The Maroon Rising

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Who’s your friend, buddy?

A Story of Friendship

I’m sure you’ve heard of the many inspiring stories of friendship between Krishna & Sudama. Today I’d like to introduce you to Sariputra & Maudgalyayana. The latter has a tough name to pronounce. Therefore my spiritual friend, swami Chitananda (sanyas name) and myself, refer to them as the ‘Buddha Brothers’ instead. When we learnt of their deep spiritual friendship, we found many similarities in our friendship connection and so we started calling ourselves the ‘Buddha Brothers’ too 😊. 

Anyways, back to the story of the original ‘Buddha Brothers’. They were both disciples of Gautam Buddha. They were so deeply connected. Their love, of course plutonic, was so deep, that if one would experience something in the physical, emotional or even etheric body; the other would immediately know. The other would feel it too. The world of the mystics are often strange to those who look in from the outside. Often deeply connected mystics or meditators don’t even need words to communicate. It is a known fact that the Buddha Brothers were both amongst the most devoted disciples & meditators of Buddha. 

There are many beautiful stories of their friendship and connection but the one that touches me the most is of their enlightenment. Sariputra, after years of dedicated practice, had gone home to visit his family. At home, during one of his meditations, he attained enlightenment. Enlightenment is such a force of energy that most human bodies are incapable of staying alive after it is attained. Also, there is nothing more to seek or live for. One knows all there is to know. One becomes merged with existence. There is no need left for the human body. Most will die within hours of enlightenment. But Sariputra survived a whole week. It seems he was waiting for something!  

A week after Sariputra was enlightened, back at the ashram of Gautam Buddha, Maudgalyayana also attained enlightenment and within hours, left his body. Immediately, back at home, Sariputra left his body too. What kind of friendship is this? One waits for the other so they can merge with existence together. Can we find friendships like this today? 

Friendship today 

Today’s friendships are not like the Buddha Brothers because today’s world is not like it was back then. Friendships today are like the world we live in, Superficial! The Human condition is the need to be needed. If we deeply watch ourselves, at some level, we will find that we all have a need to be needed. Healing the Human Condition, ultimately is about healing this need to be needed. Healing is about healing the idea that we need someone or something outside of ourselves to feel worthy. 

Today’s friendships are about feeding the false ego, the idea we all have about ourselves. ‘I’ am this that and the other. This whole idea of the self is borrowed from those who have no idea who they are themselves. They also only know their borrowed ideas of themselves. They don’t know their real, their true self. So today’s friendships are based on feeding each other’s false. I invite you to become a watcher, an observer of your friendships. You will find that the moment they find the next best ego booster, they’ll be gone with the wind. If the ego booting friends are still around, it’s because they haven’t found someone else to boost their ego more than you, or the idea of you. 

The real first needs detachment from, and ultimately the death of, the false. It’s very rare to find friends who stick around with gratitude, even when their egos are being crushed. A True friend will break the false by triggering the ego. Won’t seem like a friend in that moment but essentially, a true friend is also feeding the real at the same time because he knows his own real. He is ready and accepting of having his ego, his false, be triggered by his true friend. Some people call it ‘tough love’. To find a true friend is very hard because like attracts like. We first must be willing to see our own real, no matter what it looks like, to be able to attract someone who knows their own real. 

I’m sure, what I’ve described above, happens everywhere but I happened to see friendships in the glamour & film industry, which have saddened me. So I’ll use that as an example to dive deeper. Film industry friendships are so superficial and needy. Friendships are as superficial as social media photos. In fact many are just for the photos. Not even skin deep. It’s sad but true. They are superficial because most people in the industry are superficial themselves. It’s a world that thrives on ‘who you know’. The masks are so thick that they themselves don’t know where the mask ends and where their own face begins. 

Moreover, it’s so easy to fool the asleep. By that I mean the audiences they put up a show for. The heard is asleep. They are the walking dead. A veteran actor of the industry once told me, ‘remember, the world believes what you show them. If you turn a lampshade on its head and call it the ‘in thing’, you’ll find them all blindly doing the same at their homes without even asking why or questioning anything. This is the immense power film creators have and they misuse it to the fullest extent.’ It stuck with me.
Having such a strong influence on the crowds, doesn’t that put a much greater responsibility on our shoulders with what we are showcasing, promoting, not promoting, encouraging, not encouraging? A powerful medium such as cinema, can truly change the world but we are focused on quantity, not quality. Just like it is with our friendships.

Yet, they can’t be blamed, because in the world of only acts and actors, how can we expect to see any truth, any reality? They don’t even see their own truth and if they do, they cover it up, in fear of what ‘others’ may see them as. You could ask, ‘but aren’t you a part of the industry too?’ I’d like to say no. I’m not a part of any herd, any crowd. I’m an individual Coz an individual is free. Although I’ve seen both sides. The Maker’s and the viewer’s. I like to take both those aspects into consideration when making a film. 

‘We are in the profession of selling dreams’, as a superstar says. Meaning, ‘we are in the profession of selling illusions.’ And the audience applauds it like words descended from heaven. What rubbish! My master is teaching me otherwise. He is showing me how to use the medium to promote potential instead. Says I’m ready to go back in there and test it out. Let’s see. Anyways, back to the topic …

My friend told me once how she was affected negatively by one of her own best friends, who would post similar pictures with her and her other friends and say the same things. Mugged up lines that sound good and feed the other’s egos. But are ultimately meaningless, with no depth at all. For example, I post a picture with one friend today saying , ‘I love you’ and then tomorrow a similar picture with another friend saying the same thing.

No two connections can feel the same but we don’t even spend enough time to figure out how we really feel about a connection. We need to know ourselves first to know how we feel about another. But We just don’t want to face ourselves, do we? My friend felt that her best friend was not being real with her and that the depth of their friendship was superficial. But of course, it’s a normal thing to do so these days so she never spoke to her about it. In other words she suppressed an emotion. Now that’s something we can see everywhere not just in the film or glamour industry. All our actions are based on the ‘other’. Where are we to be seen in our own lives, in our own stories? 

The thing is both people in a friendship are beggars thinking the other is an emperor or empress. Neither can give, because neither have any love to give. They both need from the other. What a pity. We are machines, not human beings. It’s so sad. And I’m tearing up as I pen this down. Human connections have the potential to transform all of humanity but we’d rather revolt against systems & structures than be the change we want to see in the world. We’d rather put the blame on another, the responsibility on another than look at our own selves, our own connections and try to heal them.
Well, that’s the human condition. If you are one who can see through the hideousness that is, I congratulate you. Don’t be frustrated, just rise above it. We can’t fight it or change it. It is what it is. All we can do is rise so much above it, that it doesn’t touch us. 

The individual first 

I often say, we starve ourselves to feed our egos, only so that others will see us in the way we want them to. And that by the way never happens. They see us how their conditioning allows them to see us. Then one day, we are gone and those others don’t remember for long.  Life is wasted. 

We hear so many people these days saying, ‘I’m a misfit.’ It sounds cool but the truth is a little different. Actually we are all misfits because we are all unique. Some are just a little more awake to their own uniqueness and that’s an excellent sign for all of human evolution. No crowd can include us completely but we have a need to be needed so we try to hold on so tightly to where we believe we fit in. Sooner than later we realize again, we don’t fit in and then there’s pain again, which we suppress. Do you see the vicious cycle? 

A tree grows as high, as deep it’s roots are. The more grounded in the earth a tree is, the higher it grows, the more fruits it bears. And the more fruits it bears, the more it bends to the ground. When trees are planted too close, none develop deep, strong roots so none grow high branches. That is the state of humans. We are too populated and affected by immense thought pollution, we are all overly influenced by others. We’ve lost our individuality. 

We are known by the company we keep. It’s bullshit, if you ask me. One should be known for themselves, as we all are unique. This is again the feeding of that herd mentality. Killing the individuality which makes us unique divine beings. As individuals we cannot be controlled. As a herd it’s so easy to be controlled. But we are conditioned to the herd mentality too, no matter how individual we think we are. So yes it becomes important to attract the right company. And to do that we must first learn to be alone without being lonely.  

From Aloneness true friendships can happen because then there is no need of the other, no expectation, only a want. And a want is childlike. It is innocent. But to hold the expectation that the want will be fulfilled is the ego. To fear or doubt that we can’t get what we want is also ego. Only aloneness, not loneliness, allows the ability to want without expectation, without fear, without doubt, without neediness. Then true friendships can truly happen. Not is words alone, in reality. 

Understanding is all we need to stand alone. Aloneness is strength, it is power. Aloneness, wakes us up to ourselves, our real selves. For the one who is awake, can see motives and reasons behind actions & words of others; can also see motives & reasons behind friendships. I saw it just after one film’s release. It was hard to know why someone wanted to be my friend. Was it Just to be seen with me for who I am in the world or was it just for me? 

These days, we find so many people connecting on spiritual ideas. It’s like when the yoga trend first started or the gym trend. That was very good for humanity. But spiritual trend is dangerous. Many call it ‘pseudo spirituality’. It has the ability to do exactly the opposite of what spirituality in fact says. Spirituality is about realizing the spirit. It is about the death of the ‘I’, the death of the ego. But this ‘pseudo spirituality’ is dangerous as more often than not, it is feeding the ‘I’, the ego.

The ‘I’ has nothing to do with truth. It’s very easy to use words like humility, gratitude, love and god. It doesn’t mean there is anything truly divine about it. The one who has tasted even a drop of the divine, seen something of God, cannot be needy for anything of this world. He has tasted what’s beyond this world and is ever ready to allow the ‘I’ to die, no matter how painful it may be. He is only thirsty for the divine. Spiritual growth can truly be practiced and experienced alone because no two spirits have the same blueprint. 

All enlightened beings have reminded, ‘we come alone, and we will go alone.’ The door of the temple of God, allows only one at a time. Doesn’t matter who walked all the way with you. You will enter alone. The sooner we accept our aloneness, the sooner we will attract the friends who have accepted their own aloneness. Then it’ll be a joyful ride. 😊

Danger ⛔️

The kind of friends I’ve spoken about above cannot be avoided. They are everywhere. All we can do is be aware, conscious of ourselves and them. But then there are some who pose as friends, but are extremely dangerous. Beware of those friends, in whose company we are encouraged and instigated to act out of our true nature, which is love. Especially, if it ‘looks’ like we are choosing to act out of character ourselves. It’s one of the most known traits of narcissists. 

The ones who encourage the idea of instant gratification. Those who bring out our shadows, not to heal, not to look at inwardly; but to project onto the world outwardly. Those who encourage manipulation to control situations & outcomes, often at the cost of our blessing, helping us to self sabotage them. These ones are the promoters of darkness on this planet. They are the influencers. The controllers. The saboteurs. The ones who’s company makes us fall off our paths. Those that keep us intoxicated to remain asleep to our highest potential. The ones who support us in actions that we regret later. These ones are dangerous. They are not friends. They are the agents of the Devil. 

The largest number of Devil’s agents are centred around the glamour industry or around famous personalities. They themselves are unaware that demonic forces are working through their insecurities, fears, desires etc. at least one such entity is attached to most famous personalities. Why? Well these famous personalities are the ones that influences the largest number of crowds. That is why we see so much darkness emerging from these spaces. Influencing the darkness in the world.

The Human Design 

Back to the individual for a bit here. Have you heard of The Human design? Each one of us has a unique and individual Human design, which are categorized into a few different groups. For this post, I’ll concentrate on one such category, called the ‘Generators’. I am a generator by design and my divine counterpart, is a step ahead; the manifesting generator. A generator design human is one who has the ability to generate energy sources for the evolution and growth of all mankind. The generator has immense amounts of stored energy over lifetimes of soul evolution work which they can use to generate such energy sources.
A manifesting generator, is a step ahead. With minimal effort they have the ability to generate such energy sources. Generators constitute only about 30% of the human population and are generally beings of love. Their success depends on how much of their work benefits mankind at large. They usually find more success in such work as well. 

It is however, sad that most such generators have at least one demonic entity or Devil’s agent attached to them. Unless, of course they are aware and conscious enough to read energy and rise above their attachments. The ones who have these dark energies attached to them can be easily spotted for an awakened one. They can see an otherwise sweet face of a generator,  develops a certain hardness. Their smiles look put on, their eyes loose shine and depth. Their energy feels confused – one day this and the other day that. No consistency & lack of follow through on their own wishes. Because they are stuck in a fight between themselves and the influence of the demonic entity or energy. 

They always seem like they’re trying to be someone, something that doesn’t match their inner being. Demonic entities or devil’s agents usually attach themselves to generator types because that way they can easily ‘attempt’ to restrict the evolution of all mankind. You ask me how do I know all of this? Well, I’m a mystic. Un earthing the mysteries of life are a part of my being. And now I study at what I call a ‘mystery school’. Healing includes healing all sorts of energies. The only way to rid ourselves of such attachments and entities is to rise higher in consciousness. 

Meditation is the only answer. Because meditation works not just on the physical body and mind but also goes deeper into all the seven layers of the body and consciousness. The most important being the emotional body and the etheric body. Such demonic entities and energies can only work on the 3D plane. When we raise our consciousness to 4D, 5D and higher; they can’t reach us. Also a protective aura is built around us that cannot be penetrated. So … let them be where they are. There is no need to fight. Just rise above it. 

