, always covered. 

Intrigued & mystified, one fine day,
I opened the inviting window wide. 
It was Godly, shining, ‘Divine’, I say, 
The view from this side. 👌🏻

My sight was drawn to a bright white light,
Emitting from another window in sight. 
There’s other windows in sight alright, 
But none emitting such a divine light. 

It was like ‘they’ never saw the light, 
It was like ‘they’ never had a sight. 
Not the light, ‘they’ saw my glowing face, 
Only then did ‘they’ really, make it a race.  

‘They’ saw me, & then the light, 
There began all the cunning fight.
It became such an ugly sight. 
Now, I was the reason to fight. 🥺

I still wanted to just see the light, 
But For me the window, was shut tight. 
So I shut it too, this window tight, 😡
To be gone, forever outta sight. 

For Many days & many nights, 
There was no noise & no fights.  
Windows remained shut so tight, 
As I was finding my own little light. 

Then one day, I heard a knock, 
On the window, now with a lock. 
With a lock, tick tock, tick tock, 
Over the window, I had hung a clock. 🕚

I looked, and there was the bright white light, 
Shining through the cracks, reaching my sight. 

Fearful to open the window again, 
Remembering all the Un-healed pain,
Yet I opened the window again, 
Hoping this time to avoid the pain. 

Yet again, yet again … 🤦🏻‍♀️

‘They’ saw me & then the light, 
Again, began all the useless fight.
Again, It became an ugly sight. 
Of course, now I too was to fight. 🥺

I still just wanted to see the light, 
But, Only for me, it was fading to night. 
So again, I shut this window tight, 
Why be in sight & yet see no light? 🙄

Then for months, there was no light,
Open window, but not a sight. 
It made me wonder, it made me feel, 
How much the light is asking to heal. 🤔

Was it a mirror on the other side,
Of that window with the bright light? 
Wanting this window opened wide, 
So I can too, mirror … 
Or reflect the light? 

Or was it a mirror on the other side, 
Of that window with the bright light? 
Mirroring a bright white light, from inside, 
For something other than my grateful …
But limited sight? 

Or was there someone on the other side, 
Of that window with the bright light? 
Dimming the bright white light, from inside, 
To protect me from some evil …
Or conditioned sight? 

I see just a window, and just a light, 
But for me it is a very sacred sight. 
I’m the moon, I live in the dark night, 
The ‘Night Lord’ showed me another Light.  

I’d always wished upon a shining star, 
The one I had named after my star. 😊
‘I wish with your cosmic magic one day, 
I open the window, and there’s no ‘they’’ 🙏🏻

Been wanting to open the window again, 
I don’t fear the fighting & all of the pain. 
But I’d rather not be an object in ‘their’ sight, 
I’d rather just be reflecting, only the light. 😊

So, then, after long, magic today I see, 
This window, open can always be. 
From the other windows, ‘they’ cannot see, 
I see the window, & when it’s lit, it sees me 😁

Humbled by the light, not craving a sight
Now that there’s my own little light.
Not as white, not as bright, 
But bright enough for my own sight. 🤩

Now that I, don’t see the ‘they’, 
Now that there’s no un-healed pain, 
Now there’s no ‘I’, waiting to play,
So I open the window again 🤫

#MaPJ 

Behind the unopened windows

Behind all the unopened windows on our journey, are experiences we’ve missed to live. In other words, we’ve missed life itself. These windows are opportunities, we’ve missed leaping into, risks we’ve missed experiencing the adventure of. It is doubt & fear that holds us back. The only language of the mind, apart from desire. The aversion to a negative experience, is as self-destructive as attachment to a positive experience. Non-attachment & non-aversion is the middle path, the path less path, the gate less gate, the effortless effort. The path of the non-doer. The Path of Zen & the path of the ‘Geeta’. 

Behind these unopened windows is the unknown! Our fear of the unknown, blocks our experience of the unknown as well. The only ‘doing’ is the opening or the ‘not opening’ of the window. Beyond that is only a reflection of our own perception; no matter which window I open and which I don’t. 

