The Journey of a Mystic is full of silence. Mystical silence. The Mystic may be an introvert or an extrovert. He most likely will be both. And therefore earlier in life he don’t quite understand where he fits. I didn’t for a long time until I understood that we’re all mystics. They themselves don’t know where I fit. We are all Unique and broken at different places, like puzzle pieces that connect only if you find the right ‘other’ piece. By right I mean, broken at the right other places. Yet all of that other piece cannot be connected to me.
We’re all connected to different pieces of the same puzzle to complete our individual picture and to play our part in the larger picture which is forever unfolding. We’re not meant to fit in just anywhere fully. A mystic will always see things his own way. He is always seeking or searching for something. If he is not, then he is just being, watching, observing.
A mystic is essentially a being, who understands that he is a being in a world but also sees that he is a manifestation of a large vastness of ‘no-thing-ness’, where lie the mysteries of life. And the truths of it. He sees himself as so much of a nothingness that he very well can fit in anywhere, but he don’t want to and/or need to. A mystic essentially is a more evolved consciousness through lifetimes of ‘work’. A consciousness that essentially understands that ‘ordinary is extraordinary’, really in today’s world. Some Mystics have a natural ability to be surrounded by people from an early age. The ones who tell the stories of the other world and seem like a story themselves.
What took me back to a Mystic’s childhood?
Recently, just before I left the Tapoban International commune in Nepal, I had watched an exceptionally made documentary on my Master, Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh. It really did affect me in ways that humbled me on many levels. Bhagwan was a very difficult yet determined child who was raised by his grandparents in a village in Madhya Pradesh. He had some friends who’s parents were forever trying to stop them from befriending Bhagwan. He was naughty. But he was a friend for life with the friends he had. They were few. I personally feel like Bhagwan didn’t even care to fit in or about being rebuked either, from a very early age.
Bhagwan says his immense respect and Love for the woman comes from his grandmother, who raised him with unconditional Love and freedom, despite what she had to face from society, because of how he was. He says he learned the strength and capacity of a woman’s love through watching his grandmother. The reason Bhagwan was raised by his grandparents is that he was an unwell child. He was on medications for asthma, and other health conditions since the earliest years of his life. His health was being monitored medically; and astrologically. His birth chart had predicted, his death at either the age of 7, 14 or 21. His story took me back to a Mystic’s childhood.
‘His’ Story
At the age of 7, Bhagwan fell very I’ll but survived death. By the age of 14, he sat his family down and told them, ‘if death is to come, let it come, let’s embrace it and not sadly, so I can go in peace.’ Bhagwan was raised in a Jaina family and argued with Hindu priests about idol worship and with Jaina monks about the representation of women in religions, from an early age. Yet he decided to move to a temple so he can embrace death away from his family. He said ‘I can’t see your sad faces till then. I’ll wait for death at the temple.’ He asked the priest at the temple to give him food once a day and water.
Before that, Bhagwan had a few dear friends, who always complained to Bhagwan, then called Rajneesh Chandra Mohan, that their parents keep scolding them for hanging out with Bhagwan. Naturally, Bhagwan only made them laugh, and believe. He was a very silently rebellious kid. One who’d let his actions speak for themselves. His ‘acting’ as I’m calling it these days 😊. He’d have them believing stories of a plane from another world that would take them all away from nagging parents.
I tell you, he has me believing many a thing, only to evolve me, by breaking that very belief. Bhagwan, he has a knack to control your consciousness but he has no agenda. All he has is love ❤️ and creative expression. Together, yes that can feel like hypnosis but one that awakens, not puts me to sleep. I’ve seen on my own journey, many have discovered this knack to control but there is a difference in ‘doing’ it, and allowing it to be done through the ‘being’.
Bhagwan loved to play the flute. Sitting by the river in his silence. This river was quite strong in current and most would not come back alive if they jumped into it. Bhagwan would take a dive every day from the high marble rocks, for years after completing his flute session. One day, a friend of his jumped in right after him, and never returned. Bhagwan threw his flute in the river and never played again. It was like ‘He’ was expressing his anger at something. This particular incident took me back to my own childhood, to an incident which isn’t even important here; but the awakening to the fact of how protected a mystic is, humbles me. ‘I’ feel small before the vastness of nothingness that protects me. Then I remember some more of how ‘I am not’.
His Death
A 14 year old Bhagwan lay in a temple waiting for death. He saw a snake approaching. Says, he embraced death even before it came in the form of that snake. Looked at it and said, ‘let it come’. And in that moment, in Bhagwan’s words, ‘something of the deathless came alive’. Something that never dies. He awakened in that moment to the illusion of death. The snake approached Bhagwan, crossed over him and left the temple through the other side. No death for Bhagwan at 14 either but he was now awakened to the deathless. In a sense to the immortality of his consciousness.
Bhagwan was essentially born on March 21st, 1953, when Rajneesh Chandra Mohan was enlightened. He was 21 at that point and had a personal library of over 150,000 books which he had read. On that day, after a series of blackouts and extreme headaches over the past few months, Bhagwan attained enlightenment. Medical doctors had predicted death for him in the coming months.
He, as many other enlightened masters, has tried to explain what enlightenment really feels like. Actually, it’s not even a feeling. Feeling has been transcended. He said it is a state of total awareness. Awake even while the mind and body are asleep. The consciousness is not even in the body. It is connected to the body by a thin cord and floats above the body. Watching everything. Essentially, the being is dead. The consciousness has separated itself from the body with the being & is only using the body for a purpose bigger than the body and the person. The purpose of existence. Existence is controlling that body & mind.
Rajneesh Chandra Mohan, later to be known as one of the most dangerous mystics of modern times, died at the age of 21 on 21st March, 1953. Yet he was protected in a way that he took the responsibility of protecting all his disciples, and their loved ones. He didn’t speak for 3 and a half years post that incident. Continued his studies and joined a college as a standby professor. That’s when ‘they’ started to notice, he wasn’t no teacher, he was a Guru, a mystic. A teacher of the art & science of life. In his body or not, he goes the length to protect his disciples till date, as he teaches them just by silently being there. And says, ‘I’m no master’ 😊
The Mystical Master
In late 2017 I had experienced a breakdown moment. Both professionally/financially and emotionally. I was looking for guidance which wasn’t available in the world outside. I remember telling a friend, my then sister in law, ‘I don’t think I’m worthy of a master’. This was barely a year into my spiritual practice. She’d been on a journey for 4 years already. She reminded me, ‘what you seek is seeking you.’
That night I dreamt of a black snake for the last time. My mother saw 3 baby snakes when she was 3 months or so pregnant with me. They were playing with her puppy. After that, Snakes in my dreams have tortured me throughout the time I lived with my ex. I learnt very early in my relationship with him, that the women that marry into their family, dream of snakes as a protection of shiva. My ex belongs to the ‘Pushkarna Brahmins’ tribe of people. Worshippers of shiva, and his great grandfather is regarded a reincarnation of shiva. Essentially, Bhagwan. Attained to God Consciousness.
It was like, that night shiva took me over from the snakes himself, to show me a path, which ultimately lead to my first stage of surrender, almost 4 years later. I never felt the lack of guidance after that. Of a guru, a master. When I surrendered, it felt like all of the gods & masters were aligning things for me. I had to do nothing. I had surrendered without a master! Had I really? My divorce was finalized to begin with. And as we both say now, it may have been the best decision we took for ourselves.
My family started to recover from financial difficulties. My sister got into med school residency. I myself, finally had some accomplishment in the world that don’t hold me or my attention for long 🙄. But I’m grateful for the ability it gave me to stand on my own. Regardless, what happened within a month of that though, was miraculous and mystical.
I dreamt of the swamiji at the Tapoban International commune. I’d never seen him or a picture of him. But in my dream, I knew, he was the swamiji of a friend of mine from calgary. Which started a series of almost unexplainable events that I can’t even begin to try to explain. It is a blog post in itself. So I’ll leave that for another time.
But here, I landed myself at the osho Tapoban international commune. I was brought face to face (well consciousness to consciousness) with a master, who has lived & walked this planet. Did I have an aversion to the idea of sanyas? Being a follower? I wasn’t even thinking sanyas or following! It was school! I was thinking learning and I was thinking uniform 😊. The commune really does take me back to some of the best days of my childhood, boarding school at Sherwood College in Nanital, India. A preparation for this ? 🤔
He was quiet, but he was always there
When I was around 5 or so, it’s hard to go back to memories before that; I remember my mother used to read osho, then he was called Bhagwan Rajneesh on all his books. Really, osho is just a brand so I prefer not using that name. He was still in his body then. She stopped reading him, she says, ‘after I realized that if I’d continue, I’d leave your father’. Yes Bhagwan tends to have that affect on you. He makes you so self loving, self respecting and independent; that you want to be free and give freedom too. Freedom is Love. In freedom love is alive. At the same time, he says, ‘I’m pointing you to the moon, look at the moon & forget my finger. If my finger is a blockage on your path, I’ll even destroy my finger.’
We can’t leave him, ‘He’ leaves us when his part is done. My mother never spoke of Bhagwan. He was very personal to her. She now tells me, ‘I believe it is in reading him that I also found one of my best friends in your father.’ 😂 the contradictions of Bhagwan, you can see it in her. And I tell her now, ‘you raised me & my sister the same way. He is in us too but you just don’t know it’.
Bhagwan says, ‘a master must work on you in ways you don’t understand or even know, until you’re a master’. When my ex and myself moved to Canada, he’d watch a $#!t load of Bhagwan’s videos. He’d ask me to watch too. But I’d never be interested. I asked him, ‘why do you watch Osho’s videos?’. All he’d say was, ‘The man doesn’t blink’ 😂 but I guess he watched Bhagwan and that had some affect on him. I tell you, my divorce has been the most amicable divorce in the history of mankind. 😊 Okay that’s exaggeration, I’m sure there are others. Bhagwan, and his philosophies are everywhere. But I’m grateful.
Our marriage was a play, we got married only because our elders wanted to see us married. Our divorce was also a play. Yes emotional. Very emotional but a matter of fact. Truth was written all over it. It was not heavy on the conscious. We ultimately chose the friendship, the connection over a marriage. Our connection to tell stories. We can’t make a story, the two of us. We can only tell a story together. It is outward focused. Only of one dimension.
In many ways Bhagwan has been there. He’s been quiet, but he’s always been there!
My mystical journey of surrender
A spiritual being, having a human experience is a drop of the ocean looking at the ocean and knowing that essentially it is the entire ocean. A mystic, is a drop of the ocean, ready always to drop into the ocean and become it. Essentially, the only difference between a spiritual being and a mystic, is that a mystic is ready at all times to loose its identity of the drop forever to become the ocean. The difference between looking at the sky from a window or standing outside under the open sky. The experience is certainly different. This readiness to experience at the cost of ‘anything’ is surrender. Which comes from faith of knowing, all is as it should be.
My first surrender, preceding my sanyas came from this validated understanding. I was already a sanyasin, my sanyas was only an outward manifestation of how far Shiva had already brought me. The Shiva in me. My Masculine divine. Inner & outer. After my Sanyas, I was shown on many levels, the darkness that surrounds my own spiritual path of Love. And how my only control was over my own inner masculine to push to the light. The doer in me. I did everything I could within myself to protect my spiritual journey and connection, I’d known so far. I did it with detachment, it was my truth at the time. But was it really detachment? I was only devoted to my path at that point. The intention was right but my surrender wasn’t total. I was still the doer.
After that, my second surrender happened 8 months after my sanyas. It was like, I almost touched my wish and it was gone. It was gone, so I could understand the non-doer. The ego death that came with the experience, was humbling. I was ready to fully surrender my wish, and prayed that my being is used to do the important ‘work’ that I’m very much capable of and live my purpose. Surrender must be unconditional. A prayer with anything but gratitude, is not a prayer. It is a condition. My surrender was still conditional. My prayer, my gratitude was still conditional.
After my second surrender, I was living with a friend in Mumbai, discussing my experiences, when she told me about a friend of hers, who had some judgements and reservations on my use of social media, now that I was a sanyasin. It was a picture the commune had posted of me in meditation. Regardless, It didn’t bother me, but something was very humbling in that moment, that transformed me in a moment.
My inner masculine, is my escape. The doer in me. It is where I run to. Bhagwan didn’t put my inner masculine to ‘work’ post my second surrender but showed me, that I need not be the doer. My friend read out the entire text exchange with her friend to me. My friend had responded to her friend exactly like a sanyasin. She is not a sanyasin! It was humbling. Bhagwan was already doing what needed to be done. As he had done for me through my mother, through my ex and now through me. He don’t need a sanyasin to work through your being.
Certainly as a Sanyasin, the process of evolution is faster. But if you’ve ever read him or done even one of his meditations, he has accepted you, he unconditionally loves you, he is silently there with you; even if you’re still seeking. Humbled, is not a word that does justice to the experience of his consciousness.
It started to show me the meaningless of attachment to what we see as matter, success, achievement, goals, etc. the meaninglessness of an achieving mind.
The test of Faith
From the earliest days of my conscious connection with Bhagwan, I had started to see many similar essences in ‘His’ consciousness with the consciousness of my Divine counterpart, the ‘one’ as they say. Regardless of the fact, if you’ve met them or not. My Masculine Divine, ‘Him’, who in many ways I’ve also learnt from, as I had not only experienced in his physical manifestation but also felt at energetic levels. Incidentally, I find their hands to look exactly the same 😐.
My masculine divine’s essence, ‘Him’, It is what is essentially transforming me into a manifestation of the ‘Divine Feminine’. Allowing me to experience my own journey of life. Earlier this year I read a book on a discourse by Bhagwan on ‘The Rebel’. I kid you not, it brought alive my divine counterpart. It was him I was reading, yet I know it was Bhagwan. It inspired an entire blog post of mine, called ‘who do you think you are?’
I remember some of you emailing me too. Also I remember Speaking to a few people at the commune after that post about Bhagwan’s idea of the ‘New Man’, his rebel. It is where I connected with Bhagwan initially, I call his new man, ‘The Divine Masculine’. I wonder if my counterpart ever thought I was writing for him. Sure, if he likes reading it or if it does something for him, or it gives him anything at all. In many ways, ‘He is it’ m but on many levels you could say my own inner & outer transformation & evolution are only catalyzed by his being. They are not for him but in gratitude of his being on my own journey of evolution. On my journey of a mystic. Bhagwan keeps showing me again and again. The higher understandings of the path of love.
Last month, was my biggest test to date. The test of faith or surrender, call it anything. Looks like I passed 😊. There is no percentage. ‘Coz life ain’t a competition. I just know if I passed or not. Already in a surrendered state, I happened to be triggered by my counterpart’s expression of himself. In a moment it triggered my own unhealed childhood trauma wounding and I reacted. The reaction lasted only a night and then there was acceptance. Acceptance of my own relationship to the idea of ‘respect’ and authentic expression; within myself, and through my own experiences/conditioning. Because essentially, it had nothing to do with him. He was only expressing himself. And quite creatively, I must say in retrospect. Much like the Bad Boy we all want but can’t have. Much like Lucifer, much like Bhagwan himself.
My Buddha Bro, said something to me after my own understanding the next day, which sealed the result of the test of faith. At that point, we were helping each other just through conversation and also silence. In fact it was my silence day. I could only speak with smiles, nods and tears.
Knowing nothing of my test of faith, He reminded me through context of his own journey, ‘we are all beings of the divine. We are all protected. They don’t need us as much as we don’t need them. We all need the Divine within us.’ In that moment I knew, I had passed the test by retracting my doing to look within. I I Know, We are both protected. So I surrendered and accepted, the shadow & the light, within myself first. I focused on healing my own relationship with another layer of wounding or conditioning that had emerged. At this point it’s more fun than anything else to do. ‘Coz it’s really doing nothing. It’s perfect for someone as lazy as me 🤫 No thinking, no doing; just be. I wonder why I ran from meditation for so long! 🤔
A Mystic’s Truth is stranger than Science Fiction
Although, all true spiritual counterpart connections are surrounded by manipulation and other forms of darkness, most recently I was shown how in the transcendence of shadow and light, the dark is also forced to use all it has to dim the light. The light is only there to be and illuminate. The light ain’t dimming, Coz the light’s in control now. It knows it’s power is in being & burning. By the gift of being able to read tarot cards & by being on a journey of mysticism; I’m connected to other divine beings, feminines & masculines. Sometimes they tell others that ‘I’ helped them. I know ‘I’ didn’t Coz ‘I am not’. Being awakened to our divine nature is such a gift that it is in many ways, envied by even those who ‘have it all’. Somehow, they want it without the work. Because they see it as ‘no work’
Through one connection of mine, a divine feminine; another woman, whose name I will not take, heard that I’m a divine feminine. This connection of mine is an awakened divine feminine energy herself from an early age. A friend of hers is fascinated by the ‘idea’ of a divine feminine and ‘divine love’, without wanting to do any ‘work’. I’m told, she has wanted to be just like this divine feminine connection of mine, and has done crazy things to replicate her experiences.
This woman, may have found a way to follow me on social media, through this connection of mine. I’ve never met or seen her. I don’t know her. The day I landed home around mid month, I immediately received a text from this connection of mine, informing me that this friend of hers was trying to reach me saying, ‘i’m the only one who can help her.’ My connection didn’t know I had landed home and neither did I tell her. She suggested that this woman is a mental health patient and advised me not to speak with her. Of course I agreed.
The next morning, my friend from the commune in Nepal called me. She said, this woman had somehow managed to find my friends number in Nepal and told her that she knew that I was landing home today. Her exact words were, ‘I can feel her landing today.’ Spooky 😳 she said That she needed to connect with me because ‘only I can help her’.
She told my friend things about me and my counterpart, that I’ve never said, written or mentioned anywhere or to anyone. Including to that friend. I can’t really. All of that she said are some of my deepest understandings through my own journey. It’s not out there, anywhere. It is in my feelings, and maybe in my thoughts to myself. She also said that she was blocking my counterpart from getting to me. My friend from the commune says she’d met this woman about 10 years ago and since then, her numbers have changed so many times. She also said, that she’d always believed this woman to be possessed, not a mental health patient.
My connection told me, this woman was diagnosed with split personality disorder. A person who is possessed, will look a lot like a split personality to many. Essentially, we are all sensitive beings. And can be exceptionally perceptive and receptive. Or we can trust in our own inner guidance. A mystic also looks like a crazy personality with his contradictions but always has one face. There’s no split. It is what it is. The face his own journey gives him.
Some of us keep our sensitivity, our perceptive and receptive ability more alive than others. Some of us express extroverted and some remain introverted about their unexplainable Mystical adventure rides. And some are in the middle. The light or the dark, good & evil are inside of us. We are possessed by what we are. She was partially possessed or a split personality, call it whatever.
Basically, she followed me and started to believe she was me. She wanted to live my journey. Actually she didn’t want anything of me, my journey is of nothingness, she was only craving my light, rather ‘the’ light of a Divine Feminine. A journey of the Divine Feminine ‘Coz she had no idea how much of the dark had consumed her. The unconscious. It was only her desire. I wanted to help but I couldn’t. What could I say. Except that, ‘May your shadows, see the light’.
After the trigger, I had promised myself, that I would no longer watch him. It was also my way of surrendering to Bhagwan further to open me up to whatever was out there for me. Which Btw, I’ve tried before but something was different this time. I was more tired. I experienced freedom in surrender. Bhagwan showed me that an experience of divine love was possible again and that it would happen in Divine Time. I often call myself a tube light. I only saw ‘it’ when it was already too late to take it further. Or maybe that was Bhagwan. There was no place for my doer. Although not late enough to experience moments that are the gifts of surrender. Moments that let you know, it’s already there. ‘I’ must align with it.
But then Bhagwan would continue to show me that Divine Masculine is Love. My entire month’s learning at the commune last month was to trust in my own wisdom. Regardless of the world outside, only my intuition inspired action is to be trusted. And focus on my own inner divine masculine. I faltered a bit but ultimately I made it through. Truly mind vs intuition. Distorted vs divine. Bhagwan’s No-Mind Therapy for the 3rd out of 7 times proved groundbreaking for me. It’s like Bhagwan was playing games. He was saying, ‘know that he is all that you’ll ever want in a companion, yet surrender your wish to know him on the physical plane’. The Love is what matters, not him. I have your gifts of surrender. The ego holds on & Love let’s go.
I learnt a day after I blocked this woman on social media, that she had finally agreed to be hospitalized. But then that day, I had this urge to check if this woman, who I had just blocked, was following my counterpart too. And indeed she was. I let it be because I knew by now, I need not be the doer. We are both protected. If I am, he is. What I saw in watching him though, humbled me more. 😊 made me happy too 😁
What I saw is that ‘ordinary is indeed extraordinary.’ On a mystics journey, the surrender of the inner masculine, births the mystic, the journey of the inner feminine, sure; and it also sees the Divine Masculine! A mystic’s truth is stranger than Science Fiction, yet it’s a boring science fiction because there is no search. It is already there. It is ordinary yet magical. Magical not in a way that can be expressed but can be felt, until feeling is transcended. A good science fiction isn’t a mystic’s journey. That is drama, maybe adventure. Mystical truths only inspire science fiction.
He is all that I’ve known ‘Him’ to be, I’ve seen, Inside me, & outside me.
Know, that the flower will blossom, Whatever will be, will be awesome.
The Meaningless words of a Mystic
All that I write, I channel through the divine feminine. It is only a prayer to express my gratitude for the Divine masculine manifested. This one is A prayer of gratitude ahead of the Gemini New Moon. The moon of the twins. The duality, the Yin & the Yang, the masculine & the feminine. That is why I don’t call myself a writer. Only a student, a friend. And an actor 😁
We’re all actors. A mystic’s part is in loosing the plot, edging closer and closer to the edge, to naturally fall into the ocean, without any effort. The moment of total surrender. In that surrender is the experience, the effort is futile in that moment. But the effort is meaningful before that moment. It is the effort that gets my ego to becoming tired enough to surrender. A mystic’s truth is surrender. It is effortless effort. And that is stranger than science fiction.
Regardless of what we do, tell stories, or work a 9-5 job at an office; a mystic’s journey is knowing that everything happens in the moment when everything is aligned for it. The stars, the Sun, the moon, the skies & also the trees, the flowers, the music, the words, and the consciousness. And the lifetime. The thing is everything is already aligned, the mystic knows, it is all in the journey. He will be shown only that which he needs to see to play his part. Essentially, he must align with that which he wishes to experience. On Divine Time as they say! A Divine Mystical Master, in any form, a lover, beloved, guru or friend; helps him to enjoy the journey.