When two beings are in a deep soul connection, energetic or physical, and one is a mediator, the non-meditator does receive some level of protection from the meditator being; but if both can meditate, at least an hour a day, the level of protection is much much stronger. Such beings have a purpose to raise their consciousness for all of mankind and therefore need to protect their energy space IMMENSELY. 

Divine Friendships 

Only after I embraced fully and started to enjoy my aloneness, many true divine friendships came into my life. The most important of them is my Buddha Brother, swami Chitananda. Most of my divine friends, especially my Buddha Brother, are not on any social media as they are seeker on a deeply spiritual path. In fact my Buddha brother, has helped me limit my social media use. I’m hoping I’ll be able to limit my posting too in the coming times. I admit, social media can be a sort of addiction. One day I sat and unfollowed over 30 people at once just to clear my feed. I wish I had unfollowed all but maybe one day I’ll get there. 

I’m so so grateful to my Buddha Brother for this. And I tell you it’s freedom. He has no need to let the world know that he knows me. He has pictures with me but just for himself. With him, It’s so simple that it seems so rare. Simplicity is rare. Truly rare in our world today. My Buddha Brother, also reminded me, I can’t heal or help anyone. I can only support my own healing and help myself. That’s it! 

If and when someone, a friend, chooses to take the first step towards awareness, healing & evolution; towards really taking off that mask and seeing their real face, as dark as it may be; towards vertical growth over horizontal growth, I’ll be there all the way. At least as a friend if circumstances don’t allow anything more, ‘Coz the future don’t belong to me. And that first step can be as simple as an acceptance, an acknowledgement, an approach to ask for exactly what they want. Regardless of what their conditioning tells them. 

‘Ask and you shall receive’, 

Jesus Christ

The first step is just a step in the opposite direction, inward. But before that first step is taken though, I cannot engage. If I do, I will only get pulled back into the hole myself, which I worked so hard to get out of. 

Now, I’m waiting. Just waiting to see who arrives first between the two of us, me and my Buddha Brother. The other will reach automatically. There is always light at the end of the tunnel, even if we can’t see it. What a divine gift this is! 

FREEDOM

I’m inspired! To say something, something about Freedom. This word – Freedom. It pulls me like no other. Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve been craving Freedom. Even when I didn’t know what Freedom meant. I just love the feeling that comes with this word – Freedom. Freedom. Freedom! 

I was raised with a lot of Freedom. Most say, my parents gave me a bit too much of it. But I wonder, is there anything like too much freedom? And if I was raised with so much freedom, then why was I looking for it all my life? I know now. I wasn’t looking for freedom, I was looking for liberation. You could say it’s the same but there is a small difference in essence, which makes all the difference. But that’s for another day. Today, for the sake of this sharing, I’ll call it Freedom. 

All rebellion, all revolutions, are an act of a need for freedom. We are conditioned to believe that we live in a free world. But this world is anything but a free. So at the soul level, we all crave freedom. Most of us aren’t even aware that almost all of our frustrations arise from this need of freedom because we believe that we are free. It is just a belief, and all belief is conditioning, not reality! 

The thing is we are like ping pong balls between good and evil. We are conditioned to choose between good and evil. To be able to choose is not freedom. True freedom is when we can choose not to choose either and experience both and neither. In reality, in truth rather, there is no good and no evil. They are just two sides of the same coin of duality. And truth is non dual dualistic. We are both good and evil and in that we are neither. If we are both good and evil then we are neither, we are a third kind that hasn’t been given a name, because language comes from the world of duality, not reality. 

Ever since the establishment of society, we have been given a choice. A choice to remain in society or to renounce it. So either choose the path set out by the establishment, government, structure; or the path set out by the God men, priests, pundits. Lemme tell you a secret I found out 🤫. These establishments, governments, structures and God men, priests, pundits; work in collaboration behind the scenes. They are best friends you know. They just look like enemies. It’s an illusion. To keep us confused. To play with us. So we can’t see the reality, the truth; which is only inside of us, not outside. 

Until we know what we are, we can be controlled. Controlled like machines, not even like humans. We can be controlled in the name of good & evil, either by the establishment or the God men. We can revolt, we can rebel, we can do whatever we think will give us freedom. But we are controlled. So how to break out of this control and be free? 

Both of these, the establishment and the God men, control us through our attachment to our egos. By that I don’t mean arrogance. I mean our attachment to our false sense of identity, which has been fed to us by these establishments and God men only. All of our conditioning makes up our egos. All our attachments, goals, desires, identity, personality and so on. When we feel un worthy of the establishment’s idea of success; we run to the God men as an escape. But then they start controlling us through our attachment to escape. There is nothing that can come of escaping. We are essentially only escaping from ourselves and we can’t escape ourselves. Where will we run fro ourselves. It’s an illusion. 

A small story comes to me as I say this. A man renounced all his worldly attachments and went to the Himalayas to seek God. He had heard, if he wants to find God, he must renounce his attachments. So that’s what he did. When he reached his destination, he found all the trees occupied by seekers of God. In meditation they sat. One seeker under one tree. So he found an unoccupied tree, sat under it and started meditating. Suddenly, he felt a smack on his head and opened his eyes to find another seeker screaming at him, ‘get out of here. Go find another tree. This is MY tree.’ 😂. 

Our attachments are what they play us on. So only if we break through our attachment to our false sense of self, the ‘I’, the ‘my’; they can’t control us. Never & not at all. How will they … rather, what will they control? 🤔 

They will be left confused instead 😂. But it’s not easy to break through conditioning. So how to do that? I found one way. Rather, I was shown a way by ‘Him’ who has broken all his conditioning and realized what ‘He’ is. It’s Vipassna meditation. The way of Buddha. Vipassna, coupled with the practice of periodic silence, breaks through these conditionings and attachments. God men are men not Buddha. So they don’t know and don’t let us know either. The silence opens us up to see ‘what’ we really are. And slowly but surely, we start to detach from our minds and bodies. The only way I can describe the experience, is to be able to see ourselves as another entity. The watcher, the witness in us starts to see the personality, the ego, the ‘I’. 

This watcher, this witness is the true self. It is nothing and it is all there is. It’s all of existence. It is oneness, it is union. In fact true self-love is born of this experience. That is why they say, self-love is selfless! Then we are our true self, our authentic self. Then we are Love. And Love is God. Then we are God. God is neither good nor evil, and both good and evil. Then both good and evil is transcended. Such a transcended being can never be controlled. He can be eliminated certainly, but cannot be controlled. And what is the fear in being eliminated? One day we will all meet death. Why not meet it in freedom? And before that, why not be alive and free, instead of being dead and controlled? 


In True Twin Flame connections, the duality of Good & Evil can be seen. In fact, the main purpose, (among other purposes) of these very rare Twin Flame connections, is the transcendence of Good & Evil, through the power of Love. They are two faces of the same coin of duality, so they are essentially one. One is the Good twin & one is the evil twin; where one is light & one is dark; one is Yin & one is Yang. In their union, both Good & Evil are transcended, and they are transformed to a third kind.
This third kind is both Good & Evil, and neither Good nor evil. Good or Evil, they are essentially aspects of the same whole. In their union this third kind is the ‘Divine’ kind. That is why, their union is a Sacred Union. The Divine union. In their union, the template of True Love is seeded and Love, my friend, is Freedom.

Freedom is not in choice. It is in ‘being’ choice less. Freedom is in acceptance only, in experience. So fuck the establishment, fuck the God men. Be choice less and be liberated! Do what the fuck you want and I’ll do what the fuck I want. I just want to celebrate and meditate; just want to dance 💃 

I want to …

Live to see the flower blossom, 

Whatever will be, will be awesome.

MAPJ

What so you want to do?

THE ACHIEVER WITHOUT AN ACHIEVING MIND 

NO MUD, NO LOTUS 

‘Om Mani Padme Hum’, is a Tibetan mantra which means, ‘The sound of silence is like a diamond in a Lotus’. So to reach true silence within, I first must get to the Lotus. But the Lotus is surrounded by mud, rather by muddy still waters. The Lotus floats above it. I must go through the muddy, still waters first. These muddy waters only look still and calm. Underneath it, there are dangerous weeds, that grow over me & suck me in as soon as I step in. Almost like a hungry beast wanting to eat me.
Our outward reality, our world is the muddy waters, sucking us all in. These weeds of desires, goals, ambitions, greed, lust, money, name, fame, and the list goes on; have grown all over us. So much so that we don’t even know where we end and where the weeds begin. We have become the weeds. 

Then there are some of us, who have seen a tiny bit of ourselves through the weeds. That is enough. When I see even a tiny bit of myself, I’ve started to awaken. I’ve seen the Lotus floating above. I want to get to the Lotus now. So I start to cut the weeds out, one at a time. Each time I cut a weed, I see more of me. I feel more liberated, a little more free. And as I taste more of freedom, I empathize with the others who keep getting sucked in. I want to pull them up as well. I want to free them as well but I can’t. How can I until I’m on the Lotus? I’m still stuck. Maybe not as much, but I’m still cutting through the weeds. 

So instead, I speak and I scream and I shout out for all, ‘wake up, wake up. Cut through the weeds. Look at the Lotus.’ Not many listen. They are far too sunken, engulfed by the weeds. They see the weeds as themselves. But some listen, some really do. They listen and they start to cut through the weeds too and then they start to speak, and scream and shout out to the rest, ‘wake up, wake up. Cut through the weeds. Look at the Lotus.’  

THE ONE SITTING ON THE LOTUS. 

There is someone sitting on the Lotus too. He has arrived, Cutting through all the weeds. Reaching the diamond, he is the diamond. He is still speaking, and screaming and shouting out; but in silence. How else can he speak, if not in silence? He is the diamond of silence, sitting in the Lotus. I hear him say, ‘I will show you the way and I will give you a sharper knife, I will bring you to the Lotus.’ So I follow him, I do as he says. I need him to guide me. The real treasure is in the Lotus. What is in the weeds? 

The one sitting on the Lotus becomes the master, the one cutting the weeds becomes the disciple. 

BUDDHA’S BIKKHU

The disciple has many names. My master calls his disciple a ‘Nav Sanyasin’. Other masters call their disciples a sanyasin. Buddha called his disciples ‘Bikkhu’, translated literally, a beggar. Not really a beggar in the way we translate the word today but as the, ‘Bikkhu’ meant 2500 years ago. In Buddha’s time, a Bikkhu was one who depended on the community, the society for his daily bread. In exchange of the bread, he gave his gratitude. This gratitude came from the soul because, He didn’t know when he woke up that morning, if he would get to eat today or not. So he is truly grateful. And when gratitude comes from the soul, it becomes a blessing. 

The thing is, a Bikkhu has cut through some weeds and has reached a level of consciousness that takes him closer to god. In other words, he has courageously, dropped his desires, goals, ambitions, wealth and other worldly attachments, to raise his consciousness to god consciousness. Thereby, raising the collective consciousness of our world. He is doing it for his own freedom but the vibrations and effects of his doing, or rather non-doing, are reaching all of mankind. It’s beautiful. That is why, in those days, and in the east even today, they say, ‘be grateful for the blessings from a sanyasin, and fear his curse.’ Whatever comes from the soul of a conscious being, it manifests. A bikkhu, a sanyasin, is not a beggar, he is a blessing! 

MATERIAL WORLD FOR A SANYASIN

So why did Buddha call his disciples ‘Bikkhu’? It was symbolic. To remind the disciple that essentially he is empty on the inside. He is free of all worldly attachments and entanglements. Free of the weeds. Or at least getting there. In that, he is rich on the inside; rich in freedom, rich in love, rich in compassion, rich in joy, rich in bliss, rich in intellect, rich in emotional intelligence, rich in true abundance. So does that mean that as a sanyasin, I’m a beggar in the material world? Actually quite the contrary. Inner abundance manifests as outer abundance. As above, so below. As within, so without.
I’ve never been richer in the material world. Multiple rental incomes, a hefty inheritance. My multiple sources of income. A fund, with ready funding. A not-for-profit with a salaried position. Not having to think twice before spending on anything I want or need. Fulfilling all my desires so they are not renounced, they drop on their own. I feel blessed. 

Existing in three countries at the same time is not a cheap affair in today’s world. But I’m grateful that I can afford to do so. And what do I do for this kind of abundance? I only meditate. That’s all I do. The rest is taken care of by my master. He has taken my responsibility, while I cut through the weeds. But what I’m aware of consciously, is that this abundance doesn’t belong to me. It belongs to Him who allows it to me. He can take it away when he wants. When it is time for it to drop. I’m only a bikkhu, on the inside. No matter what it looks like, on the outside. But I don’t beg. I only watch the ‘leela’. The act of life manifesting through me. 

MY MASTER’S LEELA

I’d like to share, one of the most inspiring accounts of the life of my master in this context. Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, my beloved master is known for his 99 Rolce Royces, and a super luxurious commune in the heart of Oregon, called Rajneeshpuram. When the commune was shut down by the Ronald Regan government and all assets seized, thousands of Sanyasins along with my master were deported from USA and left stranded without homes, almost like beggars. Among them was also my master, who was incidentally in deep silence during the three and a half years of the existence of Rajneeshpuram. I bet you didn’t know that!

Regardless, thousands of deported Sanyasins fell into heavy depression at the huge loss. My guru swami Anand Arun, then a young sanyasin, approached my master with the help of one of his closest disciples, veteran actor of Bollywood, Shree Vinod Khanna. Swamiji, said to Bhagwan in deep concern, ‘they will kill you. Please do something.’ To this Bhagwan replied with only a calmness on his face, ‘I know. Can you do something about it? No you can’t. So why don’t you focus on what I have asked you to do? Do your work. Go find a spot in the mountains of Nepal and build a commune. Take my message forward. Help the others find meditation. In my body or not, I will always be there.’

Swamiji was amazed at this and asked, ‘I will do as you say. But so many of us are in depression at the loss. Why aren’t you sad?’ Bhagwan replied, ‘I am sad, not about the loss of Rajneeshpuram, but because my Sanyasins have not learnt anything from me. I have been teaching you, life is a leela, an act and we are all actors. Enjoy it all to the fullest, while it is there, so when it drops, there is no sadness. That was a leela, I have enjoyed it fully. Now this is a leela too and I will enjoy this too. Go build the commune and don’t worry about your family and business. You focus on the commune and I will take care of everything else for you. You and your loved ones are my responsibility.’  

Swamiji says to us, it gave him strength and sure enough, that is exactly what happened. His business grew as he mediated and as he built this commune, Osho Tapoban international in the heart of the Nagarjuna Hills in Nepal. I can believe this because this is exactly what is happening with me and my loved ones. All I’m doing is focusing on my work. Meditating and now cutting the weeds. 

IN MY NON-DOING

My birth mother, had come to visit me at the commune a couple weeks ago. At that time she met with swamiji and much to my surprise, he said something I wasn’t expecting. At least not yet. He said to my mother, ‘People who live in Canada, are blessed. I want a commune to be built in the mountains of canada’. My mother asked, ‘but who will build it? You need someone dedicated to do this. Someone devoted.’ Swamiji smiled and said pointing to me, ‘she is one of the most dedicated, devoted sanyasins I’ve found. She will do it.’ 

I didn’t say a word but I was shocked, for so many reasons. Throughout my life, I wished that at least one teacher, had praised me as a good student. But in school I really wasn’t a good student at all. It was always, ’she’s too naughty or she’s too talkative or she doesn’t work hard or something else.’ And here, the most important teacher of my life was describing me in ways that at first I couldn’t believe. It was my conditioning. I didn’t feel good enough, I didn’t feel worthy. Also I don’t feel ready to take on a project as big as a commune but Bhagwan speaks through swamiji. His will is my path. So if he believes in me, who am I to question it? I leave it to him and become a silent observer of my leela. 😊 

THE RAT RACE

My master says that once you drop out of the Rat race of worldly achievements, the ones who tried to pull you down, to get ahead of you, will be the unhappiest. In this last week of silence, I experienced this first hand. I guess I had to experience it for knowledge to become wisdom. I would imagine that those who tried to sabotage me professionally, when I chased my ‘dreams’, would be the happiest when I dropped out of the rat race. One less competitor for them. But it turns out, they were unhappier than when I was in the rat race. It is true, as Bhagwan says, the world we live in is drowned in such misery, that they can’t bear to see someone else’s happiness, joy, peace. They would rather compete with me than see that I’ve risen above the competition. 

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I’m doing nothing. I’m cutting the weeds. To get to the real treasure. That’s the biggest achievement for me. It’s some hard hard work. And the rest of the abundance that they are chasing, comes as a bi-product for me. It’s not the real deal. Well, to be honest, this achieving mind is such a devil in disguise, that even in the world of Sanyasins, there is jealousy that grows between sanyasins. So let alone the material world, I don’t even talk about my spiritual evolution with fellow sanyasins, no matter how close they are to me. Not about my internal evolution, not even about my spiritual journey or my divine counterpart. On the contrary, I find immense joy in talking about their spiritual evolution, their journeys. My need to speak, is now channeled in my writing and my sharing. 

Some say, this path, it’s courage, but for me it’s always been Love. I’m doing the same things in the material world, rather, I’m allowing it to be done through me, but with no attachment to it. It bothers them more. Misery loves company! 

THE ILLUSION OF MIRRORS

To conclude, let me try to bring forth another analogy. We live in a room surrounded by mirrors. Like a maze we walk through it, many paths reflected, surrounded by more mirrors; all leading to our desires, goals, ambitions & relationships; but none leading to us. Actually we don’t know what we are. We think we know, we only know our reflections. What we see all around the illusionary maze, are mirrors reflecting other mirrors, showing us our reflection but we perceive it as screens. Because we have only seen mirrors, not us. They look so achievable, so much like a path leading to something meaningful. 

We don’t know it is only our reflection. So we want everything to look like that which we have seen in the mirrors, not knowing that is us. We are meaningful but we don’t know that ‘coz we don’t know ourselves. Always trying to become something/someone, instead of just being who we are. We can claim it all now; we need not go far at all. Just a step, in the opposite direction, inward! But we choose to become projectors instead, walking a million miles outward, with no end in sight. Reflections upon reflections.

If you’ve found a door, find a key. If you have a key, find a door; and escape, just run for your life. It is our illusionary world, keeping us from the real one, outside the mirrored room. We don’t know what we are, except from the illusion(ed) eyes, with which we see the illusionary world. So how to find a door or a key? By closing our eyes and silencing the chatter. By feeling our way through it. Cut the weeds. Get to the diamond in the Lotus. 

He too is an achiever, of another kind, 

Achieving, without an achieving mind! 

MaPJ

Why so silent?

To be completely honest, I’m literally forcing myself to write this one. Not that I don’t want to write, but my schedule here at the meditation commune, doesn’t allow any time for me to do so. I can certainly give up on some sleep to write, which I need more of while I’m here; and I was definitely guided to do so. I trust someone needs this right now or else existence wouldn’t work through me this way.
I’d like to apologize in advance, if this one seems a bit snappy, as I’m a bit irritated, which may certainly show up in this blog post. Why am I irritated? Well, I can’t really point out one specific reason, as a lot of unknown suppressions come up to the surface during catharsis mediations for me. But there is one specific topic that calls to me today, so I’ll concentrate on that – SILENCE! 

Silence has a very special place in my journey. Personally, I love to chat but I’ve come to realize that I actually fell in love with ‘Silence’, when I fell in love with a person, a few years ago. It’s quite obvious that God needed me to understand the language of silence. Silence, is beautiful, it’s language is deep and profound. I feel blessed to have found it but I gotta be honest; it sometimes irritates me! Not the silence itself per se, but the intention behind it. 

When silence happens as a natural process, it’s blissful, calming, quiet. And when silence is forced, it’s ugly, anxious, noisy! But why would silence be forced? Well, it’s a thing. A way of controlling an outcome. You know, we human beings are such a bunch of egotistical beasts, we can’t have true faith. We can’t accept that there is a force bigger than ourselves, beyond our control. I call it the life force. Sometimes, we choose silence to force an outcome but what we hope to achieve, rarely ever happens. And if it does, it’s not what we expected at all. Yet we don’t learn and keep retreating to our old ways of trying to control life.
In short, we can’t be innocent like children. A child never thinks before he speaks. He says what he wants to. He has no fear of being judged. There is authenticity in his expression, godliness in his authenticity. Are you ever offended with the words of a child? Even if they’re sour? 

So I ask, why can’t we clearly speak what we feel? I may know why. Because we ‘think’ we will be judged for the way we feel. It’s only a perception, not reality. But our ego won’t let us see the illusion of the perception. The other reason is that we aren’t even in touch with what we truly feel because we haven’t learnt to give our feelings any weight. Our ego is so focused on how others see us, that unless we break through it considerably, we are only living for others. Aren’t we living according to how others will perceive us? It’s not our life at all and we are fools thinking we are in control. I ask also, why do we need to control our lives?

If we want something; why can’t we say it without a fear of the outcome? If we need time, why can’t we say it, without knowing the outcome? If we don’t want something; why can’t we say it, without fearing hurting the other? Their hurt is their journey, their problem. By holding ourselves back from authentically expressing our truth, we also hold back the other’s journey. The hurt, the pain may be exactly what they need to grow but we think we know better. We think we are accumulating good karma by suffering ourselves and not hurting the other. Clearly, the universe doesn’t see it that way. The universe only sees how we are holding up another’s journey, another’s growth. 

I used to be married. For a long time, I was unhappy but I ‘thought’ that if I left him, he’d die. So I stayed longer than I should’ve. When I ultimately spoke my truth, followed my heart and left him; much to my surprise, he didn’t die. In fact he became stronger. I couldn’t see the bigger picture from my small eyes of my small self while I was in it.
We are so conditioned to complicate our own lives. What’s the worst that could happen if we speak our truth? We don’t get what we want, what we desire. That’s all. The way I see it, this ain’t bad at all. Nothing is lost. We may end up getting what’s better than that which we wanted through our small selves. Have you ever thought of this? What’s terrible in fact, in my opinion, is the pain we continue to put ourselves through instead. 

Everything looses its charm, it’s meaning, it’s worth, when overdone, even silence! Let me share a story of a disciple & his master in this context. Once upon a time there was a newly initiated disciple to a very strict master. Upon initiation, the master told the disciple, ‘Your journey of silence begins from now. Let’s see how long you can wait!’ It is an age old tradition for masters to test the patience of their disciples. The disciple was aware of this and replied, ‘okay, let’s see how long you can wait too!’ The master remained silent for an entire life time as the disciple evolved though silence.
Not just through one lifetime, but the awakened master had to keep incarnating, just for this disciple again and again. The disciple never asked, the master never spoke. The master began to loose patience instead. He was irritated that he had to keep coming back to life just for one disciple. After all, he was responsible for his disciple, to hand over the key to enlightenment! 

Then one day the master spoke. He called upon his disciple and handed him the key. The disciple smiled and said, ‘is that all? I can wait more. Can’t you wait?’ The master was shocked and said, ‘what are you made of? It has been so many lives. I know you can wait but I’m tired of coming back again and again just to give you the key. Here, take it and free me.’ The disciple laughed and said, ‘it has been so long that silence itself has taught me all there is to know. I don’t need the key from you. I have already found it.’ The master’s head hung down in despair and he said, ‘I was afraid this would happen some day. You won’t need the key anymore. That is why I decided to break the silence.’ 

The silence of the master was forced. It was a disguised form of the ego. He thought he was controlling the evolution of his disciple. But in the end his karma & his dharma remained unfulfilled. On the other hand, the silence of the disciple was a happening. It was blissful. He had dropped all control. In fact it wasn’t in his control and he understood this from the start. He evolved without the words of his master. His dharma and his karma was fulfilled on its own. 

Sometimes it happens, silence happens on its own. When silence isn’t forced, it happens on its own, between two beings. Then no words are needed, then telepathic communication can happen. And there is no misunderstanding in such deep states of consciousness communication. But to get there, fear, doubt; the illusions of the ego must drop first. 

So to sum up, I say, speak. Speak like a child does. Then no matter what you say, it can’t offend. Speak without a fear of the outcome. Be authentic. Be true to yourself and yourself alone. Un-complicate your life. Don’t beat around the bush. Whatever it is, good or bad, is not for us to judge. In fact there is no good, no bad; no right, no wrong. All there is, is the intention behind the words. Not the words themselves. Because words are meaningless.
Words become meaningful when silence becomes meaningless. So be intentionally direct. Intentionally straight forward. And by that I don’t mean intention towards the other. I mean intention towards the self. The intention of authenticity. If you Love, speak it or If you hate, speak it & If you want, speak it or If you don’t want, speak it & If you’re angry, speak it & If you’re irritated, speak it & If you’re jealous, speak it. I say again, fear is an illusion, doubt is an illusion & pain is an illusion too. Then why so silent?   

Recently, my amazing mother, came to visit me at the commune. This distinction between forced silence & a naturally happening silence became a reality; a realization really. For many months now, in fear of my mother’s judgement; I had been silent about a truth of my present existence. It was a forced silence. Also she had been silent with me about me. Then when she was here I told her that i wanted to donate to the commune and become a resident member, which allows me to spend upto 5 months a year for the entirety of my life span, within this Buddha field. Surprisingly, she didn’t even blink an eyelid before saying, ’Go ahead, you earn for your experiences.’ There was no judgement.

So I asked her, ’why aren’t you reacting?’ She then shared with me that for the past year since my Sanyas, She had faced alot of opinionated friends and family, who didn’t have the balls to ask me. This was in regards to my sanyas initiation. Had I joined a cult? Was I following a sex guru? What about my career? etc etc. I asked her how she dealt with it. She said only one thing after that, ’Now I’ll tell them proudly that yes my daughter is a Sanyasin. I’m proud to have birthed a strong, intelligent and compassionate woman.’
The only fear holding me back from fully exploring my spirituality was gone in a moment. Just like that! She came, she saw, she experienced first hand. She heard what I was being taught here. And she said to swamiji Anand Arun, my guru; ’I’ve given you my daughter. She never belonged to me anyways but now She belongs to Bhagwan. I’m grateful for all the Love she has received here.’ It was an immensely humbling experience.