The View 

Once we open any window, we see the beautiful & the ugly. And the beautiful & the ugly will also see us. The world around us, is ‘doing’ so much that not for a moment, ‘they’ stop to experience the beauty around. If ‘they’ did, ‘they’ would see the divine light too. ‘Coz beauty cannot be seen with the body’s eyes, it can only be experienced by the soul. It can be seen by the ‘third eye’, the sixth sense. The rest is superficial beauty.
When I see beauty, ‘I’ feel happy. But when I experience beauty, I am beautiful. When I am beautiful, wherever I am, there is beauty. Every ‘View’ is beautiful. Not the beauty of the conditioned ‘I’ but the beauty of the ‘Light’ of the view falling on me, reflecting my perception of life. The Divine Light. Only a Divine sight can see a divine light. 

Amidst the ‘doing’, those around me, in passing, see me still, just ‘being’, with the ‘glow’ of the ‘light’ on my face. Then ‘they’ see the light. Then ‘they’ desire to take the ‘light’ ‘on the go’. In a ‘to go’ bag 😂. The ‘light’ stays put. When ‘they’ stand there ‘looking’ at me, the ‘light’ is making ‘their’ faces glow too. ‘They’ just can’t see themselves. We just need to ’be’ still a moment and it will reflect on us too. What is reflecting on our face is the light that is inside us. The view is beautiful when ‘I’ has the sight to see the beauty. The view outside, is only a mirror, reflecting back to me, ‘what I am’ inside. What my sight is showing me. So ‘they’ don’t even really exist between ‘I’ and the ‘view’ I wish to see. 

The view is in my Experience 

Life is beyond the control of ‘I’. The ‘I’ is too small to experience life. It only ‘does’ to find stimulus outside of itself. Finding the beauty outside to feel beautiful inside. But it’s the inside that reflects outside. Life will show me only that which is required to ‘be’ inside. When we open windows, we see the beautiful and the ugly. Both are there present outside because it is present inside. As we transform the inside, for which we must ‘be’ inside, the outside transforms. As within, so without; as above, so below. 

Essentially the energy for ‘them’ flows outward & outward (& sometimes inward). All ‘doing’ is outward. All! Except meditation, which is a non-doing. A ‘being’. By meditation too, I mean vipassna only. Silent being. No other forms of active or even passive meditations. To control the view outside, our experience of life, the energy only needs to move inward and upward, which it does in vipassna sessions as there is no way for the energy to flow outward. There is no outward flow needed and the energy circles within. The outward is forever changing based on the inward flow of energy. So after ‘opening’ the window, there is no other ‘doing’ that is required. The ‘doing’ happens through the ‘being’ as we flow through the experience of life looking at the view from the opened windows. 

A window to a different view 

How do ‘I’ know the view beyond the window until I open it? I’d like to share some views of windows I opened as a teenager in a co-creative process with the universe. I just didn’t know then ‘why’, and neither did I care. Only because it is during those years that we all ‘choose’ a way of ‘being’, in one of two relationships with ourselves and that is how we start to experience the outside world. 

Either we choose to see ourselves as different or unique from the rest of the world. Or we choose to see the world just as we are, where different and unique is the way it is. Intrinsically, We are all unique manifestations of existence. That is the unchanging truth.
So in the former, we keep searching for somewhere to belong, outside of us. But the thought itself that ‘I am different’, has created a blockage in finding belonging, oneness or communion. The former is a mindset of separation consciousness.  And in the latter we keep fitting in everywhere we go as different, unique individuals. An individual can fit in anywhere because he ain’t searching for belonging. His ‘home’ is him. He is at ‘home’ wherever he goes. A search for Belonging is the biggest symptom of the Human condition. We all want a home, because we’ve forgotten that we are home. It’s just a perspective. A manipulated perspective, muddled 

in the illusion of preferences and choices. 

During these years of choices in building a relationship to self, are initial experiences of two of the most manipulated aspects of the human consciousness, to control ‘them’ like herds. One is ‘their’ relationship to sex and the other is ‘their’ relationship to money (sometimes also referred to as Identity, in the material world). But first …. 

A window to the illusion of freedom 

I was raised in what we call a ‘Joint family’ in India. So three nuclear families under one roof, not so much because of the financial inability to support a nuclear family but more so because of the conditioning of what ‘family’ is really about. Brothers and their families + grandma must live together. And domestics helpers too in a three bedroom apartment. My cousin brothers and myself were growing up together with no separate rooms. So as I was approaching my 13th birthday, my parents and me unanimously decided that it’d be fun to explore life without nagging parents at a boarding school in the Himalayas! 😁. 

I’ve always kinda been one to seek an adventure, so it was a yes to a boarding school. My parents didn’t know much about boarding schools then and so initially for the first 6 months I was in a convent in a tiny little hill station in the Himalayas. Very reputed, but a convent. Let’s just leave it at that for this post. Don’t feel like going into that today.
A convent in itself was very new for me. Completely controlled by the knowledge of the garden of Eden. A window that would remain shut had I not agreed with my parents, just to see what it’s like. What was even more new, was an all girls boarding school. I had migrated from an all girls day school, with a counterpart boys school just across the street. I had cousins and friends who were boys and we were the same age. They went to the counterpart school. I grew up with boys and girls alike, as children. Here, there were only girls and nuns and some wired rules. 

A window to sex

So these rules …. A specific rhythm to clap, a specific way to sit, the way to eat. I remember, we were punished for peeling a banana with our hands and eating it. The peeling, the chopping and the eating, all must be done with a fork and knife only! No hands. Why though, I’ve forever wondered! But yes, I’m grateful to have learnt the art of how to peel a banana with a fork and knife, if I’m ever on gunpoint to do so (or to win a trip to the moon). 🤩

Anyways, at that age, we start to explore freedom amidst rules & sexuality amidst a world where sex is suppressed and thereby used to mind control too. As our bodies grow so do our sexual urges. This place had no boys and of course, the girls were exploring their sexuality with the same sex. My first kiss, my first sexual experience was with a girl. We called it ‘making out’ then. There were no boys around and I too wanted to experience what was being experienced by everyone around me. So I opened that window.
Did I enjoy the view? Well what’s there not to enjoy in an expression of affection towards you? It’s humbling. But that place wasn’t for me. Too many rules for a free bird like me. In 6 months I ran away from school and called my mom from a shop in town. I asked her to come get me Coz I was Cloister phobic in that environment. There was some emotional discomfort after, but everything heals faster at that age. 

Another window to sex 

After that, my parents and me were back on the decision making table. Now, did I wanna go back to a boarding school or stay at home. I didn’t like the stupid rules which made no sense to me, but I did enjoy the freedom and independence I had away from home, to experience life on my own. So I chose once again to go back to a boarding school. This time I landed myself in an even more reputed school, with 60 girls and 700 boys 😁. What fun! 

Here I experienced my second kiss and my second, third and fourth ‘make-out’ experience. This time with boys. Was it different? The way affection was expressed by a girl and boy was different but the affection itself was no dufferent. Essentially they were both glimpses of Love expressed differently. I enjoyed them both but I knew this second time, third, forth time; that the feeling of the warm, heavier hands of a boy on my body and to feel the coarseness of a boys growing facial hair on my face as he kissed me; was taking the experience to a different level for me. It became my preference.
During those years I could’ve chosen either or both, as some others in my friends & family have certainly chosen. I’m grateful I experienced both as early as I did. These experiences allowed me to remain open and non-judgemental towards sexual preferences of individuals, without even realizing it until now. It allowed me to experience so many conversations & some great friendships with the ones who continued to choose the alternate path than the one I had chosen. Learn from them too as I experience my own. To me each one of us is unique in any case. 

A window to Love 

Don’t matter the path, don’t matter the preference; what matters is love. Sex is an expression of love and the lowest at that. It is merely a release. All expression is a release, all ‘doing’ is a release; but it can also become a ‘giving’. Love is ‘giving’. Love is not an expression, it is our true nature that only needs to give. Surely our nature can be expressed in more & higher ways than sex. Devotion for instance. Gratitude. The expressions of love range, as it rises, from desire to prayer. 

Sex is an expression of desire, Surrender is an expression of devotion & communion is an expression of prayer 🙏🏻 Only Desire can be manipulated as it is attached to that which is temporary, our body & mind. Beyond that Love cannot be manipulated because beyond desire, the need of the other is no more to ‘Love’. Then ‘Love’ has risen to a spiritual realm, it has transformed to Divine Love.  

Love is beyond sex 

In both of my experiences, in my choice to sexual preference, and after that, beyond a point, the sexual experiences became boring anyways. 🙄 The need of the body and need of the Soul is totally different. Body needs stimulus, soul needs to give Love. At first, I thought because I was conditionally holding myself back from penetrative sex, I was loosing interest in the experience, not the being.  

‘Going all the way 

as ‘they’ say’

I was stubborn, that I’d only loose my virginity to the man I marry. Back then I associated love with marriage. I lost all my ‘boyfriends’ to my rigidity and lost my virginity to a player, who I didn’t marry. But every cloud has a silver lining. I discovered at loosing my virginity that I’d missed nothing missing penetrative sex. Only the guys were missing out… well … not completely though 🤔. I was giving enough in my expression of desire, just not my flower 🌸 (all the ‘F•R•I•E•N•D•S fans can relate I’m sure ☺️)

Even after going ‘all the way’, it turned boring after a while. But there’s something beyond sex that never bores me. I never left a man I ‘thought’ I loved, until I experienced true love. ‘They’ left me, with glimpses of Love, from the windows I opened. I discovered there was something of Love in me, beyond the sex, very early in life. It took Spiritual Love to break the illusion of the purity of what I thought my Love was. It was only friendship, commitment, loyalty, respect, admiration and a desire to ‘make it work’ in the name of Love.  All desire is of the ego, even the desire of enlightenment. I always had more than sex to give in love. I just wasn’t given the opportunity to express love beyond (worldly) desire, because I didn’t understand my own Love back then. As within, so without. 

A window to True Love 

When true love happened to me, at first, there was no desire for sex, only a need to express and … for the first time, a desire to create something beyond me … a baby. That was a desire too of the woman’s body to express its life force energy, which is essentially released in largest quantities with sex. That is why, sex is spiritual if experienced correctly. We have not been taught spiritual sex, where the need of the body & the soul are one. It is an art and is meditative.

The rising life force energy has a nature only, nothing else, and it is Love & Love is God. Bhagwan has explained the rising of life force energy in his most controversial discourse, available in videos on YouTube (edited of course by OIF) & in a book titled, ‘From Sex to superconsciousness’ (संभोग से समाधि तक). And that is where Tantra comes in, where Love meets meditation. 

My expression of love has been surrender since an early age. My love starts at devotion not desire. Because sex wasn’t as important to me in the expression of Love, I believed that something was wrong with me. I just didn’t know, sex can be transcended, and I very well could have transcended it in a previous life. Now that would be a soul imprint, wouldn’t it? Sex can be transcended through meditation. And if sex turns meditative it can enlighten two beings in an instant. Sex cannot be suppressed, but it can be transcended. And that journey can be an experience with the art of Tantra. 

Love Cannot be Transcended

Sex can be transcended.

But … love cannot be transcended. The thing is A man’s ego wants to be needed by a woman and the Man himself needs her Love. And A woman’s ego wants to get love from a man and the woman herself needs to give her Love. And this unawareness of our own Human Condition keeps us in a constant inner struggle with ourselves. I must know what attracts me, not my ego. 

I’m not attracted to form, I’m attracted to the formless I experience, through the emotional intellect of an individual. Therefore my love cannot be manipulated. As I transcended further with meditation, that desire of a baby too, dropped. Actually I’d say it transformed to something more spiritual. To study the art of Tantra, the teaching of Shiva to Shakti, in an expression of Love. So far I see no Shiva to teach me, I know there must be a Shiva who’s willing to learn together 😊. It is the fastest path I’ve found to raise Love from devotion to prayer, but first Love must be there.

Love is the Bright White Light

Love is not romantic or plutonic as I’ve found. At most it can be karmic or spiritual. Karmic love is not really love, it is a relationship to balance the karma of our outward reality. And spiritual love is true love, it is only a ‘relating’ to evolve on our own soul’s path. Karmic Love ends at desire, it has no interference with spiritual Love. It is not of the spiritual realms, where spiritual Love births & breaths. Spiritual love starts beyond desire, at devotion. It has its own journey, beyond the material and the physical. It is from the beyond. 

Sexual preference doesn’t matter, only Love matters. True love. For instance, my preference is a man’s body (and I know I’ve enjoyed a woman’s body too), and … I fall in love with a man whose feminine expression is strong. A creative man is of strong feminine expression. The expression of the heart. I’m surrendered in Love & yet I love feminine men. 😊 The moment we see a glimpse of Love, regardless of sexual preference, or form; by allowing ourselves to fall deep into love wherever it flows, we can rise high to communion in prayer. Because Love is God. 

Love is divine nature. It is the consciousness behind all there is. In both sexual encounters with a girl & a boy, I had experienced glimpses of love. As they say in spirituality, love is neither homosexual nor heterosexual, it is bi-sexual. Love expressed as sexual preference is a desire, which can flow in any direction, until the heart chakra is transcended. Beyond that the ‘other’ is not physically longed for or needed to express love. Then love is only ‘being’ expressed through gratitude, celebration (together or alone), devotion and prayer (in communion with another or divine). 

From Sex to Superconsciousness

Essentially, homosexuality is an aspect of the human condition which is an expression of an aversion to or an attachment to the same sex. As heterosexuality is to the opposite sex. All preferences are conditioning that don’t hold strong beyond the attachments of the heart. Even the type of body we prefer, is a preference and has nothing to do with the experience itself. Only if I step out of my preference, will I know a new experience. So beyond the heart, the body don’t matter anyways but as love rises beyond desire, which is comprised of conditioning through past experiences only; I’ve seen, preferences also change. Change is the only constant. 

Bhagwan explains this process as well, in relation to the life force energy & love, in his discourse, ‘From Sex to superconsciousness’.

Nature is Divine. Nature is Natural

What was that ‘extra’ with the boy for me? Something about the meeting of the opposites. The hard and the soft, the masculine & the feminine. Something of the balance. The natural surrender that happened in me, how nature had it be. The bodies of men & women are designed the way they are, for a reason. For life to flow and be created.
Penetrative sex is not for the pleasure of the woman. Well ‘they’ seem to enjoy it, but I don’t believe ‘they’; I believe experience only. Penetrative sex is a gift from existence for the man, for his pleasure. For his life force energy (love) to flow & be ‘given’ to life itself. The Divine designed ‘Her’ to give love, as an expression of gratitude by accepting ‘His’ Love, in celebration of life. His love starts at the lowest chakra and reaches the heart over time. Her love starts at the heart and flows to the lowest chakra over time. That is why, it is both true that love happens over time & Love happens at first sight. 

Love finds it’s natural flow & counterpart when it rises beyond desire. And all desire must be experienced to be transcended. That is the beauty of nature and nature is ‘giving’ & nature ain’t constant. It is forever changing. Love is nature. Nature is God. Love is god. 

A window to Work 

At about the same age at 13, my mom, being a ‘karma yogi’ (one on the path of the doer), started conversing with me about what I wanted to ‘do’ in life and how I can prepare for it. I wanted to act, but that I was fearful to tell her. So I came across as someone who didn’t want to ‘do’ anything at all. That was a huge concern for her. So the drilling conversations continued for years until I ‘opened’ another window without telling mom and then told her I was moving to Mumbai to ‘act’. This was 8 years later. 

Before that because I said nothing for all of these years, mom would get me some paid job during my holidays to teach me the importance of work & money. At the time my father was at the peak of his career in sales and was travelling the world, getting me used to a lifestyle of material & luxury brands, which he himself enjoyed. My mom was always the breadwinner of the family. So she was earning equally well if not more. My parents are both fairly financially independent. I didn’t need to ‘earn’ money but she wanted me to learn how to spend it more than earn it. and didn’t want my dad’s modest financial background, to become a reason for my attachment to money and material. She was raised in luxury and worked very hard for a life as such too despite her then circumstances. The ‘They’ on her journey. 

A window to money 

I’m grateful that once again I accepted my mom’s persuasive argument on why I should work at the age of 13, when all of my other affluent friends were not working. But It ‘worked’ really well. That window was a big one that took me no time to figure out. I learnt so early that money can be earned in so many ways. And it is only a means to an experience that I spend it on. It is not the end. I wasn’t attached to it and because it brought me both material and adventurous experiences; I could never be averted to it. 

I am grateful for money when it’s there and I celebrate my gratitude in many ways. When it’s not there, I’m grateful for the humility I experience in its absence. Whether it’s sexual preferences, work, money, a project, a goal or a desire of physical love; What I fear is how I will look to others when I open a window that is only mine to open. Will it be worthwhile opening the window? How will I know unless I open it?

Wishing upon a star – Manifesting Magic

Can I open a window and expect to not see others at all? Just me & the view? That’d be amazing! And then we’d open all the windows. Sounds impossible right? But it’s not. Manifestation is a mystical, cosmic superpower, called a ‘siddhi’, that a meditator discovers on his path. Like everything else, it is a divine gift which is the birth right of each one of us. Siddhis are here to help us proceed further on our soul’s journey to total enlightenment. Transcending all dualities to total freedom & and only pure love. Enlightenment broken down into two words is freedom & love. And Love is Freedom. Enlightenment is also our birth right. 

A Siddhi, It is not meant to become attached to. Once manifestation ‘siddhi’ has served its purpose, a meditator must allow it to drop as well, if he wishes to proceed further into the unknown. To his highest potential. To the most divine experience. Also, regardless of our conditioned ‘view’ and preferences, we are unable to manifest anything of matter, a person, a body, a gender, money, a job etc. we are only able to manifest an unknown experience of how we wish to feel. 

The Gift don’t belong to me 

A ‘Siddhi’ is then essentially a gift. When inspiration (or calling as I call it) is there, before it is dropped, it can be shared. Sharing is giving and giving is the only language of Love. Sometimes Siddhis are a gift to earn a living and sometimes just to share. 

Regardless of a home, a job, a person, a project, a car, a holiday or whatever else I manifest, it doesn’t belong to me. My ego certainly believes it all belongs to it but I know. I know, I’ve manifested it all into my reality for an experience that will push me forward on my own souls evolution. So I don’t fear loosing anything of what I experience. But when I experience it, I experience it so totally with intensity, that when it drops, I don’t miss it. We miss that which we’ve not fully experienced. What we’ve fully experienced, gets boring. Life is a journey of experiences. 

A Siddhi will not always be in our experience. We will transcend experience itself in the journey of the soul’s conscious evolution. 

Transcending experience to experience

Easier said than done though! So a simpler explanation would be to keep it simple 😊. Open the window without any expectation of a beautiful or ugly view, only with gratitude for whatever experience is to come. It is here for a reason. All windows are here for a reason. If we don’t open it in this life, we will in another life. If not in this dimension, then in another dimension. We are not separate from our experience, yet we are not our experience. Once the window is open, there will be the beautiful & the ugly. Both are Only an experience. Only a reflection of the beautiful & the ugly within us. Accepting both the beautiful & the ugly, is to accept ourselves completely. Also it ends the fight against the negative experiences we are fearful to encounter. Being non attached to the beautiful and being non-averse to the ugly. 

Then to ‘be’ still and experience the beauty and become beautiful. To become the experience. We must ‘be’ it to transcend it. As we become more beautiful inside, the ugly will begin to vanish outside. Focusing on the Love not the preference. The experience not the money. Focusing on the mirror, not ‘them’.  Reflecting the beauty, accepting the ugly, and just ‘being’. Wishes do come true, we can see the view we want to see, even a window without others; if we are just willing to ‘be’, non-attached & non-averse. 

Surrender vs Giving up 

I’ve experienced, in small and big manifestations on my journey; that the manifestation happens after surrender. Not ‘giving up’ but surrender. ‘Giving up’ doesn’t bring in manifestation. It brings in nothing. By ‘giving up’, we are cutting off the journey abruptly and the experience comes back in other forms until we learn to surrender. The window can be closed but the view cannot be unseen.
Sometimes we come back lifetimes after lifetimes to repeat the experiences of unlearned lessons, just so that existence can bring us the blessings waiting lifetimes for our experience. Show us windows waiting to be opened for lifetimes at a stretch. 

The ‘doing’, the effort is extremely important. The effort to create all the beauty in the windows we’ve opened. It is the effort, that brings us to a moment when we are ready to give up. Only effort can bring us there. But the soul never gives up. It knows that the experience is here for its own evolution & transcendence. So it surrenders the effort, the ‘doing’ and starts to go with the flow of life. It starts to see the beauty in everything life is showing it.
Soul surrenders easy. It is not a doer. Ego don’t know surrender. We have to teach it. Or allow a master to do so. With surrender, Then we are co-creating. It is only then that manifestation can happen; if not in this lifetime, then in another. If not in this dimension, then in another. But the experience has been created with our ‘doing’ for us to align with it. 

Gratitude before manifestation

All ‘Siddhis’ are beyond the ‘I’. The ego construct, concept, conditioning; call it whatever. The ‘I’ belongs to the same world of death and time. The world of concepts and illusions to control man. The more the ‘I’ dies, the ‘doing’ is dropped; the more ‘siddhis’ are earned. They’re like awards & acknowledgements on our worldly paths. But with an added advantage. Siddhis are here to push us forward on our journey. Only the manifestations that are in alignment with our soul’s journey, actually manifest. Only the Siddhis we need for our soul’s journeys, are earned. It is a co-creative process. 

Channelling meaningless words is also a Siddhi on my experience of life. I’m grateful for words even before I begin to write. It would be wrong to say that I haven’t been writing much lately. I’ve been writing a fair bit but not blogs. I had gotten inspired to write a novel, over 3 months ago but only channelled an inspiring plot some three weeks ago. All my writing is being channelled into the book since. Fiction is hard to write and, ‘technically’, it’s my first.
Apart from that, ‘Bhagwan’ wasn’t joking when he said I was ready to ‘be’ the New me in the world but not of it’. Moving into the post-development & pre-production phase of two projects that are developed to ‘show’ and entertain, with that which I attempt to ‘say’ through thousands of meaningless words. Also producing some content that is very close to my heart – mental health. I’m humbled because I was grateful even before they were ready for my experience! It sounds like a lot of ‘doing’ but really it’s not. I just open a window by saying ‘yes’ to life and then life itself does through me. 

The stories I tell

The thing is, there are so many stories to tell. Different, unique views from different windows of life. But not all will align with my journey. Only the ones that move my soul will align with my journey. Some like to open their own windows, get inspired by their own view and tell a story & some like to see the view from the windows opened by others and tell an inspired story to more others. I enjoy the former, as long as the ‘I’ is still alive some.  

I manifest my View 

All our experiences are our own manifestations. At first, they are unconscious manifestations, then as we become more & more aware, we can consciously manifest our experiences. All these are manifestations of wishes I had at a point on my journey. My teenage experiences were manifestations of experiences that I needed for my journey ahead. To show me much later, where I was on my soul’s evolution. Everything happens as it is supposed to, when it is supposed to. In fact it is always happening. We must align with the happening. At this point, ‘I’ is on a different journey. The journey of its ‘death’ so that I can realize my highest potential. But my gratitude precedes the manifestations. I’m already grateful for the death of the ‘I’, the ego. 

All of these manifestations are in alignment with my soul’s journey, it’s purpose; which is life itself. Which is the reason they are here, and there is no ‘I’ to decide, interfere or manipulate. Only a consciousness, to accept with gratitude, an experience to ‘watch’ that which is to be done through the journey of a non-doer.
Every window, presents an opportunity to find a little more of ‘what I am’ and every window also places me in the sight of ‘others’, exposing me to their judgement. I can only experience the view meant for my individual sight, if I accept that I’m in ‘their’ sight, but that is of no value on my own individual experience of the view of life. If ‘they’ vanish inside, ‘they’ vanish outside. Like magic. It ain’t no magic. It is ‘I’ manifesting the view. When there is no ‘I’, there is no need for manifestation magic. Until then, ‘if it’s to be, it’s up to me’, to open the window. 

Exceptional in my view 

You see, ‘they’ are never at peace, never satisfied. And when ‘they’ see you at peace and happy & glowing, ‘they’ must pull you down to their vibration because life is a competition for ‘them’. So the more you focus on ‘them’ the more you will become ‘them’ too. Then you ‘do’ unto me as ‘they’ ‘do’ unto you. So I choose aloneness over ‘them’ on my journey. ‘They’ don’t exist in my View. It’s a new way of ‘being’ for me. Over the past few years of an inward and upward journey, I’ve lost touch with the outward ‘doing’. But …

‘I’ have opened the window ! 🪟 ‘Coz when there’s no ‘I’ to choose, and no ‘I’ to be manipulated, and no ‘I’ to be misunderstood; all the windows can remain open. My ‘view’ changes with the changing me. What remains unchanged is Love …

And the fact that everyone is different. Each one of us is unique. So unique that it almost seems like Humans were genetically engineered. But. … That is only how nature had it be. Nature’s rule in my view is ‘I am no different, if I’m different’. My view is that each of us is exceptional to our respective ‘they(s)’. 

so …

You may be an exception,

but …An exception only proves the rule

Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh