disciple

NO MUD, NO LOTUS 

‘Om Mani Padme Hum’, is a Tibetan mantra which means, ‘The sound of silence is like a diamond in a Lotus’. So to reach true silence within, I first must get to the Lotus. But the Lotus is surrounded by mud, rather by muddy still waters. The Lotus floats above it. I must go through the muddy, still waters first. These muddy waters only look still and calm. Underneath it, there are dangerous weeds, that grow over me & suck me in as soon as I step in. Almost like a hungry beast wanting to eat me.
Our outward reality, our world is the muddy waters, sucking us all in. These weeds of desires, goals, ambitions, greed, lust, money, name, fame, and the list goes on; have grown all over us. So much so that we don’t even know where we end and where the weeds begin. We have become the weeds. 

Then there are some of us, who have seen a tiny bit of ourselves through the weeds. That is enough. When I see even a tiny bit of myself, I’ve started to awaken. I’ve seen the Lotus floating above. I want to get to the Lotus now. So I start to cut the weeds out, one at a time. Each time I cut a weed, I see more of me. I feel more liberated, a little more free. And as I taste more of freedom, I empathize with the others who keep getting sucked in. I want to pull them up as well. I want to free them as well but I can’t. How can I until I’m on the Lotus? I’m still stuck. Maybe not as much, but I’m still cutting through the weeds. 

So instead, I speak and I scream and I shout out for all, ‘wake up, wake up. Cut through the weeds. Look at the Lotus.’ Not many listen. They are far too sunken, engulfed by the weeds. They see the weeds as themselves. But some listen, some really do. They listen and they start to cut through the weeds too and then they start to speak, and scream and shout out to the rest, ‘wake up, wake up. Cut through the weeds. Look at the Lotus.’  

THE ONE SITTING ON THE LOTUS. 

There is someone sitting on the Lotus too. He has arrived, Cutting through all the weeds. Reaching the diamond, he is the diamond. He is still speaking, and screaming and shouting out; but in silence. How else can he speak, if not in silence? He is the diamond of silence, sitting in the Lotus. I hear him say, ‘I will show you the way and I will give you a sharper knife, I will bring you to the Lotus.’ So I follow him, I do as he says. I need him to guide me. The real treasure is in the Lotus. What is in the weeds? 

The one sitting on the Lotus becomes the master, the one cutting the weeds becomes the disciple. 

BUDDHA’S BIKKHU

The disciple has many names. My master calls his disciple a ‘Nav Sanyasin’. Other masters call their disciples a sanyasin. Buddha called his disciples ‘Bikkhu’, translated literally, a beggar. Not really a beggar in the way we translate the word today but as the, ‘Bikkhu’ meant 2500 years ago. In Buddha’s time, a Bikkhu was one who depended on the community, the society for his daily bread. In exchange of the bread, he gave his gratitude. This gratitude came from the soul because, He didn’t know when he woke up that morning, if he would get to eat today or not. So he is truly grateful. And when gratitude comes from the soul, it becomes a blessing. 

The thing is, a Bikkhu has cut through some weeds and has reached a level of consciousness that takes him closer to god. In other words, he has courageously, dropped his desires, goals, ambitions, wealth and other worldly attachments, to raise his consciousness to god consciousness. Thereby, raising the collective consciousness of our world. He is doing it for his own freedom but the vibrations and effects of his doing, or rather non-doing, are reaching all of mankind. It’s beautiful. That is why, in those days, and in the east even today, they say, ‘be grateful for the blessings from a sanyasin, and fear his curse.’ Whatever comes from the soul of a conscious being, it manifests. A bikkhu, a sanyasin, is not a beggar, he is a blessing! 

MATERIAL WORLD FOR A SANYASIN

So why did Buddha call his disciples ‘Bikkhu’? It was symbolic. To remind the disciple that essentially he is empty on the inside. He is free of all worldly attachments and entanglements. Free of the weeds. Or at least getting there. In that, he is rich on the inside; rich in freedom, rich in love, rich in compassion, rich in joy, rich in bliss, rich in intellect, rich in emotional intelligence, rich in true abundance. So does that mean that as a sanyasin, I’m a beggar in the material world? Actually quite the contrary. Inner abundance manifests as outer abundance. As above, so below. As within, so without.
I’ve never been richer in the material world. Multiple rental incomes, a hefty inheritance. My multiple sources of income. A fund, with ready funding. A not-for-profit with a salaried position. Not having to think twice before spending on anything I want or need. Fulfilling all my desires so they are not renounced, they drop on their own. I feel blessed. 

Existing in three countries at the same time is not a cheap affair in today’s world. But I’m grateful that I can afford to do so. And what do I do for this kind of abundance? I only meditate. That’s all I do. The rest is taken care of by my master. He has taken my responsibility, while I cut through the weeds. But what I’m aware of consciously, is that this abundance doesn’t belong to me. It belongs to Him who allows it to me. He can take it away when he wants. When it is time for it to drop. I’m only a bikkhu, on the inside. No matter what it looks like, on the outside. But I don’t beg. I only watch the ‘leela’. The act of life manifesting through me. 

MY MASTER’S LEELA

I’d like to share, one of the most inspiring accounts of the life of my master in this context. Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, my beloved master is known for his 99 Rolce Royces, and a super luxurious commune in the heart of Oregon, called Rajneeshpuram. When the commune was shut down by the Ronald Regan government and all assets seized, thousands of Sanyasins along with my master were deported from USA and left stranded without homes, almost like beggars. Among them was also my master, who was incidentally in deep silence during the three and a half years of the existence of Rajneeshpuram. I bet you didn’t know that!

Regardless, thousands of deported Sanyasins fell into heavy depression at the huge loss. My guru swami Anand Arun, then a young sanyasin, approached my master with the help of one of his closest disciples, veteran actor of Bollywood, Shree Vinod Khanna. Swamiji, said to Bhagwan in deep concern, ‘they will kill you. Please do something.’ To this Bhagwan replied with only a calmness on his face, ‘I know. Can you do something about it? No you can’t. So why don’t you focus on what I have asked you to do? Do your work. Go find a spot in the mountains of Nepal and build a commune. Take my message forward. Help the others find meditation. In my body or not, I will always be there.’

Swamiji was amazed at this and asked, ‘I will do as you say. But so many of us are in depression at the loss. Why aren’t you sad?’ Bhagwan replied, ‘I am sad, not about the loss of Rajneeshpuram, but because my Sanyasins have not learnt anything from me. I have been teaching you, life is a leela, an act and we are all actors. Enjoy it all to the fullest, while it is there, so when it drops, there is no sadness. That was a leela, I have enjoyed it fully. Now this is a leela too and I will enjoy this too. Go build the commune and don’t worry about your family and business. You focus on the commune and I will take care of everything else for you. You and your loved ones are my responsibility.’  

Swamiji says to us, it gave him strength and sure enough, that is exactly what happened. His business grew as he mediated and as he built this commune, Osho Tapoban international in the heart of the Nagarjuna Hills in Nepal. I can believe this because this is exactly what is happening with me and my loved ones. All I’m doing is focusing on my work. Meditating and now cutting the weeds. 

IN MY NON-DOING

My birth mother, had come to visit me at the commune a couple weeks ago. At that time she met with swamiji and much to my surprise, he said something I wasn’t expecting. At least not yet. He said to my mother, ‘People who live in Canada, are blessed. I want a commune to be built in the mountains of canada’. My mother asked, ‘but who will build it? You need someone dedicated to do this. Someone devoted.’ Swamiji smiled and said pointing to me, ‘she is one of the most dedicated, devoted sanyasins I’ve found. She will do it.’ 

I didn’t say a word but I was shocked, for so many reasons. Throughout my life, I wished that at least one teacher, had praised me as a good student. But in school I really wasn’t a good student at all. It was always, ’she’s too naughty or she’s too talkative or she doesn’t work hard or something else.’ And here, the most important teacher of my life was describing me in ways that at first I couldn’t believe. It was my conditioning. I didn’t feel good enough, I didn’t feel worthy. Also I don’t feel ready to take on a project as big as a commune but Bhagwan speaks through swamiji. His will is my path. So if he believes in me, who am I to question it? I leave it to him and become a silent observer of my leela. 😊 

THE RAT RACE

My master says that once you drop out of the Rat race of worldly achievements, the ones who tried to pull you down, to get ahead of you, will be the unhappiest. In this last week of silence, I experienced this first hand. I guess I had to experience it for knowledge to become wisdom. I would imagine that those who tried to sabotage me professionally, when I chased my ‘dreams’, would be the happiest when I dropped out of the rat race. One less competitor for them. But it turns out, they were unhappier than when I was in the rat race. It is true, as Bhagwan says, the world we live in is drowned in such misery, that they can’t bear to see someone else’s happiness, joy, peace. They would rather compete with me than see that I’ve risen above the competition. 

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I’m doing nothing. I’m cutting the weeds. To get to the real treasure. That’s the biggest achievement for me. It’s some hard hard work. And the rest of the abundance that they are chasing, comes as a bi-product for me. It’s not the real deal. Well, to be honest, this achieving mind is such a devil in disguise, that even in the world of Sanyasins, there is jealousy that grows between sanyasins. So let alone the material world, I don’t even talk about my spiritual evolution with fellow sanyasins, no matter how close they are to me. Not about my internal evolution, not even about my spiritual journey or my divine counterpart. On the contrary, I find immense joy in talking about their spiritual evolution, their journeys. My need to speak, is now channeled in my writing and my sharing. 

Some say, this path, it’s courage, but for me it’s always been Love. I’m doing the same things in the material world, rather, I’m allowing it to be done through me, but with no attachment to it. It bothers them more. Misery loves company! 

THE ILLUSION OF MIRRORS

To conclude, let me try to bring forth another analogy. We live in a room surrounded by mirrors. Like a maze we walk through it, many paths reflected, surrounded by more mirrors; all leading to our desires, goals, ambitions & relationships; but none leading to us. Actually we don’t know what we are. We think we know, we only know our reflections. What we see all around the illusionary maze, are mirrors reflecting other mirrors, showing us our reflection but we perceive it as screens. Because we have only seen mirrors, not us. They look so achievable, so much like a path leading to something meaningful. 

We don’t know it is only our reflection. So we want everything to look like that which we have seen in the mirrors, not knowing that is us. We are meaningful but we don’t know that ‘coz we don’t know ourselves. Always trying to become something/someone, instead of just being who we are. We can claim it all now; we need not go far at all. Just a step, in the opposite direction, inward! But we choose to become projectors instead, walking a million miles outward, with no end in sight. Reflections upon reflections.

If you’ve found a door, find a key. If you have a key, find a door; and escape, just run for your life. It is our illusionary world, keeping us from the real one, outside the mirrored room. We don’t know what we are, except from the illusion(ed) eyes, with which we see the illusionary world. So how to find a door or a key? By closing our eyes and silencing the chatter. By feeling our way through it. Cut the weeds. Get to the diamond in the Lotus. 

He too is an achiever, of another kind, 

Achieving, without an achieving mind! 

MaPJ