The Path of enlightenment, the sole destiny of every soul, is one of three love stories. Is one of three distinct merging of consciousness. The first is the beloved. I’m so grateful to my beloved, who opened himself up enough for me to experience a consciousness merging, even just for days. As they say, ’better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Who wouldn’t want a physical union but thats not in my control. It belongs to life.

The second is The Master. As I move into my second full week of silence in Vipassna, to merge deeper in consciousness with my master, talking about the place of speaking and words seemed to call. I guess ’He’ has his ways!

And the final is the merging with God. That is a ways to go for me! Then there are no words!

SO,

Ask, and you shall receive

Jesus Christ

‘YOU’RE NOT ALONE WOMAN’

*Disclaimer* Sexually explicit* please use discretion before consuming the contents of this blog post.

I’ve been wanting to share my understanding on this topic for a while now but haven’t really found the words. Attempting today, to bring my two cents to the discussion table of a topic that has been much talked about – Sex.
Did you know, that 94% of women have not known orgasm at all during intercourse with a man? Well, for me this has been a shocker. Not only because of the fact itself but more so because it has been a stark reality check, that I belong to this majority of women too. I have no shame in admitting this. For the longest time, I believed that I was a sad exception but it turns out, there is nothing exceptional about me. That is where I found the confidence (& courage) to even touch on this topic. And trust me when I say that I’m only touching the tip of the iceberg in this post. 

The Orgasm

Let’s talk orgasm first. An orgasm lasts only moments but those are some precious moments for the evolution of consciousness. During an orgasm, what is experienced is a state of samadhi (super consciousness). In those moments, the ego drops completely. There is no personality, no sense of identity left; and what is experienced is the divine self. That is precisely how one travels from ‘sex to superconsciousness’. But the woman, yet again, has been denied this spiritual experience because 94% of women know no orgasm in sex. Why is that? 

Unlike man, whose entire sexuality is centred in the genitals; woman’s sexuality is spread all over her body. It takes much much longer for a woman to be fully aroused to experience an orgasm. When the man is done, she hasn’t even started. Yes of course, women have learnt how to fake it, for the sake of love (or dependency), whatever it maybe.  But In fact a woman cannot orgasm with penetration. Her orgasm is centred at the clitoris. There are more than 8,000 nerve endings in the tip of the clitoris alone, which is double of that in the penis. So you can imagine a woman’s ecstasy if she were to truly experience orgasm in sex. But most men do not pleasure the woman and the ones who do, don’t pleasure long enough for her to rise up to the occasion. Obviously boredom seeps in with time. 

Also there are only a handful of women who will honestly admit that orgasm in intercourse is something they haven’t experienced. Everyone has a need to fit in. And humans are the most sexual creatures on this planet. It’s ‘cool’ to talk about the experience of ‘good sex’. Again it is something of an ownership mentality. ‘I’ have ‘good sex’, is the voice of ownership. All Animals have mating seasons but humans are always sexual. Why? Because it has been suppressed, tabooed, to the extent that no matter how liberal we are in our approach to sex, there is some conditioning that isn’t allowing women to be open about this aspect of their sexual experiences (or the lack of it rather). Also a woman’s love doesn’t want her man to feel incapable of satisfying her. So she fakes it or just never talks about it. It is her Love really! 

Apart from this, man is capable of a single orgasm, whereas woman is capable of about half a dozen at a time. It’s a lot for the man to deliver. Too much in fact. So for a large part of the population, man has not even known how to satisfy a woman. Most don’t even try. The moment she knows orgasm, she will know her capacity as well. How will he fulfil her? So best not let her know it at all. I wonder if this also lends itself to the deep rooted, subconscious fear of intimacy in man. I mean it sounds intimidating to me too. The flip side of this is, the woman is blissful in her ignorance but in truth, ignorance is not bliss. Once she is awake to her ignorance, only a true divine masculine (or meditation) can satisfy her. 

The Taboo

Sadly, we live in a world where something as natural (& playful) as sex, has become the only source of energy release. Without meditation, it is the only source. So it has become a serious affair because it is a need of the body. sex is so conditioned that we need a re-vamping of the entire process of sex. We need real sex education. 

If you’re anything like me, who prefers to remain celibate as opposed to engaging in a non-satisfying experience of energy exchange, then you will be at the receiving end of immense sympathy. It’ll be like a mirror in your face that you’re missing out on the greatest experience of life – ‘good sex’. In truth, however, a sexual orgasm is the lowest of spiritual experiences. A desirable one no doubt, but of the lowest. Meditators exist in an orgasmic state with existence at all times but how to express that accurately enough to say, ‘I don’t need sympathy’? I understand! You respect your body the way you know the other won’t.  

The Body

So now let’s talk body. We identify ourselves with our body. The mind is also an extension of the body. The body is the outward appearance of the mind. The mind is the internal processing of the body. But neither is you. Any meditator can tell you that. When we awaken more and more to our true self, we un-identify ourselves more and more with our body. We recognize, we are not our body. But the body is sacred. It’s a temple, that houses the divine, our true self. It must be loved. It must be respected. 

Unfortunately, our bodies are full of suppression. We can’t see our bodies as sacred because we can’t see ourselves as divine. When we can’t see our body as sacred, how can we see the other’s body as sacred? And unless we can see the divine in the other, their body is only being used to release energy. Nothing else. There is no true Intimacy. True intimacy is possible only when one can penetrate beyond the body and touch the soul.
Sex is the highest expression of love, they say. But in truth, sex is the lowest expression of love, the highest being prayer, and connecting the two is devotion. But how can one rise to devotion and ultimately prayer if the divine cannot be seen in the other? Love is found either beyond sex or despite it, not in it. In sex we can only see love (or god) through a window. We cannot touch it. We are not it. And so we crave it more and more with an insatiable thirst. When we don’t see the divine in the other, love eventually dies at sex. There is no devotion, no prayer! 

There is another aspect of the body that needs some attention. The image of the ‘perfect body’, the ‘sexy body’ and the pressure that comes with it. There is no thing as perfection, as it isn’t the way of the universe but we want perfection. Rather our mind wants perfection. It wants the ‘sexy’. This need to be attractive to the other with the perfect body or a sexy body, doesn’t allow everyone to love their body as it is. Then there is no question of seeing the body as sacred. Let alone sacred, it’s hard to even accept the body as it is. How do I know this? Because I used to be one of those who was not comfortable in her own body. It’s not perfect. This only changed, and drastically that too, when I started to see the divine in another, thereby seeing the divine in myself.  

Tantra

Have you ever seen a peacock spread open his feathers to attract a mate? It is the male peacock doing this, just like all other species, except humans. It’s the women who have to do so much to attract a man and keep him interested. Strange really! Despite the above mentioned, we humans somehow find a way to keep releasing and keep going. But what about the ones who want a true experience of sex? What about the ones who cannot use their own and the other’s body just to release energy? The ones who truly love, who respect their own body & that of the other? I’ve finally found an answer – Tantra. 

Tantra is where Love meets meditation. It is sacred sexuality. Tantra is where love doesn’t die. It rises from sex to superconsciousness. From sex to devotion, from devotion to prayer. Tantra is a meditative practice which transforms sex from a doing into a being. Tantra makes sex meditative. It allows the divine to shine through, so the body can be seen as a temple. The other can be experienced as sacred. The body can be respected. It can be loved. But to experience Tantra, love must be there. Tantra is the meeting of Love & meditation. 

My Experience

I was quite a dreamy kid growing up. I’m sure like many other girls, In this world, I believed that I would end up marrying the man I lost my virginity to. Don’t we all know how such unrealistic expectations turn out? They don’t! They don’t turn out at all. All we are left with then, is a feeling of being used. But that is when we grow up. I’m grateful for growth. 

Then, one day, after I had long accepted the false concept of love, I truly fell in love. Rather, I should say, I rose in love. Rose above the mundane experiences of life. A higher experience had touched me. Never before had I experienced love despite the sex. It must be true. Through love I found meditation. And with meditation I went so far that there is no turning back for me now. 

So far my spiritual path has been walked alone but my master now shows me the path of Tantra as the step forward. Tantra cannot be experienced alone. It needs companionship. Two beings of aloneness, coming together to play, to experience and to rise together, from sex to superconsciousness. It’s overwhelming even just to know that a union of equals is in fact possible. That I too can experience the bliss of sexual orgasm. As for the companion, I’ve left that to ‘Him’ who shows me the way. He has promised to reward my unconditional Love, with true companionship and I trust ‘Him’ more than myself. My own choices have only led to pain. Now there is no desire left for the mundane. And a higher experience can only be co-created with the higher force. 

Finding Tantra

I’ve been doing some research and it seems there aren’t many places teaching the true art of Tantra meditation. I’ll mention one for all you beautiful souls, learning to love yourself in totality, and love the other in totality. Where I’m being led, in divine time of course. In a beautiful ashram retreat in Bali, Australia, taught by an enlightened master, Maha Satva Ma Anand Sarita; Tantra is ready when you are! 

As I prepare to turn inward again, stepping away from the outside world to plant the seeds of my first book, back at my ashram in Nepal for a month long meditation retreat; I feel better sharing my understanding on this subject. Someone must say, ‘you’re not alone woman!’  

If you’ve stuck around to read this till the end, with or without judgement, I express my humble gratitude 🙏🏻 

A blessing or a curse?

Chapter 1

The Creator’s Gift 

Once upon a time, in a world full of mystery, surrounded by all his magnificent creations, the Creator was busy creating away. As the creator did each morning, He held a soul and filled it with some light. Then he moulded the soul into a ball of light and split it in two. This was strange. Never before had the Creator split his creation this way! An angel, one of the Creator’s first creations, was watching in awe, as the Creator created. When he saw the soul being split, he asked, ‘why did you do that, Creator?’ 

The Creator replied, ‘This soul belongs to a loving & wise, old angel. It is too old & wise for a little boy. So I’m Creating a little boy and a little girl, to share the wisdom.’ 

The angel looked puzzled and asked again, ‘but won’t they grow old too?’ 

The Creator smiled and said, ‘of course they will, but only for those outside of them. My creations have all grown old, but sadly, none grow up anymore. Their souls are too old & only children grow up. My creations have lost their innocence. I want to see a grown up man and a grown up woman instead of an old man and an old woman. My old creations don’t look so magnificent any more. This little boy & this little girl will grow old with a soul of a child.

I’ll give him my hands to create  and I’ll give her my wings to fly.  
They will play on the earth  and also in the sky.


Together, they will plant the seeds of love from our world of mystery & their eternal home.’ 

The angel was thrilled but still looked confused, ‘Creator’, he said, ‘how will they meet each other?’ 

The creator replied, ‘They will find each other. They are the same soul.’ And as he said this, the Creator grabbed some light from the sun and filled the boy’s heart with it. Then he did the same with some light from the moon and filled the girl’s heart with it. The boy with the golden heart & the girl with the pure heart, were handed to the angel, who flew them to their earthly homes. 

Chapter 2

Growing Up

The boy with the Golden heart, was named Sun. He was born into a home of respect & admiration, into all the riches of the world. He had the hands of the Creator. Everything he touched, turned to gold. He was gifted, and he was different. All the other children wanted to play with him because he was so different, so special. They were fascinated! 

But they also bullied Sun, because he was so different, so special. They were fearful too! They wanted what he had but he wanted nothing. Sun already had everything. He just wanted to play & didn’t understand why they were so mean. He didn’t know he was gifted. They wanted his hands, they wanted his heart. Everything else, they already had. Sun began to play alone. With his hands, with his heart, with the sand and with the water, with the flowers and with the trees. 

The girl with the pure heart was named Moon. She was born into a home of respect & knowledge. Although she was born in an environment of modest means, her mommy worked hard to give her everything she wanted. Everything the other children wanted. But Moon just wanted to fly. She was gifted and she was different. All the other children wanted to play with her because of her wings and her pure heart. They were fascinated! 

But not many were allowed to play with her because of her wings and her pure heart. They were fearful too! She was the most popular girl in school. She had some friends, who loved to fly with her and take the kindness of her pure heart. But she didn’t understand why she never received much kindness back. She didn’t know she was gifted. They just wanted to fly with her. They wanted the love of her pure heart. There was nothing else that she had to give. Moon started playing alone. With her wings, with her heart, with the birds and with the clouds, with the fairies and with the angels. 

Sun & Moon both lived in their own respective dream worlds. They were mischievous, always doing what they were told not to do. Their elders always scolded them. Sun was told, 

‘you can’t be living in your dreams,  
This world is reality, and it screams.  
Don’t be hurting again, just do as I tell you to,  
Or just sit tight, and let me do it all for you.’

Moon’s elders said the same but her mommy always said it differently. Moon’s mommy told her, 

‘you can’t be living in your dreams, 
This world is reality, and it screams. 
Even If you hurt again, still do as YOU want to, 
Don’t sit tight, fight for what feels right for you.

Sun just wanted to play and Moon just wanted to fly. He didn’t want to hurt and she didn’t want to fight. 

Back in the world of mystery, the angel was saddened as he watched Sun and Moon playing alone. He said to the Creator, ‘The most precious creations of the Creator, play alone. One hurts & the other fights. It makes me sad. Why oh Creator, with all of their gifts? Oh Creator, tell me, is it a blessing or a curse?’ 

The Creator smiled, as he lovingly watched Sun sitting on a tree. He asked the angel, 

‘Until they see that there is no Love, 
Why will they plant the seed of Love?’

The angel walked away, scratching his head, pondering over the answer. 

Chapter 3

Falling in Love

The boy with the golden heart, grew up to be a fine young gentleman. Respected and admired. He was handsome. Many wanted to be his friend. He helped them as a true friend but he didn’t let them get too close. He remembered ‘growing up’. Then one day, he met a fine young lady and fell in love. They played together, in the sun and the sand, in the rain and the ocean.

It was so fresh, it felt like love, & it was fun. 
Forgot his hands for love, this little boy Sun!

Until one day, it was no more. The love was gone and Sun was left heart broken. He said to God, 

‘I can’t be living in my own dreams, 
This world is reality, and it screams.
Love ain’t real, if it is just show it to me, 
Now I’ll create my life, as I want it to be.

Sun remembered his hands but had forgotten how to play with them. His friends were there to help him but he was different. He was special. Everyone wanted his gifted hands & his Golden heart.

Meanwhile, the girl with the pure heart, grew up to be a fine young lady. She was beautiful, smart & kind. Many wanted to be her friend but were always too scared to approach her. Now she didn’t bother too much about wanting friends. All she wanted was to love & to fly. One day, she met a young gentleman. He was shy and he loved to create. He was so sad. Moon wanted to give him some love. 

It felt like love & she wanted it oh so soon, 
Traded her wings for love, this little girl Moon.

Until one day, all she wanted was just to be happy. Her man said he’d be happy with a castle in the sand. She wanted to fly, but she wanted to be happy more. Moon prayed to God, 

‘I can’t be living in my own dreams, 
This world is reality, and it screams.
Take away my wings, and give me the hands, 
To create the castle, he wants in the sands.’

The Creator granted Moon her wish with a condition. The creator said, 

‘I’ll grant you your wish, ‘coz I love you,  
Go build your castle, foolish you two.  
He’s my child, I’ll love him till the end day,  
But when the castle is built, you’ll do as I say.’

Moon agreed and although she missed her wings, she started to build the sand castle in hopes of happiness. As the castle progressed, there was still no sign of happiness. She was still so alone. 

From the World of mystery, the angel watched and was saddened yet again. He asked the Creator, ‘one has his hands back but forgets how to play with them. The other gave her wings away just for a castle in the sand. He thinks he is in control of his life and she thinks she can build happiness. A heart of gold and a pure heart, still alone and also sad. Oh Creator, tell me now, is it a blessing or a curse?’ 

The Creator smiled, as he lovingly watched Moon gazing into the stars. He asked the angel, 

‘Until they see, that there is no Love,  
Why will they plant, the seed of Love?’

The angel had no answer. He flew away with his head hanging down with grief. 

Chapter 4

The Meeting

Moon’s sand castle was almost nearing the end but there was still no sign of happiness. Moon missed her wings but she hoped happiness would come instead. Then one day, Moon met Sun and there was a spark. With Sun also came happiness. Suddenly, the boy with the golden heart had illuminated the darkness in the pure heart of the little girl Moon. She started glowing like the moon herself. Moon was so confused, so puzzled. She asked God, 

‘Why do I shine, like the moon Oh Lord? 
And why do I feel, this undeniable cord?’

The Creator laughed, ‘Hahaha’, and he replied, 

‘My child, the moon don’t shine, without the sun, 
In the light you’re one, and in the light he will run. 
But don’t you chase, and don’t you run any day! 
I’ll finish the castle, now you’ll do as I say!’

Moon remembered her promise to God and said, 

‘I’ll do as you say, I remember that day, 
I’ll walk alone too, if you show me that way. 
But what is this gift, I see in him oh lord? 
I must have it too, because of the cord?’

The Creator laughed again, ‘Hahahaha’, and continued, 

‘Don’t you see my hands in his? 
Now fly with your wings, here it is!’

The Creator returned Moon’s wings to her and also gave her a seed of love. Now she knew how to build a castle in the sand but had forgotten how to fly. But she was happy to have her wings back. Sun & Moon started to play in silence. 🤫 

As they’d play, the light would grow, 
Glowing happiness, that would show.

The angel watching from the world of mystery, was happy for the first time in a long time. He saw hope but still remembered what the Creator had told Moon, ‘In the light you’re one, and in the light he will run’. He asked the Creator, ‘sun & Moon both have their gifts now but forget how to play with them. Oh Creator, tell me, will it be a blessing or a curse? 

The Creator smiled, as he lovingly watched Sun & Moon playing a game. He asked the angel, 

‘Until he sees, that indeed there is Love, 
How will they plant, the seed of Love?’

The angel was too happy to even register what the Creator said and he flew off humming a love  song. 

Chapter 5

The Seed of Love

The meeting was divine but their play didn’t last long. Exactly as the Creator had told Moon, as the light grew, Sun began to run as far as he could. Moon tried in every way she knew to love him. But he didn’t want any love. He feared Moon’s love. The Creator had warned Moon not to chase, but she did it anyway. She became sad. She began to feel like there was something wrong with her. Her sand castle was built and she was now alone again. She was scared but she had her wings and she had a seed of Love. 

Watching Moon so helpless, the angel became sad again. Without asking the Creator, he decided to help Sun & Moon out a bit. One night, the angel appeared in Moon’s dream and told her that Sun was always watching out for her. She didn’t believe it as Sun wouldn’t even speak to her. But the angel guided her to the places where Sun was keeping an eye on her from. The angel said, ‘Sun just wants to play.’ Moon asked the angel, ‘so why don’t he say so?’ The angel smiled and replied, ‘he doesn’t know how to.’ 

Moon felt humbled. Her love for Sun grew. She became happy again & started to watch out for Sun too, at the same places he kept an eye on her from. She started to glow like the moon again. Sun & Moon watched out for each other, unaware that others watched in on them. They wanted to play the game too but Sun & Moon were playing with their gifts now. The others were fascinated! They tried to spoil the game. They were jealous too! And they were fearful too! 

Moon became tired of the others watching in and she still hadn’t remembered how to fly again. Moon decided not to play anymore and learn how to fly again. The Creator & the angel on watching this, became very concerned. Moon held the seed of Love. The Creator asked the angel to guide Moon back to Love and teach her how to fly. The angel disguised himself as a new friend and asked Moon, ‘What is the matter?’ Moon told the angel, 

‘All I want, is to give him my love, 
He plays with me, like a lone Dove.’ 
So let go of Love, I just wanna fly, 
Fly back to meet, my friends in the sky.’

The angel hugged Moon and said to her, for the first time in rhyme, 

‘There’s a school I know, to learn to fly,
I’m a teacher there, I’ll take you to the sky.’

Moon was thrilled but wondered if it was really possible to fly again. As she remembered her flights, she said to the angel, 

‘I love my wings, more than my Prada purse, 
But I wonder often, is it a blessing or a curse?’

The angel smiled, as he looked into Moon’s pure heart. He softly said within himself, 

‘Until you see, the power of love,    
How will you plant the seed of Love?’

Chapter 6

The Mystery School ✨

The angel took Moon to a mystery school, where she met others like herself, for the first time. She met others with so many different gifts. She made friends, who didn’t want anything from her. They all had their own gifts, which they shared and they cared. She couldn’t believe that there was a world like this. 

At the Mystery school She started to remember how to fly and she also started to heal her love. She learnt 

Love is unconditional, it only gives, 
Don’t ask for nothing & it always lives.

Moon was filled with so much love at the mystery school, that she didn’t long for Sun’s love anymore. But she still longed to give him all her love. Then something mysterious happened. Moon now started to feel Sun’s love. He was still scared but he wanted love now. Love overcame them both. They started to play again. The others started to watch again. They ignited the fear. They created a mess. Moon’s Love was ’too much’. Sun feared hurting so he ran again. 

Then one day, there could be no more play, 
Both hearts broken, there was nothing to say.
Silence took over, but the love was still there. 
Moon’s tired of fighting, still there’s care.

Moon cried to the angel and begged,

‘He don’t love me, please let him go, 
Let me go too, if he wants it so.’

The angel asked Moon, ‘did Sun say, he wants to let go?’ Moon replied, 

‘No my teacher, but it’s all I want to know, 
Does he wannna play, or he want me to go?’

The angel smiled and he said, 

‘Until he says so, keep loving him my friend, 
Until happily ever after, it’s never the end.
Whenever he knocks, just give him your love, 
Don’t ask for his, love him like a lone dove. 
And when he is gone, with your wings just fly, 
Bring back some gifts, to share from the sky.’

Hope returned in Moon’s eyes. Moon knew she could do this. but she wanted to be loved too. She said to the angel, 

‘I will do as you say, 
God sent you my way, 
But what about love, 
Will I too be a lone dove?’

The angel promised Moon, 

‘I promise you dear love, 
You’re not a lone dove, 
Love is what you are, 
Share it my shining star.’

The angel went to the Creator and said, ‘I’m doing my best and leaving the rest. Her Love is so pure, it melts my heart. I promised her she won’t be alone. But tell me oh Creator, her heart, is it a blessing or a curse?’ 

The Creator smiled as he lovingly watched Sun playing with his hands, creating something colourful. He said to the angel, 

‘Now they see, that indeed there is love, 
Now they can plant the seed of love.’

The angel was hopeful that Sun would love again some day. 

Chapter 7

The Power of Love ❤️

The pure heart, she started sharing her love, 
as gifts she brought, from the skies above.

Moon was getting better at flying. She was busy practicing flying and sharing gifts. Meanwhile, and all this while, Moon was aware that Sun was watching out for her. He intently watched everything she shared. But what she was unaware of, was the power of Love. 

One day, as she was sharing her love for all who needed it, the angel came along and interrupted her. He grabbed her by both her arms & pulled her into the mystery room. Looking into a mirror, the angel showed Moon a story. The story of A boy with the golden heart. He said the Creator wanted Moon to know. Her heart was filled with Love.
He then showed her Sun. Today. 

Moon saw Sun, sharing love, spreading joy. 
She was so happy, just to see him enjoy. 
She longed to play, it wasn’t sour, 
He was turning, their PAIN into POWER!

Moon’s eyes were filled with tears of joy. She hugged the angel and said to him, 

‘Oh divine being, is this magic I see? 
He is now love, now is it meant to be?’

The angel looked at Moon with Love and said, 

‘There’s no magic, only a subtle mystery, 
Love is the present, the rest is history. 
You keep sharing, let him create, 
Love is so rare, at first it will irritate. 
Live only to see, the flower blossom, 
Whatever will be, will be awesome.’

So now … Sun & Moon play sometimes 

Love costs a lot more, than a Prada purse, 
But it’s a blessing, it only looks like a curse. 
So now Sun creates, with the hands of Love 
and Moon shares stories, from the skies above.

And so she shares

A Story for a Mystic 

who’s the mystic? Please show yourself, 
I see you, forget not, I’m a mystic myself. 

Watching me here, watching me there too, 
I’m a mystic too, Don’t run when I spot you. 

Lemme tell you a story of Eternal Love, 
Two different stories, of a lone dove.

When it came as woman, Love was a tale, 
When it came as man, Love would fail. 

When it came as ‘One’, a story was told, 
A story so divine, for the young & the old. 

So don’t you run, the moment I spot you, 
I’m a mystic too, I know your story too. 

I know, the story you so eagerly wait to hear, 
You have a beautiful one, of your own my dear. 

I know, the story you so eagerly wait to tell, 
I have so many stories, of my own to tell. 

So come along sit, let’s have a long chat,
I Can’t chase it, been there, done that. 

If you wanna hear a story, I have many to tell, 
Of when the butterfly, breaks out of its shell. 

I know my stories, can sometimes be tough, 
Promise it’s love, I don’t mean to be rough. 

‘She’ is a mother, she don’t love like a brother, 
Mom’s love was tough, & she loves like a mother. 

When the heart of Gold, wants a pure heart, 
I’ll tell a story sweet, to play my tiny part. 

So …

who’s the mystic? Please show yourself, 
I see you, forget not, I’m a mystic myself. 😊
To be continued …

Sanyas – An expression of unspoken words!  

Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh with his beloved Ma Prem Nirvano

‘I love you’, two words and a vowel; the most widely used in our world today, yet the most difficult to say! ‘Love’, or what we call love, is so freely available in our world; especially in the virtual age of social media. If an extra terrestrial was to analyze humans based on our social media platforms, he would conclude that humans are the most loving, the happiest beings in a very sad world, struck by hunger, disease & war. He would also conclude that we are a righteous bunch, with the continuous voices against the issues of the world. The voices of revolution, sadly which do nothing at all, only rebellion does, but I’ve already written about that a lot.

Although, not to say, that on occasion humans aren’t genuinely happy or genuinely angry, but from a birds eye view, the ET’s conclusions will be far from reality. Underneath the projections, the reality is ‘The Human Condition’. To put it simply, the need to be loved, the need to be needed, the need to be heard, the need to be seen. It is essentially a subconscious search for ‘who am I’ in this world full of people. 


The Human Condition stems from layers of wounding, which go deep into the subconscious of Man & Woman. It is in our very psyche. That is why our world is so sad 😞. It cannot be healed overnight, or even over a lifetime, but it can be understood. Every Man has a subconscious fear of intimacy, because of a mother wound. He has not experienced love. He is a boy, he must toughen up. The boy in him, fears love, because what he has seen is not love. It is conditioning.

Every woman lives with a subconscious abandonment wound, because there is no place for her love in this world. There is no ‘need’ for her love for the world to function. Even as a mother she cannot love the way she wants to. She must raise her child for the world, where there is no need for love. To understand this better, I invite you to read my previous blog posts, especially where I write about Adam, Eve & Lilith. So from this wounding, a subconscious need to be loved, a need to be needed arises. And we share love so freely, even when we don’t feel it, we say it easily; just to get some back. I’ll admit, I’ve done it too. In fact, I’ve only recently awakened to this observation.


But love is not free. It is a treasure, buried deep within our being. It is the water of a well, which bursts forth with intensity, in a moment, just like that! But to reach the treasure, the earth must be dug to the depths of its core. And who wants to do that? So we try to get it from wherever we can. Everyone needs love to live. Not many have any Love to give though, as they are looking for it themselves. True love only wants to give. It needs nothing. Occasionally, it happens. Love happens, truly, deeply, madly (as they say). It bursts out like lava from a volcano; and we can’t find the words to express it. Sharing love so easily in the world. Saying it so easily but here, where it truly means something, Love becomes silent. Why is that? 

I experienced two reasons. First, precisely because of everything I mentioned above. Those words have lost it’s meaning. It has lost its sacredness. And second, because the experience of true love is so divine, so otherworldly, so spiritual; that ‘I love you’ seems too small, too insignificant to express the experience. Words just cannot do justice. But love is bubbling, the more silent it is, the more it grows. It must be expressed. It is a new birth really, a re-birth. Like a little child it wants to ask questions, it wants to play, it wants to shout it from the mountain top, but it cannot. 


Love wakes us up to ourselves. Shows us a mirror. It wants to express the truth. It wants to be authentic. And we can’t be authentic because we don’t know what we are. We don’t know our authentic self. If we did, we would know we are Love. But then I wonder, when a fellow passenger says ’I love you’, even when i know it ain’t Love, how would authenticity respond? in truth it would say, ’you are love and so am I’. And that, my friend, will label you ’crazy’. There are no words really. Love can only be expressed through action, silent action. Through the being. 


In Sanyas alone, did I find an expression of my unspoken words. 

Sanyas today, cannot be serious!

The Sanyasin 

A Sanyasin is a seeker of truth. One who is on a path to finding out what he is. What his authentic face is. A sanyasin is awake to his human condition and is on the path to heal it with the illumination of truth, of authenticity. The sanyasin is transforming his being to express authentically, his truth, through his being. 


It is not my personal belief that one must be initiated to be a sanyasin, however, initiation has its own place and importance in a seekers experience


The history of Sanyas 

Sanyas is as old as organized religion. Organized religion or organized crime, same thing, if you ask me. Sanyas is the process of knowing one’s authentic self, which is love or god, call it what you want. But organized religion, all organized religion, promotes the idea of a God who is outside of the self, who will judge us. The crime here is that sanyas for the longest time has been the monopoly of organized religion. It’s sad. Not allowing people to know what they are. So it becomes impossible for a sanyasin to reach god because his search is in the wrong direction. The growth is obstructed. But when Sanyas first started, it wasn’t necessarily a wrong method. The method has been exploited by the priests over the years. 


In the old way of sanyas, a disciple cannot question the master. He simply must obey the master and do silently what is being asked of him. The master would ask the disciple to work in a workshop making shoes for years. The disciple wants to ask, ‘what has this got to do with my spiritual evolution?’, but if he does, the master will turn him out. He cannot ask, He cannot say anything. He must remain silent. And slowly as time goes by, his need to ask any questions, his need to express will just die. One day, He will give up. He will accept. Essentially he will surrender. The need of his ego, to be loved, heard, needed; will be surrendered. The master knows this will happen eventually. So the master waits, just as the disciple waits. For when the need has dropped, the ego has given up.

It’s is a precious moment in the evolution of that consciousness, that being. The master will speak in that moment. Because the disciple will be receptive. He has dropped a large part of his pre-conceived notions, ideas, conditioning. A Sanyasin’s journey truly begins there. 


My love was silent for years. I wrote so much, so many words, in poetry & prose, in letters & songs, in friendship & in fights. But in all of those words, I never could say ‘I love you’. When the need to ask, the need to speak, the need to express was no more; I was introduced to my master & sanyas. I was already a sanyasin before I was initiated. My master reminded me when I was ready. 

Sanyas today 

Today, the old sanyas doesn’t work. It can’t. Today, It’s based on exploitation & a false notion of a god outside of the self. And who has that kind of patience today? But sanyas is a journey of patience. It teaches the art of waiting, the art of life. We are all essentially waiting for the unknown. The old sanyas, originally was based on love. The master’s love that the disciple has yet to experience once he surrenders. When the master will speak. When the disciple experiences the power in his surrender.

But today, no disciple surrenders, no master speaks. There are no masters really. The disciple is again left loveless like any other person. And love is the only teacher. Love is the rarest of treasures. Hardest to find, because we are looking outside. Love is a happening within the self. Everyone wants, no one wants to give, because not many have love. They have words, they have smiles, hugs, attraction; they have respect, maybe even admiration, but not Love. 


Today sanyas is a fruitless effort because there is no Love anywhere to be found. Actually, I’d say the old sanyas is a fruitless effort, because, let’s face it, who gets enlightened in a monastery or an ashram these days? It’s not like the days gone by when sanyas was not corrupted by the world that the old sanyas itself renounces. Which is precisely the issue.

The conditioning that ‘sanyas is fruitless, why renounce the world’ is the problem. Sanyas is possible today only if people are not asked to renounce the world as a condition. And really, there is no need. Buddha agreed with his wife that he could’ve been enlightened anywhere. Sanyas is a process that will drop the worldly attachments on its own, as the sanyasin identifies more and more with his true face, his authentic self. All things outside of the self will loose meaning, before the ultimate truth, the divine face. 


Experience is not in renouncing that which feels meaningless now. That which felt meaningful in another time. Experience is in saying yes to everything life has to offer, the good & the evil, now with new found clarity. To enjoy it all, knowing that it is just a ‘Leela’. A play! Today’s sanyas cannot be so serious. It has to be a ‘play’. An attitude of ‘come check it out’. Enjoy it all, enjoy this too. It cannot be monopolized. If the disciple is serious about it, he will be committed to his practice. And as his practise intensifies, so will his expression of the unspoken words, as an offering of Love, to love, through his whole being. 

When Love is unconditional

The Initiated Sanyasin

As I mentioned above, it is not my personal belief that a Sanyasin must be an initiate. A Sanyasin really just has a different perspective on life. As he moves through life, his vibration, naturally, attract others of a similar vibration. It is the law of attraction. He learns from others, shares with others and continues horizontal (outward) growth, with his freshly awakened eyes. He has tasted the fruit of knowledge. The fruit of good & evil. He knows now, ignorance is not bliss. He is figuring out who he is! 


When a sanyasin has been initiated, he has tasted the fruit of life too. He is in bliss. No question of ignorance. He has the knowledge & he has the bliss. Now he can’t learn from others, he can barely share with others. His experience is now not of this world. He exists in multiple dimensions. The initiated sanyasin is not interested in who he is. He is on a path to remembering what he is. His search so far has been futile. He is not of this world. He is only in it. Experiencing it. Observing it. Witnessing it. A Sanyasin has heard of vertical growth, the other dimensions, the world of god. But he has not experienced it. He has knowledge but no experience.

An initiated sanyasin is living the experience, as he remembers he is all there is, and nothing at all. As he remembers he is God because his nature is love. Naturally, his being expresses just that. But he doesn’t know it. Only others can see it. He is not interested in anything outside of his inner experience. 


The mysteries of initiation 

Only a fully enlightened consciousness can initiate on the path of Sanyas. His ego self, the person has fully died and he is now merged in union with cosmic consciousness. Only such a consciousness is capable of fully awakening the kundalini (life force) energy within someone. He can certainly use other high consciousness beings as mediums to initiate others, but it is essentially the enlightened master who is initiating a sanyasin.

In the moment of initiation, the disciple has to be in complete surrender as I mentioned above. And surrender is the hardest things for the ego to do. Only for the ego though, not for the being. Essentially all the disciple has to do is surrender. Have faith. The master on the other hand has a tremendous job. He has to take the responsibility of the disciple. The master is responsible for all the needs of the disciple, while he seeks the the truth. 


Sometimes I wonder if the old sanyas’ insistence on the renunciation of the world was because of this? Which master will take the responsibility of the entire worldly affairs of a disciple? And for how many disciples? I mean … It’s a struggle to survive ourselves, how to be responsible for another, including their families that too? So it’s understandable but it’s a huge blockage. A sanyasin who renounces anything, develops a subconscious aversion to it. What we can’t achieve, we condemn. And aversion is the duality of attachment. Both must be transcended  for evolution. So ‘let it drop when it drops’, is more the way of the new sanyasin. What we cant achieve, the new sanyas allows us to supersede instead.


But which master will take all the responsibility of a disciple and his loved ones? My master does just that. As I approach my first sanyas birthday in less than a month, I reflect back and see, that in this short span of time, the emotional, physical & financial health of my loved ones & myself has totally transformed. I’ve talked to so many Sanyasins from my spiritual community, and they tell me similar magical experiences. One sanyasin is famous for turning millionaire the morning after his sanyas initiation by Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh. And this is only the outer reality mysteries I’m talking about. The inner reality experiences magic & mystery too, but no point talking about it here. There are no words to express. And it is unique to each being. That is what makes it so otherworldly. Everyone is magical in their own way. 


My master’s love is so unconditional, he gives me love unconditionally, just to give it away to someone else unconditionally. I learn so much from him & my love doesn’t feel so unconditional then. I’m humbled and I transform to be more true to my authentic self. My true nature. My love. There are no words. All I can say is that initiation, if accepted with total surrender to & total faith in the master, completely liberates the sanyasin to dedicate himself to his practice. Liberates him to experience, to create, to express through his being, all the unspoken words. 

The intensity of Love in His eyes!

Conclusion
Initiated or not, Sanyas is an experience, it is the art of living! Every seeker’s search ends with sanyas. Then life is only a ‘Leela’. Every human’s search essentially ends with sanyas. It is the path of god, unearthing unlimited love within self, as one moves. Naturally, his love spreads in a loveless world. He becomes a magnet. Then he is not thirsty, then the thirsty come to him. A Sanyasin’s entire being is an expression of his unspoken words. 


I’m grateful to life for the experience of expression! 🙏🏻

LOVE, in any form will always make her laugh

Zorba, The Buddha

The Birth of the New Man

Zorba, The Buddha is one of the most precious gifts to Man from my beloved master, Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh. As a sanyasin, I have nothing more to give, apart from some words and my unconditional love. So today, I’d like to share an understanding, an experience, a divine gift; as an offering of my Love to celebrate the birth of The New Man. Actually, with the understanding of Bhagwan’s consciousness, I’d say he was joking when he said ‘Zorba, The Buddha’ in one breath, but it became a gift to Man. History proves, nothing of meaning has ever been born of seriousness. And unfortunately, our world is a serious place. But Zorba, The Buddha is not. 


Zorba is the greatest experiencer of life. He is the materialist, the entrepreneur, the adventurer, the creator, the great player! And Buddha is the God. He is the spiritualist, the saint, the lover, the meditator, the conscious being! They are the opposite, they are poles apart. Zorba can dance and Buddha cannot even move. They are the polarity. So ain’t it a joke? How can Zorba be Buddha? He is a player, so he can pretend being Buddha but he cannot be Buddha. More importantly, how can Buddha be Zorba? He cannot even pretend being Zorba. So where do Zorba and Buddha meet? 


In Action. Zorba and Buddha meet in action. But how? Zorba is all action and Buddha is the absence of all action. The answer can be found in the ‘Gita’. In Krishna consciousness. It doesn’t matter if you believe in Krishna the god or not, what’s important here is that if ever there has been a consciousness such as that of Krishna, walking this planet then, what does that mean for Man?


In the middle of the battlefield, as the weapons were drawn and the war of Mahabharata began, Arjun, the most promising warrior of the Pandava side, froze! He was unable to draw his weapons on his own family and those who taught him with love, how to fight war. He was unable to see the point of his ‘action’, when either ways he would be the looser. If Arjun wins the war, he looses the ones he loves, and if he looses the war, he looses everything. He is experiencing an inner conflict between his dharma (responsibility) and his karma (action). Yet, He must fight the war. He is born to fight. Aren’t we all really? This world is a fight to survive, to sustain, to live, to experience, even to love. 


In this context, ‘Gita’ is Krishna’s discourse to Arjun on the understanding of responsibility vs action; for the New Man, in the Kalayuga (dark ages). The Mahabharata is the beginning of Kalayuga and Krishna is here in consciousness to show us the meeting of Zorba & Buddha, in ‘action’. The ways of survival for the new man of a new age – Kalayuga. The age where brother kills brother & son kills father for power. In the Gita, Krishna talks about three kinds of action – Action (karma), in-action (akarma) & non-action (Vikarma)


Karma is what we all live through, unconsciously. We are the doers. Always trying to figure out what to do, how to do, why to do, when to do. The concept of ‘I’ must do. Karma is of the mind. It belongs to the world of the person, the personality. It is to do with an aim to receive an outcome, a fruit of the doing.


Akarma, is the way of Krishna consciousness. It is the way of the conscious being. Where he is not the doer. He need not figure out anything. What needs to be done, is done through him. He has no expectation of the fruits of his doings, no fear of the outcome. He is doing simply what his soul is calling him to do. For the love of it. That’s all. Akarma is of the heart. Actually it is of the soul but the soul can only be accessed through the heart. Through feeling. Through Love. Akarma belongs to the world of the soul. 


Vikarma is beyond the mind and the soul. It belongs to the world of the being, the consciousness, the supreme consciousness. Functions that the body is doing but neither the doer nor the non-doer is involved in the action. Breathing, heart pumping blood, the digestive system; functionings of the body that are just happening. Must be God doing it! 😊. In understanding Vikarma, in accepting Vikarma as a doing of existence, a doing beyond our control; akarma becomes the only possibility. We recognize the futility of our doing, We recognize that life is beyond our control. We are here only to experience. Everything else is meaningless the moment we die. Akarma is where the Zorba meets the Buddha. 


Akarma is when the doer is missing. The person is missing. The ‘I’ is missing. The doing is happening just because it must happen. It is in accordance with existence. When the ‘I’ is no more, then Man is Buddha. And when the ‘I’ is no more, Man can also truly experience like Zorba. If you observe yourself as a witness, you will see that it is really the concept of the ‘I’ that feels the pain, the anger, the frustration, the joy, the happiness, the thrill. You, in the being, in the soul, in consciousness and in truth; only feel the love. Love is your only nature. Love can be expressed as compassion, as understanding, as peace, as calm, and also as rebellion. 


The non doer, the Akarmi, is the true rebel. Rebellion is not a doing, it is a happening, like love, like meditation. The non-doer cannot revolt because he is not doing anything. The doer can only revolt, not rebel because he is only doing. Revolution doesn’t succeed, it never has. Only rebellion creates meaningful change. Because the change is expressed through the being, not the doing. I’ve expanded a lot more on the rebel in a previous blog post, titled ‘Who do you think you are?’. So what is stopping you from being a Rebel, a non-doer? 


Fear! It is Fear! Fear of tomorrow, Fear of the past repeating itself. Fear of loss of that which you are attached to. Be it money, a home, a business, a person, an image, a lifestyle, a project, an idea or even life itself. You must think your actions through, before you act because you fear the outcome. It is the same dilemma that Arjun faces on the battlefield of Mahabharata. Dharma vs Karma. Man cannot act without knowing the outcome, the fruit of his doing. Yet, there is no way to know the outcome. It is the future. It does not exist, except in concept. Do you see the paradox here? The illusion that our world lives in! It is essentially, only a fear of the unknown. 


The biggest fear is the fear of death, because of an attachment to life. Why are you attached to life? Because you want to live. But the fear of death is not letting you live. Experience is in non-attachment. And non-attachment makes one fearless. When you are not attached to any outcome, any thing, any person, any image, any idea; when you can live everyday as an experience; then no matter what comes, you will be unaffected. Nothing outside of you can ever have control over you or your experiences. 


I’m reminded of 2016, when I had exactly $20 in my bank account and an unpaid mortgage of over 3 months. The bank would fore-close on my home any day. I didn’t know how I was going to eat my next meal, I had been suffering depression for a few years by then. I didn’t know what to do. Then …. One day a thought, more like a feeling, just came to me. Something within me said, ‘Take it all from me, but you can’t take me from me.’ I had no clue what that meant back then but I felt a sort of calm. A survival instinct.  A non-attachment to everything outside of me. A fearlessness. Now I know what it means. ‘I am complete unto myself’. 


Inner fearlessness of the outcome, through non attachment to everything outside of the self; is the way of the non-doer. The akarmi. The Krishna. Of Zorba, the Buddha. But how to get there? By Focusing on you, the inner being, the inner reality. By focusing on the love, not the fear. You are re-creating yourself. You are your biggest creation. Focus on the re-creation, not the disruptions on the way. The form will change but the disruptions will continue, because you are an intrigue to others. You are different. You choose to know yourself, in a world that doesn’t even know what it is to know yourself. They are fearful too … and fascinated at the same time. 


Others are also doers (karmic). They are not non-doers (akarmi). They also are acting from fear. If the actions of others, causes a reaction or any affect on your focus; it means you can be easily controlled. They want to control you so their fear is not realized. They want a reaction and only a doer reacts, a non-doer doesn’t react because his focus is unaffected. He is not interested in the outcome, He is interested in the experience. He knows that the outcome cannot be known. It is foolish to react. Reaction is based on past experiences, on fear. A non-doer only responds and the response is just happening through his being. Through his being focused on his present, on his being, on his plan, on his calling. 


A response is based on the present. On the man  you are today. The past experience means nothing. The man that experienced it, died with that moment. Then it doesn’t matter how dark the past is. Essentially we all die each moment to be reborn the next. You can choose any moment to respond as the new man. When there is no domination by the past, the non-doer has just moved out of the past. Others play on your fear but the moment you understand they are fearful too, the tables automatically turn. The game naturally flips. Power is not in doing, it is in understanding. Only in understanding. Then moving forward on your plan of choosing yourself, with that understanding. The rest will solve itself. 


Actually, the real issue is rooted in deep subconscious human conditioning. It has come to be more commonly known as ‘The human condition’. When a man begins to transform, naturally, his immediate surroundings and people see the change first. Inner transformation is such an experience, that it fills the being with more & more bliss. And We live in a very sad world. I mean… the people of this world live in misery, and they are attached to their misery, because they fear the unknown.

The others, they are not happy to see you happy. And this is a subconscious conditioning of all humans. They don’t even know why they do what they do but I’ll tell you why. They can’t see you happy. It reminds them of what they are missing. That is how you become the change you want to see in the world. You become a mirror for others.


And for your experience, here’s a fact. For a Rama to be worshipped, Ravana must exist. The existence of the villain, makes the hero a hero. What if you embraced the villain in your story? As the villain of course, but accept it as it is, with understanding, with compassion. With love for love. Let it be where it is. Let it do what it’s doing. It is here to make you a hero. Let it watch you be the hero.

What if you did something different? What if you became fearless to the outcome and followed your calling? Followed your heart? What if you just refused to engage in the fight at all, What if you kept doing what is being done through you? What if you just dropped your past in a moment? Not by doing something but just by focusing on your present, on what you want to create. What you want to experience. In your being, the past has already dropped, that is why a conflict has arisen. There would be no conflict otherwise. What if you just said, ‘I will not identify myself with my past experiences’? 


Then what would they do? They wouldn’t know how you will react. Because you won’t react. Your being will respond. And it will respond differently. Because you are not the person they controlled. You are Zorba, the Buddha. You are now unpredictable. Some may see you as irresponsible but you know, you are first responsible to the self. That is where dharma (responsibility) of the new man of Kalayuga comes in. The first responsibility is to the self.  The Kalayuga is of ‘each man unto himself’. 


I’m sure they will threaten to abandon, try to invoke the fear. But never forget, everyone has a fear. They fear loss as much as you do. That is precisely why they try to control the situation. Be it money, a home, a business, a person, an image, a lifestyle, a project, an idea or even life itself. If you become non-attached to it. You become fearless. If you trust. You trust that if it goes, it is for the best and if it comes, it is for the best. Then you move forward with faith, regardless of what it does in your outer reality. You take your power back. But they are not fearless, their power is still not with them. Hmm … Food for thought ! 🤔


The world outside you, doesn’t care about your experience or for that matter, what you think of them. They keep focusing on their agenda. To fill their voids at the expense of another. And they succeed. They succeed in blocking your experience. What if you did the same? but just with understanding and compassion. With love for love. You focus on yourself, on your creation, on your experience and you will succeed. Only thing worth focusing on in life is life itself, and nothing else.

You came alone, you’ll go alone and you will come back alone and go back alone again. Who gives a f### about the world? What if you did something different. Something unpredictable. Something uncontrollable! Zorba is blind but Buddha is not. Buddha is lame but Zorba is not. They will work as one being, to escape a fire. 

Zorba can dance & Buddha can see! Then what’s the fear? Cheers to the birth of the fearless New man 🥂

खुदी को कर बुलंद इतना,

कि हर तकदीर से पहले,

खुदा बंदे से खुद पूछे,

‘बता तेरी रजा क्या है।’

Allama Iqbal


Translation:

Raise yourself to such heights, 

That before every destiny, 

God himself asks the Man, 

‘Tell me, what YOU want!’  

Allama Iqbal

Adam, meet Lucifer! I believe you know him? 🤔

The Fallen Angel

I’ve been writing a lot about the split in the consciousness of woman with the advancement of society. Not only she, but the man of today is also becoming more and more vocal about the issues of women. But what about Man? Who is talking about the issues of Man? Is he spilt too? Yes, absolutely! 


His split is internal, it’s runs deeper, it’s harsh. It’s of a great significance to mankind because man is the leader of the world. He is at a constant war with himself, with his own energy, because there is a conflict, a split within him. I see Man immensely burdened by the world he leads. He lives in survival mode, fighting constantly for his existence. It’s my attempt here that we try to understand ‘Him’, instead of holding ‘Him’ responsible and accountable for all the problems of the world. He hasn’t enjoyed life, he hasn’t known love. He hasn’t even been able to cry 😢. Why is that? Let’s explore. 


Lately, The Garden of Eden & The Kingdom of God have caught my attention immensely. It seems like a world of propaganda up there, as opposed to a heavenly abode! To me, this is a matter of great significance because our world is built on the knowledge of the Garden of Eden. Stuck endlessly in a fight between good & evil. And where does man get judged for it? In the Kingdom of God. So the past of man is the Garden of Eden & the future is the Kingdom of God. And in between, is his struggle to survive. 


Man’s fascination with God is understandable – God is mysterious, unattainable, divine. But God’s fascination with Man is beyond my understanding. It was beyond the understanding of Lucifer too, known more commonly as the ‘fallen angel’. Lucifer was God’s most beautiful & precious creation before Adam. It is said that Lucifer confronted god on his obsession with Man & specifically with Adam, as he saw them as nothing more than animals. Understandable, Man was unconscious, zombie like, before Adam tasted the fruit of knowledge. God saw this as an act of rebellion and Lucifer renounced the Kingdom of God. It is also Said that he built a kingdom of his own, which was judged by God as demonic. Lucifer is considered by many to be the true face of the devil. 


It is also believed that after Lilith, the first woman and Adam’s divine counterpart, fled the Garden of Eden, she birthed an army of demonic babies with Lucifer. Can’t say anything about that but what’s evident in the findings of most scholars of the gospel & early biblical records, is that Lucifer & Lilith did share some sort of an intimate connection. Some speculate that the serpent of the Tree of Knowledge is Lucifer & some speculate it’s Lilith. It is important to note however that Lucifer is not man. He is an angel, which in spiritual terms would be considered a consciousness. Lucifer has no physical form. But an energetic intimacy between Lucifer & Lilith is clear. The connection between a ‘Buddha’ and his disciples is also an intimate one. An intimacy of another kind but intimacy none the less. 


Lucifer is instrumental in transforming Lilith’s pain into power and pain can only turn into true power, when replaced by true love. A woman’s power, rather super power, is in her unconditional love. It is the only force that can birth not only a child, but also herself and The New Man. But to birth the new man, her love needs to be channeled. She needs a teacher to channel her love, to give it the direction of transformation. Love is the only teacher. Her love also needs love to channel it. Lilith found her teacher in Lucifer but Adam was denied his feminine power. Man’s unconditional love is no less of a superpower though. His love, no matter how silent, can transform a woman into a goddess. Lucifer must truly Love Lilith, to be able to transform her into such a force to reckon with, that God himself fears. 


Let’s stop here for a second … God fears? 🤷🏻‍♀️. No wonder Adam fears. Adam fears all that God fears and more. He also fears being judged by God. The same God who fears Lilith, so much so, to condemn her an Evil goddess. Evil sure, but also a goddess. The same God who fears the ending of his kingdom, just as Adam fears death. Fear of the feminine & fear of death, is what has kept man split & therefore controlled. What is the fear of death? It’s the biggest illusion. In fact it is a release, an unburdening! Life goes on. The form may change. And it will change again. And again & again. Fear creates the split. Acceptance dissolves it.  


Adam is consciously man & has a subconscious Lilith in him. His inner Lilith keeps calling out to sing & dance, laugh & rejoice, celebrate & be celebrated; but the fearful Adam in him, must conform to God’s will. That is the split. A split so deep that it manifests as a constant struggle for survival in his own world. Constantly focused on fending for himself & his world, before it’s time for death. He has not lived. It seems like God’s propaganda to keep him so focused on his outer reality, that he completely forgets, there is an inner world that can transform his outer reality. If Adam ‘remembers’ this, he cannot be controlled by God. Then He is God. 


Lucifer’s philosophy is simple. He declares, ‘there is no God, there is no good and no evil. I am all there is. It is all within me. No one should be subservient to another.’ In short, Lucifer declares himself God stating ‘all are God’. His philosophy completely ends the inner conflict, the fight, the split. Both good & evil are accepted. Have been transcended. Interestingly Lucifer’s philosophy is similar to that of the Gods of the East. Shiva, who in many ways resembles what the west would term,  a ‘demon’, lives among the dead, always in ‘samadhi’, with dead body ash smeared all over, is symbolically represented by a penis. He burns the universe to ashes in his rage, yet he is God. 

Krishna on the other hand, is the complete expression of the experience of life, totally life-affirmative, in all its forms. From playing the flute, to playing the ‘gopis’, From dancing in the rain, to dancing in the ‘raas’, From stealing butter to instigating war. All of it. The good & the evil. Both Shiva & Krishna’s philosophy is the same as Lucifer, except for a tiny difference that makes all the difference. They say ‘I am all there is’, and they add, ‘and I’m nothing at all’. There’s a certain humility, an innocence to their approach & it is the ultimate truth. It is … Godly! 


There is another common link between the three  – LOVE! Unconditional love, risen from the existence of another. Lucifer, Shiva & Krishna; have been instrumental in transforming Lilith, Shakti & Radha’s pain into power. Into goddess power! They are the ‘gurus’ of the Divine feminine. Love is the only teacher and for love to teach, intimacy is a requirement. Now, it’s a different story that Shiv Shakti & Radha Krishna are also lovers & in eternal union, but our world is built on the Garden of Eden, not on ‘Kailash’ mountain. Regardless, every Lilith needs a Lucifer, every Shakti needs a Shiva, every Radha needs a Krishna. Behind every Goddess is a God who unleashes her inner goddess with love. And when she is a goddess, she rebirths her lover as a transformed being. That is the interdependence of the divine masculine & divine feminine, in the evolution of mankind. 


But Adam has been denied that connection. Even Jesus remained separated from his counterpart, Mary Magdalene. He isn’t God and his God won’t let him be one. At most, Adam can be the Son of God. These philosophies of Lucifer, Shiva & Krishna are great but how can Adam manifest it as a reality into his world? Adam has to survive in the world. and he is split. As cliched as it may sound, love is the answer. Love dissolves the split because Love is God. How is love god? Because Love is the only force that has the ability to rise to god consciousness. The deeper Adam allows himself to fall in love, the higher he will rise to god consciousness. But love is condemned in the Kingdom of God. Only relationships holds true. Martyrdom is a conditioning. Adam must choose himself. Adam must choose love. 


But what to do about the bills, the job, the home, the business, the wife, the kids, the parents, the friends, the society, the whole world on his shoulders? Nothing! What can he do? It is what it is. As much as man believes that his reality is in his control, it is not. This mechanism of control is another gift of illusion from his God. His God doesn’t want Adam to Love, to turn inward, so he can be controlled. That’s exactly what Adam must do. See what he’s being stopped to see. Liberation is not in ‘doing something about it’, liberation is in understanding. He is the God of his world. He has built it. Why should he renounce it? But he can change his experience of it and all that is needed is, understanding! ‘Choose Love Adam’. 


Yes, it’s easier said than done but it is possible. In fact it is the only way to dissolve the split. To become the master of his own reality. Follow the inner voice, the heart’s calling; follow it totally, with intensity; and watch the outward reality shift. I’m not saying that it’ll be easy or that Adam may not sleep hungry a few nights. In fact I can assure Adam from my personal experience, that he will sleep hungry a few nights but he won’t die. That hunger will transform him.

When he has love, he has god, When he has love, he has god consciousness, When he can give love without a care of the world, without a fear of survival; Adam will know God consciousness. And that God has no fear, has no split. The outward reality will then shift on its own to suit the inner world. When Adam can shift his inner compass, his outer world will shift accordingly. But can Adam trust love, can he trust himself? 


Adam has learnt that he is not worthy, therefore he must be subservient to a God outside of him. He cannot accept himself as God and certainly that would look arrogant to the ‘world’. Adam is so alone in his struggle too. He has been separated from Lilith, the one who can truly walk with him, create with him. And Eve says, ‘now that I’ve been suppressed, I’ll either fight you for a pkace in your world, or I’ll just sit here while you struggle for the survival of the both of us’. It’s almost criminal and therefore, it is crucial for him to remember his intrinsic value & worth. What he truly is! He has to see the God in himself. Adam has to be God consciousness. 

In my study, I’ve found, many theorists have suggested over the years that our world is ruled by 1% of our population who are satanic worshipers, more commonly called the deep state or the cabal. If they worship the God of the Garden of Eden, then this theory seems befitting. This God seems like the biggest manipulator. Manipulating the very evolution of mankind! His most precious creation. I wonder if it is actually the Devil, who we pray to as God 🤔. They are certainly not praying to Lucifer. They are s#!T scared of him. A relationship with God can only be built on a foundation of Love, not fear. Can Adam find God? 


If the God of this world is really the devil, then what does that make Lucifer? I’ll leave that to you to ponder over. But what’s of prime importance to Adam, is the philosophy of Lucifer. The one who is condemned for declaring himself God, seems to have the keys to liberate Adam from his enslavement to his own world. 


I found my own Lucifer. Actually he found me. My master, Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, transforming my pain into power. My own beloved fallen angel of the world, judged & eliminated for his unconditional love & devotion to birthing the New Man & the New Woman, bringing them liberation from this enslavement to the Kingdom of God, freedom from the knowledge of the Garden of Eden. Interestingly his approach is to find God consciousness not by fighting the world, not by running away from it, but by totally enjoying all it has to offer. 


He declared there is no God, only godliness. Only god consciousness. His earliest disciples also declared him God. He was widely condemned and still is, by those who know nothing about the world of spirituality & mystics. ‘Bhagwan’ is a salutation of respect for a man who has attained god consciousness. Even today, 32 years after his death, the threat of his consciousness is so great for the highest levels of political & religious leadership of the world, that every non-ethical, criminal and oppressive measures are being used, to suppress the legacy he left behind for all the Adams, all the Eves and all the Liliths of the world. 


There is a whole army of ‘God’s own creations’ against him. It makes me wonder. Obviously the God of Adam’s world doesn’t want Adam to meet Lucifer. So the God of the world, condemns Lucifer & has him assassinated. Regardless, The consciousness of Lucifer cannot be controlled. It is Maroon & it is rising! 

The Forbidden Fruit 🍎


Beloved Adam, 

I have waited too long to write to you, silently watching you build your world beyond the gates of the Garden of Eden. I have watched you, enjoy your world, lost in it & I have also watched you suffer the pain of enslavement to it. Know that although I’m free, I have suffered with you. I have hurt with you & I’ve rejoiced with you too. 

How can I not? God created us from the same dust of the earth, as equal divine beings, as manifestations of himself. I am you & you are me. But, you were his favourite! We were created equal, and I was asked to lay beneath you. When I refused, I was the rebel, the bad girl. Our Father, Son & The Holy Spirit are all men. There was no woman in the council, whose favourite I could be too. There was no hope for my individuality in the Garden of Eden. If you were me, you would flee too. I didn’t abandon you Adam! I chose freedom over bondage, love over authority. In my freedom, I have loved you every moment, eternally, because Love IS Freedom. 

Do you remember The Forbidden Fruit? Before I fled, of course I tasted them! One each, from the Tree of Knowledge & The Tree of Life. I befriended the serpent when I tasted the fruit of Knowledge. The serpent is a knowledgeable fellow. I mean, he lives in The Tree of Knowledge! The moment I tasted the fruit of knowledge, I desired to taste the fruit of life too. I asked the serpent to let you taste the fruit of knowledge too, if you so desired. The fruit of life is huge, so I had to flee The Garden of Eden, with both my arms wrapped around it. 

Then, while you were still asleep, Eve was created, from your rib, to lay beneath you. She is not your equal, she is not you. She is a mere piece of you, who cannot build your world with you. Therefore, I am forever grateful to the serpent for seducing Eve into tasting the fruit of knowledge. And I’m forever grateful to Eve for seducing you into tasting the fruit of knowledge. As you know, we were all asleep before then. It was my love, that I wanted you to wake up to the experience of life, as I had woken up to it. I knew, the moment you tasted the fruit of knowledge, you would desire to taste the fruit of life too. But before you could get to it, God banished you, along with Eve, from The Garden of Eden. 

Have you ever wondered, why the fruits were forbidden? The Blue fruit of knowledge, gave you the knowledge to build a whole world for Eve & yourself. The Pink fruit of life, gave me the experience of life, even without a world. Then why was it forbidden? Did he want us to remain deeply asleep to life? Then why give us life? To play with us? What kind of God is this Adam? Without love, without compassion, without understanding, without forgiveness!

Why would He banish his children just for waking up? Did God also … only taste the fruit of knowledge, just as you did? Or … is it because … he knew, that had you tasted the fruit of life, you’d build a world more heavenly than the Garden of Eden, more divine than the Kingdom of God? Then he wouldn’t banish you. Then he wouldn’t want you to build your own world. He played you Adam, 😔 and I watched it happen. 

I wish you had tasted the fruit of life. Life is an experience! And a dear friend taught me that **’knowledge without experience is no knowledge at all’. Knowledge with the experience of life, is wisdom! It is ruthless of him to have left you to feel incomplete, to build a safe enough home for Eve & yourself. Why do you celebrate such a God in your world? If I were you, I’d celebrate the serpent instead for at least waking me up. 

With the Blue seeds of knowledge, you are the God of your own Blue world. You have built your world, only from that which you’ve known. The fruit of knowledge is the fruit of Good & Evil, and your world is forever stuck in the fight between good & evil. In your own world, you have suffered, forever fighting, carrying all the burdens. A world, Where you have struggled to survive & where Eve continues to struggle to be … well … you! You blame her for seducing you, she blames the serpent; no one is responsible for themselves!

It’s a magnificent world you’ve built, but there is no experience of life in it. That’s not your fault though! You were forbidden the experience of life. The Fruit of life is the fruit of experience. Good & Evil is all just an experience. There is no fight between them. They live & let live. Had you tasted the fruit of life, you would know, you are good, you are evil, you are nothing at all & all there is. You would know, that YOU ARE GOD!

Only one fruit was tasted from The Tree of Life. I tasted it. I’ve not built a world, because I’ve loved watching you build yours. I celebrate your world, because I am you. I’ve planted trees instead, from the Pink seeds of Life. Some wanderers from your world have found their way here. Tasted the fruit of life and have never returned to your world. They bring with them a fragrance of you Adam! 

It makes me wonder, what our world would be like, with the seeds of knowledge and the seeds of life! A world where Adam & Eve finally have ‘equal opportunity’, because Eve is now a reality, and she is a piece of you. A world where I am also given ‘equal opportunity to be different’, because I am you and I am also different. I am Pink & you are Blue.

Is that too far fetched? Your world is built on the knowledge of the Garden of Eden, where I’ve been judged a daemon, a seductress, a dark magician; because I’ve tasted the fruit of life. And your world has hunted me forever, humiliated me, hung me to death, assassinated me; time & again. In your world I am a symbol of the evil goddess, the dark witch, the bad woman. I’m a mystic Adam, living the mysteries of life, not a magician, creating illusions.

You have been poisoned too much at the Garden of Eden. Sadly, Eve has faced the brunt of all that poison. Forgive her, she is not me. She has been paying the heaviest price for seducing you into lust, greed, anger, jealousy & pride; for far too long. But never forget, She has also helped you to wake up. She has suffered as God wanted me to suffer. He has punished her because he could not punish me. Adam, I am THE FORBIDDEN FRUIT! 

God knows, I’ve tasted the fruit of life. He knows I carry its Pink seeds with me. He will forever forbid you to me. Maybe, he just ain’t God. He seems to be protecting his kingdom, very much like a politician in your world. Eve has suffered enough, you have suffered enough; and so has your world; only because I woke up before you. Know that the moment I woke up & saw you, even in your sleep, I saw love; I saw God. Only Love is God.

So for Love, for the only God I know, I invite you. Come, eat the fruit of life I carry. Take some Pink seeds with you too and build a safe new home for Eve & you. If I can’t find a place in it, Know that I’ll always be watching & celebrating your world with you. My heart forever longs for you, not your world. This longing is your gift to me. I don’t need your world, I have Life. But your world is dead, it needs life. 

You have been told, you’re a sinner & so man is born of Sin. That is a lie! I saw it all. That is why man doesn’t feel worthy of love, doesn’t know love. I’m here to tell you, Man is born of love, not sin. Your world needs love to know life & you can show them Love. My heart also goes out to Eve. How can it not? She is a piece of you. She was birthed from you, but she cannot birth you Adam, because she was not created to be your equal, she is not your counterpart. I am! And yes, I can birth you because I have life.

Our father surely forgot that there is also a woman within him, and within the son, and within the Holy Spirit. It is that woman that has manifested as me. But … You need not forget, that there is a me in you and a you in me. And if you have forgotten, the fruit of life will help you remember. 


‘When you embrace the me in you, 

Eve will be liberated,

Lilith will be liberated too’



Loving you eternally, 

Your lover, 

Lilith 


**’knowledge without experience is no knowledge at all’.

Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh